vided among themselves, and treat one another with an acrimony of language, which, I thought, could not arise from love, neither altogether suited to the humility of Jesus, the true Christ. The Friend observing my silence, and that I was under a deep inward concern, became silent likewise, and a trouble also seized him, but of another kind; for I was concerned to know the truth, and on what side, if on either, it might lie; and he was afraid I had taken, or might take offence, and depart from the beginning I had made among them. Thus we remained silent for some time; during which I plainly observed a struggle between two distinct powers working in my self, which exhibited two different conclusions in my mind concerning the matter then in hand, and the spirits and persons concerned therein, viz: the first was Truth, establishing himself in his own nature, a law-giver and ruler in every member of his church and body, as alone needful unto them who were truly so. But as He who knoweth all things, did foresee that many would, in time, come into that profession, as of old, without any knowledge of divine truth, or the work of it in themselves, but, as thieves and robbers, climbing up some other way; by education, tradition, imitation, or sinister interests and worldly views; who, not being under the rule and law of grace in the second birth, would act and say of themselves, contrary to the way of truth and the church of the living God; and therefore, in his wisdom and power, working in the minds of the just, he had early established, and was yet more firmly establishing, a due order among his people; for preserving the right, and passing judgment and condemnation on the wrong and evil doers; that such as should profess the truth of God, and yet walk contrary to the same, bringing forth fruits of another kind, might be bounded and confined by outward moral rules, adapted to human reason and understanding. Secondly, that the spirit of this world had been, and still was working in the other sort, to oppose all order and discipline, and to live loose as they list, without any rule or account to the Society, though professing the same truth with them; wanting to be judged only by their own light, or what they called so, and accountable only to the spirit in them selves; though several among that party were only against some branches of the discipline already established by the body of the Society, and not against the whole. During this time of silence I clearly beheld the contrary natures and ends of these differing spirits; the one truth, the other error; the one light, the other darkness; the one for moral virtue and a holy pure mind, and the other for a loose unbounded liberty; and yet, that these last, as creatures, did not see the sophistry of the evil one, to whom themselves were instruments, nor the snare; but intended well, in their own view and way of conceiving things. As these distinctions were gradually made clear in my understanding at that time, the load and trouble I was under abated; and at last my mind settled down again to its own centre in peace, and became serene, as before; which, being fully sensible of, I was cheerful, and said to the Friend, we may now return into the house, for the danger is entirely over. I knew thy meaning before we came out of the other room; and commend your care and caution. With this he was greatly pleased; and so were the rest, when they came to know it. After this I was at some other meetings; but little notice was taken of it by any of my relations or acquaintance, till the time of the assizes at Carlisle, where some Friends being prisoners in the county jail, for non-payment of tithes, others attended the assizes, as their custom was, the better to obviate the occasion of troubles or hurt to any of the Society, and to minister counsel or other help, as need might be; and these went to a meeting at Scotby, about two miles from the city; and thither I went also. During the time of the meeting I found an unusual load on my spirit, and hardness in my heart; insomuch that I could hardly breathe under the oppression; nor could I say I had any sense of the comforts of the divine presence there, but that the heavens were as thick brass, and the bars thereof as strong iron. But though I had no enjoyment in myself, yet I was sensible the presence and goodness of the Lord were there, and many therein greatly comforted; and therefore did conclude my condition of mind was from some other cause, and not relating to the state of the meeting in general. After the meeting was over, one of them asked me how I did; I answered, indifferently. Then he and some others perceived my spirit was oppressed, and sympathized with me therein. I could not, all this time, perceive the particular matter which thus affected me,-for I knew not of any thing I had done or said to bring it upon myself-till that evening, being returned to my father's house, very solitary, silent, and inward, there came in one Thomas Tod, an acquaintance of mine; who, after some compliments of civility-for at that time I had not quite declined the common modes of salutation-desired to speak with me apart; and then told me that he had a trial to come on again silent, till clear in my understanding next day, concerning certain houses of his in what to answer in sincerity and truth. For the town of Penrith, being the greatest part of as nobody before that time had called me a all he had in the world; that one of the wit-Quaker, so I had not assumed the appellation; nesses to his deeds of conveyance was dead; which being given in reproach, was not grateanother of them gone into Ireland, and could ful; though the thing, in its proper sense, not be had; but I, being the third, and having most delightful. Nor did I then see whether made the writings, he hoped, through my evi- I had so much unity with all their tenets as dence and credit, to gain his just point against might justify me in owning the name,—for in his unfair adversary; and desired me to be in the unity of divine love and life only I had readiness in the morning; for the trial was known them-till the power of that life of likely to come on very early. Him who forbiddeth all oaths and swearing, arising yet clearer and fuller in me, opened my understanding, cleared my way, and enabled me thereto; and then I said, "I must confess the truth, I am a Quaker." As this confession brought me still nearer to the Son of God, his love increasing yet more sensibly in me, so likewise it heightened the perplexity and disturbance of my friend, whose case thereby became more desperate, in his own opinion. Upon which, in an increase of heat, and expressions therefrom suiting so obvious a disappointment, as it then appeared to him, he threatened to have me fined by the court and proceeded against with the utmost rigor of the law; saying, "What! must I lose my estate by your groundless no As soon as he began this relation, the word of life began likewise to work in me in a very powerful manner; and the hammer of the Lord I sensibly felt, and saw to be lifted up upon that hardness of heart, which for some time had been my state; and it began to be broken, softened, and dissolved; and the sense of the love of God in some degree to be renewed. Then I saw plainly that this was the hard thing I had to go through, and that now was the time of trial, wherein I must take up the cross of Christ, acknowledge his doctrine in that point fully and openly, according to the understanding given me; and to despise the shame and reproach, and other sufferings, which I well knew would ensue quickly; or I must forsake the Lord for ever. For, deny-tions and whims ?" ing his doctrine, in the sense I had now But the higher my enemy arose and raged plainly seen it, would be denying himself be-in this well-meaning, but mistaken man, who fore men; and if I had then denied him, I thus, without design, became the instrument could expect no less, but according to his word, to have been immediately, and for ever denied of him, and left under that hardness of heart and want of the enjoyment of his divine presence, wherewith I had been favoured before, and all the dreadful consequences of a beginning so woful. of my trial, the fuller and more powerful still was the love of God; whose cause I had now espoused through his own aid and the power of an endless life from him made manifest in me. I replied, in that calm of mind and resignation to the will of God, that the life of the Son of God enables to and teacheth, way, but I cannot comply with your request in this matter, whatever be the issue of it." And then he departed under great dissatisfaction, with all the threats and reproaches his enraged passions could suggest, under a view of so great loss. But according to the advances of the word" You may do what you think proper that and work of the Lord in me at that time, my heart inclined to him: as my acquaintance was speaking, and by the time he had done, I was furnished with a full resolution to give him a plain and direct answer; which was on this manner: "I am concerned it should fall out so; for I had a real respect for him, and saw his case to be very hard-I will appear if it please God, and testify what I know in the matter, and do what I can for you that way; but I cannot swear." This was so great a surprise to him, both from the nature of his case and confidence he had of my ready compliance, he having had no suspicion of my present condition till that moment, that he broke into a passion, and with an oath, or curse, said, "What, you are not a Quaker sure!" Though I had made confession to the truth so far, in that point, and the divine presence sensibly returned in me, yet, upon this I was Immediately I retired into my chamber; for perceiving my grand enemy to be yet at work to introduce a slavish fear, and by that means subject my mind and bring me again into captivity and bondage, I was willing to be alone and free from all the interruptions of company, that I might more fully experience the arm of the Lord and his divine instructions and counsel in this great exercise. The enemy being a crafty and subtle spirit, wrought upon my passions, not fully subjected, and artfully applied to my natural reason, my understanding not being fully illuminated, as his most suitable instrument. He urged the fine and imprisonment, and the hardships accompanying that condition, and how little help I could expect from my father or friends, who would be highly displeased with me, for so foolish and unaccountable a resolution, as they would think it; and also the scoffings, mockings, derision, scorn, contempt, loss of friends and friendships in the world, with such other inconveniences, hardships, and ill consequences, as the enemy could invent and suggest. quickly became the common subject of discourse and debate. Few could believe the report, and many came to see; and during the assizes would get together, talking and wondering; and when they happened to see me afar off in the streets, would come in crowds to gaze. Some would take off their hats, and pretend to show more than ordinary complaisance, saluting me as at other times; but I not making any returns of that kind, some During all this time, from about eight in would fleer, and giggle, and scoff, and grin, the evening till midnight, the eye of my mind and run away in loud laughter, saying I was was fixed on the love of God, which still re-mad. Yet some others were struck with anmained sensibly in me, and my soul cleaved thereto in great simplicity, humility, and trust therein, without any yielding to satan and his reasonings on those subjects, where flesh and blood in its own strength is easily overcome by him. But about twelve at night the Lord put him to utter silence, with all his temptations, for that season, and the life of the Son of God alone remained in my soul; and then, from a sense of his wonderful work and redeeming arm, this saying of the apostle arose in me with power, "The law of the spirit of life in Christ Jesus, hath made me free from the law of sin and death." other passion; they turned pale, looked sorrowful, and returned weeping. And one who had been educated at an university, to show at once his temper, manners, and learning, after he had gazed upon me a while among the baser sort, cried out, as if he had then been surprised with the discovery of some new system, "He knows not a genus from a species!" when there was not any thing previous leading to such an expression. Yet he was mistaken in that; for I knew very well that dog is a genus, and cur, bull-dog, and blood-hound, are distinct species of that genus; and at that time, saw the nature and Then the teachings of the Lord were plen- way of these brute animals too much resemtiful and glorious; my understanding was bled in that giddy mob; though I said very further cleared, and his holy law of love and little to any of them, but gave them my face life settled in me; and I admitted into sweet to their fill of gazing. Some who, but a day rest with the Lord my Saviour, and given up or two before, durst not have discovered a disin perfect resignation to his holy will, in what- obliging look upon me, now insulted and trisoever might relate to this great trial of my umphed; which put me in mind of a saying faith and obedience to the Lord. In the morn-of Job, "But now they, who are younger than ing I went up toward the hall where the judges sat, expecting to be called as a witness in the case before mentioned; but before I reached the place, I saw my said acquaintance approaching me, with an air in his countenance denoting friendship and affection; and when met, he said, "I can tell you good news; my adversary has yielded the cause; we are agreed to my satisfaction." Upon this I stood still in the street, and reviewing in my mind the work of the Lord in me the night before, as already related, this Scripture came fresh into my remembrance, in the life of it, "It is God who worketh in you, both to will and to do of his good pleasure." I was sensible it was the Lord's doing, and accounted it a great mercy and deliverance; though I was by this means exposed to the view and observation of all, the pity of many, as they judged of my case, and the scoffs and censures of the baser and more ignorant sort, which was for Christ's sake only; for none had any immorality to charge me with. I, have me in derision; whose fathers I would have disdained to set with the dogs of my flock;" and likewise of some expressions in that little piece before inserted; which I did not think, at the time of writing it, would be so soon, if ever, fulfilled upon myself, viz: They gazed upon me; they said I was mad, distracted, and become a fool; they lamented because my freedom came." 66 The fool's pretended pity and instructions, who could not see and pity his own miserable case, or knew what himself said, was hardest to bear: yet all these things did not provoke or move me; for the grace and presence of the Lord was with me, and were my strength and preservation. My heart was surrounded with a rampart of invincible patience, and my soul filled with divine love. This usage gave me a much clearer view of the low, mean, miserable, brutish state of many men, and of the greatest part of that mob, than ever I had before, or could have imagined. But I was more civilly used by some counsellors who This happening at the time of the assizes, came the circuit from London, among whom and people from all quarters being there, II had some business; especially VOL. X.-No. 1. 3 Dor mer, who was afterwards a judge: they were company all arose from their seats, and seemkind, familiar, and without a scoff or taunting grin. The business of the assizes being over, some of my acquaintance, gentlemen both of town and country, who wished me well, in their own sense, thinking I had been deluded, as they usually called it, by the Quakers, consulted how to restore and reclaim me. Several ways were proposed, especially by a meeting and consultation of some of the clergy; who, they imagined, might solve those doubts I might be under, and but yet wavering; supposing those sentiments to be but lately embraced by me, and I not yet settled in them; though I do not think any of them knew what the true Quakers or their principles were. The clergy generally shunned me, and I quickly observed a particular enmity in them against me; though I had no more aversion to them as men than to others. But some of these others, my well-wishers abovesaid, supposing me melancholy, because reduced from my former airs and cheerfulness to silence and gravity, got together in a tavern, and my father with them, intending to have me among them, to drink a hearty glass; and try in their way, whether they could raise my spirits into a more sociable temper, and bring me off from such thoughts. While they were contriving this scheme, I was retired alone into my chamber, and favoured with a sense of the good and soulnourishing presence of the Lord; but after some time, a concern came upon me, which gave me to expect something was in agitation concerning me; and soon after an attorney at law, of my acquaintance, came from the company to me, and mentioned certain gentlemen who desired to see me at the tavern. I was not hasty to go, looking for the countenance of the Lord therein, neither did I refuse; but my father and some others being impatient to have me among them, came likewise to me. I arose from my seat when they came in, but did not move my hat to them as they did to me; upon which my father fell a weeping, and said I did not use to behave so to him. I entreated him not to resent it as a fault; for though I now thought fit to decline that ceremony, it was not in disobedience or disrespect to him or them, for I honoured him as much as ever, and desired he would please to think so, notwithstanding the exterior alteration. Most of the rest kept up another air, hoping to bring me into the same at the tavern; but I, through grace, saw their intents, and was aware; and I had now freedom in my mind to go among them. When we came there, the ing generally glad, put on airs of pleasantness. In seating themselves again they placed me so that I was in the midst of them, and then they put the glass round; and to relish it the more, they began a health to king William. But the secret presence of the Lord being with me, though hid from them, it af fected them all in a way they did not expect; for scarcely had two of them drank, till their countenances changed, and all were silenced. The glass, nevertheless, went forward, till it came to me, and then I told them, I wished both the king and them well, and if I could drink to the health of any, I should more especially to the king's, but should drink no health any more, and so refused it. The glass never went round; for several of them fell to weeping, and were much broken, and all of them were silenced for a time. When this was over, some of them said they believed I intended well in what I did, and that every man must be left to proceed in the way which he thinks right in the sight of God; and so we parted in solid friendship. It was the secret grace of God which wrought this; and to him, the Lord alone, did I impute it. The company dispersing, I returned to my chamber in divine peace and true tranquillity of mind; with which I was favoured for many days. I had not, all this while, conversed with any Friend about their principles, or read any of their books; nor did any of them come near me for some time; for my father would not then allow them to come to his house; yet some of them not long after sent me three small books; which I took kindly, as well intended. But I was favoured of the Lord with something to give me understanding and support in time of need, more excellent than books; for that book, which had been sealed as with seven seals, was now, in measure, opened by the powerful voice of the Lion of the royal tribe, the Holy Lamb of God; even the book of the eternal law of God; the law of the Spirit of life from the Father, by Christ the Son, the Redeemer of the world, and my delight was to read day and night therein. By this I profited more, in a short time, in the knowledge of God and the things of his holy kingdom, than if I could have read and understood all the written and printed books in the world. I therefore declined reading these till a more proper season; and then I looked into one of the aforesaid books, a small tract, concerning prayer: for it must be allowed, that the reading of good books, especially the holy Scriptures, the chief of all, and upon which the truth of the rest depends, is highly profitable and commendable. Sometime after this Dr. Gilpin, before men- much among them; nor seen any of their tioned, sent his son, a counsellor, under whom books but those I had sent him; and knew I had been initiated into the study of the law, not of any errors they held. " Yes," said he, and who was one of those at the tavern afore-" they deny the ordinances of Christ, the two said, and still retained a great affection for sacraments, baptism and the Lord's supper ;” me, to invite me to his house at Scaleby- and then opened his book at one of his downcastle, and desired to see some of the Qua- folded leaves, where he read thus: kers' books, supposing I had been imposed upon by reading them; and I sent him, as I remember, all that I had. Soon after I had parted with these books, I observed a cloud came over my mind, and an unusual concern; and therein the two sacraments, commonly so termed, came afresh into my remembrance, and divers Scriptures and arguments, pro and con; and then I was apprehensive the doctor was preparing something of that sort to discourse me upon. I began to search out some Scriptures in defence of my own sentiments on those subjects; but as I proceeded a little in that work, I became more uneasy and clouded; upon which I laid aside the Scriptures and sat still, looking towards the Lord for counsel. I considered the doctor as a man of great learning, religious in his way, an ancient preacher and writer too, famous in Oliver's time, and a throne among his brethren; and that he might advance such subtleties as I could not readily confute, nor would concede to, as knowing them erroneous, though I might not be suddenly furnished with arguments to demonstrate their fallacy; and so might receive hurt. Then it was clear in my understanding, that as he was in his own will and strength, though with a good intent, searching the letter, and depending upon that and his own wisdom, acquirements, and subtilty, leaning to his own spirit and understanding, I must decline that way, and trust in the Spirit of Christ, the divine Author of the holy Scriptures. This caution was presented in the life and virtue of truth, and I rested satisfied therein, and searched no further on that occasion. When I went to his house, he entered into a discourse on those subjects; and had such passages of Scripture folded down as he purposed to use: when I observed it, I was confirmed that my sight of him, in my own chamber at Carlisle, and of his work, some days before, was right; and my mind was strengthened thereby. But, before he began to move upon the subject, he dismissed every other person out of the room; so that himself and I remained alone. The first thing he said, was in a calm manner, to admonish me to be very cautious how I espoused the errors of the Quakers; for he had heard of late, and with concern, that I had been among them, or seemed to incline that way. I answered, that I had not been "Unto the church of God which is at Corinth, to them that are sanctified in Christ Jesus, called to be saints;" 1 Cor. i. 2. And, at another folded down part, he read thus: "For I have received of the Lord that which also I delivered unto you, that the Lord Jesus, the same night in which he was betrayed, took bread: and when he had given thanks, he brake it, and said, Take, eat; this is my body, which is broken for you: this do in remembrance of me. After the same manner also he took the cup, when he had supped, saying, This cup is the New Testament in my blood; this do ye, as of as ye drink it, in remembrance of me: for as often as ye eat this bread, and drink this cup, ye do show the Lord's death till he come." Upon these Scriptures he raised this argument, That though the Corinthians, at that time, were sanctified in Christ, and called to be saints, yet they still needed this ordinance, and were to continue in it, according to the apostle's doctrine, till the coming of Christ, at the end of the world: and he did not think the Quakers more holy or perfect Christians, than the Corinthians at that time; and consequently, that no state in this life can render that ordinance needless to them, or overgrow it. To this I replied, That though some of those Corinthians had obeyed the call of God, and were at that time sanctified by faith in Christ; yet others of them had not obeyed the call, but were remaining in gross sins and pollutions. But as they had been heathens, and convinced by the ministry of that apostle, as appears by the beginning of the second and fifteenth chapters of that epistle, he had first of all preached to them Christ's coming in the flesh among the Jews; his life, miracles, doctrine, death for our sins, and resurrection from the dead, as saving truths; but does not so much as mention this supposed ordinance among them. But, considering their weak and carnal state, and incapacity then to reach the knowledge of divine mysteries, the apostle had, in their initiation into the Christian religion, related to them the sayings of Christ on that subject; and they had been in the practice, or rather abuse of it, till the time of the writing of that epistle. Yet, if the words of that epistle in that place, be carefully and impartially observed, without prepossession or |