Speed. Here follow her vices.
Laun. Close at the heels of her virtues.

Speed. Item, She is not to be kiss'd fasting, in respect of her breath.

Laun. Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast: Read on.

329 Speed. Item, She hath a sweet mouth. Laun. That makes amends for her sour breath. Speed. Item, She doth talk in her sleep.

Laun. It's no matter for that, so she sleep not in her talk.

Speed. Item, She is slow in words.

Laun. O villain ! that set down among her vices ! To be slow in words, is a woman's only virtue : I pray thee, out with't ; and place it for her chief virtue.

330 Speed. Item, She is proud.

Laun. Out with that too; it was Eve's legacy, and cannot be ta'en from her.

Speed. Item, She hath no teeth.

Laun. I care not for that neither, because I love crusts.

Speed. Item, She is curst,
Laun. Well; the best is, she hath no teeth to bite.
Speed. Item, She will often praise her liquor.

Laun. If her liquor be good, she shall : if she will not, I will; for good things should be praised. 341

Speed. Item, She is too liberal.

Laun. Of her tongue she cannot ; for that's writ. down, she is slow of : of her purse she shall not; for

that

351

that I'll keep shut: now of another thing she may ; and that I cannot help. Well, proceed.

Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults.

Laun. Stop there ; I'll have her : she was mine, and not mine, twice or thrice in that last article : Rehearse that once more.

Speed. Item, She hath more hair than wit

Laun. More hair than wit-it may be; I'll prove it: The cover of the salt hides the salt, and therefore it is more than the salt : the hair, that covers the wit, is more than the wit ; for the greater hidęs the less. What's next?

Speed. And more faults than hairs'
Laun. That's monstrous : Oh, that that were out!
Speed. And more wealth than faults.

360 Laun. Why, that word makes the faults gracious : Well, I'll have her: And if it be a match, as nothing is impossible

Speed. Whạt then?

Laun. Why, then will I tell thee--that thy master stays for thee at the north gate.

Speed. For me !

Laun. For thee! ay; who art thou he hath staid for a better man than thee. Speed. And must I go to him?

370 Laun. Thou must run to him, for thou hast staid so long, that going will scarce serve the turn.

Speed. Why didst not tell me sooner i pox on your love-letters! Fis

Laune

Laun. Now will he be swing'd for reading my let. ter; An unmannerly slave, that will thrust himself into secrets !—I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's correction.

[ Exeunt.

SCENE II.

380

1

Enter Duke and Thurio, and Protheus behind.
Duke, Sir Thurio, fear not, but that she will love

you,
Now Valentine is banish'd from her sight.

Thu. Since his exile she hath despis'd me most,
Forsworn my company, and rail'd at me,
That I am desperate of obtaining her.

Duke. This weak impress of love is as a figure
Trenched in ice; which with an hour's heat
Dissolves to water, and doth lose his form.
A little time will melt her frozen thoughts,
And worthless Valentine shall be forgot.
How now, Sir Protheus ? Is your countryman,
According to our proclamation, gone?

390
Pro. Gone, my good lord.
Duke. My daughter takes his going heavily.
Pro. A little time, my lord, will kill that grief.

Duke. So I believe; but Thurio thinks not so.-
Protheus, the good conceit I hold of thee
(For thou hast shewn some sign of good desert),
Makes me the better to confer with thee.

Pro.

Pro. Longer than I prove loyal to your grace,
Let me not live to look upon your grace. 399

Duke. Thou know'st, how willingly I would effect
The match between Sir Thurio and my daughter.

Pro. I do, my lord.

Duke. And also, I do think, thou art not ignorant How she opposes her against my will.

Pro. She did, my lord, when Valentine was here.

Duke. Ay, and perversely she perseveres so.
What might we do to make the girl forget
The love of Valentine, and love Sir Thurio ?

Pro. The best way is, to slander Valentine
With falsehood, cowardice, and poor descent; 410
Three things that women highly hold in hate.

Duke. Ay, but she'll think, that it is spoke in hatę,

Pro. Ay, if his enemy deliver it:
Therefore it must, with circumstance, be spoken
By one, whom she esteemeth as his friend.

Duke. Then you must undertake to slander him,

Pro. And that, my lord, I shall be loth to do:
'Tis an ill office for a gentleman;
Especially, against his very friend.
Duke. Where your good word cannot advantage
him,

420
Your slander never can endamage him;
Therefore the office is indifferent,
Being entreated to it by your friend.

Pro. You have prevailid, my lord : if I can do it,
By aught that I can speak in his dispraise,
She shall not long continue love to him.

Fiij

Bus

But say, this weed her love from Valentine,
It follows not that she will love Sir Thurio.

Thu. Therefore as you unwind her love from him,
Lest it should ravel, and be good to none, 430
You must provide to bottom it on me:
Which must be done, by praising me as much
As you in worth dispraise Sir Valentine.

Duke. And, Protheus, we dare trust you in this

kind ;

Because we know, on Valentine's report,
You are already love's firm votary,
And cannot soon revolt and change your mind.
Upon this warrant shall

you
have

access, Where

you with Silvia may confer at large ; For she is lumpish, heavy, melancholy,

440 And, for your friend's sake, will be glad of you; Where you may temper her, by your persuasion, To hate young Valentine, and love my friend.

Pro. As much as I can do, I will effect:-
But you, Sir Thurio, are not sharp enough;
You must lay lime, to tangle her desires,
By wailful sonnets, whose composed rhimes
Should be full fraught with serviceable vows.
Duke. Ay, Much is the force of heaven-bred

poesy.
Pro. Say, that upon the altar of her beauty
You sacrifice your tears, your sighs, your heart :
Write, till your ink be dry; and with your tears
Moist it again ; and frame some feeling line,
That may discover such integrity :-

For

459