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Page. And did he send you both these letters at an instant? Mrs. Page. Within a quarter of an hour.
Ford. Pardon me, wife : Henceforth do what thou wilt;
"Tis well, 'tis well; no more.
Ford. There is no better way than that they spoke of.
Page. How! to send him word they'll meet him in the park at midnight! fie, fie; he'll never come.
Eva. You say, he has been thrown into the rivers; and has been grievously peaten, as an old ’oman; methinks there should be terrors in him, that he should not come; methinks his flesh is punished, he shall have no desires.
Page. So think I too.
Mrs. Ford. Devise but how you'll use him when he comes, And let us two devise to bring him thither. Mrs. Page. There is an old tale goes, that Herne the
hunter, Sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest, Doth all the winter time, at still midnight, Walk round about an oak, with great ragg'd horns And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle ; And makes milch-kine yield blood, and shakes a chain In a most hideous and dreadful manner : You have heard of such a spirit; and well you know The superstitious idle-headed eld Received, and did deliver to our age, This tale of Herne the hunter for a truth.
Page. Why, yet there want not many, that do fear
Mrs. Ford. Marry, this is our device ;
Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come,
Mrs. Page. That likewise have we thought upon, and thus:
Nan Page my daughter, and my little son, ,
Mrs. Ford. And till he tell the truth,
The truth being known,
The children must Be practised well to this, or they'll ne'er do't.
Eva. I will teach the children their behaviors; and I will be like a Jack-an-apes also, to burn the knight with my taber.
Ford. That will be excellent. I'll go buy them vizards. Mrs. Page. My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies, Finely attired in a robe of white.
Page. That silk will I go buy ;- and in that time Shall master Slender steal my Nan away, And marry her at Eton. [Aside.] Go, send to Falstaff
straight. Ford. Nay, I'll to him again in name of Brook: He'll tell me all his purpose: Sure, he'll come.
Mrs. Page. Fear not you that: Go, get us properties, And tricking for our fairies.
Eva. Let us about it: It is admirable pleasures, and fery honest knaveries.
[Exeunt PAGE, FORD, and EVANS. Mrs. Page. Go, mistress Ford, Send quickly to Sir John, to know his mind.
[Exit MRS. FORD. I'll to the doctor; he hath my good will, And none but he, to marry with Nan Page. That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot; And he my husband best of all affects : The doctor is well moneyed, and his friends
Potent at court: he, none but he, shall have her,
[Exit. SCENE V. A Room in the Garter Inn.
Enter Host and SIMPLE. Host. What would'st thou have, boor? what, thick-skin? speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap.
Sim. Marry, sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff from master Slender.
Host. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his standing-bed, and truckle-bed ; 'tis painted about with the story of the prodigal, fresh and new: Go, knock and call; he'll speak like an Anthropophaginian unto thee: Knock,
Sim. There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his chamber; I'll be so bold as stay, sir, till she come down: I come to speak with her, indeed.
Host. Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be robbed : I'll call. — Bully knight! Bully Sir John! speak from thy lungs military: Art thou there? it is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls. Fal. [Above.] How now, mine host ?
Host. Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of thy fat woman: Let her descend, bully, let her descend; my chambers are honorable: Fie! privacy ? fie!
Enter FALSTAFF. Fal. There was, mine host, an old fat woman even now with me; but she's gone.
Sim. Pray you, sir, was't not the wise woman of Brentford ?
Fal. Ay, marry, was it, muscle-shell. What would you with her ?
Sim. My master, sir, my master Slender, sent to her, seeing her go through the streets, to know, sir, whether one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the chain, or no. Fal. I spake with the old woman about it. Sim. And what says she, I pray, sir?
Fal. Marry, she says, that the very same man that beguiled master Slender of his chain, cozened him of it.
Sim. I would I could have spoken with the woman herself; I had other things to have spoken with her too, from him.
Fal. What are they? let us know.
Sim. I may not conceal them, sir.
Sim. Why, sir, they were nothing but about mistress Anne Page; to know if it were my master's fortune to have her, or no.
Fal. Tis, 'tis his fortune.
Sim. May I be so bold to say so, sir?
Sim. I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad with these tidings.
[Exit SIMPLE. Host. Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John: Was there a wise woman with thee?
Fal. Ay, that there was, mine host; one that hath taught me more wit than ever I learned before in my life: and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning.
Enter BARDOLPH. Bard. Out, alas, sir! cozenage! mere cozenage ! Host. Where be my horses? speak well of them, varletto.
Bard. Run away with the cozeners: for so soon as I came beyond Eton, they threw me off, from behind one of them, in a slough of mire; and set spurs, and away, like three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses.
Host. They are gone but to meet the duke, villain : do not say they be fled; Germans are honest men.
Enter SIR Hugh Evans. Eva. Where is mine host? Host. What is the matter, sir? Eva. Have a care of your entertainments: there is a friend of mine come to town, tells me, there is three cousin germans, that has cozened all the hosts of Readings, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and money. I tell you for good-will, look you: you are wise, and full of gibes and vlouting-stogs; and it is not convenient you should be cozened: Fare you well.
[Exit. Enter DOCTOR CAIUS. Caius. Vere is mine Host de Jarterre? Host. Here, master doctor, in perplexity, and doubtful dilemma. Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell a-me,
dat you make grand preparation for a duke de Jarmany: by my
trot, dere is no duke, dat the court is know to come; I tell you for good vill: Adieu.
Host. Hue and cry, villain, go:— assist me, knight; I am undone :- fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am undone!
[Exeunt Host and BARDOLPH. Fal. I would all the world might be cozened; for I have been cozened and beaten too. If it should come to the ear of the court, how I have been transformed, and how my transformation hath been washed and cudgelled, they would melt me out of my fat, drop by drop, and liquor fishermen's boots with me; I warrant they would whip me with their fine wits, till I were as crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never prospered since I forswore myself at Primero. Well, if my mind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent.
Enter MRS. QUICKLY. Now! whence come you?
Quick. From the two parties, forsooth.
Fal. The devil take one party, and his dam the other, and so they shall be both bestowed! I have suffered more for their sakes, more than the villanous inconstancy of man's disposition is able to hear.
Quick. And have not they suffered ? Yes, I warrant, speciously one of them; mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her.
Fal. What tell'st thou me of black and blue! I was beaten myself into all the colors of the rainbow, and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford : but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, delivered me, the knave constable had set me i' the stocks, i’ the common stocks, for a witch.
Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber; you shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is to bring you together! Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed. Fal. Come up into my chamber.
SCENE VI. Another Room in the Garter Inn.
Enter FENTON and Host.
Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is heavy, I will give over all.
Fent Yet hear me speak: Assist me in my purpose,