ACT v. Sc. III.

ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL.

I never gave it him.
Lafeu.

321

Who hath abus'd me, as he knows himself,
Though yet he never harm'd me, here I'quit
him.

He knows himself my bed he hath defil'd,
And at that time he got his wife with child:
Dead though she be, she feels her young one
kick:

So there's my riddle, one that's dead is quick;
And now behold the meaning.

Re-enter Widow, with Helena.
King.

Is there no exorcist
Beguiles the truer office of mine eyes?
Is't real, that I see?

Helena.
No, my good lord:
'Tis but the shadow of a wife you see;
The name, and not the thing.

This woman's an easy glove, my lord: sheI goes off and on at pleasure.

King.

This ring was mine: I gave it his first wife.
Diana

It might be yours, or hers, for aught I know.

King.

Take her away; I do not like her now.
To prison with her; and away with him..
Unless thou tell'st me where thou had'st this
[ring,
Thou diest within this hour.
I'll never tell you.

Take her away.

Diana.

King.
Diana.

I'll put in bail, my liege.
King.

I think thee now some common customer.

Diana.

Because he's guilty, and he is not guilty.
He knows I am no maid, and he'll swear to't:
I'll swear I am a maid, and he knows not.
Great king, I am no strumpet, by my life!
am either maid, or else this old man's wife.
[Pointing to Lafeu.
King.
She does abuse our ears. To prison with her!
Diana.

Good mother, fetch my bail.-[Exit Widow.]
Stay, royal sir:

The jeweller that owes the ring is sent for,
And he shall surety me. But for this lord,

Bertram.

Both, both! O, pardon ! Helena.

O! my good lord, when I was like this maid, There is your found you wondrous kind.

ring;

And, look you, here's your letter: this it says:
"When from my finger you can get this ring,
And are by me with child," &c.-This is done:
Will you be mine, now you are doubly won?

Bertram.

If she, my liege, can make me know this
I'll love her dearly, ever, ever dearly. [clearly,
Helena.

If it appear not plain, and prove untrue,
Deadly divorce step between me and you !-
O my dear mother, do I see you living?
Lafeu.

Mine eyes smell onions, I shall weep anon.Good Tom Drum, [To Parolles, lend me a handkerchief: so, I thank thee. Wait on me home, I'll make sport with thee: let thy courtesies alone, they are scurvy ones.

King.

Let us from point to point this story know,
To make the even truth in pleasure flow.-
[To Diana.] If thou be'st yet a fresh uncropped
flower,

Choose thou'thy husband, and I'll pay thy dower;
For I can guess, that by thy honest aid
Thou kept'st a wife herself, thyself a maid.-
Of that, and all the progress, more and less,
Resolvedly more leisure shall express :
All yet seems well; and if it end so meet,
The bitter past, more welcome is the sweet.
[Flourish.

The king's a beggar, now the play is done.
All is well ended, if this suit be won,
That you express content; which we will pay,
With strife to please you, day exceeding day:
Ours be your patience then, and yours our parts;
Your gentle hands lend us, and take our hearts.
[Exeunt omnes.

SCENE II. The Sea-coast.
Enter Viola, Captain, and Sailors.
Viola.

What country, friends, is this?

Captain.

Viola.

There is a fair behaviour in thee, captain,
And though that nature with a beauteous wall
Doth oft close in pollution, yet of thee

I will believe, thou hast a mind that suits
With this thy fair and outward character.
I pr'ythee, (and I'll pay thee bounteously,)
Conceal me what I am, and be my aid
This is Illyria, lady. For such disguise as haply shall become
The form of my intent. I'll serve this duke:
Thou shalt present me as an eunuch to him.
It may be worth thy pains; for I can sing,
And speak to him in many sorts of music,
That will allow me very worth his service.
What else may hap to time I will commit;
Only, shape thou thy silence to my wit.

Viola.
And what should I do in Illyria ?
My brother he is in Elysium.
[sailors?
Perchance, he is not drown'd :—what think you,
Captain.

It is perchance that you yourself were sav'd.
Viola.

O, my poor brother! and so, perchance, may
he be.
Captain.

True, madam: and, to comfort you with
chance,

Assure yourself, after our ship did split, [you,
When you, and those poor number saved with
Hung on our driving boat, I saw your brother,
Most provident in peril, bind himself [tice)
(Courage and hope both teaching him the prac
To a strong mast, that lived upon the sea;
Where, like Arion on the dolphin's back,
1 saw him hold acquaintance with the waves
So long as I could see.

Viola.

Captain.

Be you his eunuch, and your mute I'll be: When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not

By my troth, sir Toby, you must come in
earlier o' nights: your cousin, my lady, takes
great exceptions to your ill hours.
Sir Toby.

Why, let her except before excepted.
Maria.

Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest limits of order.

What's she?

Viola.
Captain.

[her

A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count
That died some twelvemonth since: then leaving
In the protection of his son, her brother,
Who shortly also died: for whose dear love,
They say, she hath abjur'd the company,
And sight of men.

Viola.

O that I serv'd that lady,
And might not be delivered to the world,
Till I had made mine own occasion mellow,
What my estate is.

Captain.
That were hard to compass,
Because she will admit no kind of suit,
No, not the duke's.

He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria.

among the prudent he would quickly have the gift of a grave. Sir Toby.

By this hand, they are scoundrels, and substractors that say so of him. Who are they?

Maria.

Maria.

Ay, sir; I have them at my fingers' ends: They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly marry, now I let go your hand, I am barren. in your company.

Sir Toby. With drinking healths to my niece. I'll drink to her, as long as there is a passage in my throat, and drink in Illyria. He's a coward, and a coystril, that will not drink to my niece, till his brains turn o' the toe like a parish-top. What, wench! Castiliano vulgo; for here comes Sir Andrew Ague-face.

Enter Sir Andrew Ague-cheek.

Sir Toby.

[Exit Maria.
O knight! thou lack'st a cup of canary.
When did I see thee so put down?
Sir Andrew.

Never in your life, I think; unless you see canary put me down. Methinks, sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian, or an ordinary man has; but I am a great eater of beef, and, I believe, that does harm to my wit. Sir Toby.

No question.

Sir Andrew.

An I thought that, I'd forswear it. I'll ride home to-morrow, sir Toby. Sir Toby.

Pourquoi, my dear knight?

Sir Andrew.

What is pourquoi? do or not do? I would I had bestowed that time in the tongues, that I have in fencing, dancing, and bear-baiting. O, had I but followed the arts!

Sir Toby.

Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.
Sir Andrew.

Why, would that have mended my hair?

Sir Toby.

Past question; for, thou seest, it will not curl by nature.

Sir Andrew.

But it becomes me well enough, does't not?
Sir Toby.

Excellent: it hangs like flax on a distaff, and I hope to see a housewife take thee between her legs, and spin it off.

Sir Andrew.

'Faith, I'll home to-morrow, sir Toby: your niece will not be seen; or, if she be, it's four to one she'll none of me. The count himself, here hard by, woos her.

Sir Toby.

She'll none o' the count: she'll not match above her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I have heard her swear it. Tut, there's

An thou let part so, sir Andrew, would thou life in't, man. might'st never draw sword again!

Sir Andrew.

An you part so, mistress, I would I might never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand?

Maria.

Sir, I have not you by the hand.

Sir Andrew.

Sir Andrew.

I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' the
strangest mind i' the world: I delight in masques
and revels sometimes altogether.
Sir Toby.

Art thou good at these kick-shaws, knight?
Sir Andrew.

As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the degree of my betters: and yet I will

Marry, but you shall have; and here's my not compare with an old man.