Adr. By thee; and this thou didst return from him,

160

That he did buffet thee and in his blows
Denied my house for his, me for his wife.
Ant. S. Did you converse, sir, with this gen-
tlewoman?

What is the course and drift of your compact?

Dro. S. I, sir? I never saw her till this time. Ant. S. Villain, thou liest; for even her very words

Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.

Dro. S. I never spake with her in all my life. Ant. S. How can she thus then call us by our names,

Unless it be by inspiration.

Adr. How ill agrees it with your gravity 170 To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave, Abetting him to thwart me in my mood! Be it my wrong you are from me exempt, But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt. Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine: Thou art an elm, my husband, I a vine, Whose weakness married to thy stronger state Makes me with thy strength to communicate: If aught possess thee from me, it is dross, Usurping ivy, brier, or idle moss; Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion Infect thy sap and live on thy confusion.

180

Ant. S. To me she speaks; she moves me for her theme:

What, was I married to her in my dream?
Or sleep I now and think I hear all this?
What error drives our eyes and ears amiss?
Until I know this sure uncertainty,
I'll entertain the offer'd fallacy.

Luc. Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.

Dro. S. O, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner.

190

This is the fairy land: O spite of spites!
We talk with goblins, owls and sprites :
If we obey them not, this will ensue,
They'll suck our breath or pinch us black and
blue.

Luc. Why pratest thou to thyself and answer'st not? Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou

sot!

Dro. S. 'Tis true; she rides me and I long for grass.

"Tis So,
I am an ass; else it could never be
But I should know her as well as she knows me.
Adr. Come, come, no longer will I be a fool,
To put the finger in the eye and weep,
Whilst man and master laugh my woes to scorn.
Come, sir, to dinner. Dromio, keep the gate.
Husband, I'll dine above with you to-day
And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks.
Sirrah, if any ask you for your master,
Say he dines forth and jet no creature enter.
Come, sister. Dromio, play the porter well.

210

SCENE I. Before the house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus.

Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, DROMIO of Ephesus, ANGELO, and BALTHAZAR.

Ant. E. Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all;

My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours:
Say that I linger'd with you at your shop

To see the making of her carcanet

And that to-morrow you will bring it home.
But here's a villain that would face me down
He met me on the mart and that I beat him
And charged him with a thousand marks in gold
And that I did deny my wife and house.

Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?

ΙΟ

Ant. E. You're sad, Signior Balthazar : pray God our cheer

May answer my good will and your good welcome here.

A

20

Bal. I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear.

Ant. E. O, Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish,

table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty

dish.

Bal. Good meat, sir, is common; that every

churl affords.

Dro. E. What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street.

Dro. S. [Within] Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on's feet.. Ant. E. Who talks within there? ho, open the door!

Dro. S. [Within] Right, sir; I'll tell you when, an you'll tell me wherefore... Ant. E. Wherefore? for my dinner: I have not dined to-day.

40

Dro. S. [Within] Nor to-day here you must not; come again when you may.

Ant. E. What art thou that keepest me out from the house I owe?

Dro. S. [Within] The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.

Dro. E. O villain! thou hast stolen both mine office and my name.

The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame. If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place, Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name

or thy name for an ass.

Luce. [Within] What a coil is there, Dromio? who are those at the gate? Dro. E. Let my master in, Luce. Luce. [Within] Faith, no; he comes too late; And so tell your master.

Dro. E.
O Lord, I must laugh!
Have at you with a proverb-Shall I set in my staff?
Luce. [Within] Have at you with another;
that's-When? can you tell?

Dro. S. [Within] If thy name be call'd Luce,-
Luce, thou hast answer'd him well.
Ant. E. Do you hear, you minion? you'll let
us in, I hope?

Luce. [Within] I thought to have ask'd you.
Dro. S.
[Within] And you said no.
Dro. E. So, come, help: well struck! there
was blow for blow.

Ant. E. Thou baggage, let me in.
Luce. [Within] Can you tell for whose sake?
Dro. E. Master, knock the door hard.
Luce. [Within] Let him knock till it ache.
Ant. E. You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat
the door down.

Luce. [Within] What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town? 60 Adr. [Within] Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?

Dro. S. [Within] By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.

Ant. E. Are you there, wife? you might have come before.

Adr. [Within] Your wife, sir knave! go get you from the door.

Dro. E. If you went in pain, master, this 'knave' would go sore.

Ang. Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome: we would fain have either.

Ay,

and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.

Dro. S. [Within] It seems thou want'st breaking out upon thee, hind!

Dro. E. Here's too much out upon thee!' I pray thee, let me in.

Dro. S. [Within] Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no fin.

Ant. E. Well, I'll break in: go borrow me a

90

Bal. Have patience, sir; O, let it not be so ! Herein you war against your reputation And draw within the compass of suspect The unviolated honour of your wife. Once this, your long experience of her wisdom, Her sober virtue, years and modesty, Plead on her part some cause to you unknown; And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse Why at this time the doors are made against you. Be ruled by me: depart in patience, And let us to the Tiger all to dinner, And about evening come yourself alone To know the reason of this strange restraint. If by strong hand you offer to break in Now in the stirring passage of the day, A vulgar comment will be made of it, And that supposed by the common rout Against your yet ungalled estimation That may with foul intrusion enter in And dwell upon your grave when you are dead; For slander lives upon succession, For ever housed where it gets possession.

100

Ant. E. You have prevail'd: I will depart

in quiet,

And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry.
I know a wench of excellent discourse,
Pretty and witty, wild and yet, too, gentle : ΙΙΟ
There will we dine. This woman that I mean,
My wife-but, I protest, without desert-
Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal:
To her will we to dinner. [To Ang.] Get you
home

And fetch the chain; by this I know 'tis made:

Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine;
For there's the house: that chain will I bestow-
Be it for nothing but to spite my wife-
Upon mine hostess there: good sir, make haste.
Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me, 120
I'll knock elsewhere, to see if they'll disdain me.
Ang. I'll meet you at that place some hour
hence.

Ant. E. Do so. This jest shall cost me some
expense.
[Exeunt.

SCENE II. The same.

Enter LUCIANA and ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse. Luc. And may it be that you have quite forgot

A husband's office? shall, Antipholus, Even in the spring of love, thy love-springs rot? Shall love, in building, grow so ruinous? If you did wed my sister for her wealth,

Then for her wealth's sake use her with more kindness:

Or if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth; Muffle your false love with some show of blindness:

Let not my sister read it in your eye;

Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator;
Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty;
Apparel vice like virtue's harbinger;
Bear a fair presence, though your heart
tainted;

Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint;
Be secret-false: what need she be acquainted?
What simple thief brags of his own attaint?
'Tis double wrong, to truant with your bed

And let her read it in thy looks at board: Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed; Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word. Alas, poor women! make us but believe,

be

20

Being compact of credit, that you love us; Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve; We in your motion turn and you may move us. Then, gentle brother, get you in again;

Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife: 'Tis holy sport to be a little vain,

When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife.

Ant S Sweet mistress,-what your name is else, I know not,

Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine,- 30 Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not

Than our earth's wonder, more than earth divine.

Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak;

Lay open to my earthy-gross conceit, Smother'd in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,

pure

The folded meaning of your words' deceit. Against my soul's truth why labour you To make it wander in an unknown field? Are you a god? would you create me new? Transform me then, and to your power I'll yield.

But if that I am I, then well I know

Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,
Nor to her bed no homage do I owe:
Far more, far more to you do I decline.

O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note,

40

Luc.

O, soft, sir! hold you still :

I'll fetch my sister, to get her good will. [Exit. 70 Enter DROMIO of Syracuse.

Ant. S. Why, how now, Dromio! where runn'st thou so fast?

Dro. S. Do you know me, sir? am I Dromio? am I your man? am I myself?

Ant. S. Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself.

Dro. S. I am an ass, I am a woman's man and besides myself.

Ant. S. What woman's man? and how besides thyself? 80 Dro. S. Marry, sir, besides myself, I am due to a woman; one that claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me.

Ant. S. What claim lays she to thee?

Dro. S. Marry, sir, such claim as you would lay to your horse; and she would have me as a beast: not that, I being a beast, she would have me; but that she, being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me.

Ant. S. What is she?

90

Dro. S. A very reverent body; ay, such a one as a man may not speak of without he say 'Sir-reverence.' I have but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a wondrous fat marriage.

Ant. S. How dost thou mean a fat marriage? Dro. S. Marry, sir, she's the kitchen wench and all grease; and I know not what use to put her to but to make a lamp of her and run from her by her own light. I warrant, her rags and the tallow in them will burn a Poland winter: if she lives till doomsday, she'll burn a week longer

than the whole world.

Dro. S. Nell, sir; but her name and three quarters, that's an ell and three quarters, will not measure her from hip to hip.

Ant. S. Then she bears some breadth?

Dro. S. No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip: she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out countries in her.

Ant. S. In what part of her body stands Ireland?

Dro. S. Marry, sir, in her buttocks: I found it out by the bogs.

Ant. S. Where Scotland?

121

Dro. S. Faith, I saw it not; but I felt it hot in her breath.

Ant. S. Where America, the Indies?

Dro. S. Oh, sir, upon her nose, all o'er embellished with rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich aspect to the hot breath of Spain; who sent whole armadoes of caracks to be ballast at her nose.

141

Ant. S. Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands? Dro. S. Oh, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, this drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me; called me Dromio; swore I was assured to her; told me what privy marks I had about me, as, the mark of my shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my left arm, that I amazed ran from her as a witch:

And, I think, if my breast had not been made of faith and my heart of steel, 150 She had transform'd me to a curtal dog and made me turn i' the wheel.

Ant. S. Go hie thee presently, post to the road:
An if the wind blow any way from shore,
I will not harbour in this town to-night :
If any bark put forth, come to the mart,
Where I will walk till thou return to me.
If every one knows us and we know none,
'Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack and be gone.
Dro. S. As from a bear a man would run for life,
So fly I from her that would be my wife. [Exit.
Ant. S. There's none but witches do inhabit
here:

And therefore 'tis high time that I were hence.
She that doth call me husband, even my soul
Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister,
Possess'd with such a gentle sovereign grace,
Of such enchanting presence and discourse,
Hath almost made me traitor to myself:
But, lest myself be guilty to self-wrong,

161

I'll stop mine ears against the mermaid's song. Enter ANGELO with the chain.

Ang. Master Antipholus,

170

Ant. S. Ay, that's my name. Ang. I know it well, sir: lo, here is the chain. I thought to have ta'en you at the Porpentine: The chain unfinish'd made me stay thus long. Ant. S. What is your will that I shall do with this?

Ang. What please yourself, sir: I have made it for you.

Ant. S. Made it for me, sir! I bespoke it not. Ang. Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you have.

180

Go home with it and please your wife withal;
And soon at supper-time I'll visit you
And then receive my money for the chain.
Ant. S. I pray you, sir, receive the money now,
For fear you ne'er see chain nor money more.
Ang. You are a merry man, sir: fare you well.
[Exit.

Ant. S. What I should think of this, I cannot tell:

But this I think, there's no man is so vain
That would refuse so fair an offer'd chain.

I see a man here needs not live by shifts,
When in the streets he meets such golden gifts.
I'll to the mart and there for Dromio stay:
If any ship put out, then straight away.

ACT IV.

SCENE I. A public place.

[Exit.

money;

Besides, I have some business in the town. Good signior, take the stranger to my house And with you take the chain and bid my wife Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof: Perchance I will be there as soon as you. Ang. Then you will bring the chain to her yourself? 40 Ant. E. No; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.

Ang. Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?

Ant. E. An if I have not, sir, I hope you have;

Or else you may return without your money. Ang. Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain:

Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman, And I, to blame, have held him here too long.

Ant. E. Good Lord! you use this dalliance

Either consent to pay this sum for me Or I attach you by this officer.

Ant. E. Consent to pay thee that I never had!

Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou darest.
Ang. Here is thy fee; arrest him, officer.
I would not spare my brother in this case,
If he should scorn me so apparently.

Off. I do arrest you, sir: you hear the suit.
Ant. E. I do obey thee till I give thee bail.
But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear
As all the metal in your shop will answer.

Ang. Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus, To your notorious shame; I doubt it not.

81

And told thee to what purpose and what end. Dro. S. You sent me for a rope's end as soon: You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.

Ant. E. I will debate this matter at more leisure

100

And teach your ears to list me with more heed.
To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight:
Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk
That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry
There is a purse of ducats; let her send it:
Tell her I am arrested in the street
And that shall bail me: hie thee, slave, be gone!
On, officer, to prison till it come.

[Exeunt Sec. Merchant, Angelo,
Officer, and Ant. E.
Dro. S. To Adriana! that is where we dined,
Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband:
She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.
Thither I must, although against my will,
For servants must their masters' minds fulfil.

III

[Exit.

SCENE II. The house of ANTIPHOLUS of
Ephesus.

Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA.
Adr. Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
Mightst thou perceive austerely in his eye
That he did plead in earnest? yea or no?

Look'd he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?
What observation madest thou in this case
Of his heart's meteors tilting in his face?

Luc. First he denied you had in him no right. Adr. He meant he did me none; the more my spite.

Luc. Then swore he that he was a stranger here.