them to a dog for a new-year's gift. The rogues flighted me into the river with as little remorfe as they would have drown'd a bitch's blind puppies, fifteen i'th' litter; and you may know, by my fize, that I have a kind of alacrity in finking: if the bottom were as deep as hell, I fhould down. I had been drown'd, but that the fhore was fhelvy and fhallow; a death that I abhor; for the water fwells a man: and what a thing fhould I have been, when I had been fwell'd? I fhould have been a mountain of mummy.

Enter Bardolph.

Now, is the Sack brew'd?

Bard. Here's Mrs. Quickly, Sir, to fpeak with you. Fal. Come, let me pour in fome fack to the Thameswater; for my belly's as cold as if I had fwallow'd fnow-balls, for pills to cool the reins. Call her in. Bard. Come in, woman.

Quic. By your leave: I cry you mercy. Give your worship good morrow.

Fal. Take away thefe challices; go brew me a pottle of fack finely.

Bard. With eggs, Sir?

Fal. Simple of it felf: I'll no pullet-fperm in my Brewage. How now?

Quic. Marry, Sir, I come to your worship from miftrefs Ford.

Fal. Miftrefs Ford? I have had Ford enough; I was thrown into the Ford; I have my belly full of Ford.

Quic. Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault: fhe does fo take on with her men; they mistook their erection.

Fal. So did I mine, to build on a foolish woman's promife,

Quic. Well, fhe laments, Sir, for it, that it would yern your heart to fee it. Her husband goes this morning a birding; fhe defires you once more to come to her between eight and nine. I muft carry her word quickly; she'll make you amends, warrant you.

Fal. Well, I will vifit her; tell her fo, and bid her think what a man is : let her confider his frailty, and then judge of my merit.

Quic. I will tell her.

Fal. Do fo. Between nine and ten, say'st thou? Quic. Eight and nine, Sir.

Fal. Well, be gone; I will not miss her.

Quic. Peace be with you, Sir.

[Exit.

Fal. I marvel, I hear not of master Brook; he fent

Fal. Now, mafter Brook, you come to know what hath pass'd between me and Ford's wife.

Ford. That, indeed, Sir John, is my bufinefs. Fal. Mafter Brook, I will not lie to you; I was at her house the hour she appointed me.

Ford. And you fped, Sir?

Fal. Very ill-favour'dly, master Brook.

Ford. How, Sir, did fhe change her determination? Fal. No, mafter Brook; but the peaking cornuto her husband, mafter Brook, dwelling in a continul larum of jealoufie, comes me in the inftant of our encounter ; after we had embrac'd, kifs'd, protested, and as it were, fpoke the prologue of our comedy; and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither provok'd and inftigated by his diftemper, and, forfooth, to fearch his houfe for his wife's love.

Ford.

Ford. What, while you was there?

Fal. While I was there.

Ford. And did he search for you, and could not find you?

Fal. You fhall hear. As good luck would have it, comes in one mistress Page, gives intelligence of Ford's approach, and by her invention, and Ford's wife's direction, they convey'd me into a buck-basket.

Ford. A buck-basket?

Fal. Yea, a buck-basket; ramm'd me in with foul fhirts and fmocks, focks, foul ftockings, and greafie napkins; that, mafter Brook, there was the rankeft compound of villainous smell, that ever offended noftril. Ford. And how long lay you there?

Fal. Nay, you shall hear, master Brook, what I have fuffer'd to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus cramm'd in the basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were call'd forth by their mistress, to carry me in the name of foul cloaths to Datchet-lane; they took me on their fhoulders, met the jealous knave their master in the door, who ask'd them once or twice what they had in their basket; I quak'd for fear, left the lunatick knave would have fearch'd it; but fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well, on went he for a fearch, and away went I for foul cloaths; but mark the fequel, mafter Brook; I fuffer'd the pangs of three egregious deaths: first, an intolerable fright, to be detected by a jealous rotten bell-weather; next to be compafs'd like a good bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head; and then to be stopt in, like a ftrong diftillation, with ftinking cloaths that freted in their own grease: think of that, a man of my kidney; think of

8 by her invention, and Ford's wife's DISTRACTION,1 We must read DIRECTION. For tho' the speaker might think. Ford's wife much frighted at the approach of her husband, yet he is here fpeaking of the part which the bore in an artful, contrivance to deceive him.

that,

that, that am as fubject to heat as butter; a man of continual diffolution and thaw; it was a miracle to 'fcape fuffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half stew'd in greafe, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames, and cool'd glowing hot, in that furge, like a horfe-fhoe; think of that; hiffing hot; think of that, master Brook.

Ford. In good fadness, Sir, I am forry that for my fake you fuffer'd all this. My fuit is then defperate; you'll undertake her no more?

Fal. Mafter Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her husband is this morning gone a birding; I have receiv'd from her another embaffie of meeting; 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, master Brook.

Ford. 'Tis paft eight already, Sir.

Fal. Is it? I will then addrefs me to my appoint

ment.

Come to me at your convenient leifure, and you shall know how I fpeed; and the conclufion fhall be crown'd with your enjoying her; adieu, you fhall have her, mafter Brook; mafter Brook, you fhall cuckold Ford.

[Exit.

Ford. Hum! ha! is this a vifion? is this a dream? do I fleep? mafter Ford, awake; awake, mafter Ford; there's a hole made in your best coat, mafter Ford; this 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linnen and buckbaskets! well, I will proclaim my felf what I am; I will now take the leacher; he is at my houfe; he cannot 'scape me; 'tis impoffible, he fhould; he cannot creep into a half-penny purse, nor into a pepper-box. But, left the devil that guides him fhould aid him, I will fearch impoffible places; tho' what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not, fhall not make me tame if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go with me, I'll be horn-mad.

[Exit.

ACT

ACT IV.

SCENE I.

Page's House.

Enter Mrs. Page, Mrs. Quickly, and William.

Mrs. PAGE.

S he at Mr. Ford's already, think'ft thou? Quic. Sure, he is by this, or will be prefently s but truly he is very courageous mad, about his throwing into the water; Mrs. Ford defires you to come fuddenly.

Mrs. Page. I'll be with her by and by; I'll but bring my young man here to fchool. Look, where his mafter comes; 'tis a playing-day, I fee. How now, Sir Hugh, no school to day?

Enter Evans.

Eva. No; mafter Slender is let the boys leave to play.

Quic. Bleffing of his heart!

Mrs. Page. Sir Hugh, my husband fays, my fon profits nothing in the world at his book; I pray you, ask him fome queftions in his Accidence.

Eva. Come hither, William; hold up your head,

come.

Mrs. Page. Come on, Sirrah, hold up your head, answer your mafter, be not afraid.

Eva. William, how many numbers is in nouns ? Wil. Two.

Quic. Truly, I thought there had been one number more, because they fay, od's nouns.

Eva. Peace your tatlings. What is Fair, William? Wil. Pulcher.

Quic. Poulcats? there are fairer things than poulcats, fure.