Ask me no reason why I love you; for though of Page and Ford differs!-To thy great comfort Mrs. Page. Letter for letter; but that the name Love use reason for his precisian, he admits him in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin not for his counsellor: You are not young, no brother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, more am I; go to then, there's sympathy: you I protest, mine never shall. I warrant, he hath a are merry, so am I; ha! ha! then there's more thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for sympathy: you love sack, and so do I would different names (sure more,) and these are of the you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, second edition: he will print them out of doubt: mistress Page (at the least, if the love of a soldier for he cares not what he puts into the press, when can suffice,) that I love thee. I will not say, pity he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, me, 'tis not a soldier-like phrase; but I say, love and lie under mount Pelion. Well, I will find you me. By me, What a Herod of Jewry is this !-O wicked, wicked world!-one that is well nigh worn to pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant! Mrs. Ford. Boarding, call you it? I'll be sure What an unweighed behaviour hath this Flemish to keep him above deck. drunkard picked (with the devil's name) out of my Mrs. Page. So will I; if he come under my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay hatches, I'll never to sea again. Let's be revenged me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my compa- on him: let's appoint him a meeting; give him a ny! What should I say to him?-I was then show of comfort in his suit; and lead him on with frugal of my mirth :-heaven forgive me !-Why, a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawn'd his horses I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting to mine host of the Garter. down of men. How shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings. nored Enter Mistress Ford. Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house. Mrs. Page. And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very ill. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary. Mrs. Page. Faith, but you do, in my mind. She means, I protest. (2) Melancholy. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. Mrs. Page. Why, look, where he comes; and my good man too: he's as far from jealousy, as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance. Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. Enter Ford, Pistol, Page, and Nym, 7 Ford. What name, sir? Pist. The horn, I say: farewell. in his intent towards our wives, are a yoke of his discarded men; very rogues, now they be out of service. Ford. Were they his men? Page. Marry, were they. Ford. I like it never the better for that.-Does he lie at the Garter? Page. Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head. Ford. I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loth to turn them together: A man may be too Take heed, ere summer comes, or cuckoo-birds do confident: I would have nothing lie on my head: I sing. Away, sir corporal Nym.—— cannot be thus satisfied. Page. Look, where my ranting host of the Garter comes: there is either liquor in his pate, or money in his purse, when he looks so merrily.How now, mine host? Believe it, Page; he speaks sense. [Exit Pistol. Enter Host and Shallow. Host. How now, bully-rook? thou'rt a gentle I speak, and I avouch. 'Tis true:-my name is Shal. I follow, mine host, I follow.-Good even the humour of it. Adieu. Page. The humour of it, quoth 'a! here's a fel-rook. low frights humour out of his wits. Ford. I will seek out Falstaff. Shal. Sir, there is a fray to be fought, between sir Hugh the Welsh priest, and Caius the French Page. I never heard such a drawling, affecting doctor. Mrs. Ford. How now, sweet Frank? why art sport shall be. thou melancholy? Host. Hast thou no suit against my knight, my Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy.-guest-cavalier? Mrs. Ford. Faith, thou hast some crotchets in Mrs. Page. Have with you.-You'll come to dinner, George?-Look, who comes yonder; she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight. [Aside to Mrs. Ford. Enter Mistress Quickly. Mrs. Ford. Trust me, I thought on her: she'll fit it. Mrs. Page. You are come to see my daughter Anne ? Quick. Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good mistress Anne? Mrs. Page. Go in with us, and sce; we have an hour's talk with you. [Exe. Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Mrs. Quick. Page. How now, master Ford? Ford. You heard what this knave told me; did] you not? Page. Yes; and you heard what the other told me? Ford. Do you think there is truth in them? Page. Hang 'em, slaves! I do not think the knight would offer it: but these that accuse him (1) A dog that misses his game. (2) A medley. (3) Consider. (4) A lying sharper. Ford. None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him, and tell him, my name is Brook; only for a jest. Host. My hand, bully: thou shalt have egress and regress; said I well? and thy name shall be Brook: It is a merry knight.-Will you go on, hearts? Shal. Have with you, mine host, Page. I have heard, the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier. Shal. Tut, sir, I could have told you more: In these times you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and I know not what: 'tis the heart, master Page; 'tis here, 'tis here. I have seen the time, with my long sword, I would have made you four talls fellows skip like rats. Host. Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag? Page. Have with you :-I had rather hear them scold than fight. [Exeunt Host, Shallow, and Page. Ford. Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so firmly on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily: She was in his company at Page's house; and, what they made there, I know not. Well, I will look further into't: and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff: If I find her honest, I lose not my labour; if she be otherwise, 'tis labour well bestowed. [Exit. م SCENE II.—A room in the Garter Inn. Fal. I will not lend thee a penny. Enter it; you have brought her into such a canaries,” as 'tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches; warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after gift; smelling so sweetly (all musk,) and Fal. Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and should lay my countenance to pawn: I have grat- in such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar ed upon my good friends for three reprieves for you of the best, and the fairest, that would have won and your coach-fellow2 Nym; or else you had looked through the grate like a geminy of baboons. never get an eye-wink of her.-I had myself twenty any woman's heart; and, I warrant you, they could I am damned in hell, for swearing to gentlemen my angels given me this morning: but I defy all angels friends, you were good soldiers, and tall fellows: (in any such sort, as they say,) but in the way of and when mistress Bridget lost the handle of her honesty:-and, I warrant you, they could never get fan, I took't upon my honour, thou hadst it not. Pist. Didst thou not share? hadst thou not fifteen pence? them all: and yet there has been earls, nay, which Fal. Reason, you rogue, reason: Think'st thou, I'll endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about me, I am no gibbet for you :-go.-Ashe Mercury. short knife and a throng :-to your manor of Pickthatch, go.-You'll not bear a letter for me, you for the which she thanks you a thousand times; Quick. Marry, she hath received your letter, rogue! you stand upon your honour!-Why, thou and she gives you to notify, that her husband will unconfinable baseness, it is as much as I can do, to be absence from his house between ten and eleven. keep the terms of my honour precise. I, I, I my- Fal. Ten and eleven? self sometimes, leaving the fear of heaven on the Quick. Ay, forsooth; and then you may come left hand, and hiding mine honour in my necessity, and see the picture, she says, that you wot of;am fain to shuffle, to hedge, and to lurch; and yet master Ford, her husband, will be from home. you, rogue, will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-Alas! the sweet woman leads an ill life with him; mountain looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your he's a very jealousy man; she leads a very frambold-beating oaths, under the shelter of your ho- pold' life with him, good heart. nour! You will not do it, you? Fal. Ten and eleven? Woman, commend me to Pist. I do relent; What would'st thou more of her; I will not fail her. man? Enter Robin. Quick. Why, you say well: But I have another messenger to your worship: Mistress Page hath her hearty commendations to you too ;-and let me tell you in your ear, she's as fartuous a civil modest Rob. Sir, here's a woman would speak with you. wife, and one (I tell you) that will not miss your Fal. Let her approach. Enter Mistress Quickly. Quick. Give your worship good-morrow. Quick. Not so, an't please your worship. Quick. I'll be sworn; as my mother was, the first hour I was born. Fal. I do believe the swearer: What with me? Quick. Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two? Fal. Two thousand, fair woman; and I'll vouchsafe thee the hearing. morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe'er be the other: and she bade me tell your worship, that her husband is seldom from home; but, she hopes, there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man: surely, I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth. Fal. Not I, I assure thee; setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I have no other charms. Quick. Blessing on your heart for't! Fal. But, I pray thee, tell me this; has Ford's wife, and Page's wife, acquainted each other how they love me? Quick. That were a jest, indeed!-they have not Quick. There is one mistress Ford, sir;-I pray, so little grace, I hope:-that were a trick, indeed! come a little nearer this ways:-I myself dwell with master doctor Caius. Fal. Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say,―― Quick. Your worship says very true: I pray your worship, come a little nearer this ways. Fal. I warrant thee, nobody hears;-mine own people, mine own people. Quick. Are they so? Heaven bless them, and make them his servants! Fal. Well: mistress Ford;-what of her? Quick. Why, sir, she's a good creature. Lord, lord! your worship's a wanton: Well, heaven forgive you, and all of us, I pray! Fal. Mistress Ford-come, mistress Ford. (1) Pay you again in stolen goods, Draws along with you. To cut purses in a crowd. 10 But mistress Page would desire you to send her your little page, of all loves; 1° her husband has a marvellous infection to the little page: and, truly, master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does; do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will; and truly she deserves it: for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send her your page; no remedy. Fal. Why, I will. Quick. Nay, but do so then: and, look you, he may come and go between you both; and, in any case have a nay-word," that you may know one of another's mind, and the boy never need to under (6) Ale-house. (7) A mistake of Mrs. Quickly's for quandary. (8) Know. (9) Fretful, peevish. Pickt-hatch was in Clerkenwell. (5) Protect. (10) By all means. (11) A watch-word. stand any thing; for 'tis not good that children should know any wickedness; old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world. tracts me! Fal. Very well, sir; proceed. Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, her husband's name is Ford. Fal. Well, sir. Fal. Fare thee well: commend me to them both: there's my purse: I am yet thy debtor.- Ford. I have long loved her, and, I protest to Boy, go along with this woman.-This news dis-you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a [Exeunt Quickly and Robin. doting observance; engrossed opportunities to Pist. This punk is one of Cupid's carriers :- meet her; fee'd every slight occasion, that could Clap on more sails; pursue, up with your fights; but niggardly give me sight of her not only Give fire; she is my prize, or ocean whelm them bought many presents to give her, but have given all! [Exit Pistol. largely to many, to know what she would have Fal. Say'st thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; given: briefly, I have pursued her, as love hath I'll make more of thy old body than I have done. pursued me; which hath been, on the wing of all Will they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after occasions. But whatsover I have merited, either the expense of so much money, be now a gainer? in my mind, or in my means, meed, I am sure, I Good body, I thank thee: Let them say, 'tis grossly have received none; unless experience be a jewel: done; so it be fairly done, no matter. that I have purchased at an infinite rate; and that nath taught me to say this: Enter Bardolph. Bard. Sir John, there's one master Brook below would fain speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath sent your worship a morning's draught of sack. Fal. Brook, is his name? Fal. Call him in; [Exit Bardolph.] Such Re-enter Bardolph, with Ford disguised. Ford. Bless you, sir. Fal. And you, sír; Would you speak with me?! Ford. I make bold, to press with so little preparation upon you. Fal. Have you importuned her to such a purpose ? Ford. Never, Fal. Of what quality was your love then? Ford. Like a fair house, built upon another man's ground; so that I have lost my edifice, by mistaking the place where I erected it. Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this to me? you all. Some say, that, though she appear honest Ford. When I have told you that, I have told Fal. You're welcome; What's your will? Give mirth so far, that there is shrewd construction to me, yet, in other places, she enlargeth her us leave, drawer. made of her. Now, sir John, here is the heart of my purpose: You are a gentleman of excellent tance, authentic in your place and person, gene breeding, admirable discourse, of great admitrally allowed for your many warlike, court-like, and learned preparations. [Exit Bardolph. Ford. Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook. Fal. Good master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you. Ford. Good sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you; for I must let you understand, I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something enboldened me to this unseasoned intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open. Fal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on. Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me; if you will help me to bear it, sir John, take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage. Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter. Ford. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing. Fal. O, sir! money; spend it, spend it; spend more; spend Ford. Believe it, for you know it :-There is all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the win her to consent to you; if any man may, you honesty of this Ford's wife: use your art of wooing, may as soon as any. Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks, you prescribe to yourself very preposterously. Ford. O, understand my drift! she dwells so Fal. Speak, good master Brook: I shall be glad the folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is securely on the excellency of her honour, that to be your servant. too bright to be looked against. Now, could I come Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar,-I will be to her with any detection in my hand, my desires brief with you ;and you have been a man had instance and argument to commend themselves; long known to me, though I had never so good I could drive her then from the wards of her purity, means, as desire, to make myself acquainted with her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I other her defences, which now are too strongly must very much lay open mine own imperfection: embattled against me; What say you to't, sír but, good sir John, as you have one eye upon my John? follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know, how easy it is to be such an offender. (1) A cant phrase of exultation. Fal. Master Brook, I will first make bold with your money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife. (4) In the greatest companies. (5) Approved. mone. Caius. By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he has pray his Pible vell, dat he is no come; by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come. Rug. He is wise, sir: he knew your worship would kill him, if he came. Fal. Want no mistress Ford, master Brook, you shall want none. I shall be with her (I may tell you,) by her own appointment; even as you came Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill in to me, her assistant, or go-between, parted from kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you me: I say, I shall be with her between ten and how I vill kill him. eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed. Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford, sir? Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not:-yet I wrong him, to call him poor; they say, the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the which his wife seems to me wellfavoured. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home. Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir; that you might avoid him, if you saw him. Rug. Alas, sir, I cannot fence. Enter Host, Shallow, Slender, and Page. Host. 'Bless thee, bully doctor. for? Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin," to see Fal. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there; will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the thy distance, thy montánt. Is he dead, my Ethicuckold's horns: master Brook, thou shalt know, opian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! I will predominate o'er the peasant, and thou shalt What says my Esculapius? my Galen? my heart lie with his wife.-Come to me soon at night :- of elder? ha? is he dead, bully Stale? is he dead? Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his stile;1 Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of thou master Brook, shalt know him for a knave de world: he is not show his face. and cuckold:-come to me soon at night. [Exit. Host. Thou art a Castilian king, Urinal! HecFord. What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! tor of Greece, my boy! -My heart is ready to crack with impatience- Caius. I pray you, bear witness that me have Who says, this is improvident jealousy? My wife stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he hath sent to him, the hour is fixed, the match is is no come. made. Would any man have thought this?-See Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is the hell of having a false woman! my bed shall a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation should fight, you go against the hair of your prognawn at; and I shall not only receive this villa- fessions: is it not true, master Page? nous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abomi- Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been nable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. a great fighter, though now a man of peace. Terms! names!- -Amaimon sounds well; Lu- Shal. Bodykins, master Page, though I now be cifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devil's old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my additions, the names of fiend's: but cuckold! wit-finger itches to make one: though we are justices, tola cuckold! the devil himself hath not such a and doctors, and churchmen, master Page, we name. Page is an ass, a secure ass; he will trust have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons his wife, he will not be jealous: 'I will rather of women, master Page. trust a Fleming with my butter, parson Hugh the Page. 'Tis true, måster Shallow. my Host. Pardon, guest justice :-A word, monsieur Muck-water?" Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with Shal. It will be found so, master Page. Master aquavita bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am gelding, than my wife with herself: then she plots, sworn of the peace; you have showed yourself a then she ruminates, then she devises: and what wise physician, and sir Hugh hath shown himself they think in their hearts they may effect, they a wise and patient churchman: you must go with will break their hearts but they will effect. Heaven me, master doctor. be praised for my jealousy!-Eleven o'clock the hour; I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it; better three hours too soon, than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! valour, bully. [Exit. Enter Caius cuckold! SCENE III.-Windsor Park. and Rugby. Caius. Muck-vater! vat is dat? Host. Muck-water, in our English tongue, is Caius. By gar, then I have as much muck-vater as de Englishman:-Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears. Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. Host. And I will provoke him to't, or let him Rug. 'Tis past the hour, sir, that sir Hugh pro-wag. mised to meet. Caius. Me tank you for dat. Host. And moreover, bully,-But his master Cant term for Spaniard. |