familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be English'd rightly, is, I am Sir John Falstaff's Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated her well; out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep: will that humour pass? Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse. Pist. To her, boy, say I. Nym. The humour rises; it is good. Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her: and here another to Page's wife; who even now gave me good eyes too; she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheater 3 to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to mistress Page; and thou this to mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive. Pist. Shall I sir Pandarus of Troy become, Enter FALSTAFF, Host, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all ! and ROBIN. Nym. I will run no base humour; here, take the humour letter; I will keep the 'haviour of reputation. Fal. Hold, sirrah, [To Roв.] bear you these letters tightly 4; Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores. And high and low beguile the rich and poor: Nym. I have operations in my head, which be humours of revenge. I Pist. Wilt thou revenge? Nym. By welkin, and her star! parson Hugh. come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell- | the truth of it. tale, nor no breed-bate 9: his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer: he is something peevish that way but nobody but has his fault; but let that : pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is? Quick. And master Slender's your master? Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring knife? Sim. No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard; a Cain-coloured beard. Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? Sim. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall 2 a man of his hands, as any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a warrener. Quick. How say you? — O, I should remember him; does he not hold up his head, as it were? and strut in his gait? Sim. Yes, indeed, does he. Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune. Tell master parson Evans, I will do what I can for your master; Anne is a good girl, and I wish Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys; Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier verd; a box, a green-a box; Do intend vat I speak? a green-a box. Quick. Ay forsooth, I'll fetch it you. I am glad he went not in himself; if he had found the young man, he would have been horn-mad. [Aside. Caius. Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud, Je m'en vais à la cour, - - la grande affaire. Quick. Is it this, sir? Caius. Ouy; mette le au mon pocket; Dépêche, quickly- Vere is dat knave Rugby? Quick. What, John Rugby! John! Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby: Come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to de court. Rug. 'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch. Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long: — Od's me! Qu'ay-j' oublié ? dere is some simples in my closet, dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind. Quick. Ah me! he'll find the young man there, and be mad. Caius. Vell. He came of an errand to me from Sim. Ay, forsooth, to desire her to Quick. Peace, I pray you. Caius. Peace-a your tongue : - Speak-a your tale. Sim. To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to mistress Anne Page for my master, in the way of marriage. Quick. This is all, indeed, la; but I'll ne'er put my finger in the fire, and need not. Caius. Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baillez me some paper: - Tarry you a little-a while. [Writes. : Quick. I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him so loud, and so melancholy : But notwithstanding, man, I'll do your master what good I can: and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master, . I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself; Sim. 'Tis a great charge, to come under one body's hand. Quick. Are you avis'd o' that? you shall find it a great charge: and to be up early and down late: I would have no words of it;) my master himself but notwithstanding, (to tell you in your ear; is in love with mistress Anne Page; but notwithstanding that, — I know Anne's mind, — that's neither here nor there. Caius. You jack'nape; give-a dis letter to sir Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge; I vill cut his troat in de park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape - you may be gone; it priest to meddle or make: [Exit SIMPLe. is not good you tarry here. Quick. Alas, he speaks but for his friend. Caius. It is no matter-a for dat ;;-do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself?. by gar, I will kill de jack priest; and I have appointed mine host of de Jarterre to measure our weapon: - -by gar, I vill myself have Anne Page. Quick. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well: we must give folks leave to prate. Caius. Rugby, come to the court vit me; - By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door: Follow my heels, Rugby. [Exeunt CAIUS and RUGBY. Quick. You shall have An fools-head of your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that; never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's mind than I do ; nor can do more than I do with her. Fent. [Within.] Who's within there, ho? Quick. Who's there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you. Enter FENTON. Fent. How now, good woman; how dost thou ? Quick. The better, that it pleases your good worship to ask. Fent. What news? how does pretty mistress Anne? Quick. In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it. Fent. Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shall I not lose my suit? Quick. Troth, sir, all is in his hands above; but notwithstanding, master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book she loves you: wart above your eye? Have not your worship a money for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: - if thou seest her before me, commend me -Quick. Will I? i'faith, that we will: and I will tell your worship more of the wart, the next time we have confidence; and of other wooers. Fent. Yes, marry, have I; what of that? Quick. Well, thereby hangs a tale; - good faith, it is such another Nan; - but, I detest +, an honest maid as ever broke bread: :- We had an hour's talk of that wart; I shall never laugh but in that maid's company! 5 - But, indeed, she is given too much to allicholly and musing: But for you Well, go to. Fent. Well, farewell; I am in great haste now. [Exit. Quick. Farewell to your worship. Truly, an honest gentleman; but Anne loves him not: for I know Anne's mind as well as another does; - Out [Exit. Fent. Well, I shall see her to-day: Hold, there's upon't! what have I forgot? Enter Mistress PAGE, with a letter. Mrs. Page. What! have I 'scaped love-letters in the holy-day time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see: [Reads. Ask me no reason why I love you; for though love use reason for his precisian, he admits him not for his counsellor: You are not young, no more am I: go to then, there's sympathy: you are merry, so am I; Ha! ha! then there's more sympathy: you love sack, and so do I; Would you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, mistress Page, (at the least, if the love of a soldier can suffice,) that I love thee. I will not say, pity me, 'tis not a soldierlike phrase; but I say, Love me. By me, O wicked, wicked world! -one that is well nigh worn to pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant! What unweighed behaviour hath this Flemish drunkard picked out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company!-What should I say to him?—I was then frugal of my mirth. Why, I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be. Enter Mistress FORD. Mrs. Ford. Mrs. Page! trust me, I was going to your house. Mrs. Page. And trust me, I was coming to you. You look very ill. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary. Mrs. Page. 'Faith, but you do, in my mind. Mrs. Ford. Well, I do then; yet, I say, I could show you to the contrary: O, mistress Page, give me some counsel ! Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman? Mrs. Ford. O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honour! Mrs. Page. Hang the trifle, woman:- take the honour: What is it?-dispense with trifles; what is it? 4 She means, I protest. Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment, I could be knighted. Mrs. Page. What?-Sir Alice Ford! Mrs. Ford. We burn daylight: here, read, read; - perceive how I might be knighted, I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking: And yet he would not swear; praised women's modesty ; all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disand gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to position would have gone to the truth of his words: but they do no more adhere and keep place together, than the hundredth psalm to the tune of Green sleeves. What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in him, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think, the best way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire have melted him. · Did you ever hear the like? Mrs. Page. Letter for letter; but that the name of Page and Ford differs! - To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin-brother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I protest, mine never shall. I warrant he hath a thousand of these letters writ with blank space for different names (sure more), and these are of the second edition: He will print them out of doubt. Mrs. Ford. Why this is the very same; the very hand, the very words: What doth he think of us? Mrs. Page. Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury. Let's be revenged on of comfort in his suit: and lead him on with a finehim; let's appoint him a meeting; give him a show baited delay, till he hath pawn'd his horses to mine host of the Garter. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any villainy against him, that may not sully the chariness 7 of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. Mrs. Page. Why, look, where he comes; and my good man too: he's as far from jealousy, as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance. Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. Mrs. Page. Let's consult together against this greasy knight: Come hither. [They retire. / Caution. Enter FORD, PISTOL, PAGE, and NYм. Ford. Well, I hope it be not so. Pist. Hope is a curtail 8 dog in some affairs: Sir John affects thy wife. Ford. Why, sir, my wife is not young. Ford. You heard what this knave told me; did you not? Page. Yes; and you heard what the other told me? Ford. Do you think there is truth in them? Page. Hang 'em, slaves! I do not think the knight would offer it: but these that accuse him in his Pist. He wooes both high and low, both rich and intent towards our wives, are a yoke of his discarded Away, sir corporal Nym. Believe it, Page; he speaks sense. [Exit PISTOL. Ford. I will seek out Falstaff. men; very rogues, now they be out of service. Ford. Were they his men? Page. Marry, were they. Ford. I like it never the better for that. he lie at the Garter? - Does this voyage towards my wife, I would turn her loose Page. Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head. be loth to turn them together: A man may be too Ford. I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would confident: I would have nothing lie on my head: I cannot be thus satisfied. Page. Look, where my ranting host of the Garter comes: there is either liquor in his pate, or money in his purse, when he looks so merrily. How how, mine host? Enter Host and SHALLOW. Host. How now, bully-rook? thou'rt a gentleman: cavalero-justice, I say. and twenty, good master Page! Master Page, will you go with us? we have sport in hand. Shal. I follow, mine host, I follow. Good even Host. Tell him, cavalero-justice; tell him, bully rook. Shal. Sir, there is a fray to be fought, between sir Hugh the Welsh priest, and Caius the French doctor. Ford. Good mine host of the Garter, a word with Page. I never heard such a drawling, affecting you. rogue. Ford. If I do find it, well. Page. I will not believe such a Cataian, tho' the Mrs. Page. Whither go you, George?-Hark you. Mrs. Ford. How now, sweet Frank? why art thou melancholy? Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go. now. Mrs. Ford. Thou hast some crotchets in thy head Will you go, mistress Page? Mrs. Page. Have with you. You'll come to dinner, George? - Look, who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight. [Aside to Mrs. FORD. Enter Mistress QUICKLY. Mrs. Ford. Trust me, I thought on her she'll fit it. Mrs. Page. You are come to see my daughter Anne? Quick. Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good mistress Anne? Host. What say'st thou, bully-rook? [They go aside. Shal. Will you [to PAGE] go with us to behold it? my merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and, I think, he hath appointed them contrary places: for, believe me, I hear, the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be. Host. Hast thou no suit against my knight, my guest-cavalier? Ford. None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him, and tell him, my name is Brook; only for a jest. Host. My hand, bully: thou shalt have egress and regress; said I well? and thy name shall be Brook: It is a merry night. Will you go on, hearts? Shal. Have with you, mine host. Page. I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier. Shal. Tut, sir, I could have told you more! In stoccadoes, and I know not what: 'tis the heart, these times you stand on distance, your passes, time, with my long sword, I would have made you master Page; 'tis here, 'tis here. I have seen the four tall fellows skip like rats. Host. Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag? Page. Have with you: -I had rather hear thera scold than fight. [Exeunt HosT, SHALLOW, and PAGE. Ford. Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so firmly on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily: she was in his company at Page's house; and, what they made there, I know SCENE II. A Room in the Garter Inn. Fal. I will not lend thee a penny. I will retort the sum in equipage. 3 Fal. Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should lay my countenance to pawn; I have grated upon my good friends for three reprieves for you and your coach-fellow Nym; or else you had looked through the grate like a geminy of baboons. I am disgraced for swearing to gentlemen my friends, you were good soldiers, and tall fellows: and when mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took't upon mine honour, thou hadst it not. Pist. Didst thou not share? hadst thou not fifteen pence? - Fal. Reason, you rogue, reason: Think'st thou, I'll endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about me, I am no gibbet for you: -go. A short knife and a throng 5: to your manor of Pickt-hatch 6, go. · You'll not bear a letter for me, you rogue!—you stand upon your honour!Why, thou unconfinable baseness, it is as much as I can do, to keep the terms of my honour precise. I, I, I myself sometimes, leaving the fear of heaven on the left hand, and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to shuffle, to hedge, and to lurch; and yet you, rogue, will ensconce 7 your rags, your cat-a-mountain looks, your red-lattice 8 phrases, and your bold-beating oaths, under the shelter of your honour! You will not do it, you? Pist. I do relent: what would'st thou more of man? Enter ROBIN. Quick. Why, sir, she's a good creature; but your worship's a wanton: Well, heaven forgive you, and all of us, I pray ! Fal. Mistress Ford; - come, mistress Ford,Quick. Marry, this is the short and the long of it; you have brought her into such a canaries?, as 'tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches; I warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after gift; smelling so sweetly (all musk), and so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar of the best and the fairest, that would have won any woman's heart; and, I warrant you, they could never get an eye-wink of her. I had myself twenty angels given me this morning: but I defy all angels, (in any such sort, as they say,) but in the way of honesty : — and, I warrant you, they could never get her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of them all; and yet there has been earls, nay, which is more, pensioners; but, I warrant you, all is one with her. Fal. But what says she to me? be brief, my good she-Mercury. Quick. Marry, she hath received your letter; for the which she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you to notify, that her husband will be absence from his house between ten and eleven. Fal. Ten and eleven? Quick. Ay, forsooth; and then you may come and see the picture, she says that you wot of; master Ford, her husband, will be from home. Alas! the sweet woman leads an ill life with him; he's a very jealousy man; she leads a very frampold 2 life with him, good heart. Fal. Ten and eleven: Woman, commend me to her; I will not fail her. Quick. Why, you say well: But I have another messenger to your worship: Mistress Page hath her hearty commendations to you too; -- and let me Rob. Sir, here's a woman would speak with you. tell you in your ear, she's as fartuous a civil modest Fal. Let her approach. Enter Mrs. QUICKLY. Quick. Give your worship good-morrow. Fal. Good-morrow, good wife. Quick. Not so, an't please your worship. Quick. I'll be sworn; as my mother was, the first hour I was born. Fal. I do believe the swearer: What with me? Quick. Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two? Fal. Two thousand, fair woman; and I'll vouchsafe thee the hearing. Quick. There is one mistress Ford, sir;-I pray, come a little nearer this ways; - I myself dwell with master doctor Caius. Fal. Well, on: Mistress Ford you say, worship, come a little nearer this ways. Quick. Are they so? Heaven bless thein, and make them his servants! Fal. Well: Mistress Ford: Pay you again in stolen goods. 5 To cut purses in a crowd. wife, and one (I tell you) that will not miss your morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe'er be the other: and she bade me tell your worship, that her husband is seldom from home; but, she hopes, there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man; surely, I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth. Fal. Not I, I assure thee; setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I have no other charms. Quick. Blessing on your heart for't! Fal. But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford's wife, and Page's wife, acquainted each other how they love me? Quick. That were a jest, indeed! - they have not so little grace, I hope: that were a trick, indeed! But mistress Page would desire you to send her your little Page, of all loves; her husband has a marvellous infection to the little page: and, truly, master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does; do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, all is as she will; and, truly, she deserves it: for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send her your Page; no remedy. |