master's office, it is as notoriously past all settlement, as when a cause in equity reaches the same appalling stage of its progress, or rather its retardation.

It is a great mistake to think that Cupid decides all cases upon the principles of common love; or, if he does, common love is vastly like common law, and as tedious and interminable in its processes. We have closely examined into the constitution of this tribunal, and we have clearly ascertained that it resembles the Court of Exchequer in having more sides than one. The Court of Cupid has its Love-side and its Revenue-side. When the suit is on the latter, the god of money sits as assessor to the god of love, and Baron Cupid is frequently influenced or overruled by Baron Mammon. The latter, no doubt, often makes very discreet suggestions, and if his opinion be altogether disregarded the decree is seldom founded in wisdom, and proceedings are instituted to reverse it when it is too late. Mammon often complains that Cupid is too apt to decide cases in chamber, and Cupid objects to Mammon that human happiness lies as much in men's hearts as in their purses. Shakspeare, an ancient clerk of the court, seems to be of opinion that its decisions are best when the mean is hit between the suggestions of prudence and the impulses of passion. Speaking of the original writs in the Court of Love, he uses this remarkable expression,

By his best arrow, with the golden head!

Perhaps the most perfect shaft of all is that which is feathered by Venus, and headed by Mercury, or Plutus. This is the writ that runs through the province of the understanding, as well as through the shire of the heart, and which Mr. Sheriff Hymen executes with the greatest facility and satisfaction.

Love has his faults in his judicial capacity no less than the judges of inferior courts. Blind as he is said to be, he discovers a most scandalous partiality for beauty, and he seldom pronounces in favour of a very plain suitor, without insisting on a round sum of money for his sentence. In fact, Chancellor Bacon was not more corrupt than Chancellor Love, who is often truly a Vice-chancellor, and decides cases in the teeth of common sense, under the influence of passion or pelf. Sometimes his decisions are so gross that, like the decrees of other tribunals, they are overruled by the House of Lords, which has a process called a divorce, for rescinding the judgments of my Lord Cupid. But what is more heinous still, he is continually reversing his own decisions; so that there is nothing so hard as to say what is the practice of his court. In fact, he laughs at consistency, and often determines the cause on a prima facie view, in defiance of all the precedents.

Recently, in a day-dream, we were present at a sitting of the court of my Lord Cupid. He was perched upon a heap of lilies and roses, by way of a woolsack, while his assessor on the Revenue side, sat upon a huge roll of bank-notes, and looked as unlike his brother baron as Singleton was to Betsworth. Baron Cupid's eyes were like little fountains of blue playful lightnings; those of Baron Mammon seemed actually to consist of a couple of old guineas of the reign of George III., such as tumble out of ancient stockings, when some miserly curmudgeon has

gone to his last account. Before Cupid, on a velvet cushion, were laid his bow and quiver, the latter full of arrows, some headed with gold, some with diamonds, some with rubies, some with simple thorns from the Paphian rose-tree; many were curiously barbed, and not a few had been dipped in a peculiar mortal venom, of his own distilling. The canopy over the bench was a bower of myrtle, twined, out of compliment to the revenue side, with laburnums, which dropped their golden blossoms into the lap of Mr. Baron Mammon, who admired them with his yellow eyes, and stuck a bunch of them into one sleeve of his wig. Over the canopy appeared the royal arms of Cyprus; the supporters were a pair of turtle-doves, baisant, and the armorial bearings consisted of a multitude of devices, emblematic of "la belle passion," all upon a field azure, to represent the fabulous issuing of Venus from the sea-foam.

Under the bench sat two registrars or prothonotaries, one belonging to each Justice. Cupid's officer strongly resembled Mr. Thomas Moore; he had a book before him of rose-leaves, in which he entered the rules of the court, and he occasionally opened a little emerald-knife, and mended a dove-quill pen, which he then dipped in an ink-bottle made in the shape of a heart, and filled with a beautiful rosy ink, as like as possible to pink champagne.

Suddenly, silence was proclaimed, and Cupid, with the most entertaining gravity, nodded to the Queen's Attorney-general, and asked him if he had any thing to move?

The Attorney bowed, and said he rose in the case of Discretion v. Impulse, to apply for an injunction to restrain the defendant from following her own vagaries.

Lord Cupid.-State the grounds of your motion.

Attorney-general.-1 move, my lord, upon affidavit of insufficient means. There has been an inquisition by Mr. Sheriff Mainchance, and return is nil.

Here the prothonotary stood upon tip-toe, and whispered something to Baron Cupid, with whom he seemed to be on the most familiar

terms.

Lord Cupid.-You cannot make that motion on this side of the court, Mr. Attorney.

Attorney-general.-Well, my lord, your learned brother will hear it. Lord Cupid.-Very likely.

And he winked at his merry officer, who instantly began to hum a tune so audibly, that I caught the words,

Drink to her who long

Hath waked the poet's sigh,

The girl who gave to song

What gold could never buy.

When Mr. Baron Mammon was applied to, his eyes rolled slowly round in his head, until I saw the other sides of the guineas which served him for an optical apparatus.

Baron Mammon.-Take your injunction.

Cupid fluttered and played pettishly with one of his mother's doves; Mr. Prothonotary Moore stuck his pen in his ear, muttered some

thing very melodiously, about a "cold world," and methought I

heard

As for those chilly orbs on the verge of creation,

Where sunshine and smiles must be equally rare,
Did they want a supply of cold hearts for that station,
Heav'n knows we have plenty on earth we could spare.

Several counsel learned in love rose successively to make motions in a variety of causes.

Mr. Pathos appeared in the case of Tender v. Flint; in this case the process of the court had been resisted, and the plaintiff had suffured severely from the cruelty of the fair defendant.

Lord Cupid.-What do you move for, Mr. Pathos?

Mr. P.-An attachment, my lord.

Baron Mammon.-But, suppose the defendant won't be attached? Does any one appear for the lady?

Mr. Frost. I do the plaintiff, my lord, is a cornet of dragoons, and has nothing but his commission in the world.

Mr. Pathos. What has that to do with the matter?

Mr. Frost.-Every thing to do with it.

Lord Cupid.-I cannot agree with you, Mr. Frost.

Baron Mammon.-I am sorry to differ with my learned brother; but I think there is a great deal in the point.

Mr. Pathos. We have affidavits that the plaintiff is a handsome young man, that his mustaches are black, and that his uniform is magnificent.

Mr. Frost.We have counter affidavits that his object in marrying is to pay his tailor's bills, and a large demand for ices and Roman punch.

Mr. Pathos.-The fact is, the defendant in this case is under the influence of her guardian.

Lord Cupid.-Is that sworn.

Mr. Pathos.-No, my lord; but we are ready to swear it.

Lord Cupid. Then amend your affidavits, and apply to the court against the guardian.

Mr. Frost.-We must have our costs.

Baron Mammon. Decidedly.

In the next case the plaintiff was a bashful young man, who pleaded his cause in person, and applied for the aid of the court against a recusant beauty. The plaintiff was in a miserable plight, "as pale as lily and thin as a wand," and excited the greatest compassion in the court. This was not a proceeding on the Revenue side, and Baron Mammon amused himself, while it lasted, counting over a bag of sovereigns. As soon as the tale was told, Lord Cupid consulted with his confidential clerk, and, after a few moments, addressing the plaintiff, said,

Why so pale and wan, fond lover,
Prythee why so pale?

Think you, if looking well won't move her,

Will looking ill avail ?

His lordship then quoted the decision of the court in a very ancient case, where it had been ruled that "faint heart never won fair lady,"

and added that, like the other gods, he should always be ready to help those that helped themselves; but that he did not consider the present a proper case for his interference.

A learned Q.C. applied for a writ of "ne exeat regno," against a gentleman who was under a matrimonial engagement, which he was suspected of a desire to break off, "contrary to the statute," &c.

Lord Cupid.-Have the parties been attached?

The answer was in the negative, on which the motion was refused, with a suggestion from Baron Mammon, that the plaintiff should bring her action for damages.

The next case was an action of trover, to recover a number of loveletters which the plaintiff averred had been made use of by the defendant, to make him ridiculous in the eyes of a third party, "quo minus," &c.-(the usual clause to bring a case within the jurisdiction of the exchequer.)

The letters were read in the course of the trial, and the court was convulsed with laughter, particularly at the most pathetic passages, where the writer alluded to Pyramus and Thisbe, and spoke of hanging himself from a willow-tree. There were so many quotations from Mr. Moore's songs, that Lord Cupid remarked, that the plaintiff must have had access to the books of the court, and it turned out that he was a young solicitor, who had fallen in love in the course of the long vacation. The jury could not agree, and so the matter terminated.

Several applications were made, founded upon affrays alleged to have occurred between different new-married couples, pending their respective honey-moons. The court doubted its jurisdiction. Were not these cases for Judge Hymen?

Serjeant Jessamine moved to extend the time of the honey-moon in a matrimonial cause. This was clearly within their lordship's jurisdiction.

"Not within mine, certainly," said Baron Mammon.

The Attorney-general said he was instructed upon the part of the crown (of Venus) to oppose the motion. There had been actual assault and battery committed by one of the parties in this case upon the other. He had affidavits by parties in the neighbourhood of the applicants, who deposed that if the honey-moon was further protracted, they would be compelled to remove to other parts of the town. There was a fracas from morning to night.

Lord Cupid observed, that when marriage commenced with an engagement, there was nothing wonderful in a battle after it. Perhaps the battery in the present case was a loving one. If so, the motion might be granted, "non obstante rixa."

Mr. Myrtle. It is so ruled, my lord, in a celebrated case in Terence's reports. "Iræ amatorum redintegratio amoris."

Attorney-general.-The circumstances were not the same.

Court. I think I must extend the time. The crown herself proceeds by molliter manus in certain cases. Does she not, Mr. Prothonotary?

Prothonotary.-Yes, my lord. See Third Horace, Carmen 26. "Sublimi flagello tange Chloën," &c.

The crier (an elegiac poet, who was glad of the situation, as his

stanzas only extracted tears) next called on the case of Pigeon and Fantail.

This was bill and cross bill, filed for specific performance of a nuptial contract. The court asked whether plaintiff and defendant were of age counsel replied that they were, and had been so any time during the last forty years. Per Curiam :-" What business have they here?" It was finally arranged that Baron Mammon should hear the case in

chamber.

The next case was an action upon a kiss. The defendant denied receipt the plaintiff joined issue on the fact, and put an averment on the record, that he was ready and willing to pay the defendant over again, tendering the kiss in open court. Judge Cupid said it was a handsome offer, and thought that a fair defendant would not refuse it. Baron Mammon asked to see the money counts, but there were none in the declaration, which went upon love only. At length counsel for defendant consented, and the consent was made a rule of court, the prothonotary demanding and receiving a kiss for his fee.

The next was an action on a sonnet. The plaintiff set forth his verses, and claimed the lady's heart, with damages and costs. The lady pleaded that the verses were bad. The plaintiff took issue on the poetical merits of his case, and put himself on his country. Per Curiam. This was not a fit case to go to a jury, who could not properly try a question of the kind. Let there be a reference to the officer, and let the verdict be entered according to his report.

Mr. Moore looked at the pleadings, and found the verses were his own. Verdict for the plaintiff, but no costs, as a fraud had been practised on the defendant.

Defendant's counsel gave notice they would appeal against the decision of the court, by writ of error, to the House of Ladies.

Mr. Serjeant Primrose applied for an injunction to restrain Harpagon Hardy, Esq., from committing waste upon a certain bower of roses and eglantine, in which his daughters and nieces were in the habit of innocently, harmlessly, and inoffensively taking tea, in company with divers and sundry officers of a regiment in her majesty's service. Judge Cupid was on the point of referring the case to his learned brother, but on turning to him for that purpose, he found that Baron Mammon was fast asleep (overpowered by the trial of the sonnet case), and winking mischievously at his registrar, he said,

"Take an injunction."

At the same moment I thought that a great multitude of doves flew into court, through a window that was open, and the flapping of so many wings dissipated the reverie, and left me poring over Sugden on Powers.