A Doorstep Dialogue BY WINFRED SOTHERN He Shall I ring? She It wouldn't do any good, there's nobody within three stories of the bell to-night. Can't you break the chain? He It wouldn't be much of a chain if I could-I'll try it, though. She I'll help. Isn't it maddening to have the door open like this, and yet not be able to get in? That idiot Eliza! He What! That's solid. I suppose she forgot you were out. She She never remembers anything, except that there may be a burglar. There's no use looking at that window. You can't reach it, and even if you could, it's locked and the inside shutters are barred. He But we could break things. She And rouse the neighborhood at one o'clock Christmas morning? Thank you. No. He Who sleeps above us? She Father and mother, when they're not in Washing ton. He And above that? She I do when I'm not spending the night on the doorstep. He Isn't there a back way? She Yes, with a padlocked iron gate leading to it. Oh, I might have known it! I never did an unchaperoned thing in my life that I didn't get into trouble. But it seemed stupid to make Cousin Mary come all these miles out of her way, just for form's sake, when we both knew we didn't need chaperoning. He (rattling the door impatiently) Oh! I'm absolutely safe, am I? She My dear boy, I'm not insulting you. I spoke merely with reference to taking stray girls home from theatre parties at midnight. He Thank you. I thought you were going to say I seemed just like a brother or something equally unpleasant. She Never. But what are we going to do? Father and mother will be back the first thing in the morning, and I don't care to have them find us tete-a-tete on the front steps. He I'll make one more try at the bell. If that doesn't work, I suppose I'll have to marry you, that is what they do in stories. She It would only be polite. You might do worse. He I might, "though you say it as shouldn't." It's a good idea-I wonder why I never thought of it before. She Well, there isn't time to think of it now. He The idea doesn't interest you She Oh, there's nothing new in it. I've often thought it over. He (coming closer) You've thought of it? And what did you decide? She That I might do better. Let's both pound. He (after a few vicious bangs) Do you know you're rather brutal sometimes. She Nearly always. I'd be a hateful person to have around all the time. I'll tell you-let's call out the fire department. We could borrow one of their ladders, and then tell them it was a mistake. He It seems like giving the city a good deal of trouble. She We could warm ourselves by the engine while they were waking Eliza for us. Oh, bother Eliza. He Hang Eliza! She Confound Eliza! I wish you didn't have to suffer too. Can't you get a bucket and hang me on the doorknob? He I'm not suffering, except for you. How about trying the chimney? Santa Claus must have brushed some of the soot off by this time. She Oh, I promised mother faithfully that I'd fill the children's stockings; why, they'll be getting up before long. What shall I do? Can't you think of something? I'm cold and I'm tired. I want to get in. He You poor child-Isn't there some one you know whom we can rouse. She Not near here, and I couldn't anyway. It would be sort of dreadful. I should feel disreputable, besides, the children's stockings. Their hearts would be broken. He But, my dear girl, this is getting past a joke. It's evident we can't rouse that woman, and I can't have you stay here any longer. Your poor hands-they're like ice. She Oh, dear! and I'm keeping you out all this time. Don't wait any longer. I'll manage some way-do go! He If I could only take you down to my den, I'd build up a big fire, put the lounge out in front of it and wrap you in a steamer rug and brew you a hot toddy, and— She What a pity I'm not a man. He Oh, I don't know. She We could have lots of fun. If I were a man I should like you tremendously. He Well, but as a girl, mightn't— She Oh, a girl's liking doesn't count for much-unless she falls in love, and I'd never do that. He But, couldn't you make an exception, just this once? She I was born cold. I can't help it. I shall never care for a man that way. I should really like to, you know, but I can't. He (After a pause) If you tell me that for my own. good, I'm afraid it's too late. She I'm sorry. I wish I were different. pause.) (Another He (Squaring his shoulders) Well, now to get you in. I'm going to try for that window. She But you can't. It's simply crazy. There isn't even an edge to stand on; and that pavement below. He (Taking off his overcoat) It's that or pneumonia for you. If I hadn't these patent leathers on, I could manage it better. She It's foolhardy. I can't allow it. Look at the stone steps you'd fall on. He But do you realize that this has grown rather serious? And I honestly think I can make it. She I ask you not to attempt it. He (Stepping on the balustrade) My dear girl, there's no other way. She (Catching his arm) I can't let you. I can't bear it. I'd rather lose every rag of reputation I've got. I'll go to the hotel-anywhere. He Do you hear that clock It's too late to go any where else. I care more for your name than I do for How cold you are. Put this coat around you and don't watch me if it makes you nervous. She (Excitedly) Nervous! you-Oh! please don't try it. Nervous! when the man He (Quickly) When the man you She Surely we can think of some other way. He When the man you-? (Feels around for a foothold.) I'll climb better if you finish it. She When the man you-Oh! come, come quickly! (Darts down the steps.) He What is it? She (Breaking into a run) The drug store! He (Following bewildered.) But you can't spend the night there. She (Over her shoulder.) Hurry (they dart into the drug store, setting the night bell to ringing furiously.) She The telephone, please. He By George, the telephone! She Yes; 1423; ring again-Eliza, is that you? Go down and unchain the front door at once. Yes, you did. Good-bye. Well, our troubles are over. How stupid we were not to think of the telephone. You have been very kind. (They hurry back in silence.) He (As they mount the steps.) Please, before I go, did you mean it? When the man Come to-mor She Oh, the children. I musn't stop. row-and see what the children get. Good-night. He (As door closes.) Good bless Eliza. Thank God Every Morning "Thank God every morning when you get up that you have something to do that day which must be done, whether you like it or not. Being forced to work, and forced to do your best, will breed in you temperance and self-control, diligence and strength of will, cheerfulness and content, and a hundred virtues which the idle never know."-Charles Kingsley. Where Ignorance is Bliss B da BY HOWARD FIELDING. OBBY DYRENFORTH had a cold, which threatened to settle on his chest. Mrs. Dyrenforth knew that he ought to have a mustard plaster, but the question was how to get it on him. Bobby did not like medicine (most boys don't.) Their youthful instincts tell them what their riper years confirm—that medicine, on the average, benefits not more than two persons out of the three-the doctor, and the apothecary are the two-and the patient is the third. Bobby had never heard of a mustard plaster, but if he had been told it was good for him, and he certainly would die without it, he would have sung, "I want to be an angel" and run away to go in swimming. Mrs. Dyrenforth was far too shrewd to make such a mistake. She went quietly down to the store and bought a box of English mustard. She had it wrapped in a sheet of white tissue paper and tied with a bit of ribbon and brought it home. With great deliberation, she unwrapped it in the presence of Bobby and his brother, Phil. They instantly stopped playing and ran to their mother's side. "What is it, mother?" "It is the real, genuine English mustard," she said, impressively, as she untied the ribbon, took off the paper and pointed to a lion and a unicorn on the cover of the box. "What is it good for?" asked Bobby. "It is a great luxury, my son. It makes the finest mustard plaster in the world." "What's that?" asked both at once. "Say, mother, make us one now and show us.' Mrs. Dyrenforth slowly and carefully wrapped the box in the paper. The boys looked disappointed. They besought her to make a plaster, even if she used it all herself and didn't give them a bit. "I'll tell you what I'll do, boys," said she, with a sudden burst of motherly feeling. "I'll make one to-night, |