The reformed profligate's early life. CHAPTER VI. THE MANUSCRIPT. "But rooted stood in manhood's hour, SCOTT. THE substance of the manuscript which Mr. Colchester related that he read on the occasion, referred to at the close of the last chapter, was as follows : "In the fear of God, and with the full conviction that I am shortly to appear in his dread presence to answer for this and all the other acts of my life, I draw up the following brief biographical sketch of myself. "The course that I have marked out requires me to sit in judgment upon my own heart, and to make the same full and unreserved disclosure of my conduct and character, as I expect the judgment will make to an assembled world. "I begin with my childhood—the period in which was laid the foundation of all my subsequent misfortunes and sins. My parents, when they were first married, were in moderate circumstances, and ranked with the middling class of people. But having by their industry and the blessing of Providence accumulated a considerable estate, they were living, when I entered upon the stage of being, in ease and affluence. They were now extremely anxious to associate with people of the first rank, and resorted to numerous ridiculous expedients to accomplish the object of their Early habits of deceiving, how induced. wishes. They were exceedingly desirous that their children should appear smart: and as I was an only son, every opportunity was seized to make me show off, and pass in point of excellence for something more than I really was. I frequently heard my parents, in the presence of company, giving me credit for qualities and attainments which, I knew I did not possess, but the semblance of which, as they claimed them for me, I thought it necessary for me to put on. Thus in early life, while yet a child, I learned to deceive-learned to pass myself off for what I was not. This has been the source of all my subsequent difficulties. "I presume my parents were not conscious that they were deviating from the line of rectitude in the course they pursued. Their vanity led them to believe, that I possessed every accomplishment. Having learned from them the lesson of artifice, as I grew up I began to practise it upon them. "There were too many allurements in the midst of a dissipated city, not to insnare one so imperfectly fortified against the insidious assaults of vice as myself. My parents were so solicitous about my worldly reputation, that they would have shuddered at the thought of my indulging in habits of profligacy. Still my inclinations led me to this course, and I had never known what it was to restrain the wayward tendencies of my corrupt nature. Here, therefore, I found it necessary to use deception. I wanted money, but did not wish to have my father know the purpose to which I was going to apply it. I therefore professed to have a great taste for literature: and when I wished to make a new draft upon him for money, I could always invent the names of numerous new and valuable authors whose works I was desirous of purchasing; and he was always proud in gratifying me in this passion for reading. The money thus obtained for the purchase of books I laid out in my own way. In this manner I was continually furnished with the means of indulging in all the fashionable vices of a dissipated town. 66 Deceit practised in social intercourse. "Upon the death of my parents I came into the possession of a handsome estate, with, as I supposed, a consummate knowledge of men and manners. "I had a few general maxims, which I vainly imagined would guide me unerringly through the mist and mazes of life; and I often used to look down, from the imaginary height upon which I stood, with supercilious contempt upon the vulgar crowd who were pursuing the beaten track of sincerity and truth. Among the maxims to which I just alluded were the following. All men like to be pleased. Flattery will please all men: for all men are vain and susceptible of being flattered. The common courtesies of life do not admit of a strict adherence to truth. "In my intercourse with others these were my governing principles of action. By some little quickness of perception and versatility of character I succeeded in rendering myself an agreeable companion in most circles, and thus gained free access to the drawing-rooms of the most elegant and polished society. Flattery was the key with which I undertook to unlock every heart. And so accustomed did I become to doing things for effect, that I could not go about the most ordinary business without having an under-plot. I carried this system of deception into all the transactions of life. I sought the heart and hand of her that was to be my wife, by deception. "Ellen B was a sweet and lovely girl. She knew nothing of the wiles of the world. I loved her for that very simplicity and artlessness that I was a stranger to. I knew that, if she understood my real character, she could not love me. I had resolved that she should be mine. Knowing that she had the highest regard for religion, and was herself a pattern of unostentatious piety, I pretended that a great revolution had been wrought in my views and feelings. I learned to repress the profane oath, and put on the various semblances of piety. When we walked in the moonlight, and underneath the starry vault, I would take occasion to descant upon the beauties of creation and the Hypocritical profession of religion. Dissolute habits. Conjugal unkindness. benevolence of the Creator. Thus I won my way to her unsuspecting heart. She became my wife. To keep up the deception, and impress her with the idea that I was truly religious, I even went to the sacramental table. "But in the retirement of the domestic life, amid the cares and perplexities incident to the happiest connexion, the mask could not always be worn. Often would poor Ellen start, and shudder with horror at discoveries she made. But in my better moods I attempted to soothe her into forgetfulness of what she had discovered. "She had now become the mother of two interesting children. The soul of sensibility, she was all tenderness and affection to her husband. But ah, how ill requited was all her love and kindness! So dissolute had my habits now become, that she could not but awake to the painful perception of my real character. The shock was too great for her feeble frame, and in a few months she sunk like a blighted flower into the grave. “Time passed on, but only confirmed me in those principles of action which I had embraced in early life. I sought to repair my shattered fortune by another matrimonial connexion. I found means to inspire a young lady of fortune and high intellectual culture with the profoundest veneration for my character. Such proficiency had I made in the arts of deceit, and so skilfully did I wear the mask of hypocrisy, that years passed away before this lady, now my wife, had any correct views of my character. But the truth at length came out, and she saw that her fortune was entirely frittered away. Though I continued to talk of my estates, and of the new investments I intended to make, my affairs were utterly ruined. This now became abundantly apparent to my wife. Utterly at a loss how to turn, or meet my engagements, I began to vent my ill nature in curses and abuses upon the companion of my bosom. At times I would seek forgetfulness of my troubles in beastly drunkenness. A total recklessness of principle came over All the moral sensibility that I had ever possessed me. The desperate resolve. now became prostrated by long-continued habits of falsehood and profligacy. Every spark of conjugal and parental affection seemed extinguished. All, all was gone, save my ruling passion-vanity. I still wished to be esteemed. I still continued to hold up my head in the world. I made a thousand shifts-contracted debts I never meant to pay, and made engagements that I never expected to keep. I promised, and reiterated my promises, till promising would answer no longer. Matters had now arrived at a crisis with me. I saw I must fall. "In a fit of desperation I determined to abandon my family, and seek a home among strangers. I told my wife it was necessary for me to leave town a few days. Whether she had any apprehensions of what was passing within my mind, I know not: but she immediately requested that she might accompany me. This request threatened to frustrate my whole project. But then a new thought struck me, and I immediately consented to her proposition. I determined to go up the North river, and as soon as we arrived at our place of destination, I immediately took lodgings at a public inn. Having done this, I did not stay to sit down, but told my wife it was necessary for me to hasten back to the steamboat to get my valise which I had left there. On my way to the steamboat I took passage in one of the northern stages, which was that moment starting, and hardly left the vehicle until I arrived in the neighbourhood of Fort Ann. I entered no dwelling at that place, but taking my valise under my arm, struck across the fields, not knowing nor caring where I went. Night-fall found me wandering amid the barren and mountainous tract of country in which one branch of the Hudson takes its source. Here at last I sat down upon a log, almost stupified with despair. It was the last of the vernal months. The weather was mild-the scene wild and picturesque, and under other circumstances I might have passed the night delightfully under the excitement of buoyant and romantic feeling. But the soft dreams of romance had now |