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SCENE I.-Outside of Undermine's House.
Enter ROSTRUM and EGERTON, R., with caution.
Ros. Softly-recollect, sir, you are only a subaltern in this affair, and that I am your commanding officer; so, obey orders.
Ege. How do you intend to proceed ?
Ros. I am too great a general to communicate my plan of operations; I shall do my duty in giving you possession of the lovely citadel, and then take care and do your duty. [Gving.) I say, when the alarm is given, do you retreat-you know how to do that, I dare say.
[Exit into the House in F. Ege. I fear to trust my happiness. Can it be possible that my adored girl still thinks with kindness on her poor Egerton ? Ah! a noise—what an anxious moment!
[Retires, C. D. I.
Enter RostRUM from the House, with Miss Sydney in
one hand, and repelling UNDERMINE with the other. Ros. I will carry her off. Und. You shall not, sir ; I am her guardian.
Ros. Do you think I care for guardians ? Dare to stir hand or foot, and I'll crush you into atoms, you old scoundrel. [During this, Egerton discovers himself to Miss Sydney,
who runs into his arms. They exeunt, R. Und. That will do—zounds! be quiet—they are gone, Ros. Eh! so they are, ha, ha!- Well, how did I do it?
Und. Oh, capitally. (Rubbing his arm.] Has the sol. dier got her ?
I tell you.
Und. Are you mad ?
Und. Why, zounds! how can you marry the girl is you stand here.
Ros. I marry! oh, very true. I declare it quite escaped me.
Und. 'Sdeath! run.
Und. To Greville's. Go along.
Ros. [Returning.) Sir, you would inake a capital puff at an auction.
Und. Zounds! go. (Exit Rostrum, R.) So that's settled—and now to Greville's in triumph. I'll walk in with erected crest, and—ugh! confound the fellow, how he has bruised me!
[Exit into House in F.
SCENE 11.- An Apartment at Mr. Undermine's.
NICHOLAs discovered on a Couch, L.-April sitting by him
with a book, R. Nic. I wish the doctor were come.-Bless me, I hope I shan't die—I don't care what pain I suffer, so I don't die. Oh! for a swinging rheumatism that would last me twenty years—do read a little to me,
Apr. [Reading.] “ Crumbs of Comfort for an Aged Sin.
Enter PLETHORA, L.
Apr. Don't forget-'tis the coat I want and remember you are a physician, not a farrier.
Ple. I will-and, if I succeed, remember you tip. [To Nicholas.] How do you do?
Nic. That's what I want to know of you.
hour, I should not know more of your complaiot than I do at present.
Apr. [Apart.] Bleed him
Ple. (Feels his pulse.] I will. You have no objection to part with a little blood ?
Nic. I have an objection to part with any thing.
Ple. Except to advantage. Now, if, by sinking an ounce or two of blood, you can produce an income of sixteen pounds of flesh, the advantage is immense.
Nic. [Taking off his coat.] How sensibly he talks ! why, 'tis five thousand per cent. profit. I'll be bled directly.
Ple. Help him.
Nic. No, no, I can do that myself. [Places the coat carefully under the cushion of the sofa.- As he sits down, April slips the coat from under the cushion, winks to Plethora, and exit on tiptoe, L. 8. E.] 'Tis very terrifyingI'll read a little more. But, doctor, are you sure now I shall not be suddenly called to heaven?
Ple. I am very sure of that.
Nic. Oh, you are. [Throwing away the book.] Then, pray, sir, what is my complaint ?
Ple. Complaint? what shall I say? I wish he would return-oh, 'tis the—the glanders.
Nic. The glanders! zounds! do you make a horse of me?
Ple. No-we will be content with making an ass of you. [Aside.]
Enter April, with the coat and will, which he exhibits to
Plethora in triumph. Or perhaps the disorder may be seated in the coats belonging to the stomach.
Apr. [Coming forward, L.] No, no--the disorder was seated in the coat belonging to the back, ha, ha! but now 'tis removed. [Throwing him his coat.] Do you see this?
[Showing the will. Nic. I am undone.
Apr. And how the devil could you expect a moment's ease with such a thing as this laying next your heart you may go-you are quite cured.
Nic. Cured! I am ruined ! Oh! if I had but touched the thousand pounds, I would not mind the interest-perhaps 'tis not too late.
Apr. [Examining the will.] Sole heir, without reservation or restriction; huzza !
Nic. Sir, honourable sir, will you allow me to ask you one small favour?
Apr. What is it?
Nic. Only to delay mentioning this (Sighing) joyful discovery for a few moments. My master and I have a little account to settle, and I should like just to strike a balance before he knows what has happened,
Apr. Oh, I understand—we have bled you, and now you want to go and bleed him.
Nic. Just a little, sir.
(Exit, hobbling, L. Apr. Now with heels as light as our hearts we'll away to Greville's.
Ple. Stop--stop for me, grandfather.
Apr. I beg your pardon, old one. Here, take my arm-let your grandfather assist you. Upon my soul, I quite forgot you.
SCENE III.-An elegant Drawing-Room in Greville's
House, illuminated.—A band of music playing.-A number of Servants dressed in splendid lideries.
Enter UNDERMINE, R., in great elation, joining the music
in “ See the Conquering Hero," &c.
Und. Has the Traiteur furnished a splendid enter. tainment ?
Ser. Yes, sir.
Und. Let music usher in the guests. [Music plays. Enter APRIL, L., singing, “ See the Conquering Hero,"
8c., flourishing the will in his hand-seeing Undermine, he conceals it. Und. Zounds! he here. [To the Servant.) Don't go
[Places the Servant between him and April.
Apr. How do you do?
Und. [To the Servant.] You impudent rascal, how dare you stand between me and my friend ? Begone, you scoundrel. [Servant goes up, r.] I thought you would see the absurdity of my supporting Greville.
Apr. Oh yes; it would have been quite out of cha. racter.
Music plays.RoSTRUM, from the top of Stage, singing,
“ See the Conquering Hero," 8c., enters, leading in EGERTON and Rose SYDNEY. Apr. (c.) Heyday! my ward here! wby, girl-?
[Goes up to her, and they converse in dumb show. Und. [To Rostrum.] Come here come here-give me your hand, you dog- I suppose 'tis all settled.
Ros. It is the wedding's over.
Und. I say, what will that old fool April say, I wonder ?
Ros. We shall hear.
Apr. [To Miss Sydney.] I understand. Mr. Undermine, have you given our ward permission to marry?
Und. To be sure I have.
Und. He thank me! what has he to do with it! Oh! I forgot, he helped you to this delicious morsel.
Ros. No, he did not; he helped himself-and, what is more, persuaded a parson to say grace.
Und. Egerton her husband ! Did not I order you to marry her ? Did not I bid
Ros. You did bid, sir ; but honour bid more.
Apr. I give you joy, my girl. You bave chosen a poble fellow,
Und. Well, and I give her joy, for she has chosen a beggar.
Ros. On that point I beg to be heard. You remember you gave me a key-here it is.
Und. Well, sir? Ros. It belonged, ladies and gentlemen, to an escrioir, with a secretary drawer. Pannels richly fineered