But her pinions were rotten as sheets of wet paper,
And the light peep'd from out the dull mist, like a taper.
Her robe was a patch-work of fustian and foil,
Bespatter'd all over with honey and oil;

The trump at her mouth was a long tube of tin,
And her voice almost rivall'd it's impudent din.
In wonder I stood:-with a sycophant leer

The harlot drew forth from her vestment a glass ;-
"Believe, shallow sceptic! admire me, and fear,
And note well my pageants as onward they pass."

it shewed me a quack

I look'd on the mirror ;-
With holes in his hose, and a patch on his back ;--
On the walls as he pass'd by he chalked Dr. E;
His purse grew more heavy, his coat grew less seedy ;--
Madam Puff blows her horn--the gulls all approach,
And the quack, o'er their bodies, steps into his coach.

Again I beheld;-'twas a scene of affright-
A play-house quite cramm'd on a fatal first night;
Such cat-calls and hisses astounded my ears,
That I tingled all o'er with an Authorling's fears;-
"Hey Presto!" cried Puff--on the walls she inscrib'd

"The new play was hailed with most rapturous shouts." The newspapers praised--for the manager bribed,

And the house fill'd again with the well tickled trouts.

"Look now," she exclaimed:--in an arrogant frame Was a picture soliciting money and fame ;--

'Twas a daub which would one of Art's journeymen shame. The first gazers doubted-the second decried

The third laugh'd outright--but my good-natured Puff Fill'd the poor artist's pockets, and flattered his pride,

To the old tune of "Raphael, Corregio, and stuff."
The critics assented-the mob cried" Divine!"
And ****** stood first in th' historical line.

The pageant was changed;-in the depth of the Row Were bales of new verses-a dreary show,—

Some vapid, some loose, some affected, some dull,

As their muse was a dowdy, a minx, or a trull.

Puff sounded her trump-in a moment a knot ;
Of Critico-poets rush'd forward, all hot,

And with rhyming and praising, and praising and rhyming,

They made such a wonderful clatter and chyming,

That the world was astonished, and thought itself wrong
In most of its orthodox notions of song,

Nor recovered its reason till all the mad books
Were fairly consign'd to the chandlers and cooks.

I look'd once again-but my senses grew dim,
And the pageants began on my vision to swim,
In endless confusion-an ill-sorted train
Who seem'd to have ate of the root insane.

There were givers of dinners-and venders of pills—
And poets-and writers of lottery-bills-

And statesmen profound-and compounders of blacking-
And tailors and critics-and blue-stockings clacking-
And painters of portraits-and makers of stays-

Subscribers to charities-drawers of teethAnd a legion besides !—each an eater of praise,

And each blushing under his own dutch-gilt wreath. On her throne sat the Goddess-they join'd in a shout, And I woke at the din of that coarse-feeding rout,

**

But see a procession;-ay, now you will know
How Elliston shines in the tricks of dumb show.
There are soldiers and soothsayers, maidens in white,
And boys bearing censers that stink as they light;
And warriors in armour that draw real swords,
And horses! O wonder! that prance on the boards.

How they march up and down, till they 've gone three times

round!

How the kettle-drums clatter, and shrill trumpets sound!
How the dutiful soldiers, with months of hard drilling,
Stand each in his place, at the cost of a shilling!
How the priestesses squeak!-There's a roll of the drums-
As sure as a gun, Sir, the hero now comes ;-

He comes in a car, and he drives all about,

While the misses cry La! and the galleries shout-
And now, Sir, do look how the hero gets out ;-

He

goes to the altar, and prays loud for ease,

With a stare at the gods, and an oath on his knees;

And when he has gone through the oath and the stare,
The warriors and vestals for marching prepare;
And back they all trudge, for no reason on earth
But to show how much Elliston's wardrobe is worth;
There, the car prances off-come now,-take a last peep
At the Drama's delight-Zounds, Sir, you're asleep!

O! my friend, when we read of the poor tatter'd robe, And the dirty red curtain, the pride of the GLOBE, To FAWCETT and ELLISTON yield we the praise Of vamping-up old, and inditing new Plays, By the carpenters', scene-painters', dress-makers' art, With the help of a kiss, and a scream, and a start. They are wise in their way;-they have benches to fill, With the puffs of the press, and an impudent bill ;— And as Fashion and Taste have long fled from their sphere, And their overgrown houses forbid us to hear,

They let Humour and Fancy obliviously lie,

And conspire for the fools who are caught by the eye.
Though their Romans in toga and helmet look big,
While Barry and Quin flamed in surtout and wig,
I would gladly dispense with the tinsel and stole,
To catch from the actor some glimpses of soul.
We must sigh that the reign of the Muses is o'er,→
At one house their statues are outside the door;

At the other, as guiltless of wit or of feeling,

The sisters are raised from the stage to the ceiling.

But if taste has thus fled from the Drama's sad doom,
And Apollo weeps over the Muses' gay tomb,
The managers kindly have each built a shrine,
For the thick swarming vot'ries of lust and of wine.

They make clean the outside;" no words of offence
Meet the titter of Folly, the frown of Good Sense;
But the virgin oft shrinks from the at her side,
For wantonness reigns here with insolent pride.
Behold the Saloon-there Shakspeare looks down
On all the hot vice of a most vicious town.

O! shame, that here Crime should establish her mart,
Where Genius should hold its proud sway o'er the heart ;
That Lust here should madden the pulses of youth,
Where Wisdom should speak with her lessons of truth!
Ascetics, ye triumph!-I blush for the stage,
And COLLIER and OWEN are right in each page.

WE have one observation to make on a Poetical Address (in "What you Will") written by Willoughby, with much needless gallantry, on a journey in the Cambridgeshire Fly.To see what lies travellers will tell! I was present myself on the occasion to which he refers, and I can assure the reader, that, so far from taking a leading part in the debates about Rossini, Miss Stephens, Lord Byron, Thurtell, Croly, Bombastes Furioso, the Cambridge Review, the new Refuge for the Destitute, &c. he was in fact the only silent person of the party; only venturing every now and then a peep from his corner at the laughter-loving novelty, and uttering some hackneyed remark. Does he remember the chilling "Sir?" with which his observation on a honeysuckle was received, and which froze him to silence for the rest of the evening? People who write essays ought to have more conscience.

Amongst the articles which we, true to our principles, were under the necessity of rejecting on account of their personality, we have to regret the loss of "Sketches of Real Life." We have, however made free with the following compendium

which it contains, of the requisites for a successful exercise of the noble Science of Toadying.

Imprimis.

To be a good listener.

This qualification needs no comment, but a mere reference to every person's heart.

2ndly. To be able to assume a sympathizing air.

The higher degree of excellence in the art is, for the countenance to vary through all the shades of pleasure, astonishment, &c. See No. 3.

3rdly. To have a proper stock of suitable exclamations. Remark. Great attention must be paid to adapting their tone, manner, kind, and frequency, to the joyous, depressing, wonderful, indignant, surprising, apologetical, conjectural, or asseverative nature of the supposed recital.

4thly. A small number of apposite observations.

N.B. Here caution is so absolutely necessary that this number might be more safely confined to mere illustration or assent.

5thly. A few suggestive hints.

These ought almost invariably to point towards the fomenting, and maintaining of anger, jealousy, enmity, suspicion, or contempt. Very seldom, these auxiliary hints might assume a placable aspect; but, whatever be their form, they must be strictly calculated to elicit arguments tending to bring forward triumphant confirmation of the opinions which they may, at first, seem to oppose.

N.B. This item depending almost entirely upon native genius, cannot be illustrated by any farther explanation.

6thly. A large assortment of complimentary speeches. Regard to expediency alone need be recommended. There is no occasion to be too particular in pro priety of adaptation. Correctness also unnecessary. 7thly. To avoid all kind of competition whatever. It is only necessary to observe that this article possesses considerable influence over the success of all the preceding ones. It is, therefore, an excellent general maxim, and indeed must be kept constantly in mind.