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And kindly invent him more Christian-like shapes
For his feather-bed neckcloths and pillory capes?
Ah! no-here his ardour would meet with delays,
For the Duke had been lately pack'd up in new Stays,
So complete for the winter, he saw very plain
"Twould be devilish hard work to unpack him again!

So, what's to be done?-there's the MINISTERS, bless 'em!

As he made the puppets, why shouldn't he dress 'em? "An excellent thought!-call the tailors-be nimble— "Let CUM bring his spy-glass, and H-RTF-RD her thimble; "While Y-RM-TH shall give us, in spite of all quizzers, "The last Paris cut with his true Gallic scissars."

So saying, he calls C-STL-R-GH, and the rest
Of his heaven-born statesmen, to come and be dress'd.
While Y-RM-TH, with snip-like and brisk expedition,
Cuts all at once, a large Cath'lic Petition

up,

In long tailors' measures (the P-E crying" Well done!") And first puts in hand my Lord Chancellor ELD-n.

*

OCCASIONAL ADDRESS

For the Opening of the New Theatre of St. St-ph-n,

intended to have been spoken by the Proprietor, in full Costume, on the 24th of November.

This day a New House, for your edification,
We open, most thinking and right-headed nation!
Excuse the materials-though rotten and bad,
They're the best that for money just now could be had;
And, if echo the charm of such houses should be,
You will find it shall echo my speech to a T.

As for actors, we've got the old Company yet,
The same motley, odd, tragi-comical set:
And, considering they all were but clerks t'other day,
It is truly surprising how well they can play.
Our Manager (he who in Ulster was nursed,
And sung Erin go Bragh for the galleries first, ,
But, on finding Pitt-interest a much better thing,
Changed his note, of a sudden, to God save the King!)
Still wise as he's blooming, and fat as he's clever,
Himself and his speeches as lengthy as ever,

VOL. y.

II

Here offers

you

still the full use of his breath, Your devoted and long-winded proser till death!

You remember, last season, when things went pervers

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on, We had to engage (as a block to rehearse on) One Mr. V-NS-TT-RT, a good sort of person, Who's also employ’d for this season to play In “ Raising the Wind,” and “ the Devil to Pay.” We expect toomat least we've been plotting and plan

ningTo get that great actor from Liverpool, C-NN-NG ; And, as at the Circus there's nothing attracts Like a good single combat brought in 'twixt the acts. If the Manager should, with the help of Sir P-PH-M, ) Get up new diversions, and C-NN-NG should stop ’em. Who knows but we'll have to announce in the papers - Grand fight-second time with additional capers. Be your taste for the ludicrous, humdrum, or sad, There is plenty of each in this House to be had ; Where our Manager ruleth, there weeping will be, For a dead hand at tragedy always was he; And there never was dealer in dagger and cup, Who so smilingly got all his tragedies up.

His powers poor Ireland will never forget,

And the widows of Walcheren weep o'er them yet.

So much for the actors.-For secret machinery,
Traps, and deceptions, and shifting of scenery,
Y-RM-TH and CUM are the best we can find
To transact all that trickery business behind.
The former's employ'd too to teach us French jigs,
Keep the whiskers in curl, and look after the wigs.

In taking my leave, now I've only to say

A few Seats in the House, not as yet sold away,
May be had of the Manager, PAT C-STL-R-GH..

THE SALE OF THE TOOLS.

Instrumenta regni.-TACITUS.

HERE'S a choice set of Tools for you, Gemmen and Ladies, They'll fit you quite handy, whatever your trade is (Except it be Cabinet-making.—I doubt

In that delicate service they're rather worn out; Though their owner-bright youth !—if he'd had his own will,

Would have bungled away with them joyously still).

You can see they've been pretty well hack'd—and, alack! What tool is there job after job will not hack?

Their edge is but dullish, it must be confess'd,

And their temper, like ELL-NB'R-GH's, none of the best ; But you'll find them good hard-working Tools, upon trying

Were't but for their brass, they are well worth the buying;

They're famous for making blinds, sliders, and screens, And they're, some of them, excellent turning machines!

The first Tool I'll put up (they call it a Chancellor)
Heavy concern to both purchaser and seller.—
Though made of pig-iron, yet (worthy of note 'tis)
'Tis ready to melt at a half-minute's notice.

Who bids? Gentle buyer! 'twill turn as thou shapest— "Twill make a good thumb-screw to torture a Papist; Or else a cramp-iron, to stick in the wall

Of some church that old women are fearful will fall;
Or better, perhaps (for I'm guessing at random),
A heavy drag-chain for some Lawyer's old Tandem!
Will nobody bid? It is cheap, I am sure, Sir-
Once, twice-going, going-thrice-gone!—It is yours,

Sir.

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