the declaration myself, and condemn my conduct before three worlds, if there was no other way to have it condemned.

Since I have sinned, and since it must be known in order that God's righteousness may appear, I wish to have it publicly understood that I am a vile undeserving wretch indebted to boundless grace for pardon. I wish by all means to have it understood that my sins are not winked at, and that God manifested his abhorrence of them by what took place on the cross, and that it was in consequence of this manifestation that he gratified his grace in my pardon, and also in consequence of the intercession of my Advocate. I think I rejoice in Christ as my prophet, priest, and king; and can with pleasure commit to him the care of all my spiritual interests.

Does not the belief that all the works and operations of God have the same design as the law, viz. to promote general happiness, and that he has the temper required in the law, make him appear very amiable and worthy?

Most lovely and glorious. So far as I can know my heart, this is the God whom I approve and love. This is the God

How rich is the

whom I choose for my everlasting portion. universe in containing such a God! With pleasing adoration I look up and say, Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts. To him be glory for ever. Amen.

EXAMINATION. Wednesday, August 23d. Since Monday, God has appeared as sitting on the top of the universe, and pouring out the law from his very heart. Methinks I could trace this golden chain, which binds the world together, up to this heart, in which it in a sense originates. This view of things, I think, has given me pleasant thoughts of God.

I have in times past found it extremely difficult to gain a realizing view of the need and fitness of Christ's dying to atone for sin. This has appeared the gordian knot in divinity. I thought I could more easily see the propriety of his advocacy: but it was hard to see how my sins were properly punished, or any frown properly manifested against them, by the sufferings of Christ. Lately I have been particularly solicitous to look into this matter more deeply; and have by a divine blessVOL. 1.

ing been enabled, I trust, to see and feel the beauty and excellency of this way of pardon, and indeed of all the offices of Christ. I think he has truly appeared the chiefest among ten thousand, and altogether lovely. I could, with far more understanding and clearness than ever, realize the force of that text, "To them therefore which believe, he is precious." Such a succession of views as the following, has led to a more realizing sense of the propriety and fitness of the atonement.

Might it not appear to the universe that God was an enemy to the sin of him who offered a sin offering in Israel? Is it not easy to see that, if the world sees me standing by a lamb whose life God is taking, by mutual agreement, in the room of mine, and on which he lays his rod avowedly as a substitute for me, the death of the lamb expresses God's feelings towards my sin, (so far as the death of the lamb is of weight,) and discountenances transgression, and supports and sanctions the law in its preceptive part, and as much, to say the least, in its penal part? If I am to be pardoned by Christ, the Lord expressly and avowedly laid his wrath on him as a substitute for me, as much as though I was the only sinner to be redeemed, and as much as though I was present on the spot attending on the sacrifice. And previous (in the order of nature) to my pardon by the substitute, there is as much a mutual agreement between God and my soul, that the anger which was about to fall on my sins, should still be expressed, and should fall on Christ, as though the agreement had been made before the cross. If then any resentment against a son could be expressed by resentment against his father who should purposely step into his place to take the blow, God's anger towards my sin was expressed, and the law vindicated and confirmed on the

cross.

I think, in reading the 7th, 8th, and 9th chapters of Hebrews, yesterday and to-day, I have indeed seen the insufficiency of the ancient sacrifices to atone for sin, and the desirableness that so great a sacrifice should be made. How could the sacrifice of a pigeon or a dove express God's full abhorrence of sin, and show the world what an evil it was to transgress

the law? I feel that in proportion to the greatness of the sacrifice, is the law honored. I cannot therefore bear the thought of an atonement by a less sacrifice than Jesus Christ. I rejoice in him as my atonement, for the honor which he has done to the law. I do not wish to be saved without such an atonement. This, I think is the deep feeling of my soul.

EXAMINATION. Saturday morning, August 26th. Last night, in closing my prayer with "for Christ's sake," the propriety of Christ's advocacy rushed on my mind with new light. It appeared undesirable that any blessings should be bestowed on me for my own sake; for this would be patronizing my iniquity, which is the whole of my natural character. It appeared desirable that they should be bestowed avowedly for Christ's sake, that it might be publicly understood that they were bestowed in consequence of what took place on the cross, and out of respect to a perfect righteousness, that they might be removed the farthest from the appearance of being a favor to sin. Hence appeared the propriety of his intercessions for his people, and of favors bestowed in consequence of his intercessions. It was clearly opened to my view how that his advocacy was founded on his atonement for sin and obedience to the law.

My heart has been lately desiring to look into these things; to trace the spiritual glory and beauty of them. I never so realizingly perceived the importance of growing in knowledge, and of attaining a deep acquaintance with the scriptures. At the same time, I never so fully saw the impropriety, and even profaneness of studying these things for the sake of mere speculation. It looks like handling infinitely important things idly and carelessly, and akin to taking God's name in vain. O may I in future avoid this great sin, of which I have been so deeply guilty!

Monday, August 28th. This day I have set apart for special devotion, to seek God in regard to a journey which I expect to commence to-morrow. I expected to have commenced the journey to day, and hoped to have spent a day in devotion last week. But necessary avocations disappointed me in re

gard to the latter object, and a disappointment (which at first seemed grievous, but now seems a mercy,) postpones my journey till to-morrow, and affords me opportunity to make preparation for it by a day of devotion.

My requests in regard to my journey are,—that God would prosper me therein, succeed me in all my business, preserve me and my wife in health and safety, and return us in due time to our family laden with rich experience of his goodness: that he would keep my house and family and parish in safety until my return; that I may find my friends in peace and happiness and enjoy them; that in all business I may feel my dependance on God alone for success; that I may be preserved from irritated feelings, and from imprudent or passionate expressions, in consequence of any diversity of opinions or misunderstandings in business; that I may be preserved from vain and wandering thoughts, from vain conversation, from a mean conformity to the world in things improper; and on the other hand, from sour, morose rigidity, and in a word, from being drawn away from God by intercourse with the world; that I may be preserved from any airs which would be an expression of pride and self-importance, and consider myself as a minister of the meek and lowly Jesus, and as such, watched by a censorious world; that I may be preserved from the neglect of daily secret prayer in my absence; that I may enjoy my religious friends in a religious way, more than in former journeys, and derive more instruction, animation, and refreshment from them; that I may keep in mind that the honor of religion depends greatly on the conduct and examples of Christ's ministers; and that I may keep up a punctual observance of all my former resolutions during my absence.

These shall be my special petitions through the day. I resolve furthermore to devote some part of the day to prayer for friends, and that I will look over my memoirs and resolutions, make suitable reflections on myself, enter into a train of selfexamination, and renew my covenant with God; that I will remember Zion at the throne of grace, adore God for light lately received, and make those common petitions which appear suitable.

Evening. I have reviewed my memoirs and find myself too neglectful in observing my resolutions, especially some which (I am ashamed to say) were almost forgotten; though perhaps they were not of the first importance. God grant me grace so to conduct myself, that these resolutions will not rise up in judgment against me. Let me ever remember, that "it is better not to vow unto the Lord, than to vow and not pay." I have been rather desultory in my petitions to day, and have been not so clear as before in examination. I find it does not answer to seek God negligently, nor to think of enjoying a day of special devotion, unless the day is wholly consecrated to devotion. It will not answer to have the attention divided between religious and secular things on such days, and to resolve to devote only as much of the day to religion as shall seem convenient. Hours must be fixed and unchangeably consecrated. However, I have enjoyed some happiness, and I believe some fervency to day, and conclude with expressing a hope of the divine presence and blessing in our journey.

Sabbath morning, Sept. 10th. Last night I returned from my journey, laden with rich experience of God's goodness. Never did we find friends universally so kind and tender. We have accomplished our business more to our mind than we expected. No misunderstanding arose. All was love and success, and our temporal interest is better than we anticipated. Throughout the journey God appeared, more than in any former journey, willing to attend upon me whenever I was disposed for a moment to turn aside from the world to attend on him. He did not hide himself from my search. But I have abundant matter for self-accusation. I have, to a cruel degree, forsaken and forgotten God. I have abundant reason to accuse myself of vanity in thoughts and words, of levity, of worldly-mindedness and undue attempts to please the world by improper conformities, of idolatrous affections, &c. &c. Never was a visit more agreeable, so far as the world could contribute to make it so. And circumstances have been so ordered seemingly on purpose to give us a fair opportunity to determine whether the world or God can afford the most satis