Gads. What talkest thou to me of the hangman? if I hang, I'll make a fat pair of gallows; for if I hang, old Sir John hangs with me, and thou know'st he is no starveling. Tut! there are other Trojans1 that thou dream'st not of, the which for sport sake are content to do the profession some grace, that would, if matters should be look'd into, for their own credit sake, make all whole. I am joined with no foot land-rakers,2 no long-staff sixpenny strikers,3 none of these mad mustachio-purplehued malt-worms; but with nobility and tranquillity, burgomasters and great oneyers,5 such as can hold in, such as will strike sooner than speak, and speak sooner than drink, and drink sooner than pray: and yet, zounds, I lie; for they pray continually to their saint, the commonwealth; or rather, not pray to her, but prey on her, for they ride up and down on her and make her their boots." 91 Cham. What, the commonwealth their boots? will she hold out water in foul way? Gads. She will, she will; justice hath liquor'd her. We steal as in a castle, cocksure; we have the receipt of fern-seed, we walk invisible. Cham. Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholdings to the night than to fernseed for your walking invisible. Gads. Give me thy hand; thou shalt have a share in our purchase, as I am a true man. Cham. Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false thief. 103 Gads. Go to; homo is a common name to all men. Bid the ostler bring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell, ye muddy knave. [Exeunt. SCENE II. The road by Gadshill. Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS, disguised. Poins. Come, shelter, shelter; I have removed Falstaff's horse, and he frets like a gumm'd velvet. Prince. Stand close. [They retire to back of scene. 1 Trojans, boon companions. 2 Foot land-rakers, footpads. [Retires again into background. Fal. I am accurs'd to rob in that thief's company; the rascal hath removed my horse, and tied him I know not where. If I travel but four foot by the squire 10 further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt not but to die a fair death for all this, if I scape hanging for killing that rogue. I have forsworn his company hourly any time this two and twenty years, and yet I am bewitched with the rogue's company. If the rascal have not given me medicines to make me love him, I'll be hang'd; it could not be else; I have drunk medicines. -Poins!-Hal!—a plague upon you both!— Bardolph!-Peto!--I'll starve ere I'll rob a foot further. An 't were not as good a deed as drink, to turn true man and to leave these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground is threescore and ten miles afoot with me; and the stony-hearted villains know it well enough. A plague upon it when thieves cannot be true one to another! [They whistle.] Whew! -A plague upon you all! Give me my horse, you rogues; give me my horse, and be hang'd! Prince. [Coming forward] Peace, ye fat-guts! lie down; lay thine ear close to the ground, and list if thou canst hear the tread of travellers. Fal. Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down? 'S blood, I'll not bear mine own flesh so far afoot again for all the coin in thy father's exchequer. What a plague mean ye to colt me thus? 40 Prince. Thou li'st; thou art not colted, thou art uncolted. Fal. I prithee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse, good king's son. Prince. Out, ye rogue! shall I be your ostler? Enter POINS, from one side; from the other GADSHILL, BARDOLPH and PETO disguised. Gads. Stand. Fal. So I do, against my will. Poins. O, 't is our setter;1 I know his voice. Bard. What news? Gads. Case ye, case ye; on with your vizards: there's money of the king's coming down the hill; 't is going to the king's exchequer. Fal. You lie, you rogue; 't is going to the king's tavern. Gads There's enough to make us all. 60 Fal. To be hang'd. Prince. You four shall front them in the narrow lane; Ned and I will walk lower: if they scape from your encounter, then they light Prince. Well, we leave that to the proof. Poins. Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge; when thou need'st him, there thou shalt find him. Farewell, and stand fast. Fal. Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hang'd. Prince. [Aside to Poins] Ned, where are our disguises? Poins. [Aside to Prince] Here, hard by; stand close. [Exeunt Prince and Poins. Fal. Now, my masters, happy man be his dole,' say I; every man to his business. Enter four Travellers. 81 [They retire. First Trav. Come, neighbour: the boy shall lead our horses down the hill; we'll walk afoot awhile, and ease our legs. 1 Setter, manager of the robbery. 2 Happy man be his dole, happiness be his lot. Fal., Gads., &c. Stand! Sec. Trav. Jesu bless us! Fal. Strike; down with them; cut the villains' throats. [Ah! whoreson caterpillars! bacon-fed knaves! they hate us youth: down'} with them;] fleece them. 90 First Trav. O, we are undone, both we and ours for ever! [The travellers run across and exeunt, pur sued by Bardolph, Gadshill, and Peto. Fal. [Running about with his sword drawn] Hang ye, gorbellied3 knaves, are ye undone? [No, ye fat chuffs; I would your store were here!] On, bacons, on! What, ye knaves!{ young men must live. You are grand-jurors, are ye? we'll jure ye, i̇' faith. [Exit. Re-enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS, in Prince. The thieves have bound the true men. Now could thou and I rob the thieves and go merrily to London, it would be argument for a week, laughter for a month, and a good jest for ever. 102 Poins. Stand close; I hear them coming. [They retire. Re-enter FALSTAFF, GADSHILL, BARDOLPH, and PETO, with bags of money. Fal. Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse before day. [They all sit on the ground] An the Prince and Poins be not two arrant cowards, there's no equity stirring; there's no more valour in that Poins than in a wild-duck. [As they are sharing, the Prince and Prince. Your money! 110 Enter HOTSPUR, reading a letter. Hot. "But, for mine own part, my lord, I could be well contented to be there, in respect of the love I bear your house." He could be contented! why is he not, then? In respect of the love he bears our house! he shows in this, he loves his own barn better than he loves our house. Let me see some more. "The purpose you undertake is dangerous;"—why, that's certain: 't is dangerous to take a cold, to sleep, to drink; but I tell you, my lord fool, out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety. "The purpose you undertake is dangerous, the friends you have named uncertain, the time itself unsorted,1 and your whole plot too light for the counterpoise of so great an opposition." Say you so, say you so? I say unto you again, you are a shallow cowardly hind, and you lie. What a lackbrain is this! By the Lord, our plot is a good plot as ever was laid; our friends true and constant: a good plot, good friends, and full of expectation; an excellent plot, very good friends. What a frosty-spirited rogue is this! Why, my lord of York commends the plot and the general course of the action. Zounds, an I were now by this rascal, I could brain him with his lady's fan. Is there not my father, my uncle, and myself? Lord Edmund Mortimer, my lord of York, and Owen Glendower? is there not besides the Douglas? have I not all their letters to meet me in arms by the ninth of the next month? and are they not some of them set forward already? What a pagan rascal is this! an infidel! Ha! you shall see now, in very sincerity of fear and cold heart, will he to the king and lay open all our proceedings. O, I could divide myself, and go to buffets, for moving such a dish of skimm'd milk with so honourable an action! Hang him! let him tell the king; we are prepared. I will set forward to-night. 1 Unsorted, unsuited, ill-chosen. 2 Expectation, promise. For what offence have I this fortnight been Thy stomach,3 pleasure, and thy golden sleep? And given my treasures and my rights of thee To thick-ey'd musing and curst melancholy? In thy faint slumbers I by thee have watch'd, And heard thee murmur tales of iron wars, Speak terms of manage to thy bounding steed, 52 Cry "Courage! to the field!" And thou hast talk'd 5 [Of sallies and retires, of trenches, tents, Some heavy business hath my lord in hand, 62 103 Hot. Come, wilt thou see me ride? Hot. Not an inch further. 112 But hark you, Poins. Where hast been, Hal? Prince. With three or four loggerheads amongst three or fourscore hogsheads. I have sounded the very base-string of humility. Sirrah, I am sworn brother to a leash of drawers; and can call them all by their christen names, as Tom, Dick, and Francis. They take it already upon their salvation, that though I be but Prince of Wales, yet I am the king of courtesy; and tell me flatly I am no proud Jack, like Falstaff, but a Corinthian,1 a lad of mettle, a good boy,-by the Lord, so they call me!-and when I am king of England, I shall command all the good lads in Eastcheap. [They call drinking deep, dying scarlet; and when you breathe in your watering, they cry "hem!" and bid you play it off. To conclude, I am so good a proficient in one quarter of an hour, that I can drink with any tinker in his own language during my life. I tell thee, Ned, thou hast lost much honour, that thou wert not with me in this action. But, sweet Ned, [-to sweeten which name of Ned, I give thee this pennyworth of ́ sugar, clapp'd even now into my hand by an under-skinker, one that never spake other English in his life than "Eight shillings and sixpence," and "You are welcome," with this shrill addition, "Anon, anon, sir! Score a pint of bastards in the Half-moon," or so. But, Ned,] to drive away the time till Falstaff come, I prithee, do thou stand in some byroom, while I question my puny drawer to what end he gave me the sugar; and do thou never leave calling "Francis," that his tale to me may be nothing but "Anon." Step aside, and I'll show thee a precedent. [Exit Poins. Poins. [Within] Francis! Prince. Thou art perfect. Poins. [Within] Francis! Enter FRANCIS. 39 Prince. Five year! by 'r lady, a long lease for the clinking of pewter. But, Francis, darest thou be so valiant as to play the coward with thy indenture 10 and show it a fair pair of heels and run from it? Fran. O Lord, sir, I'll be sworn upon all the Prince. How old art thou, Francis? Michaelmas next I shall be- see 7 Under-skinker, under-tapster. 8 Bastard, a sweet wine. Half-moon, the name of a room. 10 Indenture, bond of apprenticeship 61 |