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man is more attentive and alert than he would otherwise be. I remember, added he, that it was very usual on field days for the dragoons to have their hats blown off. Nobody suspected that they had bribed the wind to play this trick; yet a general officer being put cut of humour by the frequency of the accident, gave orders to punish every man to whom it should happen; and since that order was put in force, the hats have been much seldomer blown off.
I then mentioned a fact that appeared to me still more extraordinary. A hussar, at the last review, had fallen from his horse at full gallop, and was so much bruised, that it was found necessary to carry him to the hospital; and I had been as sured, that as soon as the man should be perfectly recovered, he would certainly be punished for having fallen. Now, continued I, though a man may be a little careless about his hat, it cannot be imagined, that this hussar was not seriously inclined to keep his seat; for by falling he might have broke his neck, or have been trod to death: or even if you chuse to suppose, that he did not ride with all the attention he ought, yet, as he received one severe punishment by the fall, it would be cruel to inflict another. I have nothing to opargument, replied the
pose to the solidity of your
Prussian, but that general Seidlitz, who was the best officer of cavalry in the world, first introduced
this piece of cruelty, since which it is certain, that the men have not fallen so often.,
View of Society and Manners, &c. vol, ii.
You must drink the king of Bulgaria's health, said the soldiers; he is the best of kings. Most willingly, replied Candide, and drank. That's enough, said they, you are a brave fellow, you are become his support, his defender, one of the heroes of Bulgaria; your fortune is made, you are certain of glory. They then put handcuffs on his wrists, and conducted him to the regiment There they made him turn to the right, wheel to the left, shoulder his musquet, rest upon his arms, present, fire, march, and countermarch: in return for which the drill-serjeant gave him thirty strokes with a cane, The next day he performed his exercise better, and he received only twenty. On the morrow they gave him but ten, and all his comrades regarded him as a prodigy of ge
The astonished Candide could not conceive by what enchantment he had become an hero. pleasant morning in spring, when the birds were singing and the trees beginning to bloom, he thought proper to take a walk. Proceeding straight forwards, and supposing it was the privilege of the human species, like other animals, to make use of their legs, he had not gone above two leagues, before four other heroes, each of six feet high, overtook him, bound him, and threw
him into a dungeon. He was juridically asked, whether he preferred being thirty-six times flogged through the regiment, or to suffer twelve balls to pass through his brain? In vain did
he assert the freedom of the will, and affirm that he preferred neither the one nor the other; he was obliged to make a choice; and in virtue of that gift of God which is called liberty, he concluded in favour of flogging. He was twice brought to the halberds, where he each time received five hundred lashes, which flayed him from the hips to the nape of the muscles and nerves all bare.
neck, and laid the As they were proCandide, unable to
ceeding to the third course, endure more, requested for God's sake, that they would have the goodness to blow out his brains. His petition was favourably received; but as he was kneeling blindfold, the king of the Bulgarians happening to come to the parade, enquired concerning his crime. As this king was a man of great genius, he comprehended, from the story told him, that Candide was a young metaphysician, ignorant of the world, and he granted his pardon; a clemency which has been and will be recorded in every newspaper, every history, and every age. A skilful surgeon in three weeks cured Candide by use of the emollients which Dioscorides prescribes. The skin again began to cover his back, and he was able to walk, when
the king of the Bulgarians gave battle to the king
of the Abarians.
Nothing could be so charming, so dazzling, so well disciplined, so well appointed as the two armies. The trumpets, drums, hautboys, fifes, and cannon, formed a concert of such harmony as hell itself never equalled. To begin, the artillery laid low about six thousand men on each ide. The, musquetry next dispatched between nine and ten thousand; and the bayonet, in its turn, was the adequate cause of the death of as many more. The whole amount was at least thirty thousand souls. Candide, who trembled like a philosopher, hid himself as well as he could during this heroic butchery. At length while the two kings ordered Te Deum to be sung in their two camps, he thought proper to depart, and reason elsewhere of causes and effects. He passed over mountains of the dying and the dead. The first village he came to belonged to the Abarians it was reeking with smoke, having been burnt by the Bulgarians, according to the law of nations. Here stood old men maimed by the enemy, gazing on their murdered wives with their dead children extended on their bleeding bosoms. There lay virgins, giving up the ghost, with their wombs ripped open, after having appeased the natural appetites of certain heroes. Others, half roasted, called aloud for some one to come and dispatch. them entirely. Here the brains of men were scattered, here their arms, here their legs, and here their mangled trunks. Candide fled with all his might to another village, that belonged to the Bulgarians,
Bulgarians, which the heroes of Abaria had treated in much the same manner. At length, marching over limbs still trembling, hearts still palpitating, and fires yet unextinguished, he luckily escaped from the theatre of war and glory.
VOLTAIRE. Candide, ch. ii. and iii..
WAS it Mackay's regiment, quoth my uncle Toby, where the poor grenadier was so unmercifully whipped at Bruges about the ducats?-O Christ! he was innocent! cried Trim, with a deep sigh-And he was whipped, may it please your honour, almost to death's door. They had better have shot him outright, as he begged, and he had gone directly to heaven, for he was as innocent as your honour.-I thank thee, Trim, quoth my uncle Toby.-I never think of his, continued Trim, and my poor brother Tom's misfortunes, for we were all three school-fellows, but I cry like a coward.-Tears are no proof of cowardice, Trim; I drop them oftimes myself, cried my uncle Toby-I know your honour does, replied Trim, and so am not ashamed of it myself—But to think, may it please your honour, continued Trim,-a tear stealing into a corner of his eye as he spoke to think of two virtuous lads, with hearts as warm in their bodies, and as honest as God could make them-the children of honest people, going forth with gallant spirits to seek their fortunes in the world-and fall into such evils! Poor Tom! to be tortured upon a rack