the enjoyments heretofore possessed, also increase my vexation. From my youth upwards, have I been singularly attached, but I hope not irregularly so, to a docile and domesticated spaniel; four of them have miscarried, not having attained the common age of those animals; the fifth is now destined to death by reason of disease, and a danger of the canine madness. I am also deprived of the pleasure of my poultry court, and the fragrance of my garden: a separation from those simple scenes of delight, less reprovable than the allurements of avarice, or the insolence of pride, are also "vexation of spirit." Thus bereft of every broken cistern, is there yet remaining for me any access to "the fountain of living waters?" Unsupplied with the husks which the swine eat, is there any possibility of a return to the Father's house, where there is bread enough and to spare? My paths are obstructed as with walls of brass, and my ways circumscribed with an inclosure of thorn; is there yet in "the valley of Achor a door of hope?" Will the dread of nations, the glory of men and angels, be pleased with the lame, the halt, and the maimed, for a sacrifice; or accept the few remaining hours of a life, too much of which has been passed in a servitude to the law in the members? Indeed, upon my bed and in the watches of the night, some glimpses of the divine glory, and of that mercy and forgiveness which is in Christ Jesus, have seemed at times transiently to pass before me; and the name of the Lord to be pro

claimed, "the Lord God," gracious and merciful; forgiving transgression and sin,” and “passing by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage:" yet, wo is me, "in my flesh there dwelleth no good thing;" but too much of that nature, which "is of the earth, earthy," and fallen "short of the glory of God." In this hour of distress and deep deprivation, what language shall I adopt? what accents shall I utter? surely not those of absolute despondency, lest I should "add drunkenness to thirst;" but rather may I unite in the plaintive determination of the prophet formerly, viz. "I will bewail with the weeping of Jazer, the vine of Sibmah: I will water thee with my tears, O Heshbon and Elealeh !" because the summer fruits and the harvest is fallen. May Israel still be holiness to the Lord, and in his latter end, may there be an increase! Amen and Amen, through Christ Jesus our Lord; the King of saints in Zion.

16. Went in a chaise to the forenoon meeting. The superior glory and excellence of the gospel dispensation, and of the law of the spirit of life in Christ Jesus, to that of the ministration of death written and engraven in stones, being in my silent waiting much illustrated in the view of my mind, a few sentences were spoken relative thereto those present were also reminded of the spirit of truth, which not only reproves for sin, but also for righteousness and judgment. I know not whether they either understood or felt much

of the things which were spoken; but for the present a degree of solemnity seemed to attend.

27. Opening the Bible in the 4th chapter 2d of Kings, where the miraculous multiplication of the widow's oil is recorded, and the prophetical direction thereupon, viz. "Go, sell the oil, pay thy debt, and live thou and thy children of the rest:" that passage appeared emblematical of the oil of gladness, wherewith Jesus, our High Priest, "was anointed above his brethren," who has made a complete reconciliation for their sins, and removes the yoke of their transgressions, because of "the "anointing which abideth in them," "and is truth and no lie."

30. It has often been immediately suggested, that every moment of time here is a mercy, in case it is employed in the all-important purpose of 66 working out our own salvation with fear and trembling," through the power and prevalence of him, "who worketh in us, both to will and to do, of his good pleasure:" but the possibility of a neglecting and resisting on our part, the supernatural operations of divine grace, seems to be implied in the apostolic injunction, Rom. vi. 13. "But yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead;" &c. and the following meditation thereupon by an ancient author, viz. "If God has my members as weapons and instruments in his hands, I shall certainly be able not only to work, but to conquer; since he understands full well how to manage them. May the Lord

only give me grace not to wind myself out of his hands, else I must needs be a dead useless carcase, for how can a pen write alone, without being in the hand of a writer? It is true indeed that it is very hard, nay impossible, to be really good, and do all that is good, if we undertake it alone; but God himself living and working in us, and we truly delighting in him, it is very easy and pleasant; therefore care is only to be taken that our heart may always be the working place, and our members the instruments of God; in which, and through which, he can perform every thing himself." In the afternoon, my wife being gone to meeting, I read and explained some portions of holy writ to W. P. D. and W. C. to which they attended in a becoming manner. They also read.

ELEVENTH MONTH, 1785.

2. Being very suddenly and unexpectedly seized with so violent a spasm, that there was rather a prospect of a sudden change, I was greatly alarmed, but mercifully favored in some degree to look to him, from whom help cometh; who is able to save, and mighty to deliver, in whose hand are the issues from death. The attack seemed to go off, almost as suddenly as it came on; being relieved before noon nevertheless, in the subsequent part of the day, I was almost ready to repine at the prospect of increasing indisposition and continued

confinement; and was very deficient in a due thankfulness and submission of spirit, to the Sovereign of the universe. My bodily sufferings are many, but they might have been much more abundant. In the evening, literally, I entered into my closet and shut to the door; some recollection was experienced; afterwards, I read some part of the prophecy of Amos the prophet.

6. I went to the forenoon meeting in a chaise ; glorious things are spoken of Zion the city of God; some glories peculiar to the gospel of Christ were illustrated in the view of my mind with a degree of power and perspicuity: the meeting was large, but wholly silent; a degree of solemnity was, I hope, attendant; but towards the close, some appeared too desirous of breaking it up.

9. In the week-day meeting, the disconsolate state was much before me, and the exceeding great and precious promises appertaining thereto, were renewed in my remembrance; but I was afraid to speak, well knowing there is a ministry of the word in silence; "the self-same spirit, dividing to every man severally, as he will."

12. My mind has been pretty calm this day, and not unattended with some good desires. May the Lord, the spirit who worketh in us to will, perfect in us the deed according to the good pleasure of his goodness. O Lord, forgive the errors of the preceding week! In the evening I spent some time in retirement, and reading the Holy Scriptures.