Quick. I'll be sworn; as my mother was, the| first hour I was born. Fal. I do believe the swearer: What with me? Quick. Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two? Fal. Two thousand, fair woman; and I'll Vouchsafe thee the hearing. Quick. There is one Mistress Ford, sir:-I pray, come a little nearer this ways:-I myself dwell with master doctor Caius. Fal. Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say,Quick. Your worship says very true: I pray your worship, come a little nearer this ways. Fal. I warrant thee, nobody hears:-mine own people, mine own people. Quick. Are they so? Heaven bless them, and make them his servants! Fal. But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford's wife, and Page's wife, acquainted each other how they love me? Quick. That were a jest, indeed!--they have not so little grace, I hope :-that were a trick indeed! But Mistress Page would desire you to send her your little page of all loves; her husband has a marvellous infection to the little page: and, truly, master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does; do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will; and, truly, she deserves it: for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send her your page; no remedy. Fal. Why, I will. Fal. Fare thee well: commend me to them both: there's my purse; I am yet thy debtor.Boy, go along with this woman.-This news distracts me! [Exeunt QUICKLY and ROBIN. Fal. Well: mistress Ford :-what of her? Quick. Nay, but do so then: and, look you, Quick. Why, sir, she's a good creature. Ford, he may come and go between you both; and, lord! your worship's a wanton: Well, heaven in any case, have a nay word, that you may forgive you, and all of us, I pray! know one another's mind; and the boy never Fal. Mistress Ford :-come, mistress Ford,-need to understand any thing; for 'tis not good Quick. Marry, this is the short and the long that children should know any wickedness: old of it; you have brought her into such a canaries folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, as 'tis wonderful. The best courtier of them and know the world. all, when the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches; I warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after gift; smelling: so sweetly (all musk), and so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in such alligant terms: and in such wine and sugar of the best, and the fairest, that would have won any woman's heart; and, I warrant you, they could never get an eye-wink of her.-I had myself twenty angels given me this morning: but I defy all angels (in any such sort, as they say), but in the way of honesty:-and, I warrant you, they could never get her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of them all: and yet there has been earls, nay, which is more, pensioners; but, I warrant you, all is one with her. Fal. But what says she to me? be brief, my good she Mercury. Quick. Marry, she hath received your letter; for the which she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you to notify, that her husband will be absence from his house between ten and eleven. Fal. Ten and eleven? Quick. Ay, forsooth; and then you may come and see the picture, she says, that you wot of; master Ford, her husband, will be from home. Alas! the sweet woman leads an ill life with him; he's a very jealousy man; she leads a very frampold life with him, good heart. Fal. Ten and eleven: Woman, commend me to her; I will not fail her. Pist. This punk is one of Cupid's carriers :Clap on more sails; pursue, up with your fights; Give fire; she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all! [Exit PISTOL. Fal. Say'st thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; below would fain speak with you, and be ac- Fal. Brook is his name? Bard. Ay, sir. Brooks are welcome to me, that o'erflow such Re-enter BARDOLPH, with FORD disguised. Fal. And you, sir: Would you speak with me? Ford. I make bold to press with so little preparation upon you. Fal. You're welcome; What's your will? Give us leave, drawer. [Exit BARDOLPH. Ford. Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent Quick. Why, you say well: But I have ano-much; my name is Brook. ther messenger to your worship: Mrs. Page hath her hearty commendations to you too;-and let me tell you in your ear, she's as fartuons a civil modest wife, and one (I tell you) that will not miss you morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe'er be the other: and she bade me tell your worship, that her husband is seldom from home; but she hopes, there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man; surely, I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth. Fal. Good master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you. Ford. Good Sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you; for I must let you understand, I think myself in better plight for a lender thin you are: the which hath something embolden'd me to this unseason'd intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open. Fal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on. Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me: if you will help me to bear it, Sir Fal. Not I, I assure thee; setting the attrac-John, take all, or half, for easing me of the cartion of my good parts aside, I have no other riage. charms. Quick. Blessing on your heart for't! Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter. Ford. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing. Fal. Speak, good master Brook; I shall be glad to be your servant. Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar,-I will be brief with you and you have been a man long known to me, though I had never so good means, as desire, to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection: but, good Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know, how easy it is to be such an offender. Fal. Very well, sir; proceed. I come to her with any detection in my hand, my desires had instance and argument to commend themselves; I could drive her then from the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are too strongly embattled against me: What say you to't, Sir John? Fal. Master Brook, I will first make bold with your money; next give me your hand; and last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife. Ford. O, good sir! Fal. Master Brook, I say you shall. Ford. Want no money, Sir John, you shall want none. Fal. Want no mistress Ford, master Brook, you shall want none. I shall be with her (Í Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town; may tell you), by her own appointment; even her husband's name is Ford. Fal. Well, sir. Ford. I have long loved her, and, I protest to you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her; fee'd every slight occasion, that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only bought many presents to give her, but have given largely to many, to know what she would have given: briefly, I have pursued her, as love hath pursued me; which hath been on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind, or in my means, meed, I am sure, I have received none; unless experience be a jewel: that I have purchased at an infinite rate; and that hath taught me to say this: Love like a shadow flies, when substance love pursues; Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues. Fal. Have you received no promise of satisfaction at her hands? Ford. Never. as you came in to me, her assistant, or go-between, parted from me: I say, I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed. Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance. you know Ford, sir? Do Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not:-yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say, the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the which his wife seems to me well-favoured. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldy rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home. Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir; that you might avoid him, if you saw him. Fal. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel; it shall hang like a meteor o'er the cuckold's horns: master Brook, thou shalt know, I will predominate o'er the peasant, Fal. Have you importuned her to such a pur- and thou shalt lie with his wife.-Come to me pose? Ford. Never. Fal. Of what quality was your love then? Ford. Like a fair house, built upon another man's ground, so that I have lost my edifice, by mistaking the place where I erected it. Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this to me? Ford. When I have told you that, I have told you all. Some say, that, though she appear honest to me, yet, in other places, she enlargeth her mirth so far, that there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, sir John, here is the heart of my purpose: You are a gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance, authentick in your place and person, generally allowed for your many war-like, courtlike, and learned preparations. Fal. O, sir! Ford. Believe it, for you know it:-There is money; spend it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford's wife: use your art of wooing, win her consent to you; if any man may, you may as soon as any. soon at night:-Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his style: thou, master Brook, shalt know him for a knave and cuckold:-come to me soon at night. [Exit. Ford. What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! My heart is ready to crack with impatience.-Who says this is improvident jealousy? -My wife hath sent to him, the hour is fixed, the match is made. Would any man have thought this?-See the hell of having a false woman! my bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at: and I shall not only receive this villanous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. Terms! names! -Amaimon sounds well: Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devils' additions, the names of fiends: but cuckold! wittol cuckold! the devil himself hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass; he will trust his wife, ho will not be jealous: I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aqua vitæ bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself: then she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises: and what they think in their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts but they will effect. Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks, you prescribe to your-Heaven be praised for my jealousy!-Eleven self very preposterously. Ford. O, understand my drift; she dwells so securely on the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is too bright to be looked against. Now, could o'clock the hour-I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page, I will about it; better three hours too soon. than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold! [Exit. Caius. Vat is de clock, Jack? Rug. 'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet. Host. And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag. Caius. Me tank you for dat. Host. And moreover, bully,-But first, master guest, and master Page, and eke cavalero Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore. [Aside to them. Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he? Host. He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields: Caius. By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come: he has pray his Pible vell, dat he is no come by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead al-will it do well? ready, if he be come. Rug. He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill him, if he came. Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him. Rug. Alas! sir, I cannot fence. Enter HOST, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE. Shal. Save you, master doctor Caius. Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, three, four, come for? Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my Esculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully Stale? is he dead? Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack-pri st of the vorld; he is not show his face. Host. Thou art a Castilian, king-urinal! Hector of Greece, my boy! Caius. I pray you bear vitness, that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come. Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: h is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions; is it not true, master Page? Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace. Shal. Bodykins, master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one: though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us: we are the sons of women, Master Page. Page. "Tis true, master Shallow. Shal. It will be found so, master Page. Master doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace: you have showed yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath Shal. We will do it. tor. Page, Shal. and Slen. Adieu, good master doc[Exeunt PAGE, SHAL. and SLEN. Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page. Host. Let him die: but, first, sheath thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mrs. Anne Page is, at a farmhouse a feasting; and thou shalt woo her. Cry'd game, said I well? Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients. Host. For the which, I will be thy adversary towards Anne Page; said I well? Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said. Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. Art Third. [Exeunt. SCENE I. A Field near Frogmore. Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE. Eva. I pray you now, good master Slender's serving man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for master Caius, that calls himself Doctor of Physic? Sim. Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the parkward, every way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way. Eva. I most fehemently desire you, you will also look that way. Sim. I will, sir. Eva. 'Pless my soul! how full of cholers I To shallow rivers, to whose falls shown himself a wise and patient churchman: 'Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry. you must go with me, master doctor. Host. Pardon, guest justice:-A word, monsieur Muck-water. Caius. Muck-vater; vat is dat? Host. Muck-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully. Caius. By gar, then I have as much muckvater as de Englishman:-Scurvy jack-dog priest; by gar, me vil cut his ears. Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. Melodious birds sing madrigals ;- And a thousand vagram posies. To shallow Sim. Yonder he is coming this way, Sir Hugh. To shallow rivers, to whose falls Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. thy hand, celestial; so.- -Boys of art, I have Shal. How now, master parson? Good mor- deceived you both; I have directed you to row, good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. -Come, lay their swords to pawn:-Follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, follow. Shal. Trust me, a mad host:-Follow, gentlemen, follow. the dice, and a good student from his book, Slen. Ah, sweet Anne Page! Eva. 'Pless you for his mercy sake, all of you. Shal. What! the sword and the word! do you study them both, master parson? Page. And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatic day? Eva. There is reasons and causes for it. Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! Exeunt SHAL. SIEN. PAGE, and Host. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of us? ha, ha! Eva. This is well; he has made us his vlout Page. We are come to you, to do a good of ing-stog.-I desire you, that we may be friends; fice, master parson. Eva. Fery well: What is it? Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who belike, having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience, that ever you saw. Shal. I have lived fourscore years and up-| ward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect. Eva. What is he? Page. I think you know him; master doctor Caius, the renowned French physician. Eva. Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge. Page. Why? and let us knog our prains together, to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter. Caius. By gar, vit all my heart; he promise to bring me vere is Anne Page: by gar, he de ceive me too. Eva. Well, I will smite his noddles:-Pray [Exeunt. you, follow. SCENE II-The Street in Windsor. Enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN. Mrs. Page. Nay, keep your way, little gellant; you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader: Whether had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels? Kob. I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man, than follow him like a dwarf. Mrs. Page. O you are a flattering boy; now, see you'll be a courtier. Eva. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen, and he is a knave besides; a cow-I ardly knave, as you would desires to be acquainted withal. Page. I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him. Slen. O sweet Anne Page! Shal. It appears so, by his weapons:-Keep them asunder;-here comes doctor Caius. Enter HOST, CAIUS, and RUGBY. Page. Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon. Shal. So do you, good master doctor. Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word vit your ear: Verefore vill you not meet-a me? Eva. Pray you, use your patience: In good time. Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape. Eva. Pray yon, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends: I will knog your urinals about your knave's cogscomb, for missing your meetings and appointments. Caius. Diable!-Jack Rugby,-mine Host de Jarterre, have I not stay for him, to kill him? have I not, at de place I did appoint? Enter FORD. Ford. Well met, mistress Page: Whither go you? Mrs Page. Truly, sir, to see your wife: Is she at home? Ford. Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want of company: I think, if your husbands were dead, you two would marry. Mrs. Page. Be sure of that,-two other hus bands. Ford. Where had you this pretty weathercock? Mrs. Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of: What do you call your knight's name, sirrah? Rob. Sir John Falstaff. Mrs. Page. He, he; I can never hit on's name. Mrs. Page. By your leave, sir;-I am sick, till I see her. [Exeunt MRS. PAGE and ROBIN. Ford. Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty miles, as easy as a cannon will shoot point blank twelve score. He pieces-out his wife's inclination; he gives her folly motion and advantage: and now she's going to my wife, Eva. As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed; I'll be judg-and Falstaff's boy with her. A man may hear ment by mine host of the Garter. Host. Peace, I say Guallia and Gaul, French and Welsh; soul-curer and body-curer. this shower sing in the wind!-and Falstaff's boy with her!-Good plots!-they are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation together. Caius. Ay, dat is very good! excellent Well; I will take him; then torture my wife, Host. Peace, I say; hear mine host of the pluck the borrowed veil of modesty from the Garter. Am I politick? am I subtle? am I a so-seeming mistress Page, divulge Page himself Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he for a secure and wilful Acteon; and to these gives me the potions, and the motions. Shall violent proceedings all my neighbours shall cry I lose my parson? my priest, my Sir Hugh? aim. [Clock strikes.] The clock gives me my no: he gives me the pro-verbs and the no-verbs. ene, and my assurance bids me search; there -Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so:—Give me I shall find Falstaff: I shall be rather praised for this, than mocked; for it is as positive as the earth is firm, that Falstaff is there: I will go. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, HOST, SIR HUGH EVANS, CAIUS, and RUGBY. Shal. Page, &c. Well met, master Ford. Ford. Trust me a good knot: I have good cheer at home; and, I pray you all, go with me. Shal. I must excuse myself, master Ford. Slen. And so must I, sir; we have appointed to dine with mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I'll speak of. Shal. We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer. Slen. I hope I have your good will, father Page. Page. You have, master Slender; I stand wholly for you :--but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether. Caius. Ay, by gar'; and de maid is love-a me; my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush. Host. What say you to young master Fenton? he capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he speaks holyday, he smells April and May: he will carry't; he will carry't; 'tis in his buttons; he will carry't. Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having: he kept company with the wild Prince and Poins; he is of too high a region, he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance: if he take her, let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way. Ford. I beseech you, heartily, some of you go home with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have sport; I will show you a monster. Master doctor, you shall go;-so shall you, master Page;-And you, Sir Hugh. Shal. Well, fare you well :--we shall have the freer wooing at master Page's. [Exeunt SHALLOW and SLENDER. Caius. Go home, John Rugby; I come anon. [Exit RUGBY. Host. Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with [Exit HOST. Ford. [Aside. I think I shall drink in pipewine first with him; I'll make him dance. Will you go, genties? him. Al. Have with you, to see this monster. [Exeunt. SCENE III-A Room in Ford's House. Enter MRS. FORD and MRS. PAGE. Mrs Ford. What, John! what Robert! Mrs. Page. Quickly, quickly: Is the buck basket Mrs. Ford. I warrant:-What, Robin, I say. Enter Servants with a basket. Mrs. Puge. Come, come, come. Mrs. Ford. Here, set it down. Mrs. Page. Give your men the charge; we must be brief. Mrs. Ford. Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brewhouse, and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and (without any pause, or staggering) take this basket on your shoulders: that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch, close by the Thames side. Mrs. Fage. You will do it? Mrs. Ford. I have told them over and overi they lack no direction: Be gone, and come when you are called. [Exeunt Servants. Mrs. Page. Here comes little Robin. Enter ROBIN. Mrs. Ford. How now, my eyas-musket? what news with you? Rob. My master Sir John is come in at your back door, mistress Ford; and requests your company. Mrs. Page. You little Jack-a-lent, have you been true to us? Rob. Ay, I'll be sworn: My master knows not of your being here; and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell you of it; for, he swears, he'll turn me away. Mrs. Page. Thou art a good boy; this secrecy of thine shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet and hose.-I'll go hide me. Mrs. Ford. Do so:-Go tell thy master, I am alone. Mistress Page, remember you your cne. [Exit ROBIN. Mrs. Page. I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me. [Exit MRS. PAGE. Mrs. Ford. Go to then: we'll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross watry pumpion;we'll teach him to know turtles from jays. Enter FALSTAFF. Fal. Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough; this is the period of my ambition: Ü this blessed hour! Mrs. Ford. O sweet Sir John! Fal. Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I caunot prate, mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish I would thy husband were dead: I'll speak it before the best lord, I would make thee my lady. Mrs. Ford. I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady. Fal. Let the court of France show me such another; I see how thine eye would emulate the diamond: Thou hast the right arched bent of the brow, that becomes the ship-tire, the tirevaliant, or any tire of Venetian admittance. Mrs. Ford. A plain kerchief, Sir John: my brows become nothing else; nor that well neither. Fal. By the lord, thou art a traitor to say so: thou would'st make an absolute-courtier; and the firm fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait, in a semi-circled farthingale. I see what thou wert, if fortune thy foe were not: nature is thy friend: Come, thou canst not hide it. Mrs. Ford. Believe me, there's no such thing in me. Fal. What made me love thee? let that persuade thee, there's something extraordinary in thee. Come, I cannot cog, and say thou art this and that, like a many of these lisping hawthorn buds, that come like women in men's apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury in simple time: 1 cannot: but I love thee; none but thee; and thou deservest it. Mrs. Ford. Do not betray me, sir; I fear you love mistress Page. Fal. Thou might'st as well say, I love to walk by the Counter-gate; which is as hateful to mo as the reek of a lime-kiln. Mrs. Ford. Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you shall one day find it. Fal. Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it. |