Chapter Twenty-ninth- CHILDREN'S

ETIQUETTE

F good manners are expected of children, they must be treated courteously. They should be taught that consideration for others underlies genuine courtesy. Mere manners

may treacherously desert one at critical moments but true politeness may be relied upon.

To talk of children in their presence makes them self-conscious, and robs them of the simplicity that is their greatest charm," kingdom-of-heavenites" Coleridge calls them.

The least shade of impertinence or disrespect should be checked promptly and sharply. American parents are not considered good disciplinariAn Englishman once jestingly remarked, "In the States parents are sent to bed for 'answering back'!"

ans.

Children who are not obliged to be polite to their elders and to one another will not suddenly become well-bred when strangers are present. They should not take the most comfortable seats or most advantageous positions, but be observing and offer such little attentions to their parents and elders, and the boys to their sisters.

Such attentions should also be acknowledged with courteous appreciation. A home may have the elegance of high-breeding, no matter how simple the surroundings. Children should not be allowed to contradict each other, but be early taught to use the same courtesy in expressing differences of opinion as do their elders, "I beg your pardon" or "I am sure that you are mistaken." It is all a matter of habit; but the outward form often compels the inward feeling. They should be made to understand, too, that their unsolicited opinions or advice offered to their elders is a rudeness that will make them unpopular.

It used to be the custom for children to say "Yes, ma'am," "No, sir," to their elders, but that is now considered to belong to the courtesy due from servants, and well-bred children say, "Yes, mamma," "No, grandpapa," and the tone of polite deference must underlie the simple "Yes" and "No" when unaccompanied by the name of the person addressed.

Well-bred children do not pass in front of a person without an apology, or enter a room whistling, or addressing some one therein, unobservant of the conversation that may be in progress. Young persons should rise whenever a visitor comes into or takes leave of the family presence circle, and also if addressed elsewhere of visitors by an older person, should they happen to be seated.

In the

In France young girls are trained in winsome,

attractive manners. They are careful to stand aside to permit their elders to pass first. They do not sit while any one of them is standing, and their polite deference in conversation pays them a pretty compliment. It was for a Frenchwoman that the word "charming" was invented.

Children should not be forward in claiming the attention of friends or visitors when they are being greeted by the elder members of the family, neither should one hold out a reluctant hand under parental coercion. Shyness is only less unattractive than forwardness, and is due generally to ignorance of what is expected of one.

Should a child enter the room where the mother is entertaining a visitor to ask a question or favor, he or she should stand by the mother's side, without speaking, until addressed by or presented to the stranger. Then, after asking permission to prefer the request, it is made, and the child withdraws, after taking courteous leave of the guest.

We all feel that it is humiliating to have the attention of others directed to our shortcomings, and children are not less sensitive, but some mothers do not seem to know that they are breaking all the laws of good taste in correcting a child before a guest. It is as annoying to the visitor as it is cruel to the child, making him awkward and self-conscious, if nothing worse. The time is illchosen for child-training. Any possible conflict or clash of wills between parent and child should

be anticipated in time, and the little one tactfully withdrawn before any unseemly friction becomes apparent to the visitor.

"Showing off" children is an unconscious injustice to them. Let a mother keep to herself, for private delectation, the knowledge that her child is a prodigy.

Let a boy be as free as air out of doors, but in the house demand that he behave like a

A well

trained boy gentleman. In mediæval times lads were made pages to courtly dames for

such training.

It is not, however, the province of the entire family to bring him up. Nagging" is one of the small foes to the peace of a household, but the teaching of boys to be gentlemen at home is as essential as the training of them to be men in the world.

When physical strength begins to be realized by a boy, his first idea is to use it solely as a power. He must be taught to regard it also as a responsibility. His strength inclines a truly manly man to gentleness towards those who are weaker. "Noblesse oblige." A tactful mother will make much of a lad's strength, appearing a little dependent upon it.

A boy accompanying his mother or sisters in the street should be taught to raise his hat when they return a bow or meet a friend, or when alone the boy passes an acquaintance of his own or of the family, he should show the same courtesy,

unless in the case of a fellow lad or a young man, when a bow or nod suffices.

The old adage," Children should be seen and not heard," has not been superseded by a better, however unpopular with the present generation. It would spare mal-apropos remarks until the child were old enough to recognize when to speak and when to be silent.

Boys early learn sportsman's etiquette, to accept defeat uncomplainingly, to show no favoritism in playing games, and to keep one's temper, but girls are sometimes offenders in these things.

Unless self-government is taught, parental training is imperfect.

Imposing

A look should be sufficient to restrain a child in public if he or she has been properly instructed behind the scenes. Especially when guests are present is it unseemly for there to be any protest on the child's part against the parent's wishes, expressed by word or look.

self-control

At all times "No" should be irrevocable when uttered; but a conscientious review of the situation. should first be made, in strict justice to the little beings who are so entirely dependent for happiness. A "teasing" child is merely a victim of bad management.

A wholesome self-restraint about annoying trifles is imposed by good manners. Fretting about the weather or a disappointment, fussing about what