SPONGE, A gentleman in want of a FEEDWELL, A landlord.

dinner.

DALTON, A merchant.

GAMMON, A fictitious character.
WAITERS, etc.

COSTUMES.

DORIC, Dress coat, black pants, | FRANK, Jacket, buttoned up, white

and vest.

pants, hat with gold lace band. MEASURETON, Frock coat, light FEEDWELL, Vest, pants, etc., white

SCENE 1. Representation of an arbor in the center of the stage at the back; on the R., a post with a board, on which is written "Dinner's Dressed on the Shortest Notice-Robert Feedwell." On the rising of the curtain, FEEDWELL and Waiters enter from R. H.

Fee. Take care, there, take care! Mind you don't break the dishes or spill the gravy: this is the most particular dinner I ever had to provide in all my life.

Wai. We shall be careful, sir. (Waiters exeunt R. H.) Fee. This is the long-looked for day, on which my former master, and now my near neighbor, Mr. Doric, gives his

3

daughter in marriage to Mr. Measureton, the architect; and purely, as it would seem to me, because he has been seized himself with a mania for building. That house, which he seems almost to adore, is the first fruit of his sublime imagination; but here he comes.

Enter DORIC, L. H.

Doric. (L.) Well, Robert, how proceeds the dinner?
Fee. (R.) Charmingly, your honor.

Doric. That is right. Here comes my son-in-law.
Enter MEASURETON, L. H.

Meas. (L.) My dear father-in-law, the company are waiting: your presence is expected.

Doric. (c.) I'm coming; but do you know the news? Mr. Dalton has bought the manor-house, upon the hill.

Fee. (R.) What! Mr. Dalton, the rich merchant, who never dines with less than forty or fifty covers?

Mea. What! The rich merchant, who is always building? I wish I were his architect; but as I was saying, the guests will arrive, and

Dor. And if they should arrive ten minutes too soon, you can show them over the house; let them see the grand saloon, and my new designs. But come, neighbor, I will just pop into the kitchen, take a glance at the eatables,— and then for the guests.

Fee. This way your honor.

(Feedwell and Doric exeunt R. H., Measureton L. H.) Enter SPONGE, cautiously from back of the stage, L. H. Sponge. No dinner yet! and nearly ten miles from London. Alas! tired of admiring, with an empty stomach, its parks, museums, streets, and cook-shop windows, I have come to try my fortune in the country; but the hour of dinner approaches, and not one invitation yet. Hallo! (Looking off L.) I believe there is to be a wedding in that house; a wedding, and I not in it? They always have good dinners at

weddings! "Tis there (pointing off L.) that Hymen lights his mighty torch, and there (smelling and pointing R.) the cook lights his mighty torch. I must have a dinner; but how am I to get it? (Feeling his pockets., Nothing there! (Feeling his stomach.) Nothing there, and in fact nothing everywhere! and, unfortunately, this is a country in which nothing is to be had for nothing. But who comes here? Enter DORIC, from R. H.

What a fine figure to work upon; yes, yes, we'll dine together.

Dor. There, there, not yet ready! I'm sure the guests must be quite impatient. (Looking off L.) It's astonishing what an effect my building produces at this distance; never was such a piece of architecture in this world. How beautiful the coach gates, and the two posts; then, the coach-house, the pump, the laundry, and the larder, all in the fore-court. It's really a little palace.

Sponge, (aside.) Oh, you're there, are you? This is the proprietor.

Dor. Provided that coaches don't lose their wheels in going in: that gate is delightfully narrow. I shall never leave off admiring it. Eh! what's that fellow about? (Sponge looks off L, and appears, every now and then, to write with a pencil in a small pocket-book.)

Sponge. (L.) Suppose we say twenty-three feet?-twenty-three-that will bring us there; we put the dining-room into the kitchen,

Dor. What!

Sponge. The laundry into the pantry, and the nursery

into the cellar!

Dor. Why, he's turning my house out of the window. Sponge. We put that back some ten feet, and we shall have a straight line.

Dor. (interrupting him.) Sir, sir, might I take the liberty of inquiring what you're about with that house?

Sponge. A thousand pardons, sir; I had not the pleasure of seeing you before, I am the surveyor general of the county, employed at present in conducting the works of the new road.

Dor. (R.) And pray what has the new road to do with

that house?

Sponge. (L.) Ah! I see you're not acquainted with the new plan. It is now determined to continue the new road, in a line with the Thames, up to that point; we then cut horizontally, you see, in that direction. (Pointing toward the house, L.)

Dor. Hey! why, that will take away one side of my house. Sponge. What, sir! does that house belong to you? I'm quite distressed. However, it's not the intention of Parliament to injure any private person, and there is certainly one comfort, we only want about twenty-three feet, for which you will be paid, and all the remainder of the house is your own, which you will then find in the middle of the great road; the dust may be rather inconvenient at first, perhaps; but I've no doubt you'll consider it an improvement on the whole.

Dor. An improvement? nonsense! Why, you'll leave my house without either doors or windows.

Sponge. By which you will save the taxes.

Dor. What! cut away that beautiful front, that triumph of the art! What an event! and in such a timedaughter's wedding-day.

on my

Sponge, (aside.) How! the father of the bride! happy rencounter! (Aloud.) I'm really grieved that my duty compels me to intrude upon you, and on a wedding-day, too! perhaps at the very moment you were going to sit down to dinner.

Dor. It's distressing! but tell me, Mr. Surveyor General, are there no means by which it might be avoided?