in her foul be a proftitute, let her reputation in life be what it will. But can it be true-fay, ye chafte ftars, that with innumerable eyes infpect the midnight behaviour of mortals-can it be true, that any young woman, pretending to decency, fhould endure for a moment to look on this infernal brood of futility and lewdnefs?

"Nor do we condemn thofe writings only, that, with an ef frontery which defies the laws of God and men, carry on their very forehead the mark of the beaft. We confider the general run of Novels as utterly unfit for you. Inftruction they conyey none. They paint fcenes of pleasure and paffion altogether improper for you to behold, eyen with the mind's eye. Their defcriptions are often loofe and lufcious in a high degree; their reprefentations of love between the fexes are almoft univerfally overftrained. All is dotage, or defpair; or elfe ranting fwelled into burlefque. In short, the majority of their lovers are either mere lunatics, or mock-heroes. A fweet fenfibility, a charm ing tenderness, a delightful anguifh, exalted generofity, heroic worth, and refinement of thought; how feldom are thefe best ingredients of virtuous love mixed with any judgment or care in the compofition of their principal characters!

[To be continued.]

The New Bath Guide: or, Memoirs of the B-R-D Family, In a Series of poetical Epiftles. 4to. 5s. DodЛley.

HERE is a fpecies of humour in thefe droll Epiftles, which

has the greater force, as it feems to proceed from a fimple and unembellished character, the hopeful offspring of a confiderable family in the North, who comes to Bath for the cure of those crudities of mind and body, which an entire exclufion from the world, and the good cookery of a tender mother, had occafioned. Along with him comes his fifter Prudence, and her maid Tabitha, together with a pert niece of the family, who gives the following account of her fellow-travellers:

For Lady B-N-R-D, my aunt,
Berfelf propos'd this charming jaunt,
All from redundancy of care
For SIM, her fav rite fon and heir:
To him the joyous hours I owe

That Bath's enchanting fcenes beftow;
Thanks to her book of choice receipts,

That pamper'd him with fav'ry meats; ра
Nor lefs that day deferves a bleffing

She crammed i filter to excels in:

For

For now the fends both fon and daughter
For crudities to drink the water.

And here they are, all bile and fpleen,
The ftrangeft fifh that e'er were feen;

With TABBY RUNT, their maid, poor creature,
The queereft animal in nature:

I'm certain none of HOGARTH's sketches

E'er form'd a set of stranger wretches.
I own, my dear, it hurts my pride,
To fee them blund'ring by my fide;
My fpirits flag, my life and fire
Is mortify'd au defefpoir,

When SIM, unfashionable ninny,
In public calls me Coufin Jenny;
And yet, to give the wight his due,
He has fome share of humour too,
A comic vein of pedant learning
His converfation you'll difcern in,
The oddelt compound you can fee
Of fhrewdness and fimplicity,
With nat'ral ftrokes of aukward wit,
That oft, like Parthian arrows hit,
For when he seems to dread the foe
He always ftrikes the hardest blow;
And when you'd think He means to flatter,
His panegyrics turn to satire:

But then no creature you can find
Knows half fo little of mankind,
Seems always blund'ring in the dark,
And always making fome remark;
Remarks, that fo provoke one's laughter,
One can't imagine what he's after:
And fure you'll thank me for exciting
In SIM a wondrous itch for writing;
With all his ferious grimace
To give defcriptions of the place.
No doubt his mother will produce

His poetry for gen'ral ufe,

And if his bluntnefs does not fright you,

His obfervations must delight you.

The obfervations of fuch a character muft, indeed, be curious; accordingly we find them conducted with great humour, and obferve the genuine effects of that compound of fhrewdness and fimplicity; firft in the confultation of phyficians concerning the young 'fquires health:

-They all met together, and thus began talking:

"Good doctor, I'm your's-'tis a fine day for walking-
"Sad news in the papers-G-d knows who's to blame-
"The colonies feem to be all in a flame-

"This ftamp-act, no doubt, may be good for the crown-
But I fear 'tis a pill that will never go down-

"What

"What can Portugal mean i-is She going to ftir up
"Convulfions and heats in the bowels of Europe?
""Twill be fatal if England relapfes again

"From the ill blood and humours of Bourbon and Spain."-
Says I, my good doctors, I can't understand
Why the deuce ye take fo many patients in hand,
Ye've a great deal of practice, as far as I find;
But fince ye're come hither, do pray be fo kind

To write me down fomething that's good for the wind.
No doubt ye are all of ye great politicians,
But at prefent my bowels have need of phyficians:
Confider my cafe in the light it deferves,
And pity the state of my ftomach and nerves.-
But a tight little doctor began a difpute

About adminiftrations, NEW---LE and B--E,

Talk'd much of oeconomy, much of profufenefs.

Says another-" This cafe, which at firft was a loosenefs,
"Is become a tenefinus, and all we can do

"Is to give him a gentle cathartic or two;

"First get off the phlegm that adheres to the plica,
"Then throw in a med'cine that's pretty and fpicy,-
"A peppermint draught, or a- -Come, let's be gone,

"We've another bad cafe to confider at one."

So thus they brush'd off, each his cane at his nofe,
When JENNY came in, who had heard all their profe:
I'll teach them, fays fhe, at their next confultation,
To come and take fees for the good of the nation.
I could not conceive what the devil fhe mean't,
But the feiz'd all the ftuff that the doctor had fent,
And out of the window fhe flung it down foufe,
As the firft politician went out of the house.
Decoctions and fyrups around him all flew,
The pill, bolus, julep, and apozem too;
His wig had the luck a cathartic to meet,
And fquafh went the gallipot under his feet.

}

There are a thoufand ftrains of humour in thefe high-wrought Epiftles, fome of which do not occur to you at the first reading; -fi propius ftes, te capiet magis :-the Author frequently heightens and enriches his humour by parodies and imitations :-thus the two laft-quoted couplets unavoidably put us in mind of the following stanza in that celebrated paftoral fong, firft printed in the Spectator:

"Sweet mufic went with us both all the wood through;
The lark, linnet, throftle, and nightingale too;
Winds over us whifper'd; flocks by us did bleat;
And chirp went the grafhopper under our feet."

It is impoffible to refufe our Readers the fixth letter, which contains a defcription of Tabitha's bathing.

This morning, dear mother, as foon as 'twas light,
I was wak'd by a noife that aftonish'd me quite,

For

For in TABITHA's chamber I heard fuch a clatter,
I could not conceive what the deuce was the matter:
And, would you believe it? I went up and found her
In a blanket, with two lufty fellows around her,
Who both feem'd a going to carry her off in

A little black box juft the fize of a coffin:
Pray tell me, fays I, what ye're doing of there?
Why, Mafter, is hard to be bilk'd of our fare,
"And fo we were thrufting her into a chair:

66

"We don't fee no reason for ufing us fo,

"For fhe bad us come hither, and now the won't go ;

"We have earn'd all the fare, for we both came and knock'd bet

66

Up, as foon as 'twas light, by advice of the dottor "And this is a job that we often go a'ter

"For ladies that choose to go into the water."

But pray,' 'fays I, TABITHA, what is your drift

To be cover'd in flannel instead of a shift?

'Tis all by the doctor's advice, I fuppofe,

That nothing is left to be feen but your nofe:

I think if you really intend to go in,

'Twould do you more good if you fript to the fin,
And if you've a mind for a frolic, i'faith

I'll juft ftep and fee you jump into the bath.'
So they hoifted her down just as fafe and as well
And as fnug as a hod❜mandod rides in his fhell:
I fain would have gone to fee TABITHA dip,
But they turn'd at a corner and gave me the flip,
Yet in fearching about I had better fuccefs,
For I got to a place where the ladies undrefs;
Thinks I to myself, they are after fome fun,
And I'll fee what they're doing as fure as a gun :
So I peep'd at the door, and i faw a great mat
That cover'd a table, and got under that,
And laid myself down there, as fnug and as fill
(As a body may fay) like a thief in a mill

And of all the fine fights I have feen, my dear mother,
I never expect to behold fuch another:

How the ladies did giggle and fet up their clacks,,
All the while an old woman was rubbing their backs!
Oh 'twas pretty to fee them all put on their flannels,
And then take the water like fo many fpaniels,
And though all the while it grew hotter and hotter,
They fwam, just as if they were hunting an otter ;
'Twas a glorious fight to behold the fair fex
All wading with gentlemen up to their necks,
And view them fo prettily tumble and (prawl
In a great fmoaking kettle as big as our hall:
And to-day many perfons of rank and condition
Were boil'd by command of an able phyfician,

Dean SPAVIN, Dean MANGEY, and Doctor De'sQUIRT,
Were all fent from Cambridge to rub off their dirt;

Judge

Judge SCRUB, and the worthy old counsellor PEST
Join'd iffue at once, and went in with the reft:
And this they all faid was exceedingly good
For ftrength'ning the fpirits, and mending the blood.
It pleas'd me to fee how they all were inclin'd
To lengthen their lives for the good of mankind;
For I ne'er would believe that a bishop or judge
Can fancy old SATAN may owe him a grudge,
Tho' fome think the lawyer may chuse to demur,
And the priest till another occafion defer,
And both to be better prepared for herea'ter,

Take a smack of the brimftone contained in the water.
But, what is furprifing, no mortal e'er view'd

Any one of the phyfical gentlemen stew'd;

Since the day that King BLADUD firft found out the bogs,
And thought them fo good for himself and his hogs,
Not one of the faculty ever has try'd

Thefe excellent waters to cure his own hide:
Tho' many a fkilful and learned phyfician,

With candour, good fenfe, and profound erudition,
Obliges the world with the fruits of his brain
Their nature and hidden effects to explain:
Thus CHIRON advis'd Madam THETIS to take
And dip her poor child in the Stygian lake,
But the worthy old door was not fuch an elf
As ever to venture his carcafe himself:
So JASON's good wife us'd to fet on a pot,
And put in at once all the patients fhe got,
But thought it fufficient to give her direction,
Without being coddled to mend her complexion:
And I never have heard that fhe wrote any treatise
To tell what the virtue of water and heat is.
You cannot conceive what a number of ladies
Were wafh'd in the water the fame as our maid is:
Old Baron VANTEAZER, a man of great wealth,
Brought his lady the barons here for her health;
The baronefs bathes, and the fays that her cafe
Has been hit to a hair, and is inending apace :
And this is a point all the learned agree on,
The baron has met with the fate of ACTEON;
Who while he peep'd into the bath had the luck
To find himself fuddenly chang'd to a buck.
Mifs SCRATCHIT went in, and the Countess of SCALES,
Both ladies of very great fashion in Wales;
Then all on a fudden two perfons of worth,
My Lady PANDORA MAC'SCURVEY came forth,
With General SULPHUR arrived from the north.
So TABBY, you fee, had the honour of wathing
With folk of diftinction and very high fashion,
But in fpite of good company, poor little foul,
She shook both her ears like a moufe in a bowl.

}

Ods