CAST OF THE CHARACTERS

In the Comedy of the WAY TO KEEP HIM, as performed at the Theatre-Royal, Haymarket.

The Conductors of this Work print no Plays but those which they have seen acted. The Stage Directions are given from their own personal observations, during the most recent performances.

The instant a Character appears upon the Stage, the point of Entrance, as well as every subsequent change of Position, till its Exit, is noted, with a fidelity which may in all cases be relied on; the object being, to establish this Work as a Standard Guide to the Stage business, as now conducted on the London boards.

THE

WAY TO KEEP HIM.

ACT I.

SCENE I.-A Room in Lovemore's House.

WILLIAM at Cards with a brother Servant.

Will. [L. of Table.] A plague on it! I've turned out my game.-Is forty-seven good?

Serv. [R. of Table.] Equal.

Will. A plague go with it-tearse to a queen-
Serv. Equal.

Will. I've ruin'd my game, and be hang'd to me.
I don't believe there's a footman in England plays
with worse luck than myself.-Four aces is fourteen!
Serv. That's hard :-cruel, by Jupiter!
Will. Four aces is fourteen-fifteen.
Serv. There's your equality.

[Plays.

Will. Very well-sixteen-[Plays.] seventeen

Enter MUSLIN, L.

[Plays.

Mus. (L.) There's a couple of you, indeedYou're so fond of the vices of your betters, that you're scarce out of your beds, when you must pretend to imitate them and their ways, forsooth.

Will. Pr'ythee, be quiet, woman, do-Eighteen

Mus. Set you up, indeed, Mr. Coxcomb-
Will. Nineteen-Clubs-

[Plays.

[Plays.

Mus. Have done with your foolery, will ye? and send my lady word-

Will. Hold your tongue, Mrs. Muslin, you'll put us out. What shall I play ?-1 tell you, woman,

B

my master and I desire to have nothing to say to you or your lady.-Twenty-Diamonds!

[Plays. Mus. But I tell you, Mr. Saucebox, that my lady desires to know when your master came home last night, and how he is this morning?

Will. Pr'ythee, be quiet: I and my master are resolved to be teased no more by you. And so, Mrs. Go-between, you may return as you came. What the devil shall I play ?-We'll have nothing to do with you, I tell you

Mus. You'll have nothing to do with us! But you shall have to do with us, or I'll know the reason why. [Snatches the cards out of their hands and scatters them on the floor.

Will. Death and fury! [Both rise.] This meddling woman has destroyed my whole game.

Mus. Now, sir, will you be so obliging as to send an answer to her questions-How and when your rake-helly master came home last night?

[Exit SERVANT, L.

Will. (c.) I'll tell you what, Mrs. Muslin-you and my master will be the death of me at last; that's what you will. In the name of charity, what do you both take me for? Whatever appearances may be, I am but of mortal mould: nothing supernatural about

me.

Mus. (L.) Upon my word, Mr. Powderpuff!—

Will. I have not indeed-And so, do you see, flesh and blood can't hold it always-I can't be for ever a slave to your whims, and your second-hand airs. Mus. Second-hand airs !

Will. Yes, second-hand airs!-You take them at your ladies' toilets with their cast gowns, and so you descend to us with them.-And then, on the other hand, there's my master!-Because he chooses to live upon the principal of his health, and so run out his whole stock as fast as he can, he must have the pleasure of my company with him in his devil's dance to the other world.-Never at home till three, four, five, six in the morning!

Mus. Ay, a vile, ungrateful man! to have so little regard for a wife that doats upon him.-And your love for me, is all of a piece. I've no patience with you both. A couple of false, perfidious, abandoned, pofligate