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Evans. It is qui, quæ, quod: if you forget your quies, your quaes, and your quods, you [so must be preeches. Go your ways, and play; go.

Mrs. Page. He is a better scholar than I thought he was.

Evans. He is a good sprag memory. Farewell, Mistress Page.

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Mrs. Page. Adieu, good Sir Hugh. [Exit Sir Hugh.] Get you home, boy. Come, we stay too long. [Exeunt.

SCENE II. [A room in Ford's house.] Enter FALSTAFF and MISTRESS FORD. Fal. Mistress Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up my sufferance. Iee you are obsequious in your love, and I profess requital to a hair's breadth; not only, Mistress Ford, in the simple office of love, but in all the accoutrement, [s complement, and ceremony of it. But are you sure of your husband now

Mrs. Ford. He's a-birding, sweet Sir John. Mrs. Page. [Within.] What, ho, gossip Ford! What, ho!

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Mrs. Ford. Step into the chamber, Sir John. [Exit Falstaff.]

[Enter MISTRESS PAGE.]

Mrs. Page. How now, sweetheart! who's at home besides yourself?

Mrs. Ford. Why, none but mine own people. Mrs. Page. Indeed!

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Mrs. Ford. No, certainly. [Aside to her.] Speak louder.

Mrs. Page. Truly, I am so glad you have nobody here.

Mrs. Ford. Why?

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Mrs. Page. Why, woman, your husband is in his old lines again. He so takes on yonder with my husband; so rails against all married mankind; so curses all Eve's daughters, of what complexion soever; and so buffets himself on the forehead, crying, "Peer out, peer [25

out!" that any madness I ever yet beheld seemed but tameness, civility, and patience, to this his distemper he is in now. I am glad the fat knight is not here.

Mrs. Ford. Why, does he talk of him?

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Mrs. Page. Of none but him; and swears he was carried out, the last time he search'd for him, in a basket; protests to my husband he is now here, and hath drawn him and the rest of their company from their sport, to make another experiment of his suspicion. But I [85 am glad the knight is not here. Now he shall see his own foolery.

Mrs. Ford. How near is he, Mistress Page? Mrs. Page. Hard by ; at street end. He will be here anon.

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Mrs. Ford. I am undone! The knight is here.

Mrs. Page. Why then you are utterly sham'd, and he's but a dead man. What a woman_are you! Away with him, away with him! Better shame than murder. Mrs. Ford. Which way should he go? How should I bestow him? Shall I put him into the basket again?

[Re-enter FALSTAFF.]

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Mrs. Ford. I'll first direct my men what they shall do with the basket. Go up; I'll bring linen for him straight. [Exit.]

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Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest varlet! We cannot misuse him enough. We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do, Wives may be merry, and yet honest too. We do not act that often jest and laugh; 'Tis old, but true, Still swine eats all the draff. [Exit.]

[Re-enter MISTRESS FORD with two SERVANTS.] Mrs. Ford. Go, sirs, take the basket again on your shoulders. Your master is hard at [119 door. If he bid you set it down, obey him. Quickly, dispatch. [Exit.]

1. Serv. Come, come, take it up.

2. Serv. Pray heaven it be not full of knight again.

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1. Serv. I hope not; I had as lief bear so much lead.

Enter FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW [CAIUS], and SIR HUGH EVANS.

Ford. Ay, but if it prove true, Master Page, have you any way then to unfool me again? Set down the basket, villain! Somebody call [120 my wife. Youth in a basket! O you panderly rascals! there's a knot, a ging, a pack, a conspiracy against me. Now shall the devil be sham'd. What, wife, I say! Come, come forth! Behold what honest clothes you send forth to bleaching!

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Page. Why, this passes, Master Ford. You are not to go loose any longer; you must be pinion'd.

Evans. Why, this is lunatics! This is mad as a mad dog!

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Shal. Indeed, Master Ford, this is not well, indeed.

Ford. So say I too, sir.

[Re-enter MISTRESS FORD.]

Come hither, Mistress Ford; Mistress Ford, the honest woman, the modest wife, the vir- [185 tuous creature, that hath the jealous fool to her husband! I suspect without cause, mistress, do I?

if

Mrs. Ford. Heaven be my witness you do, you suspect me in any dishonesty.

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Ford. Well said, brazen-face! hold it out. Come forth, sirrah!

[Pulling clothes out of the basket.]

Page. This passes !

Mrs. Ford. Are you not asham'd? Let the clothes alone.

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Ford. I shall find you anon.
Evans. 'Tis unreasonable! Will you take
up your wife's clothes? Come away.
Ford. Empty the basket, I say!
Mrs. Ford. Why, man, why?

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Ford. Master Page, as I am a man, there was one convey'd out of my house yesterday in this basket. Why may not he be there again? In my house I am sure he is. My intelligence is true; my jealousy is reasonable. Pluck me out all the linen.

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Mrs. Ford. If you find a man there, he shall die a flea's death.

Page. Here's no man.

Shal. By my fidelity, this is not well, Master Ford; this wrongs you.

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Evans. Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow the imaginations of your own heart. This is jealousies.

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Ford. Well, he 's not here I seek for. Page. No, nor nowhere else but in your brain. Ford. Help to search my house this one time. If I find not what I seek, show no colour for my extremity, let me forever be your tablesport. Let them say of me, Ford, that search'd a hollow walnut for his [170 As jealous as wife's lemar." Satisfy me once more; once more search with me.

Mrs. Ford. What, ho, Mistress Page! come you and the old woman down; my husband will come into the chamber.

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Ford. Old woman! What old woman 's that? Mrs. Ford. Why, it is my maid's aunt of Brainford.

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Ford. A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! Have I not forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does she? We are simple men; we do not know what 's brought to pass under the profession of fortune-telling. She works by charms, by spells, by the figure; and such daubery as this is beyond our ele- [185 ment; we know nothing. Come down, you witch, you hag, you; come down, I say!

Mrs. Ford. Nay, good, sweet husband! Good gentlemen, let him not strike the old

woman.

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Re-enter FALSTAFF disguised like an old woman, and MISTRESS PAGE with him. Mrs. Page. Come, Mother Prat; come, give me your hand.

Ford. I'll prat her. Out of my door, you witch, you hag, you baggage, you polecat, you ronyon! out, out! I'll conjure you, I'll [195 fortune-tell you!

Ford beats him, and he runs away. Mrs. Page. Are you not asham'd? I think you have kill'd the poor woman.

Mrs. Ford. Nay, he will do it. "T is a

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[Exeunt [Ford, Page, Shal., Caius, and Evans]. Mrs. Page. Trust me, he beat him most pitifully.

Mrs. Ford. Nay, by the mass, that he did not; he beat him most unpitifully, methought. Mrs. Page. I'll have the cudgel hallow'd [218 and hung o'er the altar. It hath done meritorious service. Mrs. Ford. What think you? May we, with the warrant of womanhood and the witness of a good conscience, pursue him with any further revenge?

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Mrs. Page. Yes, by all means; if it be but to scrape the figures out of your husband's brains. If they can find in their hearts the poor unvirtuous fat knight shall be any further afflicted, we two will still be the ministers. 234

Mrs. Ford. I'll warrant they 'll have him publicly sham'd; and methinks there would be no period to the jest, should he not be publicly sham'd.

Mrs. Page. Come, to the forge with it then; shape it. I would not have things cool.

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Like urchins, ouphes, and fairies, green and white,

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With rounds of waxen tapers on their heads, se
And rattles in their hands. Upon a sudden,
As Falstaff, she, and I are newly met,
Let them from forth a sawpit rush at once
With some diffused song. Upon their sight,
We two in great amazedness will fly.
Then let them all encircle him about
And, fairy-like, to pinch the unclean knight,
And ask him why, that hour of fairy revel,
In their so sacred paths he dares to tread
In shape profane.

[Mrs.] Ford. And till he tell the truth,
Let the supposed fairies pinch him sound
And burn him with their tapers.
Mrs. Page.
The truth being known,
We'll all present ourselves, dis-horn the spirit,
And mock him home to Windsor.
Ford.
The children must
Be practis'd well to this, or they'll ne'er
do 't.

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Evans. I will teach the children their behaviours; and I will be like a jack-an-apes also, to burn the knight with my taber.

Ford. That will be excellent. I'll go and buy them vizards.

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Mrs. Page. My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies,

Finely attired in a robe of white.

Page. That silk will I go buy. [Aside.] And in that time

Shall Master Slender steal my Nan away And marry her at Eton. Go send to Falstaff straight.

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Ford. Nay, I'll to him again in name of Brook.

He'll tell me all his purpose. Sure, he 'll come. Mrs. Page. Fear not you that. Go get us properties

And tricking for our fairies.

Evans. Let us about it. It is admirable pleasures and fery honest knaveries.

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[Exeunt Page, Ford, and Evans.] Mrs. Page. Go, Mistress Ford, Send Quickly to Sir John, to know his mind. [Exit Mrs. Ford.]

I'll to the doctor; he hath my good will,
And none but he, to marry with Nan Page. 85
That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot:
And he my husband best of all affects.

The doctor is well money'd, and his friends Potent at court. He, none but he, shall have her,

Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave her. [Exit.] 90

SCENE V. [A room in the Garter Inn.]

Enter HOST and SIMPLE.

Host. What wouldst thou have, boor? What, thick-skin? Speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap.

Sim. Marry, sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff from Master Slender.

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Host. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his standing-bed and truckle-bed; 't is

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told me so.

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Sim. May I be bold to say so, sir? Fal. Ay, sir; like who more bold? Sim. I thank your worship. I shall make my master glad with these tidings. [Exit.]

Host. Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John. Was there a wise woman with thee? 59

Fal. Ay, that there was, mine host; one that hath taught me more wit than ever I learn'd before in my life; and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning.

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Caius. Vere is mine host de Jarteer? Host. Here, Master Doctor, in perplexity and doubtful dilemma.

Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat; but it is tell-a me dat you make grand preparation for a duke de Jamany. By my trot, dere is no duke that de court is know to come. I tell you for good will; adieu. [Exit.] 91 Host. Hue and cry, villain, go! Assist me, knight. I am undone! Fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am undone !

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[Exeunt Host [and Bard.] Fal. I would all the world might be cozen'd; for I have been cozen'd and beaten too. If it should come to the ear of the court, how I have been transformed and how my transformation hath been wash'd and cudgell'd, they would melt me out of my fat drop by drop, and liquor fishermen's boots with me. I [100 warrant they would whip me with their fine wits till I were as crestfallen as a dri'd pear. I never prosper'd since I forswore myself at primero. Well, if my wind were but long enough [to say my prayers,] I would repent. Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY.

Now, whence come you?

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Quick. From the two parties, forsooth. Fal. The devil take one party and his dam the other! and so they shall be both bestowed. I have suffer'd more for their sakes, more than the villanous inconstancy of man's disposi- [110 tion is able to bear.

Quick. And have not they suffer'd? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them. Mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her.

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Fal. What tellest thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow; and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brainford. But that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counter- [120 feiting the action of an old woman, deliver'd me, the knave constable had set me i' the stocks, i' the common stocks, for a witch.

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Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber. You shall hear how things go, and,

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