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Effects of. Fashionable Education, 1763,:I received from Sqnire Hope: Stillustrated in the History of Billy "ful, our shero's father, a pressing Hopeful.
-invitation to dinner. :-Hhad already
been his parochial schoolmaster TO THE EDITOR. :
Cupwards of four years, without resir,
ceiving any similar attention, or A PE !
you .and your readers were " was therefore totally at a loss to acmade acquainted withymy eventful count for the honour now confer. l history as a: Teacher: As my prin- ired, and it more than once occur. Licipal-attention: has valways been di- Teld to me, that the company was ::' 'Teeted to the classics, Ilknow r-little to consist of a batch of drunken
or nothing of chemistry, and hence farmers in the neighbourhood, anti
-my admirable plan of Polite. Educa- that poor:Malcolm was invited to . Stron, formerly hinted at, is very ube the butt of the company. Be na much in statu quo. On applying the event or the intention what sl to several gentlemen of chemical they might, Ideemed it prudent
celebrity, I find no difference of to accept the invitation. Having opinion as to the practicability, and put on my best coat, my triple advantage of the plan. „The only cocked hat, my • fringed muslin
differenee of opinion exists as to cravat, my ribbed blaek and white she is the mode of applying this adrgira- s-stockings, my priest-gray waist
*ble scheme. One thinks it may be coat, and a pair of new shoes pur
·best effected by a shock of Electric chased expressly, for the occasion ; mit city, another. by an Injection, and a and having made above fifty resoluhis third thinks it may, he most suc- tions not to get tipsy, I repaired to
cessfully administered in a Magnum - his honour's at the hour appointed. Bonum. In the mean time, till I On entering the room, to my can bring my plan to maturity, I very great surprise, I found the
think I cannnt better serve all company consisted of Squire Hopearranks of society, than by :sketch- zful, his son Billy, a natural :son
sing the education and- biography named Horatio, and Misses Eupheof Billy Hopeful.
mia, Dorothea, Jemima, Clemen"I am, Siryours, &c,
tina, Xantippe, and Penelope, all MALCOLM M DOMINIE. antiquated maiden aunts or cousins, Ilth Jan. 1812.
of the right worshipful family of
theiHopefuls: Such a sight total. Billy HOPEFUL was an only son, ly disconcerted me, and to tell the - whose : mother died when he was truth, might have disconcerted sa three years old. By his father i be much greater adept in the art of i had the prospect of an .estate, bowing than ever I could pretend . worth Lx500 a year. His uncle, to be. I therefore made my awkwho inherited the family estate, ward bow as well as I could, and thad reached the wrong side of fifty, instantly seated myself on my cand iwas still unmarried, so that our centre of gravity on the nearest young hero, on the demise of his chair. This first embarrassment father and uncle, lad a fair pro- over, 1.soon found myself tolerably spect of succeeding to at least easy, as the gentleman himself, and L.4000 a year, besides i considera- ithe ladies, were'extremely attensble expectations from ; maiden tive. It now occurred to me (for za tints, grand aunts, &c.
I was at that time a good looking Some time in the summer of young fellow) that his honour had February 1812.
sent for me, in order to offer me from a human mouth, adding, with the hand of one or other of said uncommon emphasis, that it would ladies, with a situation in the cus be monstrously shocking to treat a tom house or excise.
legitimate like an illegitimate child. Dinner at last appeared, and Finding it needless to argue the after it a bottle of wine, when the matter farther, I told him he was Squire relieved my anxiety by ad. the best judge, and could take his dressing me
as follows. “Mr own way. I took my leave as soon MacDominie, I have heard that you as decency permitted. At the are a schollard, thoff I am no great time appointed Horatio was sent to judge of them kind of things. My school, and by the time he was natural son Horatio (a boy about fourteen, had made himself master five) I mean to place under your of all the inferior branches of educare. The ordinary schoolfees are cation, necessary for business, be68. a year, but I mean to allow you sides a sufficient knowledge of the 10s. which, you know, is very Greek and Roman classics. He handsome." I nodded assent. h was bound apprentice to a merchcontinuation he informed me, that ant of some eminence, who in prohe had boarded him with an old cess of time, gave him a 'small woman within a few yards of my share of the concern, as a reward school, at 2s, per week. That his for his industry and honesty. From brother Billy's old clothes would one step to another he gradually serve him well enough, and that the ascended, and at the age of forty cumulo expenee of the boy might had 'secured. a handsome compebe about seven pounds per annum: tence with whieh he retired and
This important affair being set- purchased a small estate near the tled, he told me he wished to take spot of his nativity. You would my opinion on a matter of infinite not imagine he had one drop of the importance, namely, the education blood of the Hopefuls in his veins, of his son and heir Billy; and for he never seduced a female, having descanted on the youth's broke a porter's head, demolished great expectations, the antiquity a lamp, fought a duel, or killed a and heroic deeds of his ancestors, fox in his life. &c. &c. asked me ingenuously what Qur hero Billy was only three I would do, were I in his place months younger than his illegitiHe made a solemn pause, and the mate brother Horatio... From the ladies were all attention. If the great tenderness of his friends, and boy were mine, said I, I would the infinity of different plans daily send him along with Horatio, and suggested for his polite and genteel treat them exactly alike.
education, he was allowed to gallop What a scene followed. The about, with a servant to attend Squire was completely petrified, him, till he was nine years old, or rather horrified. Miss Jemima before any thing decisive was refainted. Miss Cleraentina's eyes solved on. The sextumvirate (if Teeled in her head with indigna ! I may, use an Iricism) of ladies tion, and the other ladies quitted before mentioned, were so much the room with precipitation. After attached to him, that they could this hurly burly-was appeased, not bear him out of their sight, and and Misses Jemima and Clementina as they lived together in one house had left us, the Squire told me, I in the genteel town of where had said a more impolite and im- there was an academy, he was at proper thing, than ever proceeded last put under their-charge. No
thing was omitted, which could hear him cough, without betraying contribute to his case or comfort. any symptom of uneasiness. The The warmest seat and the choicest chairman, servant, and private tumorsel vere always selected for tor were dismissed ; his pocket bim. Two chairmen were con- money was reduced from three stantly in readiness to convey him guineas, to three shillings per week, to and from the academy, which and he was constrained to attend stood at the distance of twelve the academy regularly. yards. A servant carried his books, To any boy, but particularly to and a private tutor thought and our hero, who was hardened in instudied for him. When there was dulgence, dissipation and idleness, the least cold or damp in the air, such a sudden ehange would have he was carefully kept at home; and been insupportable; and he did not even in summer, it was nothing fail to resent it by every means in uncommon to see him stuffed up in his power. He stole their prayer three pair of stockings, and half a books, broke their toothpicks, dozen comforters.
burnt their wigs, demolished their Four years had now rolled on, spectacles, and fixed pins, and whilst our hero, instead of making heckle-teeth in the cushions of the progress, had actually retrograded, chairs, by which the posteriors of in his studies. The least symptom the whole sextumvirate were seof uneasiness on his part, was riously injured. But his most not. enough to throw the whole female able man@uvre was played off on sextumvirate into convulsions, and Miss Jemima, into whose tobacco to this artifice our hero had re- pipe he put a quantity of gun-pow. course almost every hour of the der, which exploded, and deprived day. It is recollected by sorre old her of the sight of the right eye, people, that during the four years besides setting her head dress on aforesaid, he ate ten thousand fire, to the imminent danger of her oranges, five thousand pounds of life. Our hero was turned out of confectionaries, and was the terror doors, where he collected å rabble of all the cats, kittens, lap dogs, of his worthless associates, broke and young children in the town. every window in the house, and
At this period, a great and im- went directly home to complain to portant crisis took place, in our his father of the barbarous treathero's affairs. His father re-en- ment he had received. But the tered the holy state of matrimony, fate of the transaction had gone and his uncle in a month after also before him, and his father very took unto himself a wife. Thus properly received him with a horsewere our bero's prospects atınihiwhip, locked him up all night in lated at one blow. ' It now bê- the cellar, and set but next morn. care probable that, instead of being ing with him to an academy at one of our hereditary Fot-hunters, the distance of 300 miles. and Legislators, he would be obliged Young Billy had now attained To elbow his way in the world, a his 14th year, and continued in mong the industrious ranks of man- this new situation till he had com. kind, and it therefore became ne. pleted his 17th with as little effect cessary to give him a substantial, rác as ever: when he returned home, ther than a polite education. The he could do neither one thing nor female sextumvirate now no longer other, and his father was totally looked on him as the prop and re- at a loss how to act, when by accipresentative of the family; and could dent he fell in with Mr Mác Syco
phant, who undertook to complete which plunged after him and literalhis education in six months. This ly saved his life. The privateer gentleman was famous for the po. struck after the sixth broad side, liteness and rapidity of his method and when the bustle was over, this of education, and was besides one faithful animal was seen swimming of the politest, best bred men liv, round the ship with Billy in his ing. In the short space of time teeth, to the no small
, amusement already specified, this gentleman of the sailors, who after laughing taught Bilty, English, Latin, Greek, at bim for some time, at last took French and Italian, all with the him aboard. He offered tliem L.500 English accent, Writing, Arithmor to return to an English port, but, tic, Book-keeping, Euclid's Ele- as the vessel carried Government ments, genteel Geography, the pro- dispatches, this was impossible, but jection of the Sphere, Mensuration they agreed for L.50, to put hiin of heights and distances, Geo- aboard the first vessel they met metry, Navigation, Algebra, Conic bound for Britain, and the very Sections, Astronomy, Hydrostatics, next day he was sent on board a Hydraulics, Chemistry, Gunnery, ship bound to London, Fortification, Fencing, Military and
He was now quite tired of a war, Naval Tactics, Dancing, and the like life, and wished to be Captain Manual Exercise.
of a merchant vesșel, to which, as At the end of the six months, he he had learned Navigation, there accompanied Billy, to his father's could be no possible objection, and house, and delivered him up a com- his father got him appointed to plete gentleman and scholar, His the command of a ship of 200 tons, father at first seemed to doubt the bound to Quebec from Leith. Af Hattering account, but Mr MacSy ver taking in a sufficient quantity cophant (like. Tristram Shandy's of compasses, quadrants, telescopesç bull,) put so grave a face on the azimuths, astrolabes, &c. they set matter, that it was impossible to sail, round the north of Scotland, doubt a word he said. The father but the first land our hero fetched was nearly as great a numskull as was the Cape of Good Hope. Here the son, and could not detect him; the crew deserted the vessel, and the son had more slyness than ex- becoming urgent for their wages, pose hiinself; ad ás no body else qur young. Navigator sold the ship had any business to interfere, the and cargo to the highest bidder, matter passed current not only foc Having paid the crew, they took a fact, but prodigy:
their passage in a vessel bound to Our hero pow made choice of the London, but our hero had formed sea for his future destination, and the resolution of returning home spoke of killing Americans (for the overland, to avoid the dangers, and American war had now broke out,) disasters of the tempestuous deep, in thousands. He set out amply. Fully confident of his own abilities, recommended to Admiral then he sent home to his father by one cruising off New York. The cutter of the crew, his log book, and the which conveyed him, the third day following elegant letter. after leaving Portsmouth, fell in with a French privateer. In the Kap of Gud Hop 18th Guli 170077, bustle preparatory to action, our
* Dir Feathar, hero, through downright fear, leaped Yu wil be gled to her, that I overboard unperceived by any bo- am şaf aryved at the Kap of Gud dy, but a large Newfoundland dogy llo
Hlor, whar 1 haf soled the sheep
and Kargu to the bist Edventige. and log book, and obtained a deYu wil sea by mi Lug Buk, wiich cree against the whole owners of I haf sint by Tomas Gons mi Mai, the ship and cargo, with full exthat I prefúrmed wunders. I sal pences of process. citurn ovr land furst hopertunty, Our hero's father was never and akunt to yu for the nat porseeds less in humour with polite and gen, of the Vasal and Kargu. Ekspektin teel education than at present. Had to sea yu shun,
Mr Mac Sycophant fallen into his I am, Dir Feather, Yur hands, lue would certainly have toru “ Efekshoned Sun, him to atoms. Fortunately he was “ Willu Hupli..” 70 miles distant; but the diploma
he had given young Billy, along This polite epistle will be per. with a letter he had written bis fectly intelligible to such of your father, on bis appointment to the readers as have received a genteel ship, and in which he declared our education, though it may be totally hero as well qualitied to be a above the comprehension of those Naval commander as any man in whe have been educated in the sub- Europe, were produced before the stantial and vulgar way. This lug Couri. Such a scene was never buk, (as he calls it) was kept in
presented to any Judicature. Mr the same polite style. I shall here, MacSycophant's character of our for the instruction of the polite part hero was in the most unqualified of your readers, make a tew extracis and hyperbolic strain of panegyric, from it.
whilst his letter and log book, spoke Garnal of a Vag from Lith to a very different language. Indeed Kebek.
our young naval commander kepi
such a journal as never had, and “ Gune 5d 170055. Salled from probably never will have, any parLith with a fir wund. Gune 6t, at allel in Europe, for he often rechNun, by absarfeshon fund wi wer oned the easterly variation of the in letude 67 dicrees, 9.5 minits compass as high as 395°. porth. Wund du Waist, Gune 7st As thus truly laughable and ridicupaced the Pantalan Furth, wund lous scene was re-ecloed, in the diiEst and by Suth. Gune 8st, no ab- fereat newspapers from one end of sarfeshon. Sky cludi and havi shurs. the kingdom to the other, Mr MarGune Ord at Nun, ajustit the Kad- Sycophant thought it high time to rant, and Assimuth Kompace, fund decamp. Under pretence of bad the letude 70 dicrees, and 63 inin, health, he returned to his native its North Lonjetud 9 dicrees, 122 country, France, having in the minits Est. &c. &c. &c.”
course of 10 years realized a forNo words can do justice to the tune of L.15,000. It was discoveremotions of the father on receipted when too late, that his system of this letter, Three fifths of the ot' education was so rapid and genship and cargo belonged to the fa. teel, that it could serve no earthly mily of the Hopefuls, and as more purpose whatever. than two years had elapsed since Our hero being assured that Brithe ship was heard of," complete tain was an island, and that it was payment of both-ship and cargo impossible to return to it by land, had been recovered from the un- was very much at a loss how to act. derwriters, who now instituted a He was at present in possession ot process for repayment, and obliged about L.3,000 from the sale of the Billy's father to produce said letter ship and cargo. He therefore de: