Launce. With my master's ship? why, it is at sea. Speed. Well, your old vice still; mistake the word. What news, then, in your paper? Launce. The blackest news that ever thou heardest. Speed. Why, man, how black? Launce. Fie on thee, jolt-head! thou canst not read. 291 Speed. Thou liest; I can. Launce. I will try thee. Tell me this: who begot thee? Speed. Marry, the son of my grandfather. Launce. O illiterate loiterer! it was the son of thy grandmother: this proves that thou canst not read. Speed. Come, fool, come; try me in thy paper. Launce. There; and Saint Nicholas be thy speed! 301 Speed. [Reads] 'Imprimis: She can milk.' Speed. Item: She brews good ale.' Launce. That's as much as to say, Can she so? Speed. Item: She can knit.' 310 Launce. What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when she can knit him a stock? Speed. Item: She can wash and scour.' Launce. A special virtue; for then she need not be washed and scoured. Speed. Item: She can spin.' Launce. Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can spin for her living. Speed. 'Item: She hath many nameless virtues.' 320 Launce. That's as much as to say, bastard virtues; that, indeed, know not their fathers and therefore have no names. Speed. Here follow her vices.' Launce. Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast. Read on. Speed. Item: She hath a sweet mouth.' 330 breath. Speed. Item: She doth talk in her sleep.' Launce. It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk. Speed. Item: She is slow in words. Launce. O villain, that set this down among her vices! To be slow in words is a woman's only virtue: I pray thee, out with 't, and place it for her chief virtue. 340 Speed. Item: she is proud.' Speed. 'Item: She will often praise her liquor.' 35I Launce. If her liquor be good, she shall: if she will not, I will; for good things should be praised. Speed. Item: She is too liberal.' Launce. Of her tongue she cannot, for that's writ down she is slow of; of her purse she shall not, for that I'll keep shut: now, of another thing she may, and that cannot I help. Well, proceed. 360 Speed. Item: She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults.' Launce. Stop there; I'll have her: she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article. Rehearse that once more. Speed. Item: She hath more hair than wit,’— Launce. More hair than wit? It may be; I'll prove it. The cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it is more than the salt; the hair that covers the wit is more than the wit, for the greater hides the less. What's next? Speed. 'And more faults than hairs,'Launce. That's monstrous: O, that that were out! Speed. 'And more wealth than faults." Launce. Why, that word makes the faults gracious. Well, I'll have her: and if it be a match, as nothing is impossible,— Speed. What then? 380 Launce. Why, then will I tell thee-that thy master stays for thee at the North-gate. Speed. For me? Launce. For thee! ay, who art thou? he hath stayed for a better man than thee. Speed. And must I go to him? Launce. Thou must run to him, for thou hast stayed so long that going will scarce serve the turn. Speed. Why didst not tell me sooner? pox of your love-letters! [Exit. 391 Launce. Now will he be swinged for reading my letter; an unmannerly slave, that will thrust himself into secrets! I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's correction. [Exit. SCENE II. The same. The DUKE's palace. Enter DUKE and THURIO. Duke. Sir Thurio, fear not but that she will Now Valentine is banish'd from her sight. Forsworn my company and rail'd at me, Duke. This weak impress of love is as a figure Launce. I care not for that neither, because How now, Sir Proteus! Is your countryman I love crusts. According to our proclamation gone? : Pro. Gone, my good lord. ΙΟ Duke. My daughter takes his going grievously. Pro. The best way is to slander Valentine With falsehood, cowardice and poor descent, Three things that women highly hold in hate. Duke. Ay, but she'll think that it is spoke in hate. Pro. Ay, if his enemy deliver it: Therefore it must with circumstance be spoken By one whom she esteemeth as his friend. Duke. Then you must undertake to slander him. Pro. And that, my lord, I shall be loath to do: 'Tis an ill office for a gentleman, Especially against his very friend. 40 Duke. Where your good word cannot advantage him, Your slander never can endamage him; Pro. You have prevail'd, my lord: if I can do it By laught that I can speak in his dispraise, Lest it should ravel and be good to none, 50 Duke. And, Proteus, we dare trust you in this kind, Because we know, on Valentine's report, And cannot soon revolt and change your mind. 60 And, for your friend's sake, will be glad of you; Much is the force of heaven-bred poesy. Pro. Say that upon the altar of her beauty You sacrifice your tears, your sighs, your heart: Write till your ink be dry, and with your tears Moist it again, and frame some feeling line. SCENE I. The frontiers of Mantua. A forest. Enter certain Outlaws. 1 First Out. Fellows, stand fast; I see a passenger. Sec. Out. If there be ten, shrink not, but down with 'em. Enter VALENTINE and SPEED. Third Out. Stand, sir, and throw us that you have about ye: If not, we'll make you sit and rifle you. That all the travellers do fear so much. First Out. That's not so, sir: we are your enemies. Sec. Out. Peace! we'll hear him. Third Out. Ay, by my beard, will we, for he's a proper man. ΙΟ Val. Then know that I have little wealth to I kill'd a man, whose death I much repent; First Out. Why, ne'er repent it, if it were done so. 30 But were you banish'd for so small a fault? Val. My youthful travel therein made me happy, Or else I often had been miserable. Third Out. By the bare scalp of Robin Hood's fat friar, This fellow were a king for our wild faction! First Out. We'll have him. Sirs, a word. Speed. Master, be one of them; it's an honourable kind of thievery. Val. Peace, villain! 40 Sec. Out. Tell us this: have you any thing to take to? Val. Nothing but my fortune. Third Out. Know, then, that some of us are gentlemen, Such as the fury of ungovern'd youth For practising to steal away a lady, An heir, and near allied unto the duke. Sec. Out. And I from Mantua, for a gentleman, 50 Who, in my mood, I stabb'd unto the heart. First Out. And I for such like petty crimes as these. Sec. Out. Indeed, because you are a banish'd man, Therefore, above the rest, we parley to you: 60 Are you content to be our general? To make a virtue of necessity And live, as we do, in this wilderness? Third Out. What say'st thou? wilt thou be of our consort? Say ay, and be the captain of us all: We'll do thee homage and be ruled by thee, First Out. But if thou scorn our courtesy, thou diest. Sec. Out. Thou shalt not live to brag what we have offer'd. Val. I take your offer and will live with you, Provided that you do no outrages 71 On silly women or poor passengers. Third Out. No, we detest such vile base practices. Come, go with us, we'll bring thee to our crews, And show thee all the treasure we have got; Which, with ourselves, all rest at thy dispose. [Exeunt. SCENE II. Milan. Outside the DUKE's palace, under SILVIA's chamber. Enter PROTEUS. Pro. Already have I been false to Valentine And now I must be as unjust to Thurio. She twits me with my falsehood to my friend; And give some evening music to her ear. Thu. How now, Sir Proteus, are you crept before us? Pro. Ay, gentle Thurio: for you know that love Will creep in service where it cannot go. 20 Thu. Ay, but I hope, sir, that you love not here. Pro. Sir, but I do; or else I would be hence. Thu. Who? Silvia? 60 Host. Why, my pretty youth? Jul. He plays false, father. Host. How? out of tune on the strings? Jul. Not so; but yet so false that he grieves my very heart-strings. Host. You have a quick ear. Ful. Ay, I would I were deaf; it makes me have a slow heart. Host. I perceive you delight not in music. Host. Hark, what fine change is in the music! Host. You would have them always play but one thing? 71 Jul. I would always have one play but one thing. But, host, doth this Sir Proteus that we talk on Often resort unto this gentlewoman? Host. I tell you what Launce, his man, told me: he loved her out of all nick. Jul. Where is Launce? Host. Gone to seek his dog; which to-morrow, by his master's command, he must carry for a present to his lady. 80 Jul. Peace! stand aside: the company parts. Pro. Sir Thurio, fear not you: I will so plead That you shall say my cunning drift excels. Thu. Where meet we? Pro. Sir Proteus, gentle lady, and your servant. What's your will? Sil. Pro. That I may compass yours. That hast deceived so many with thy vows? Jul. [Aside] 'Twere false, if I should speak it; For I am sure she is not buried. 110 Sil. Say that she be; yet Valentine thy friend Survives; to whom, thyself art witness, I am betroth'd: and art thou not ashamed To wrong him with thy importunacy? Pro. I likewise hear that Valentine is dead. Sil. And so suppose am I; for in his grave Assure thyself my love is buried. Pro. Sweet lady, let me rake it from the earth. Sil. Go to thy lady's grave and call hers thence, Or, at the least, in hers sepulchre thine. And make it but a shadow, as I am. Sil. I am very loath to be your idol, sir; Pro. [Exeunt Pro. and Sil. severally. Jul. Host, will you go? Host. By my halidom, I was fast asleep. Jul. Pray you, where lies Sir Proteus? Host. Marry, at my house. Trust me, I think 'tis almost day. Jul. Not so; but it hath been the longest night That e'er I watch'd and the most heaviest. SCENE III. The same. Enter EGLAMOUR. 141 [Exeunt. Egl. As many, worthy lady, to yourself: According to your ladyship's impose, I am thus early come to know what service Sil. O Eglamour, thou art a gentleman- plagues. ΤΟ 20 30 with Jul. In what you please: I'll do what I can. Pro. I hope thou wilt. [To Launce] How now, you whoreson peasant! Where have you been these two days loitering? Launce. Marry, sir, I carried Mistress Silvia the dog you bade me. 50 Pro. And what says she to my little jewel? Launce. Marry, she says your dog was a cur, and tells you currish thanks is good enough for such a present. Pro. But she received my dog? Launce. No, indeed, did she not: here have I brought him back again. Pro. What, didst thou offer her this from me? Launce. Ay, sir; the other squirrel was stolen from me by the hangman boys in the marketplace: and then I offered her mine own, who is a dog as big as ten of yours, and therefore the gift the greater. Pro. Go get thee hence, and find my dog Or ne'er return again into my sight. She loved me well deliver'd it to me. She is dead, belike? Pro. Not so; I think she lives. 80 I cannot choose SCENE IV. The same. Enter LAUNCE, with his Dog. Launce. When a man's servant shall play the cur with him, look you, it goes hard: one that I│A slave, that still an end turns me to shame! brought up of a puppy; one that I saved from Sebastian, I have entertained thee, drowning, when three or four of his blind brothers Partly that I have need of such a youth and sisters went to it. I have taught him, even That can with some discretion do my business, 70 as one would say precisely, 'thus I would teach a For 'tis no trusting to yond foolish lout, dog.' I was sent to deliver him as a present to But chiefly for thy face and thy behaviour, Mistress Silvia from my master; and I came no Which, if my augury deceive me not, sooner into the dining-chamber but he steps me Witness good bringing up, fortune and truth: to her trencher and steals her capon's leg: 0, Therefore know thou, for this I entertain thee. 'tis a foul thing when a cur cannot keep himself Go presently and take this ring with thee, in all companies! I would have, as one should Deliver it to Madam Silvia: say, one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to be, as it were, a dog at all things. If I had not had more wit than he, to take a fault upon me that he did, I think verily he had been hanged for't; sure as I live, he had suffered for't: you shall judge. He thrusts me himself into the company of three or four gentlemanlike dogs, under the duke's table: he had not been there-bless the mark!-a pissing while, but all the chamber smelt him. 'Out with the dog!' says one: 'What cur is that?' says another: 'Whip him out' says the third: 'Hang him up' says the duke. I, having been acquainted with the smell before, knew it was Crab, and goes me to the fellow that whips the dogs: 'Friend,' quoth I, 'you mean to whip the dog?' 'Ay, marry, do I,' quoth he. "You do him the more wrong,' quoth I; "twas I did the thing you wot of.' He makes me no more ado, but whips me out of the chamber. How many masters would do this for his servant? Nay, I'll be sworn, I have sat in the stocks for puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had been executed; I have stood on the pillory for geese he hath killed, otherwise he had suffered for't. Thou thinkest not of this now. Nay, I remember the trick you served me when I took my leave of Madam Silvia: did not I bid thee still mark me and do as I do? when didst thou see me heave up my leg and make water against a gentlewoman's farthingale? didst thou ever see me do such a trick? Enter PROTEUS and JULIA. Pro. Sebastian is thy name? I like thee well And will employ thee in some service presently. Pro. Why dost thou cry 'alas'? As you do love your lady Silvia: Pro. Well, give her that ring and therewithal Alas, poor Proteus! thou hast entertain'd |