Char. Let age grave leffons preach Let prudes condemn what they efteem; Both. Let fools, &c. VALENTINE and Company, feated as after dinner. • VALENTINE. ALL in the dancers. I hope, ladies, your goodnature will make you as kind to this part of the • entertainment as it hath been to the other. • Mar. Je vous felicite de votre gout ravissant, Monfieur Valentine; mais allons! dancons nous-mefmes. Val. My father arriv'd, fay you? Let. Yes, Sir; and will be here inftantly. • Val. Death and hell! What fhall I do, Lettice? I must trust to the contrivance of thy brain, or I am un• done. • Let. Well, I will do the best I can for you; in the mean time, be not chagrined; enjoy your friends, and • take no notice of it. I will lie perdue for him, and meet • him at the door. Be sure to keep close garrison; and after I am gone out, open the doors to none. Val. Send thee good luck, my beft wench. Come, • gentlemen and ladies, what say you, are you for cards or hazard? All. Hazard, hazard! • Mar. Hazard! ma voix eft toujours pour hazard! [Exeunt. Enter Goodall, Lettice, and a Servant with a port manteau. Good. This curfed ftage-coach from Portsmouth hath fatigu'd me more than my voyage from the Cape of Good Hope: but, heav'n be prais'd, I am once more arriv'd within fight of my own doors. I cannot help thinking how pleas'd my fon will be to fee me returned a full year fooner than my intention. Let. He would be much more pleafed to hear you were at the Cape of Good Hope yet, [Afide. Good Good. I hope I fhall find my poor boy at home, I dare fwear he will die with joy to fee me. Let. I believe he is half dead already;-but now for you, my good mafter. (Afide.). -Blefs me, what do I fee? an apparition? Good. Lettice! Let. Is it my dear master Goodall return'd, or is it the devil in his fhape? Is it you, Sir? Is it pofitively you yourself? 1 Good. Even fo. How do you do, Lettice? Let. Much at your honour's fervice. I am heartily glad to fee your honour in fuch good health. Why, the air of the Indies hath agreed vally with you. Indeed, Sir, you ought to have ftay'd a little longer there for the fake of your health-and our quiet. [Afide. Good. Well, but how does my son do; and how hath he behaved himself in my abfence? I hope he hath taken great care of my affairs. Let. I'll anfwer for him, he hath put your affairs into a condition that will furprise you, take my word for it. Good, I warrant you he is every day in the Alley. Stocks have gone juft as I imagined; and if he followed. my advice, he must have amaffed a vaft fum of money. Let. Not a farthing, Sir. Good. How, how, how! Let. Sir, he hath paid it out fast as it came in. Let. Put it out, I mean, Sir, to intereft, to intereft, Sir; why, our house hath been a perfect fair ever fince you went; people coming for money every hour of the day. Good. That's very well done; and I long to fee my dear boy. Knock at the door. Let. He is not at home, Sir—and if you have such a defire to fee him Enter Security. Sec. Your fervant, Mrs Lettice. Let. Your fervant, Mr Security-Here's a rogue of a ufurer, who hath found a very proper time to ask for his money in. Sec. Do you know, Mrs Lettice, that I am weary of fol following your master day after day in this manner, without finding him; and that, if he does not pay me to-day, I fhall fue out an execution directly. A thousand pounds are a fum Good. What, what, what's this I hear! Let. I'll explain it to you by-and-by, Sir. Good. Does my son owe you a thousand pounds? Good. Yes, Sir; this woman's young mafter, who lives at that house, Mr Valentine Goodall, is my fon. Sic. Yes, Sir, he does;-and I am very glad you are return'd to pay it me. Good. There go two words though to that bargain. Let. I believe, Sir, you will do it with a great deal of joy, when you know that his owing this money is purely an effect of his good conduct. Cood. Good conduct! Owing money good conduct? Let. Yes, Sir-he hath bought a houfe of the price of two thousand pounds, which every one fays is worth more than four; and this he could not have done without borrowing this thousand pound. I am fure, Sir, I and he, and Trufty, ran all over the town to get the money, that he might not lofe fo good a bargain. I believe there will not go many words to the payment on't [Afide. now. Sir, Good. I am overjoy'd at my fon's behaviour you need give yourself no pain about the money; return to-morrow morning, and you fhall receive it. Sec. Sir, your word is fufficient for a much greater fum, and I am your very humble fervant. Good. Well, but tell me a little. [Exit. In what part of the town hath my fon bought this house? Let. In what part of the town? Good. Yes; there are, you know, fome quarters better than others—as for example, this here Let. Well, and it is in this that it stands. Good. What, not the great house yonder, is it? Let. No, no, no; do you fee that house yonderwhere the windows feem to have been just cleaned? Good. Yes. Let. It is not that--and a little beyond, you fee an another very large house, higher than any other in the fquare. Good. I do. Let. But it is not that -Take particular notice of the house oppofite to it, a very handsome house, is it not? Good. Yes, indeed is it. Let. That is not the house-But you may fee one with great gates before it, almost oppofite to another that fronts a street, at the end of which stands the house which your fon hath bought. Good. There is no good house in that street, as I remember, but Mrs Highman's. Let. That's the very houfe. Good. That's a very good bargain, indeed; but how comes a woman in her circumftances to fell her house? Let. It is impoffible, Sir, to account for peoples actions; befides, he is out of her fenfes. Good. Out of her fenses! Let. Yes, Sir; her family hath taken out a commiffion of lunacy against her; and her fon, who is a moft abandon'd prodigal, hath fold all she had for half its value. Good. Son! Why, fhe was not marry'd when I went away. Let. No, Sir; but, to the great furprise of every one, and to the great fcandal of all our fex, there appeared all of a fudden a very lufty young fellow, of the of age three-and-twenty, whom she owned to have been her fon, and that his father was a grenadier in the first regiment of guards. Good. Oh, monftrous! Let. Ah, Sir! if every child in this city knew his own father; if children were to inherit only the eftates of thofe who begot them, it would cause a great confufion in inheritances. AIR X. Pierot's dance. Many Many cits Had been wits, In eftate, tho' not in sense; Had not worn at cits expence: Our heroes fhall Be Lilliputians all. Good. Well, but I ftand here talking too long; knock at the door. Let. What fhall I de! [Afide. Good. You feem in a confternation! No accident hath happened to my fon, I hope? Let. No, Sir; but Good. But? but what! hath any one robb'd me in my abfence? Let. No, Sir! not absolutely robb'd you, Sir-What fhall I fay? Good. Explain yourfelf; fpeak. Let. Oh, Sir! I can with-hold my tears no longer.Enter not, I befeech you, Sir; your houfe, Sir; your dear houfe, that you and I and my poor young master lov'd fo much, within thefe fix months. Good. What of my houfe, within these fix months? Let. Hath been haunted, Sir, with the most terrible apparitions that were ever heard or beheld! You'd think the devil himself had taken poffeffion of it. Nay, I believe he hath too: all the wild noises of the universe, the fqueaking of pigs, the grinding of knives, the whetting of faws, the whiftling of winds, the roaring of feas, the hooting of owls, the howling of wolves, the braying of affes, the fqualling of children, and the fcolding of wives, all put together, make not fo hideous a concert. This I myself have heard: nay, and I have feen fuch fights! one with about twenty heads, and a hundred eyes and mouths and nofes in each. Good. Hey day! the wench is mad. Stand from be- forė |