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Hel. I like him well.
Dia. 'Tis pity, he is not honeft; yond's that fame knave, (29)
That leads him to thefe Paces; were I his lady,
Hel. Which is he?
Dia. That jack-an-apes with fearfs. Why is he melancholy?
Hel. Perchance, he's hurt i' th' battel.
Per. Lofe our drum! well.
Mar. He's fhrewdly vex'd at fomething. Look, he has fpied us.
Wid. Marry, hang you! [Exeunt Ber. Per. &f. Mar. And your curtefie, for a ring-carrier!
Wid. The troop is past: come, Pilgrim, I will bring
Where you fhall hoft: Of injoyn'd Penitents
Hel. I humbly thank you:
Please it this matron, and this gentle maid
Both. We'll take your offer kindly.
Enter Bertram, and the two French Lords.
1 Lord. Nay, good my lord, put him to't: let him have his way.
2 Lord. If your lordship find him not a hilding, hold
me no more in your refpect.
1 Lord. On my life, my lord, a bubble.
Yond's That fame Fellary,
(29) That leads him to thefe Places.] What Places? He did not lead him to be General of Horfe under the Duke of Florence, fure. Nor have they been talking of Brothels; or, indeed, any particular Locality. I make no Question, but our Author wrote;
That leads him to thefe Paces.
i. e. to fuch irregular Steps, to Courfes of Debauchery, to not loving his Wife.
Ber. Do you think, I am. fo far deceiv'd in him? i Lord. Believe it, my lord, in mine own direct knowledge, without any malice, but to fpeak of him as my kinfman; he's a most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promife-breaker, the owner of no one good quality worthy your lordship's entertainment.
2 Lord. It were fit you knew him, left, repofing too far in his virtue, which he hath not, he might at some great and trufty business in a main danger fail you.
Ber. I would, I knew in what particular action to try him.
2 Lord. None better than to let him fetch off his drum; which you hear him fo confidently undertake to do.
1 Lord. I, with a troop of Florentines, will fuddenly furprize him; fuch I will have, whom, I am fure, he knows not from the enemy: we will bind and hoodwink him fo, that he fhall fuppofe no other but that he is carried into the leaguer of the adverfaries, when we bring him to our own tents; be but your lordfhip prefent at his examination, if he do not for the promife of his life, and in the higheft compulfion of base fear, offer to betray you, and deliver all the intelligence in his power against you, and that with the divine forfeit of his foul upon oath, never truft my judgment in any thing.
2 Lord. O, for the love of laughter, let him fetch his drum; he says, he has a stratagem for't; (30) when your
(30) When your Lordship fees the bottom of his Success in't, and to what Metal this Counterfeit Lump of Ours will be melted, if you give him not John Drum's Entertainment, your Inclining cannot be remov'd.] I conjectur'd, this counterfeit Lump of Oare, when I publifh'd my SHAKESPEARE reftor'd: Thus it bears a Confonancy with the other Terms accompanying, (viz. Metal, Lump, and melted) and helps the Propriety of the Poet's Thought: For fo one Metaphor is kept up, and all the Words are proper and fuitable to it. But, what is the Meaning of John Drum's Entertainment? Lafeu feveral Times afterwards calls Parolles, Tom Drum. But the Difference of the Christian Name will make None in the Explanation. There is an old Motley
your lordship fees the bottom of his fuccefs in't, and to what metal this counterfeit lump of Oar will be melted, if you give him not John Drum's entertainment, your inclining cannot be removed. Here he
1 Lord. O, for the love of laughter, hinder not the humour of his defign, let him fetch off his drum in any hand.
Ber. How now, Monfieur? this drum fticks forely in your difpofition.
2 Lord. A pox on't, let it go, 'tis but a drum.
Par. But a drum! is't but a drum? a drum fo loft! there was excellent command! to charge in with our horfe upon our own wings, and to rend our own foldiers.
2 Lord. That was not to be blamed in the com mand of the fervice; it was a difafter of war that
Interlude, (printed in 1601) call'd, Jack Drum's Entertainment; Or, the Comedy of Pafquil and Katharine. In This, Jack Drum is a Servant of Intrigue, who is ever aiming at Projects, and always foil'd, and given the Drop. And there is another old piece (publish'd in 1627) call'd, APOLLO Jbroving, in which I find these Expreffions.
Thuriger. Thou Lozel, hath Slug infected you?
Why do you give fuch kind Entertainment to that Cobweb? Scopas. It shall have Tom Drum's Entertainment; a Flap with a
But Both thefe Pieces are, perhaps, too late in Time,to come to the Affiftance of our Author: fo we must look a little higher. What is said here to Bertram is to this Effect." My Lord, as you have taken this Fellow [P'a
rolles] into fo near a Confidence, if, upon his being found a Counterfeit, you don't cafheer him from your Favour, then your Attachment is "not to be remov'd'. I'll now fubjoin a Quotation from Holingbed, (of whofe Books Shakespeare was a moft diligent Reader) which will pretty well ascertain Drum's Hiftory. This Chronologer, in his Defcription of Ireland, fpeaking of Patrick Scarfefield, (Mayor of Dublin in the Year 1551) and of his extravagant. Hofpitality, fubjoins, that no Guest had ever a cold or forbidding Look from any Part of his Family: fo that his Porter, or any other officer, durft not, for both his Ears, give the fimpleft Man, that reforted to his house, Tom Drum's Entertainment, which is, to hale a Man in by the Head, and thruft him out by both the Shoulders.
Cæfar himself could not have prevented, if he had been there to command.
Ber. Well, we cannot greatly condemn our fuccefs: fome dishonour we had in the lofs of that drum, but it is not to be recover'd.
Par. It might have been recover'd.
Par. It is to be recover'd; but that the merit of fervice is feldom attributed to the true and exact performer, I would have that drum or another, or hic jacet
Ber. Why, if you have a ftomach to't, Monfieur; if you think your mystery in ftratagem can bring this inftrument of honour again into his native quarter, be magnanimous in the enterprize and go on; I will grace the attempt for a worthy exploit: if you speed well in it, the Duke fhall both fpeak of it, and extend to you what further becomes his Greatness, even to the utmost fyllable of your worthiness.
Par. By the hand of a foldier, I will undertake it. Ber. But you must not now flumber in it.
Par. I'll about it this evening; and I will presently pen down my dilemma's, encourage my felf in my certainty, put my felf into my mortal preparation; and, by midnight, look to hear further from me.
Ber. May I be bold to acquaint his Grace, you are gone about it?
Par. I know not what the fuccefs will be, my Lord; but the attempt I vow.
Ber. I know,th'art valiant; and to the poffibility of thy foldiership, will fubfcribe for thee; farewel.
Par. I love not many words.
1 Lord. No more than a fifh loves water. Is not this a ftrange fellow, my lord, that fo confidently feems to undertake this bufinefs, which he knows is not to be done; damns himself to do it, and dares better be damn'd than to do't?
2 Lord. You do not know him, my lord, as we do; certain it is, that he will fteal himself into a man's favour, and for a week escape a great deal of difcoVOL. II.
véries; but when you find him out, you have him ever after.
-Ber. Why, do you think, he will make no deed at all of this, that fo feriously he does addrefs himself
2 Lord. None in the world, but return with an invention, and clap upon you two or three probable lies; but we have almost imboss'd him, you shall fee his fall to night; for, indeed, he is not for your lordfhip's respect.
i Lord. We'll make you fome fport with the fox, ere we cafe him. He was firft fmoak'd by the old lord Lafeu; when his disguise and he is parted, tell me what a fprat you fhall find him; which you shall fee, this very night.
2 Lord. I'muit go and look my twigs; he fhall be caught.
Ber. Your brother he fhall go along with me. 2 Lord. As't please your lordship. I'll leave you. [Exit. Ber. Now will I lead you to the house, and fhew
The lafs Ifpoke of.
I Lord. But you fay, fhe's honeft.
Ber. That's all the fault: I fpoke with her but once, And found her wondrous cold; but I fent to her, By this fame coxcomb that we have i'th' wind, Tokens and letters, which fhe did refend; And this is all I've done: fhe's a fair creature, Will you go fee her?
I Lord. With all my heart, my lord..
SCENE changes to the Widow's House.
Enter Helena, and Widow.
you mifdoubt me that I am not fhe, I know not, how I fhall affure you further, But I fhall lofe the grounds I work upon.
Wid. Tho' my eftate be fallen, I was well born, Nothing acquainted with these businesses,