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BROADWAY, from 30th Street last-named belief is so deeply to Columbus Cirole, changes rooted in Broadway lore as to its eleotrio signs, idols, and have become an idée fixe of habits with whirligig fre- international misunderstandquenoy according to the ing, with the rigidity of an behaviour of its box-office re- unassailable axiom; 80 that a voipts, its Press agents, and the black-faced comedian oan al. officials who try their ineffeo. ways be sure of a laugh if he tive hardest to enforce the retails an aneodote wherein 18th Amendment to the United an Englishman misses the ohStates Constitution, which 80-subtle point of an oh-80. prohibits the manufaoture and funny joka, and unmovedly sale of liquor vitalised by more inquires, “An' did she do ut?” than one-half of 1 per cent I once made an analytical aloobol.

inquiry into the reasons Its traditions, however, re- ancestral, olimatio, historical? main unchangeable as fate. —why my race, the race of Among these are, that good Chaucer and Charles Chaplin, fellowship is beyond humility, Shakespeare and Chevalier, that the big drum is more Fielding and Phil May, Max effootive than the lyre any Beerbohm and Marie Lloyd, day, and that Englishmen should be deficient in humour, have no sense of humour. The whereas our cousins, descend

Copyright in the United States of America. VOL. CCVIII.-NO, MCCLVIII.

ants of our great-great-great- its origin in & people 80 grand - unoles, who sailed to anwinking as the English America as high-hearted Puri- should be proof enough of tans, pioneers, and merchant absurdity. Nevertheless, your adventurers, should have de- average American, like your veloped that divine quality average Englishman, may until they possessed a higher ohuokle at the delicious fandegree of it than any of the tasy of a Barrie play, cheat older nations. At least, that sleep by laughing in bed over is what I had been told by an "The Lunatio at Large,' and American named Steifelhagen; next day tell the office Caleand who should know better? donian that a steam-driven After muoh mental wrestling orane is needed to hoist a joke with comparative values, I into & Scotsman's head. Be was foroed to admit that my that as it may, if one wants to training in logio and my under- cover a ribald intention with standing of psycho - analysis solemn plausibility, the most were insufficient to conquer effective oloaks for the purpose the problem. They could not are lined with tartan plaid. carry me beyond a humiliating Which brings me to the tale admission that the humour of of Shylook, Macbeth, and

Panoh' was not in the same Captain Ian MaoTavish of the olass 88 the Matt and Jordan Highlanders. Jeff Cartoons; that William . Sohwenk Gilbert invented no New York was entering lines or lyrios comparable to upon the second stage of its those heard on Broadway in career as the City of Dreadful such leg - song -and-bedroom Drought. The first stage, shows as “Good Gracious, from 30th June to 16th Jan. Annabelle !” and “Nightie. Dary, had not been so very Night!” and that the British dreadful. “After the 1st of Parliament never enlivened July, Good-bye, Wine, Women, the publio with anything so Good-bye!” was sung no more riohly comio as the American in the oabarets, but the saloonSenato's resolutions on Sinn keepers refused to be downFein Ireland ; but hush! the hearted. The ice continued to propagandists deprecate irre- rattle in their glasses, for sponsible discussion of Anglo. many old-timers were willing American relations in terms of to pay 40 cents for a small high politics-politios high as portion of oily diluted whisky. a very dead pheasant.

In some saloons, & teetotal Now, many Englishmen, for drink was difficult to obtain, their part, allow themselves for a man who demanded to be convinoed by heargay ginger-ale would be given a that Sootamen are inhumor- rye-highball and a wink. A ously inclined. This ramour protest that he wanted real spread long ago to Amerioa, ginger-ale would bring more although one would imagine winks and the reply, “I gotoha that, to the mind of Broadway, foist time you said it, bo.

Annabellas, "Goond. bedroom


That's the reallest ginger-ale Man with the Crooked Brain there ever wasn't.” In the trudged through the snow to smaller restaurants, cocktails my Madison Avenue flat in were served in consommé oups. quest of a drink, and beoame For the rest, it was permissible godfather to Ian MacTavish. to bring one's own liquor when The transient in New York dining in publio, so that Man- will often travel far for a late hattan Dollardom trooped into evening stimulant; and an the Ritz-Carlton carrying hour earlier Crookbrain had flasks, and even medicine- seen me leave a mutual friend's bottles.

oellar with a oylindrioal bulge But after the Supreme Court on my pooket. had upheld the Enforoement Before his arrival I had been Aot, the leash tightened and cogitating over a oonversation the second stage arrived. at the house in which I had There were fearsome pro left him. Did we know, asked nunciamentos, whiob preoluded my table neighbour, a highthe oarriage of a likely-looking spirited and voluble actress, bottle from one street to "that nioo young man named another without danger of & Smith, who is now the Lord hold - up. There were raids Mayor of London, I believe"? and ramonrs of raids, pro. She had met him, it appeared, secutions and bush - money at a distinotly unofficial gathavoidanoes of prosecutions; ering; but she understood he and the wealthy laboured came to America during the under the hardship of having war on an offioial mission to make inroads on each other's for the British Government, private stooks in each other's Arrived home, I searobed the private houses, while those who booklet in which members of were both improvident and un- the British Mission told each able to leap from excessive other who was who amongst indulgenoe to excessive abstin- themselves, but failed to find enge, made shift with bay-rum, & Smith important enough for eau-de-Cologne, methylated office approximating to the spirits, and strange harmfal Lord Mayoralty of London. drinks brewed secretly. Six But & recapitulation of the months later we had merged appearance and attributes of imperceptibly into the third the Smith described by the stage, whioh was semi-realisa- actress led me to the awesome tion that the machinery de. truth. The nioe young man signed to maintain extreme named Smith was none other teetotalism was both costly than the very venerable Lord and unworkable.

Chancellor ! New York, I repeat, was And then, displaying a thirst entering upon the second stage and an evening newspaper, of its career as the City of there entered the Man with Dreadful Drought. My exouse the Crooked Brain. Having for mentioning the fact is, that dealt suitably with the thirst, it was the sole reason why the he unfolded the newspaper and

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