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December 22, 17I now found all my theatrical expectations frustrated. Although, but a few days before, they seemed to be resuming their wonted fplendour, and bid fair to be productive of at least some years of unclouded sunshine, in a moment an envious gloom darkened the prospect. Transient, as 66 when a sable cloud turns forth her silver lining “ to the night," was the flattering hope. But such was my
lot. I could by no means have wished for an engagement, unless it was on condition of being reinVOL. v.
stated in most of the parts that had been in my poflession, together with my quota of new ones;
and as to requesting a favour of that kind from Mr. Woodward, I reprobated the very thought. I could not for a moment suppose, even had I been fo unreasonable as to make such a weak proposal, that a person who knew the value of
fo well as he did, would have consented to have me (to make use of a political phrase) tacked to him by way of dependent,
For notwithstanding friendship is a very fine thing to talk of, very few would prove such devotees to it, as to sacrifice a thousand pounds á year upon account of it. As for my own ideas of that sacred union, they are so truly romantic, and so very unfashionable, that I am almost ashamed to make them known: but I should not think worlds too dear a purchase, for the person towards whom I professed a friendship. I now regretted, more poignantly than before, that I had made Mr. Colman my enemy. Though I deplored his resentment, I acknowledged the justice of it. I have, however, the consolation to add, that from that gentleman's liberal behaviour for some time past, I have every reason to believe his displeasure has subsided, and that I have the happiness, once
more, to look upon him in the light of a friend.
Upon the third of December I always made a dinner for some friends, in honour of its being the name-day of Comte Haslang. I had accordingly invited some ladies, and his Excellency's Secretary, to dine at my mother's, where I now resided when I came to town.
The evening previous to that day my mother feemed to be indisposed, but as I was in hopes that it was only a flight indisposition, and she herself objected to my putting off the party, I had not done so. When I returned home from paying the usual compliments upon the occasion, I found her in the parlour, much worse than when I left her. Seeing this, I entreated her to permit me to send for advice; which she refused, but consented to return to bed.
As I did not apprehend any real danger from my
mother's illness, good company, joined to good cheer, and good humour, made us laugh rather too loud; when, to our great furprize, she entered the room, in the midst of our festivity, and turning to Mrs. Howe, one of the ladies present, desired her not to raise a mob about the door by her iminoderate laughing, As my mother was
a remarkable well-bred woman, and was very particular in her behaviour to those who were tinged with nobility, we concluded this uncommon rudeness must arise from some extraordinary cause.
And so it proved to be; for we foon perceived, from the tenor of her behaviour, that she was light-headed. I therefore sent away immediately for Doctor Macdonald, a physician of whom she had such a very high opinion, that she always did him the honour to consult him upon every flight indisposition of her friends, as well as herself, and that gratis. The Doctor immediately came, and apologized for not joining us at dinner, as he had been invited. He informed me, that he was rather late, and recollecting, when he got near Brewer-street, that he was in mourning, he would not commit such a solecism in good manners, as to appear in sables at my grand gala; he therefore returned, and dined elsewhere.
Doctor Macdonald did all he could to assist my mother for ten or twelve days; but finding every medicine he prescribed prove ineffectual, he defired that I would call in fome other advice. I therefore immediately sent for Doctor Schomberg, a gentleman as eminent for his wit, as distinguished in his profeffion. When he came, he pronoun
ced her complaint to be a lethargic palsy; adding, that there were no hopes of her recovery, as it was not in the power of the whole materia medica to restore her. He ordered both her head and feet to be blistered, but without any good effect arising from it. She lingered for some time, during which she had no interval of sense; and whilft I was kneeling by her bed-fide, kissing her hand, she cast her eyes upon me, with a beniguant smile, and left this world without a pang.
The grief I felt at the loss of my much loved parent, was lefsened by the confideration, that the Had every assistance this world could afford her. The poor had reason to regret her departure, as fhe was benevolent to an excess. Though a rigid oeconomist where she herself was only concerned, she was liberal almost to a fault when any object of compassion excited her tender feel. ings. I had the satisfaction of seeing those intimates who esteemed her whilst living, feverely lament her when dead. As to myself, death deprived me not only of an anxious parent, but of a kind friend. Happy would it have been for me, had I always listened to her prudent admonitions ! I should then have been a stranger to error, and consequently to its sure attendants, anguish and