Apr. [Aside.] And saving yours is certainly not worth it. But I see you are a philosopher-you are prepared for death.

Nic. Oh dear! not at all-I am quite terrified. If perspiration is good for me, I feel that copiously. What shall I do?

Apr. Come, for old acquaintance sake, my grandson shall attend you gratis.

Nic. Oh, thank you.

Apr. Wonderful physician!

Never lost a patient [Aside]-because he never had a patient to lose. I expect him here in five minutes. You had better go to your room.

Nic. Ay.

Apr. Above all things, don't change your clothes.
Nic. I won't.

Apr. Shall I button your coat?

Nic. No, no-I'll do that myself.

Apr. Go; I'll follow, and talk to you of your latter end, and keep up your spirits.

Nic. I believe I am dying. 'Tis very good of you to get me a doctor gratis. [Exit, and re-enters, L.] But I say who is to pay the apothecary?

Apr. I'll settle that too. [Exit Nicholas, L.] Now for Undermine. If he have one spark of humanity in his composition, I'll call it forth; if not, and I can get that coat

Enter UNDERMIne, r.

Und. Nicholas ! What, April here-I guess your errand, and am sorry, sir, I cannot continue you as steward.

Apr. [Aside.] I your steward! No, that is not my errand. I am a feeble fellow, sliding out of the world; but Greville is a noble fellow, rising into it. 'Tis respecting him I come. You must assist him. How is he to live?

Und. [Sneeringly.] Oh! his integrity will support him. Apr. True; but consider what a way you would be in, if you had nothing but your integrity to support you. Und. Sir, see you only want to trifle with me. Apr. True; only want a trifle of you.

Und. I am flint.

Apr. Well; but even flint, when properly hit, will send forth warm, vivid sparks.

Und. I must leave you. Time presses.

Apr. So do his wants.

Und. A nobleman is waiting for me.

Apr. A bailiff is waiting for him.

Und. If you proceed, expect some personal insult.

Apr. Throw your purse at me.

Und. I shall burst with rage.
Apr. They will famish with
Und. Unhand me, I say.
Apr. What, a blow!

Und. Yes; take him that.

Come

[Takes hold of his coat.

hunger.

[Strikes April from him. [With subdued irritacion.

Apr. No, no-that you meant for myself, and I'll take it, so you will give something better to poor Greville. Und. I will not.

Apr. [Shaking him.] You scoundrel! And do you suppose, that, because I would submit to a blow to endeavour to save a friend from ruin, I want the spirit of a man to resent an indignity. Ask my pardon. Und. Pardon!

Apr. Ay.

Und. Ido-help! help!

Apr. On your knees, or your last hour is come.
Und. Well. I do-I do.-Help! help!

Enter two SERVANTS, R.-April throws Undermine from him, who retreats behind the Servants.

Und. Leave my house, sir, leave my house,

heaven, I'll be revenged.

Apr. By hell, you are a villain.

By

[Exeunt severally, Undermine and Servants, R., April, L.

END OF ACT IV.

ACT V.

SCENE I.-Outside of Undermine's House.

Enter ROSTRUM and EGERTON, R., with caution.

Ros. That is the house.

Ege. Does that contain

Ros. Softly-recollect, sir, you are only a subaltern in this affair, and that I am your commanding officer; so, obey orders.

Ege. How do you intend to proceed?

Ros. I am too great a general to communicate my plan of operations; I shall do my duty in giving you possession of the lovely citadel, and then take care and do your duty. [Going.] I say, when the alarm is given, do you retreat-you know how to do that, I dare say. [Exit into the House in F.

Ege. I fear to trust my happiness. Can it be possible that my adored girl still thinks with kindness on her poor Egerton? Ah! a noise-what an anxious moment! [Retires, C. D. F.

Enter ROSTRUM from the House, with Miss SYDNEY in one hand, and repelling UNDERMINE with the other.

Ros. I will carry her off.

Und. You shall not, sir; I am her guardian. Ros. Do you think I care for guardians? Dare to stir hand or foot, and I'll crush you into atoms, you old scoundrel.

[During this, Egerton discovers himself to Miss Sydney, who runs into his arms.-They exeunt, R.

Und. That will do-zounds! be quiet-they are gone, I tell you.

Ros. Eh! so they are, ha, ha !—Well, how did I do it? Und. Oh, capitally. [Rubbing his arm.] Has the soldier got her?

Ros. Yes.

Und. That's as it should be.

Ros. Exactly.

Und. Well!

Ros. Well!

E

Und. Are you mad?

Ros. What's the matter?

Und. The matter! why don't you go?

Ros. Where?

Und. Why, zounds! how can you marry the girl if you stand here.

Ros. I marry! oh, very true. I declare it quite escaped me.

Und. 'Sdeath! run.

Ros. I am a-going, a-going, a-going. [Returning.] Sir! where shall I bring the bride ?

Und. To Greville's. Go along.

Ros. [Returning.] I say-this is management.
Und. Yes, yes-but go along.

Ros. [Returning.] Sir, you would make a capital puff at an auction.

Und. Zounds! go. [Exit Rostrum, R.] So that's settled-and now to Greville's in triumph. I'll walk in with erected crest, and―ugh! confound the fellow, how he has bruised me! [Exit into House in F.

SCENE 11.- An Apartment at Mr. Undermine's.

NICHOLAS discovered on a Couch, L.-April sitting by him with a book, R.

Nic. I wish the doctor were come.-Bless me, I hope I shan't die-I don't care what pain I suffer, so I don't die. Oh! for a swinging rheumatism that would last me twenty years-do read a little to me.

Apr. [Reading.] "Crumbs of Comfort for an Aged Sin

ner.

Nic. These books are quite new to me.

Enter PLETHORA, L.

Apr. [Apart to Plethora.] Have you had my letter? Ple. (L.) Yes.

Apr. Don't forget-'tis the coat I want-and remember you are a physician, not a farrier.

Ple. I will-and, if I succeed, remember you tip. [To Nicholas.] How do you do?

Nic. That's what I want to know of you.

Ple. True; oh, I see

Nic. Shall I detail my symptoms?

Ple. No-'tis a clear case-if you were to talk for an

hour, I should not know more of your complaint than I do at present.

Apr. [Apart.] Bleed him

Ple. [Feels his pulse.] I will. You have no objection to part with a little blood?

Nic. I have an objection to part with any thing.

Ple. Except to advantage. Now, if, by sinking an ounce or two of blood, you can produce an income of sixteen pounds of flesh, the advantage is immense.

Nic. [Taking off his coat.] How sensibly he talks! why, 'tis five thousand per cent. profit. I'll be bled directly.

Ple. Help him.

Nic. No, no, I can do that myself. [Places the coat carefully under the cushion of the sofa.-As he sits down, April slips the coat from under the cushion, winks to Plethora, and exit on tiptoe, L. s. E.] 'Tis very terrifying— I'll read a little more. But, doctor, are you sure now I shall not be suddenly called to heaven?

Ple. I am very sure of that.

Nic. Oh, you are. [Throwing away the book.] Then, pray, sir, what is my complaint?

Ple. Complaint? what shall I say? I wish he would return-oh, 'tis the-the glanders.

Nic. The glanders! zounds! do you make a horse

of me?

Ple. No-we will be content with making an ass of you. [Aside.]

Enter APRIL, with the coat and will, which he exhibits to Plethora in triumph.

Or perhaps the disorder may be seated in the coats belonging to the stomach.

Apr. [Coming forward, L.] No, no-the disorder was seated in the coat belonging to the back, ha, ha! but now 'tis removed. [Throwing him his coat.] Do you see this? [Showing the will.

Nic. I am undone.

Apr. And how the devil could you expect a moment's ease with such a thing as this laying next your heart— you may go-you are quite cured.

Nic. Cured! I am ruined! Oh! if I had but touched the thousand pounds, I would not mind the interest-perhaps 'tis not too late.