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NEW MONTHLY MAGAZINE.

No. LXVIII-JANUARY, 1856.-VOL. XII.

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islands lying to the north of Europe, and their early inhabitants, who were called the British. It appears that they built large cities, and were traders. Johnson says that some eleven hundred years ago a revolution broke out in the country, and one half the people put the other half to death, and then fled across the seas to America. But really we know very little of those dark ages of the past. It has been clearly proved by statues which have come down to us, that these British were a stout, manly race, though their dress was singular, their generals wearing nothing but a large cloak, as is seen in the statue of the Duke of Wellington, and their statesmen appearing in public with no other garment than a fig-leaf and a scroll of paper, as we see in several of the statues at the museum."

This allusion to dress drew my attention to that of my companion. He wore nothing but a short pair of drawers and a pair of shoes. On one of the legs of his drawers was an interesttable; on the other a tabular statement of the sailing of the expresses for the various parts of the world.

"Ah!" said he, "I see you are looking at my costume. We declared our independence of tailors long ago. Now all that custom requires is this simple and comfortable garment. And men of business turn it to account, as you see. To return to the subject of the old nations, I can not tell you what became of France. I have a general impression that it blew up in some way or other, in consequence of the discovery of some awfully-explosive substance by the Academy of Science; but you must ask Professor Krakman about it. There was a city, they say. on the borders of the Seine, called Paris; my son has written a paper, that has been much admired, to establish the place where it stood." "And America-the United States ?" "Oh! I can tell you all about them. They were the original authors of the idea of a uni

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"Then the world has ceased to be divided versal republic; and in the year 2207, after their into nations?"

"Bless you! yes, long ago. The last nation to come into the general arrangement was an old republic on the continent of America called South Carolina. You will find the whole story in the school histories."

General, Mrs. Von Blum, had conquered China, and established a territorial government there, with her daughter as military Governor, the proposal was first made public. I must say the United States acted handsomely. They made the Emperor of China Postmaster General for the Chinese Territory; and they gave the Emperor of Russia, whom their famous General, the Reverend Amos T. Smith, had just made prisoner, a very comfortable place in the Cus

"And what has become of the old nations?" "Most of them have disappeared altogether. Our great historian, Hans François Johnson, has written a very remarkable work about the small Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1855, by Harper and Brothers, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Southern District of New York.

VOL. XII.-No. 68.-K

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toms. Beyond levying a slight tribute on the | I am of American descent; one of my ancestors conquered nations-barely sufficient to give every American citizen a house and ten acres of land-they made no use of their victories, and cheerfully conceded political rights to the vanquished."

I was glad to hear that my countrymen had maintained so good a character, and begged to know somewhat further respecting their history. "Why, as to their early history," said my companion, "you must bear in mind that our information is but scanty. I flatter myself that

was the celebrated Barnum, who was made President of the United States in consequence of improvements he introduced into the breed of babies. But really our historical critics have discovered so much falsehood in the old American histories, that I hardly dare trust to any thing they say. It is now clearly proved, for instance, that the hero named Washington was a myth, and never existed. Some suppose he is identical with the Bonaparte of the French, who was likewise a great hero, and is said to

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There was a door in the sphere, and I obeyed. I found myself in company with four or five persons in a hollow chamber. We had no sooner entered than an authoritative voice cried, "All right!" at which the door was closed.

have flourished about the same time. But others By this time we had reached the border of argue with great force that he is none other than a wide stream, or arm of the sea. On the shore the Biblical Joshua, and that Washington is a opposite us stood the richer wards of the Peercorruption of Joshua. Washington-Joshua; less City; my companion proposed that we Joshua-Washington," repeated my companion, should cross, and I readily agreed. I was looksounding the words to himself, "certainly a re- ing for a steamer, or boat of some sort, when markable affinity in the names. But to con- he called me. tinue: The only two American generals of ear- "Here," said he, pointing to an immense ly times whose fame appears to rest on sub-sphere of metal, "step in." stantial ground are General Tom Thumb and General Pierce. The former commanded an expedition which seems to have overrun every civilized country, and we learn from a medal which is preserved at the Exhibition Rooms, that the ladies in all the large cities thronged to kiss his hand, doubtless in order to beg that their relations' lives might be spared. General Pierce's exploits are not so well known, but it seems certain he commanded the famous expedition against the mighty empire of Greytown, in which the Greytowners were utterly defeated, and forced, after a sharp resistance, to sue humbly for peace. It is believed that peace was ultimately made on the marriage of Pierce to the widow of the Emperor of Greytown, who was killed in the war. If you are anxious to be informed respecting those remote ages, I advise you to consult a curious old volume of speeches by a famous American orator and statesman named Isaiah Rynders. I have no doubt he was the leading man of his day, and his speeches afford a fair picture of American eloquence."

Then I heard the word "Fire!" A tremendous concussion followed, and when I regained my breath the door was opened, and my fellow-passengers were getting out. We had crossed the strait. My companion noticed my astonishment, and kindly explained that the old system of ferry-boats was abandoned long since; that all short distances were now traversed by bomb-carriages fired from huge mortars.

"I suppose," said I, "that you use railroads

still."

"Yes," was the answer; "we have railroads certainly, underground, though they are falling into disuse. Formerly railroads were built on the surface of the earth, but after a few centuries' trial they were abandoned, as they had multiplied to such an extent that they covered

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I ventured to hint that the gain must be overbalanced by a loss of intellect in those who were thus condemned to inhabit so narrow a sphere as one single vocation.

the whole face of the globe. No room was left | occupied by the stock-jobbers; they do nofor agriculture. Then subterranean railroads thing all day long, from one year's end to came into use. They answered pretty well, as another, but buy and sell scrip; and so on. they traveled at the rate of five hundred miles In this way we have attained the highest dean hour, and accidents rarely happened; but gree of perfection in every branch of indussteam balloons are fast superseding them. Now try." the mail-balloon starts daily from Peerless for the principal cities of the world: its time is New York, one hour thirty two minutes; Pekin, forty-seven minutes; Timbuctoo, one hour and a quarter; the city of Cash, in the Sandwich Isles, fifty-eight minutes; Icetown, on the North-pole, two hours and a half. Rich men have their own coach and buggy balloons, but the competition between the passenger lines is so great that most of the companies pay people a trifle to go by their line."

"I don't understand," said I, "how they can afford to run on such very liberal principles." "Ah! my dear Sir, in your time these things were not understood. The art of competition was in its infancy. Now, let us say there are six rival lines to Pekin. Well, if they all run, it is clear there will be no profit. The only chance of making any thing is by ruining all competitors to begin with. This is therefore the first object of these six Pekin lines; whichever holds out the longest will make an immense fortune. I met yesterday a Director of the People's Independent line, who was in glorious spirits: he had just learned, he said, that the funds of the Lightning line were diminishing rapidly, and that it was not likely it could last over thirty-five or forty years more. When it and the other four companies fail, my friend's will enjoy a monopoly."

I observed that competition was an excellent thing for passengers.

"How could it be otherwise?" asked the man of the thirty-first century. "You are not aware, perhaps, that when the universal republic of the United Interests was established, an organic law substituted divisions of employment for divisions of race. It being found that the greater the amount of intellect brought to bear and concentrated on any single branch of industry the higher its development was sure to be, the territory of the republic-that is to say, the civilized world-was laid off into districts, each of which was assigned to a particular trade or manufacture, to the exclusion of all others. For instance, the people who inhabit old France are all glove-makers, and are forbidden by law to do any thing but make gloves. The inhabitants of Timbuctoo, who were found to possess remarkable taste in dress, were declared to be tailors and milliners for the world. Germany was inhabited by the brewers until the passage of the universal Teetotal Act; it has lately been assigned to speculative philosophers. The territory which formerly comprised the Northern United States of America, is

"Cant! my dear Sir, mere old-world cant. Didn't your own economical writers argue that the great aim of the legislator ought to be to divide employments? We have done it, and look at the result. But we have not been content with these territorial divisions, which, I may say, were only the primary development of this excellent theory. We have carried it out in individuals. My friend the learned Professor John Pierre Selinghuysen, has invented a plan whereby one portion of the body may be developed to the exclusion of the others. For instance, you bring him a man who is to be a blacksmith. He puts him through a course of treatment which forces all his vital energy into his arms and chest: his legs shrivel up, his head becomes a mere appendage, but his arms and chest are those of a Hercules. Give him a danseuse. In six months her nether extremities will have acquired the strength of iron with the elasticity of India rubber; true, her arms and bust will have dwindled away, but she don't need them. For her speciality legs are the thing needful; and therein she is unapproachable. Ah! my good Sir, civilization has made great strides of late years!"

I acknowledged the fact, and gloomily thought what sort of a world this would be, if we all fol

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BELINGHUYSEN'S PUPILS

on monkeys, by which he hopes to prove, once more, the old principle of progressive development. It is whispered that a young monkey of his has calculated an eclipse, and intends to run for alderman. I ought to have told you that Peerless, being the capital, is the only city in the world which is allowed to contain artificers and mechanics in every branch of industry. It is a miniature of the world, and was constructed on the same model as the republic. It is divided into twenty-four wards, each of which is devoted to a particular branch of business. All the shoemakers live together, so do tailors, painters, bakers, bankers, lawyers, doctors; every calling, in short, has its own ward. Then, again, see the proof of the progress of the age in the appearance of the city. No merlowed the speciality system, and each person | etricious ornament or useless decoration on the reduced himself to be the mere bearer of a sin-houses. You notice they are all alike. In

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gle organ.

WOULD YOU LIKE A ROMAN, SIR?

"Of course you are aware," said he, "that though we have not yet succeeded in finding the proportions of albumen and carbon requisite for the manufacture of a perfect man, we have been very successful with detached members and limbs. It is quite common, nowadays, for a man to have a spare leg or arm at home; and a fellow would be ashamed of wearing the nose nature gave him, if it resembled some of those we see in the old statues."

I could not deny that the plan was convenient. We had just entered a large open space which presented a singular appearance. It was circular in shape, and into it twenty-four streets disembogued themselves. These streets were mathematically straight. The eye followed them to the horizon. The houses on either side were all precisely alike; each had the same number of windows, doors, and chimneys. By way of ornament each was covered with huge advertise

ments.

"This," said my guide, "is the great Circle of Peerless. In this circle stand the government offices, the theatres, the court-house, the museum, the churches, and all the other public buildings. You may recognize the court-house by that professional group. The gentlemen of the bar seem in trouble about their fees. If you look through that window you will notice the great zoologist and professor of animal reproduction, Orfila Schwackbummer; he is now engaged on some very curious experiments

former times every man built his house as he pleased; consequently, as we learn from the pictures which have reached us, the old cities had a deformed and unpleasing aspect. When Peerless was built the government appointed a commission to decide what was the best sort of house; they reported in due time, and a law was passed declaring that every house in the capital must conform to their model."

I could not help saying I thought such a law arbitrary.

"That's another old-world fallacy. How can it be arbitrary since the people enacted it themselves by their representatives? You are just like the old writers. They are constantly twaddling about liberty. Now I take it that the best sort of liberty is that which gives a man the best of every thing, whether he likes it or no: don't you think the people of Peerless are far better off in these beautiful houses of

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GREAT CIRCLE OF PEERLESS.

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