company us; it is not in France I am to hope for your reformation. I have now learn'd, that he who transports a profligate fon to Paris, by way of mending his manners, only adds the vices and follies of that country to thofe of his own.

E

EPILOGUE

Spoken by LUCINDA.

SCAP'D from my guardian's tyrannical fway,
By a fortunate voyage on a profperous day,

I am landed in England; and now must endeavour,
By fome means or other, to curry your favour.

Of what ufe to be freed from a Gallic fubjection,
Unless I'm fecure of a British protection?

Without cash-but one friend-and he too just made;
Egad, I've a mind to fet up fome trade:

Of what fort? In the papers I'll publish a puff,

Which wont fail to procure me custom enough;
"That a lady from Paris is lately arriv'd,
"Who with exquifite art has nicely contriv'd

"The best paint for the face-the best paste for the hands;
"A water for freckles, for flushings, and tans.

"She can teach you the melior coeffure for the head,
"To lifp-amble-and fimper-and put on the red:
"To rival, to rally, to backbite, and freer,
"Um-no; that they already know pretty well here.
"The beaux fhe inftructs to bow with a grace,
"The happiest shrug-the newest grimace;
"To parler François-fib, flatter, and dance;

"Which is very near all that they teach ye in France.

"Not a buck nor a blood, through the whole English uation,

"But his roughnefs fhe'll foften, his figure fhe'll fashion.

"The merrieft John Trot in a week you fhall zee

"Bien peli, bien frizé, tout-à-fait un marquis."

What d'ye think of my plan, is it form'd to your gout?

May I hope for disciples in any of you?

Shall I tell you my thoughts, without guile, without art?
Though abroad I've been bred, I have Britain at heart.
Then take this advice, which I give for her fake,
You'll gain nothing by any exchange you can make;
In a country of commerce, too great the expence,
For their baubles and bows to give your good sense.

i

THE

Lucinda,

DRAMATIS PERSONE

MEN.

WOMEN.

Covent-Garden.

Mr Foote.
Mr Sparks.
Mr White.

Mr Shuter.
Mr Culhin.
Mr Coftollo.

Mr Wiguel.
Mr Dunfall.

Mrs Bellamy.

La Jonquil, La Loire, Bearnois, and Servants.

PROLOGU E

Spoken by Mr FOOTE.

F all the paffions that poffefs mankind,
The love of novelty rules most the mind;

OF

In fearch of this from realm to realm we roam,
Our fleets come fraught with ev'ry folly home.
From Lybia's defart hoftile brutes advance,

And dancing-dogs in droves skip here from France:
From Latian lands gigantic forms appear,
Striking our British breafts with awe and fear,
As once the Lilliputians-Gulliver.
Not only objects that affect the fight,
In foreign arts and artists we delight.

Near

Near to that fpot where Charles bestrides a horse,

(In humble profe) the place is Charing-Crofs, Clofe by the margin of a kennel's fide,

A dirty difmal entry opens wide:

There, with hoarfe voice, check'd fhirt, and callous hand,
Duff's Indian English trader takes his ftand,

Surveys each paflenger with curious eyes,
And ruftic Roger falls an eafy prize :
Here's China porcelaine that Chelsea yields,
And India handkerchiefs from Spittalfields;
With Turkey carpets that from Wilton came,
And Spanish tucks and blades from Birmingham.
Factors are forc'd to favour this deceit,

And English goods are fmuggled thro' the street.
The rude to polifh, and the fair to please,
The hero of to-night has crofs'd the feas;
Tho' to be born a Briton be his crime,
He's manufactur'd in another clime.

"Tis Buck begs leave once more to come before ye
The little fubject of a former fory:

How chang'd, how fashion'd, whether brute or beau,
We trust the following fcenes will fully show.
For them and him we your indulgence crave;
'Tis ours ftill to fin, and yours to fave.

66

A

ACT I

CRAB difcovered reading.

ND I do conftitute my very good friend 'Giles Crab, Efq; of St. Martin's in the Fields, exe"cutor to this my will; and do appoint him guardian "to my ward Lucinda; and do fubmit to his direction "the management of all my affairs till the return of my "fon from his travels; whom I do intreat my faid exe"cutor, in confideration of our ancient friendship, to "advise, to counfel, &c. &c. JOHN BUCK."

A good, pretty legacy! Let's fee; I find myself heir, by this generous devife of my very good friend, to ten actions at common law, nine fuits in chancery; the conduct of a boy, bred a booby at home, and finished a fop abroad; together with the direction of a marriageable, and therefore an unmanageable, wench; and all this to an old fellow of fixty-fix, who heartily hates bus'nefs, is

tired of the world, and despises every thing in it. Why, how the devil came I to merit

in.

Enter Servant.

Ser. Mr Latitat of Staple's Inn.

Crab. So, here begin my plagues. Show the hound

Lat. I wou'd, Mr Crab, have attended your fummons immediately: but I was obliged to fign judgment in error at the common-pleas; fue out of the exchequer a writ of qua minus; and furrender in banco regis the defendant, before the return of the fci fa, to discharge the

bail.

Crab. Pr'ythee, man, none of thy unintelligible law. jargon to me; but tell me, in the language of common fenfe and thy country, what I am to do.

Lat. Why, Mr Crab, as you are already poffefs'd of probat, and letters of administration de bonis are granted, you may fue or be fued. I hold it found doctrine for no executor to discharge debts without a receipt upon record: this can be obtained by no means but by an action. Now actions, Sir, are of various kinds: There are fpecial actions; actions on the cafe, or affumpfits ;' actions of trover; actions of claufum fregit;' actions of battery; actions of

Crab. Hey, the devil, where's the fellow running now? But hark'ee, Latitat, why I thought all our law-proceedings were directed to be in English.

Crab. And what do you call all this stuff, ha?
Lat. English.

Crab. The devil you do.

Lat. Vernacular, upon my honour, Mr Crab. For as Lord Coke defcribes the common law to be the perfection

Crab. So, here's a fresh deluge of impertinence. A truce to thy authorities, I beg; and as I find it will be impoffible to understand thee without an interpreter, if you will meet me at five, at Mr Brief's chambers, why, if you have any thing to fay, he will tranflate it for

me.

Lat. Mr Brief, Sir, and tranflate, Sir!-Sir, I would

have you to know, that no practitioner in Westminsterhall gives clearer

Crab. Sir, I believe it; for which reafon I have referred you to a man who never goes into Westminster

hall.

Lat. A bad proof of his practice, Mr Crab.

'Crab. A good one of his principles, Mr Latitat.' Lat. Why, Sir, do you think that a lawyerGrab. Zounds, Sir, I never thought about a lawyerThe law is an oracular idol, you are the explanatory minifters; nor shou’d any of my own private concerns have made me bow to your beaftly Baal. I had rather lofe a caufe than contest it. And had not this old doating dunce, Sir John Buck, plagu'd me with the management of his money, and the care of his booby boy, bedlam fhou'd fooner have had me than the bar.

Lat. Bedlam, the bar! Since, Sir, I am provok'd, I don't know what your choice may be, or what your friends may choose for you; I wish I was your prochain ami ›

But I am under fome doubts as to the fanity of the te ftator, otherwise he could not have chosen for his execu tor, under the sanction of the law, a person who defpifes the law. And the law, give me leave to tell you, Mr Crab, is the bulwark, the fence, the protection, the fine qua non, the non plus ultra

Grah. Mercy, good fix-and-eight pence.

Lat. The defence, and offence, the by which, and the whereby, the ftatute common and cuftomary; or, as Plowden claffically and elegantly expreffes it, 'tis • Mos commune vetus mores, confulta fenatus, Hæc tria jus ftatuunt terra Britanna tibi.

• Crab. Zounds, Sir, among all your laws, are there none to protect a man in his own house!

Lat. Sir, a man's house is his caftellum, his castle; ' and so tender is the law of any infringement of that facred right, that any attempt to invade it by force, fraud, or violence, clandeftinely, or vi & armis, is not • only deem'd felonius but burglarius. Now, Sir, a burglary may be committed, either upon the dwelling, or the out-house.