"Why, hey, now, if I did not think it would dash the young man's spirits, I, I should like it above all things."

"Oh! if that be all. Here, John, introduce the young gentleman, I'll be answerable for his spirits as you'll find him to be bred in the true school of Socrates, and that he has learnt to consider his audience as so many cabbage stalks."

At this moment, John, who previously had his cue, introduced a large figure of Punch! "Eh!" said Garrick, "what, now I understand. Oh! a puppet show! Well, but what is your hero to do? is he to be a mere comical fellow, or a mimic, or what?

"

"Why, what the deuce, David, surely you are not already jealous of poor Punch? Come, John, part the rivals, or we shall have some noble blood spilt on the occasion."

Here the laugh was unanimously against Garrick; who was, however, very glad to be eased of his fears at the expense of a little ridicule.

A CLERGYMAN having taken exception to one of Foote's performances, "and by ' authority' too," the wit retorted that it was "by authority," for "a religion turned into a farce is, by the constitution of this country, the only species of the drama that may be exhibited for money without permission."

ON a further occasion, Foote said that "Garrick loved money so well, that should he ever retire from his profession, he would commence banker's clerk, for the mere pleasure of counting over the cash; and as for the stage, he was so fond of it, that rather than not play at all, he would act before the kitchen fire at the 'Shakespeare' for a sop in the pan.

FOOTE had a brother, a quiet clergyman, generally unbeneficed. Samuel allowed him sixty pounds a year and "the run of his house and theatre." This man, having nothing to do, was constantly gossiping in the greenroom, where the Duke of Cumberland once observing him asked who he was.

"What, that little man in the shabby black coat just gone out?" said Foote. "Oh! that's my barber."

Some little time after by accident the Duke found out that instead of his barber he was his brother; and challenged him about it the first time he saw him.

"Why, what could I do with the fellow?" said Foote, "I could not say he was a brotherwit; and as I could not disclaim all relationship with him, I was obliged to make him out a brother-shaver."

AN attorney of a very bad character having

a dispute with a bailiff, the latter brought an action against him, which Foote recommended to be compromised. The parties at length agreed; but requested that in case of a difference in arbitration, they might be permitted to call upon him to decide.

"Oh! no," said Foote, "I may be partial to one or other of you-but I'll do better, I'll recommend a thief as the common friend of both."

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DR PAUL HIFFERMAN, an impecunious author, frequently attendant upon Foote, was one day relating some circumstance as a fact; and by way of corroboration, said he would pawn his soul upon it.

'Aye, that you may," said Foote, "and your watch too, Doctor, which at present is of more value to you; and yet I must question the veracity of what you tell me."

HIFFERMAN was fond of offering wagers. In the heat of argument one day he cried out, "I'll lay my head you are wrong upon that point."

"Well," said Foote, "I accept the wager; any trifle among friends has a value."

to be heard, "why, that I never suffered so much in my whole life!"

"What! for the author? I thought so. Alas! poor Shakespeare!"

The company not being prepared for this stroke, the laugh was unanimous against Garrick; which Sir Francis joined in with as much good humour as if he was not at all affected by the sarcasm.

A DULL dramatic writer, who had often felt the severity of the public, was complaining one day to Foote of the injustice done him by the critics; "I have, however," he added, one way of being even with them; which is by constantly laughing at all they say against me."

"You do perfectly right, my friend," said Foote, "for by this method you will not only disappoint your enemies, but lead the merriest life of any man in England."

WHEN he was dining with a friend at Merchant Taylors' Hall, on one occasion, Foote enjoyed himself so thoroughly that he sat until the company were much thinned. Suddenly he rose, and with great gravity took leave by saying, "Gentlemen, I wish you both good-night."