my o for fome time; to be fure, I thought it an odd fort of a houfe when I faw no furniture-there I expected my coufin every moment; and, my dear jewel, there came in two bird-lime fons of whores with great wigs—they look'd like conjurors and fortune-tellers-So, my dear, one fhits down on this fide of me, and t'other shits down on this fide of me; and I being the turd perfon, they made me fhit down in the middle- So one takes hold of one of my wrifts, and the other catches hold of ther wrift, I thought by way of compliment; then they fell a chattering gibberish, like a couple of old baboons; and all this difcourfe was conchearning me: They talk'd at first of treating me, and afk'd me if I had a good stomach-One of them faid I had nine appetites-But at length, my jewels, what fhould come of the treat, but they agreed before my faafh to flea my bottom-Oh—if I tell you a word of a lie, I'm not here-My dear, they call'd in the keepers to tie me-I up with the chair, for I had given my fhilela and my andrefarara to my coufin -I knock'd one of them down on his tonneen, and runs out, and they after, crying out to the people in the freet, Stop the madman, ftop the madman -Oh hone, my jewel, the people took no notice of them, but run away from me as if the devil had been in the infide of them: And fo I made my escape; and here I am, my dear, and am very glad I have found you, my dear friend. Sconce. I am forry to fee that your coufin has behaved fo rudely towards you; but any thing that lies in my power Capt. Oh, Sir, you are a very worthy fhentleman: but, Cheargeant, I must go to fee my brother Tradewell the merchant and his fair daughter-Has the taylor brought home my cloaths? Serg. Yefs, Sir, and the old gentleman expects you immediately; he fent a man in livery for you. Capt. Come, my good friend, I won't part with you -I'll step to my lodgings, and flip on my cloaths-that may pay my due regards to my miftrefs. I SCENE, A Mad-houfe. Enter Cheatwell, Clyfter, and Gallypot. [Exeunt Cheat. I am forry for this accident. Clyft. Clyft. In troth, Mr Cheatwell, he was the most furious madman that I ever met with during the whole courfe of my practice. Gally. I'm now furpris'd how he fat so long quiet. Cheat. He'll run riot about the streets; but I hope he'll be taken- Oh, here's Sconce. Enter Sconce. Well, what news of the Captain? Sconce. I just ran to let you know of his motions; he is preparing to dress, in order to pay a vifit to Mifs Lucy, and to pay his refpects to Tradewell-But I have worse news for you; 'tis whifper'd upon 'Change that Tradewell is broke. Cheat. If it fhould fall out fo, I fhall eafily refign my pretenfions to the Captain. 'Twas Lucy's purfe, and not he beauty, that I courted. Sconce. I must run back to the Captain, and keep in with him to serve a turn; do you at a distance watch us, and proceed accordingly. [Exit. Cheat. Well, gentlemen, I fhall take care to acknowledge your trouble the first time I fee you again. So adieu. (Exit.) [Doctors exeunt.. SCENE, The Captain's Lodgings. Enter Captain and Sergeant. Capt. Ara, but who do you think. I met yesterday full butt in the ftreet, but Teady Shaghnaffy! Serg. Well, and how is he? Capt. Ara, ftaay, and I'll tell you; he wafh at t'oder fide of the way; and phen I came up, it was not him.. But tell me, dosh my new regimentals become me? Serg. Yefs, indeed, Sir, I think they do.. Capt. This pocket is fo high, I must be forced to ftoop, for my fnuff-box. Enter Sconce. Sconce. Ha! upon my word, Captain, you look as fpruce as a young bridegroom. Capt. All in good time; and dofh it fhit eafy? Scence. Eafy, Sir! it fits you like a fhirt.. Capt. I think 'tis a little too wide here in the fleeve;; I'm afraid the fellow has'nt left cloth enough to take it in; though I can't blame him neither, for fait Lwas not S. 3 by by when he took the measure of me. Sergeant, here take this fixpence-halfpenny, and buy me a pair of phite gloves. Serg. Sir, I have been all about the town, and can't get a pair under two fhillings. Capt. Two tirteens! Serg. Two tirteens, Sir. Capt. Two tirteens for a pair of gloves! monomundioul, but my hands fhall go bare-foot all the days of their lives before I'll give two tirteens for a pair of gloves -Come, come along; I'll go without 'em, my mistress will excufe it. [Exeunt. SCENE, Tradewell's Houfe. Enter Tradewell and Lucy. Trad. Well, daughter, I have been examining into the circumstances of Cheatwell, and find he is not worth fixpence; and as for your French lover, he is fome runaway dancing-mafter or hair-cutter from Paris: fo that really amongst them all, I cannot find any one comes up to your Irish lover, either for birth, fortune, or character. Lucy. Sir, you're the beft judge in difpofing of me; and indeed I have no real tender for any one of themas to the Irish Captain, I have not seen him yet. Trad. You'll fee him prefently; I fent to his lodgings, and expect him every moment Oh, here comes Monfieur. Enter Monfieur Ragou. Trad. Well, Monfieur, I have been trying my daugh ter's affections in regard to you; and as fhe is willing to be guided by me in this affair, I would willingly know by what visible means you intend to maintain her like a gentlewoman. Monf. Me have de grand acquaintance with the beau monde; and, fi vous plaira, if you fal please, Sir, to do me de honour of making me your fon-in-law, me vill tranfact your negociations vide all poffible care et belle air. Enter Captain and Betty. Trad. You are welcome, Sir, to my houfe- -this is my daughter-this, child, is Captain O'Blunder, whom I hope you will receive as he deferves. Capt. Fairest of creatures, will you gratify me with a tafte of your fweet delicate lips? (Kiffes her.) By my fhoul, a neat creature, and a good bagooragh girl; fhe's as fair as an image in Leiflip, Egypt I mean-Phat's here! the little fellow that I kilt juft now! 'pon my fhoul, I have a praty ready for him now. Monf. Oh le diable!-he spy me now-me better go off vile I am vell. Capt. (goes up to Monfieur.) I tought, Monfieur Ragou, that you were ded: Do I fmell of the praty now, you foup-maigre fon of a French boogre? Trad. The Captain has a mind to be merry with the Frenchman. Capt. By my fhoul, my jewel, I have got a praty for you now; here, eat it-eat this. Monf. Oh! pardonnez moi, pardon, Sir; I cannot, by gar. Capt. Och ho! come out then, my little sweetlips! (Draws.) Eat that praty this minute, or I'll run my fword up thro' your leg, and thro' your arms, and spit you up, and roaft you like a goofe, you tawny-faced fon of a whore; fure 'tis better nor your garlic or ingyons in France. [Monf. eats in. Enter a Servant to Tradewell. Serv. Oh, Sir-there are certain accounts come, that But thefe letters will better inform you- [Exit. Trad. (reads.) O Captain, I'm ruin'd-undone— broke Capt. Broke! what have you broke? Trad. Oh, Sir, my fortune's broke-I'm not a penny above a beggar. Monf. Oh, den me be off de amour-Me have no dealings with beggars; me have too many of de beggar in my own contre; fo me better flip avay in good time. Votre ferviteur-fervant, Sir. [Exit. Capt. March, march, you son of a whore: Ara, get out. Trad. Now, Captain, you fee I have not conceal'd my misfortune from you; fo you are at liberty to choose a happier wife, for my poor child is miferable. Capt. I thought your ribs was broke. I am no furgeon; but if 'tis only a little money that broke you, give me this lady's lily-white hand, and I'll take her ftark-naked, without a penny of money in her pocket, but but the cloaths upon her back—and as far as a good eftate in land and stock will go, I'll share it with herand with yourself. Ara, never mind the tieves, my jewel-I'll break their necks before they shall break your little finger. Come, honey, I'll give you a fong I made upon this dear creature. Wherever I'm going, and all the day long, Since the first time I faw you, I take no repose, By my fhoul, I'm afraid I fhall die in my grave, On that happy day when I make you my bride, With a fwinging long fword, how I'll ftrut and I'll ftride! In a coach and fix horfes with my honey I'll ride, As before you I walk to the church by your fide. Ballynamony, ho, ro, &c. Enter Cheat well. Cheat. Gentlemen, I beg pardon for this intrufion. Capt. He! Phat's here! my friendly coufin, that bid the old conjurers flea my bottom. Cheat. Sir, I beg your pardon in particular, and hope you'll grant me it. Nothing but neceffity was the caufe of my ungentle behaviour-This lady I had an esteem for; but fince things have turn'd out as they have, my pretenfions are without foundation: therefore, Captain, I hope you'll look upon me in the light of an unfortu nate rather than a bad man. Capt. Fait, my dear coufin, fince love is the caufe of your mourning, I fhall forgive you with all my heart. [Shakes hands. Cheat. Sir, I fhall always efteem your friend@hip as an |