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company us; it is not in France I am to hope for your reformation. I have now learn'd, that he who transports a profligate son to Paris, by way of mending his manners, only adds the vices and folies of that country to those of his own.
Spoken by LUCINDA.
By a fortunate voyage on a prosperous day,
Of what use to be freed from a Gallic subjection,
“ The beaux foe instructs to bow with a grace, « The happiest førug
the neweft grimace; “ To parler François-fib, flatter, and dance ; " Which is very near all that they teach in France,
“ Not a buck nor a blood, through the whole English nation-
What d'ye think of my plan, is it form’d to your gout?
Then take this advice, which I give for her fake,
E N G L I S H M AN
Return'd from Paris.
W O M E N.
Spoken by Mr FOOTE.
The love of novelty rules mof the mind;
fear, As once the Lilliputians- Gulliver. Not only objects that affect the fight, In foreign arts and artists we delight.
Near to that spot where Charles befrides a horse,
The rude to polis, and the fair to please,
Cras discovered reading.
Crab, Efq; of St Martin's in the Fields, exe. « cutor to this my will; and do appoint him guardian
ward Lucinda; and do submit to his direction “ the management of all my affairs till the return of my “ son from his travels; whom I do inireat my said exe“ cutor, in confideration of our ancient friendship, to “ advise, to counsel, &c. &c.
John Buck.” A good, pretty legacy! Let's fee; I find myself heir by this generous devise of my very good friend, to ten actions at common law, nine fuits in chancery; the conduct of a boy, bred a booby at home, and finished a fop abroad ; together with the direction of a marriageable, and therefore an unmanageable, wench ; and all this to an old fellow of fixty-fix, who heartily hates bus'ness, is
tired of the world, and despises every thing in it. Why, how the devil came I to merit-
Enter Servant. Ser. Mr Latitat of Staple's Inn.
Crab. So, here begin my plagues. Show thc hound in.
Enter Latitat, with a bag, &c. Lat. I wou'd, Mr Crab, have attended your
fummons immediately; but I was obliged to sign judgment in error at the common-pleas; fue out of the exchequer a writ of quæ minus; and surrender in banco regis the defendant, before the return of the fci fa, to discharge the bail.
Crab. Priythee, man, none of thy unintelligible law. jargon to me; but tell me, in the language of
common fense and thy country, what I am to do.
Lat. Why, Mr Crab, as you are already possess'd of probat, and letters of administration de bonis are granted you may sue or be sued. I hold it found doctrine for no executor to discharge debts without a receipt upon record; this can be obtained by no means but by an action. Now actions, Sir, are of various kinds: There are special actions; actions on the case, or alumpfits;' actions of trover; 'ađions of claufum fregit; actions of battery ; actions of
Crab. Hey, the devil, whene's the fellow running now?
But hark'ee, Latitat, why I thought all our law-proceedings were directed to be in English.
Lat. True, Mr Crab.
Lat. Vernacular, upon my honour, Mr Crab. For as Lord Coke describes the common law to be the pere fe&tion
Crab. So, here's a fresh deluge of impertinence. --A truce to thy authorities, I beg; and as I find it will be impossible to understand thee without an interpreter, if you will meet me at five, at Mr Brief's chambers, why, f
you have any thing to say, he will translate it for Lat. Mr Brief, Sir, and translate, Sir!-Sir, I would have you to know, that no practitioner in Westminsterhall gives clearer
Crab. Sir, I believe it;--for which reason I have referred you to a man who never goes into Westminsterhall.
• Lat. A bad proof of his practice, Mr Crab. • Crab. A good one of his principles, Mr Latitat.' Lat. Why, Sir, do you think that a lawyer
Crab. Zounds, Sir! I never thought about a lawyerThe law is an oracular idol, you are the explanatory ministers; nor should
any of my own private concerns have made me bow to your beastly Baal. I had rather lose a cause than conteft it. And had not this old doating dunce, Sir John Buck, plagu'd me with the management of his money, and the care of his booby boy, bedlam thou'd fooner have had me than the bar.
Lat. Bedlam, the bar! Since, Sir, I am provok'd, I don't know what your choice may be, or what your friends may choose for you; I wish I was your prochain ami: But I am under fome doubts as to the fanity of the teftator, otherwise he could not have chosen for his executor, under the sanction of the law, a person who despises the law. And the law, give me leave to tell you, Mr Crab, is the bulwark, the fence, the protection, the fine qua non, the non plus ultraCrab. Mercy, good fix-and-eight pence.
• Lat. T'he defence, and offence, the by which, and • the whereby, the statute common and customary; or, • as Plowden classically and elegantly expreffes it, 'tis
• Mos commune vetus mores, consulta senatus, * Hæc tria jus ftatuunt terra Britanna tibi. • Crab. Zounds, Sir, among all your laws, are there none to protect a man in his own house?
· Lat. Sir, a man's house is his caftellum, his castle ; • and so tender is the law of any infringement of that sa"cred right, that any attempt to invade it by force, * fraud or violence, clandestinely, or vi et armis, is not
only deem'd felonius but burglarius. Now, Sir, a bur
glary may be committed, either upon the dwelling, or o the out-house. * Crab. O lud! O lud!