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which I purchafed of that people at a very great price. Then I have the tune which Orpheus play'd to the devil when he charm'd back his wife.
Gent. That was thought to be a filly tune, I believe, for nobody has ever card to learn it.
Majt. Close cork'd up in a thumb-phial, I have some of the tears which Alexander wept because he could do no more nuischief. I have a snuff box made out of the tub in which Diogenes lived, and took snuff at all the world. I have the net in which Vulcan caught his spouse and her gallant; but our modern wives are grown so exceeding chafte, that there has not been an opportunity of cafting it these many years.
Gent. Some would be so malicious, as, instead of chaste, to think he meant cunning. [Afide to the Ladiesa
Maft. I have the pitch-pipe of Gracchus the Roman orator ;. who being apt, in dispute, to raise his voice too high, by touching a certain soft note in this pipe, would. regulate and keep it in a moderate key.
2 La. Such a pipe as that, if it could be heard, would be very useful in coffee-houses, and other public places of debate and modern disputation.
Gent. Yes, Madam; and I believe many a poor huse band would be glad of such a regulator of the voice in: his own private. family too..
Maft. There you was even with her, Sir. But the: most valuable curiosity I have, is a certain little tubes, which I call a diftinguisher; contrived with such art, that. when rightly applied to the ear, it obstructs all false. hood, nonsense, and absurdity, from striking upon the tympanum'; nothing but truth and reason can make the lealt impresion upon the auditory nerves. I have fat in a coffee-house sometimes for the space of half an hour,, and amongst what is generally called the best company, without hearing a single word. At a dispute too, when I could perceive, by the eager motions of both parties, that they made the greatelt noise, I have enjoyed the. most profound filence. It is a very useful thing to have: about one, either at church, play house, or Weltminstere. hall; at all which places a vast variety both of useful ani diverting experiments may be made with it. The only inconvenience attending it is, that no man can make him.
self a completc master of it under twenty years close and diligent practice. And that term of time is best conmenced at ten or twelve
old. Gent. That, indeed, is an inconvenience that will make it not every body's money. But one would think those parents, who see the beauty and the usefulness of knowledge, virtue, and a distinguishing judgment, should take particular care to engage their children early in the use and pra&ice of such a distinguisher, whilst they have time before them, and no other concerns to interrupt their application.
Maft. Some few do. But the generality are so entirely taken up with the care of little Master's complexion, his dress, his dancing, and such like effeminacies, that they have not the least regard for any internal accomplishments whatsoever; and are so far from teaching him to subdue his passions, that they make it their whole bu. finefs to gratify them all.
20. M. Well, Sir ; to some people, these may be thought curious things, perhaps, and a very valuable collection. But, to confess the truth, these are not the fort of curious things I wanted. Have you no little box, re• presenting a wounded heart on the inside the lid ; nor pretty ring, with an amorous posey ? Nothing of that fort, which is pretty and not common, in your shop ?
Maft. O yes, Sir! I have a pretty snuff-box here; on the inside of the lid, do you see, is a man of threescore and ten acting the lover, and hunting, like a boy, after gewgaws and trifles, to please a girl with.
20. M. Meaning me, Sir! Do you banter me, Sir? Maft. If you take it to yourself, Sir, I can't help it?
20. M. And is a person of my years and gravity to be laughed at :
Maft. Why, really, Sir, years and gravity do make such childishness very ridiculous, I can't help owning. However, I am very forry I have none of these curious triftes for your diversion ; but I have delicate hobbyhorses and rattles, if you pleafe.
20, M. By all the charms of Araminta, I will revenge this affront.
[Exit. Gent. Ha, ha, ha! How contemptible is rage in im
potence! But pray, Sir, don't you think this kind of freedom with
customers detrimental to your trade? Muft. No, no, Sir; the odd character I have acquired by this rough kind of fincerity and plain-dealing, together with the whimsical humour of moralizing upon every trifle I sell, are the things which, by raising people's curiosity, furnish me with all my customers : and it is only fools and coxcombs I am so free with.
i La. And, in my opinion, you are in the right of it. Folly and impertinence ought always to be the objects of satire and ridicule.
Gent. Nay, upon second thoughts, I don't know but this odd turn of mind which you have given yourself may not only be entertaining to several of your customers, but perhaps very much fo to yourself.
Maft. Vastly fo, Sir. It very often helps me to speculations infinitely agreeable. I can fit behind this counter, and fancy my little shop, and the transactions of it, an agreeable representation of the grand theatre of the world. When I see a fool come in here, and throw away fifty or an hundred guineas for a trifle that is not really worth a shilling, I am surprised. But when I look out into the world, and see lordships and manors barter'd away for gilt coaches and equipage; an estate for a title ; and an easy freedom in retirement for a servile attendance in a crowd; when I see health with eagerness exchanged for diseases, and happiness for a game at hazard; my wonder ceases. Surely the world is a great foy-shop, and all its inhabitants run mad for rattles.Nay, even the very wiseft of us, however we may flatter ourselves, have some failing or weakness, fome toy or trifle, that we are ridiculously fond of. Yet, so very partial are we to our own dear selves, that we overlook'those miscarriages in our own conduct which we loudly exclaim against in that of others, and tho' the same fool's turbant fits us all.
You say that I, I say that you are he;
Gent. Ha, ha! 'Tis very true indeed. But I imagine now you begin to think it time to shut up shop. Ladies,
you want any thing else? i La. No, I think not.-- If you please to put up that
looking-glass, and the perspective, I will pay you for them.
Gent. Well, Madam, how do you like this whimsical humorist?
i La. Why, really, in my opinion, the man's as great a curiosity himself as any thing he has got in his shop
Gent. He is so, indeed.
In this gay, thoughtless age, ha's found a way,
WELL, Heav’n be prais’d, this dull
, grave fermon's dones, (For faith our author might have call'd it one.) I wonder who the devil be thought to please! Is this a time. o' day for things like these? Good sense and honest satire now offend; We're
grown too wise to learn, too proud to mend. And
so divinely wrapt in songs and tunes, The next wife age will all be--fiddlers fons. And did be think
plain truth would favour find?
“ Ye gen'rous Few, to you our author sues,,
JUNO, PALLAS, and VENUS, at a card-table, playing at
I Pass—I've done to all the night.
I take a king,