me.

I am thankful to God that you are so free from anxiety and care: We cannot but with praise acknowledge his goodness. What does it signify whether we be rich or poor, if we are sons of God? How unconscious are they of their real greatness, and will be so till they find themselves in glory! When we contemplate our everlasting inheritance, it seems too good to be true; yet it is no more than is due to the blood of God manifest in the flesh.

"A journey I took last week into Norfolk seems to have contributed greatly to my health. The attention and admiration shown me are great and very dangerous. The praises of men do not now indeed flatter my vanity as they formerly did; I rather feel pain through anticipation of their consequences; but they tend to produce imperceptibly a self-esteem and hardness of heart. How awful and awakening a consideration is it, that God judgeth not as man judgeth! Our character before him is precisely as it was before or after any change of external circumstances. Men may applaud or revile, and make a man think differently of himself; but he judgeth of a man according to his secret walk. How difficult is the work of selfexamination! Even to state to you imperfectly my own mind, I found to be no easy matter. Nay, St. Paul says, I judge not mine own self, for he that judgeth me is the Lord.' That is, though he was not conscious of any allowed sin, yet he was not hereby justified, for God might perceive something of which he was not aware. How needful then the prayer the Psalmist,' Search me, O God, and try my heart, and see if there be any evil way in me.' May God be with you, and bless you, and uphold you with the right hand of his righteousness; and let us seek to love, for he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, for God is love."

of

In a Journal replete with sentiments of most ardent piety, we meet with the following reflections, recorded in the interval, between the latter end of the year 1802, the time when he first resolved to serve Christ

as a Missionary, and the autumn of the year 1803, when he was admitted into holy orders,

But let us hear his reasons for keeping such a record of the state of his mind :-"I am convinced that Christian experience is not a delusion-whether mine is so or not will be seen at the last day-my object in making this Journal, is to accustom myself to selfexamination, and to give my experience a visible form, so as to leave a stronger impression on the memory, and thus to improve my soul in holiness-for the review of such a lasting testimony will serve the double purpose of conviction and consolation."

Divided as Christians are in judgment respecting the general utility of a religious diary, there can be but one opinion among them respecting the uncommon excellence of the following observations.

"Since I have endeavoured to divest myself of every consideration independent of religion, I see the difficulty of maintaining a liveliness in devotion for any considerable time together; nevertheless as I shall have to pass the greater part of my future life, after leaving England, with no other source of happiness than reading, meditation, and prayer, I think it right to be gradually mortifying myself to every species of worldly pleasure.""In all my life I have fixed on some desirable ends, at different distances, the attainment of which was to furnish me with happiness. But now in seasons of unbelief, nothing seems to lie before me but one vast uninteresting wilderness, and heaven appearing but dimly at the end. Oh! how does this show the necessity of living by faith! What a shame that I cannot make the doing of God's will my ever delightful object, and the prize of my high calling, the mark after which I press

66

יי!

"I was under disquiet at the prospect of my future work encompassed with difficulties; but I trusted I was under the guidance of infinite wisdom, and on that I could rest." ***, who had returned from a mission, observed that the crosses to be endured were far greater than can be conceived: but none of these

things move me, neither count I my life dear unto me, so that I might finish my course with joy.""" Had some disheartening thoughts at night, at the prospect of being stripped of every earthly comfort; but who is it that maketh my comfort to be a source of enjoyment? Cannot the same make cold and hunger and nakedness and peril to be a train of ministering angels conducting me to glory?"-"O my soul, compare thyself with St. Paul, and with the example and precepts of the Lord Jesus Christ. Was it not his meat and drink to do the will of his heavenly Father?

"Finished the account of Dr. Vanderkemp, and longed to be sent to China. But I may reasonably doubt the reality of every gracious affection, they are so like the morning cloud, and transient as the early dew. If I had the true love of souls, I should long and labour for those around me, and afterward for the conversion of the Heathen."

"I had distressing thoughts about the little prospect of happiness in my future life. Though God has not designed man to be a solitary being, yet surely the child of God would delight to pour out his soul for whole days together before God. Stir up my soul to lay hold on thee, and remove from me the cloud of ignorance and sin that hides from me the glory of Jehovah, the excellency of my God."-"I found Butler's Analogy useful in encouraging me to self-denial, by the representation he gives of this life, as a state of discipline for a better."-Since adopting the Gospel as the ground of my hope and rule of my life, I feel the force of the argument drawn from its exalted morality. In so large a work as the Bible, by so many writers, in such different ages, never to meet with any thing puerile or inconsistent with their own views of the Deity, is a circumstance unparalleled in any other book.""Respecting what is called the experience of Christians, it is certain we have no reason from the mere contemplation of the operations of our own minds, to ascribe them to an extrinsic agent, because they arise from their proper causes, and are directed

to their proper ends. The truth or falsehood of pretences to the experience of divine agency, must depend on the truth or falsehood of Scripture: that warrants us sufficiently-for it informs us that it is 'God that worketh in us both to will and to do, of his good pleasure;' which passage, while it asserts the reality of God's influence, points out also the manner of his acting, for he works in us to will before he works in us to do. This effectually guards against fanaticism, for no one will pretend he ever put his finger on those mysterious springs that move the will, or knows what they be; and therefore he cannot say, now God is exerting his influence. He may reasonably indeed, and ought, to ascribe every good thought to God, but still every good thing in him is but the effect of something preceding his first perception, therefore is posterior to the moving cause, which must hence be for ever concealed from the immediate knowledge of man." (*** came, and we resumed our exercises of reading and prayer: though it be true that the more strict our obedience is, the more evidently does the imperfection of it appear, yet I think it reasonable to be thankful that I have received grace, to stir one single step this day towards the kingdom of heaven." After my prayers, my mind seems touched with humility and love, but the impression decays so soon! Resolved for the future to use more watchfulness in reading and prayer”—“ My prayers have been frequent of late, but I cannot realize the presence of the Almighty God. I have not enjoyed communion with him, or else there would not be such strangeness in my heart towards the world to come."-"In my walk out, during the remainder of the day, the sense of my own weakness and worthlessness called me to watchfulness and dependence on the grace of Christ." My soul rather benumbed than humble and contrite, tired with watchfulness, though so short and so feeble."-"Sudden flashes of faint affection to-day, which raised self-satisfaction, but no abiding humiliation."" Talked with much contemptuous severity about conformity to the world; alas! all that is done in this way, had bet

ter be left undone."-"This was a day when I could only by transient glimpses perceive that all things were loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord." "

"I am not conscious of any particular backsliding from God; I think my prayers have been more earnest; yet the views of my own heart have produced, not humility, but discontent, because I suppose they are grating to pride."-" What is the state of my own soul before God? I believe that it is right in principle: I desire no other portion but God: but I pass so many hours as if there were no God at all. I live far below the hope, comfort, and holiness of the Gospel: but be not slothful, O my soul, look unto Jesus the author and finisher of thy faith. For whom was grace intended if not for me? Are not the promises made to me? Is not my Maker in earnest, when he declareth he willeth my sanctification, and hath laid help on one that is mighty? I will therefore have no confidence in the flesh, but rejoice in the Lord, and the joy of the Lord shall be my strength. May I receive from above a pure, an humble, a benevolent, a heavenly mind!"

"Rose at half past five, and walked a little before chapel in a happy frame of mind. Endeavoured to maintain affectionate thoughts of God as my Father, on awakening in the morning. Setting a watch over my first thoughts, and endeavouring to make them humble and devout, I find to be an excellent preparation for prayer, and a right spirit during the day. I was in a happy frame most of the day; towards the evening, from seeking to maintain this right state by my own strength, instead of giving it permanency by faith in Jesus, I grew tired and very insensible to most things. At chapel the sacred melody wafted my soul to heaven: the blessedness of heaven appeared so sweet, that the very possibility of losing it appeared terrible, and raised a little disquiet with my joy. After all, I had rather live in an humble, and dependent spirit, for then perceiving underneath me the everlasting arms, I can enjoy my security."-" Amid