The point in dispute was, as all the world knows, So fam'd for his talent in nicely discerning. And your lordship, he said, will undoubtedly find, That the Nose has had Spectacles always in wear, Which amounts to possession time out of mind. Then, holding the Spectacles up to the courtYour lordship observes they are made with a straddle, As wide as the ridge of the Nose is, in short, Design'd to sit close to it, just like a saddle. Again, would your lordship a moment suppose ('Tis a case that has happen'd, and may be again), That the visage or countenance had not a Nose, Pray who would or who could wear spectacles then? On the whole it appears, and my argument shows, With a reasoning the court will never condemn, That the Spectacles plainly were made for the Nose, And the Nose was as plainly intended for them. Then shifting his side, as a lawyer knows how, He pleaded again in behalf of the Eyes, But what were his arguments few people know, For the court did not think they were equally wise. So his lordship decreed, with a grave solemn tone, Decisive and clear without one if or but— That whenever the Nose put his Spectacles on, By day-light or candle-light-Eyes should be shut. Cowper. 3.-Lodgings for Single Gentlemen. WHO has e'er been in London, that overgrown place, Has seen "Lodgings to Let" stare him full in the face: Some are good and let dearly; while some, 'tis well known, Are so dear, and so bad, they are best let alone.— Next night 'twas the same !-and the next!—and the next! He perspir'd like an ox; he was nervous, and vex'd; Week pass'd after week, till by weekly succession, His weakly condition was past all expression. In six months his acquaintance began much to doubt him; For his skin, "like a lady's loose gown," hung about him. He sent for a Doctor, and cried, like a ninny, "I have lost many pounds-make me well-there's a guinea." The Doctor look'd wise" a slow fever," he said; Prescrib'd sudorifics,-and going to bed. "Sudorifics in bed," exclaim'd WILL," are humbugs! "I've enough of them there, without paying for drugs!" WILL kick'd out the Doctor:-but, when ill indeed, E'en dismissing the Doctor don't always succeed; So, calling his host,-he said,—" Sir, do you know, "I'm the fat SINGLE GENTLEMAN, six months ago? "Look ye, landlord, I think," argued WILL witha grin, "That with honest intentions you first took me in: "But from the first night-and to say it I'm bold"I've been so very hot, that I'm sure I caught cold!" Quoth the landlord,—“Till now, I ne'er had a dispute; "I've let lodgings ten years,-I'm a baker to boot; "In airing your sheets, Sir, my wife is no sloven; "And your bed is immediately-over my OVEN." "The OVEN !!!"—says WILL;—says the host, "Why this passion? "In that excellent bed died three people of fashion. "Why so crusty, good Sir?"-" Zounds!" cried WILL in a taking, 92 "Who would not be crusty, with half a year's baking?” WILL paid for his rooms:-cried the host, with a sneer, "Well, I see you've been going away half a year." "Friend, we can't well agree;-yet no quarrel"WILL said : "But I'd rather not perish, while you make your bread." Colman. 4.-Toby Tosspot. ALAS! what pity 'tis, that regularity But there are swilling wights in London town By borrowing too largely of the moon. Like Monsieur Corkscrew, worming through a cork, Not straight, like Corkscrew's proxy, stiff Don Prong, a fork. At length, with near four bottles in his pate, When reading, "Please to ring the bell," Ring it!" says Toby-" very well; Toby, the kindest soul in all the town, But the first peal 'woke Isaac, in a fright, Pale as a parsnip,-bolt upright. At length, he, wisely, to himself doth say,- "Tush! 'tis some fool has rung and run away;" Shove jumped into the middle of the floor; And trembling at each breath of air that stirred, He grop'd down stairs, and open'd the street door, While Toby was performing peal the third. Isaac eyed Toby, fearfully askant,— And saw he was a strapper-stout and tall; "Want nothing!-Sir, you've pull'd my bell, I vow, Quoth Toby,-gravely making him a bow,→ "At mine!"-"Yes, your's; I hope I've done it well; Colman. 5.-The Chameleon. OFT has it been my lot to mark Two travellers of such a cast, As o'er Arabia's wilds they past, And on their way in friendly chat Now talk'd of this and then of that, Discours'd a while 'mongst other matter, Of the Chameleon's form and nature, "A stranger animal, cries one, "Sure never liv'd beneath the sun : "A lizard's body lean and long, "A fish's head, a serpent's tongue, "Its tooth with triple claw disjoin'd; "And what a length of tail behind! "How slow its pace! and then its hue"Who ever saw so fine a blue ?". "Hold there, the other quick replies, ""Tis green-I saw it with these eyes, "As late with open mouth it lay, "And warm'd it in the sunny ray; "Stretch'd at its ease the beast I view'd, "And saw it eat the air for food." "I've seen it, Sir, as well as you, "And must again affirm it blue. "At leisure I the beast survey'd, "Extended in the cooling shade.” |