"Good father, I must own with shame,
"That often I have been to blame;
"I must confess on Friday last,
"Wretch that I was, I broke my fast.
"But I defy the basest tongue

"To prove I did my Neighbour wrong;
"Or ever went to seek my food

66 By rapine, theft, or thirst of blood."

And now for

THE BUDGET.

"The first act by which Don Miguel betrayed his absolute intentions, was the publication of a decree, without reference to the Legislature, on the subject of smuggling corn into Portugal. A city punster observed, this proved him to be a rogue in grain."

Oh! this is too bad, and as old as Adam; besides, 'twas no city pun,-but the observation of a Miller.

"PRECAUTION.-A certain Don in Portugal, who, it is said, dreads the operation of shaving, has discovered a most effectual method to prevent the razor from doing any considerable mischief in the hand of an expert executioner,- Make a Baron of your barber,' says he. 'Tremor will cease as he advances, and you will escape from having your face or throat cut.'"

"A man named Courtney, astonished the natives of Bucks, some years ago, by walking backwards over a quarter of a mile of ground, till he

had completed forty miles; which he accomplished in the short space of one day. Such a feat, observed a wit, would create but little surprise now, as men are seen to go backwards every day."

"The same individual proposed to give a specimen of his flighty talents, and actually applied to the Vicar of the parish for leave to fly from the church! But it was said it was the Vicar's object to induce people to fly to, and not from the church; consequently this request was refused."

66

"A Knight of equal ingenuity has just notified to the public, that an expedition to the Moon, by an invention he has completed, may be accomplished with much greater ease than Captain Parry's expedition to the eastern part of our globe by a north-west passage! Perhaps Sir Knight has been consulting with the Buckinghamshire original; from whose wings, though cut, he might still contrive to take a pattern."

Old Cato used to say," Wise men learn more from fools, than fools from wise men.'

And there's an end of "THE BUDGET." I verily believe we shall, at last, be enabled to reach the antipodes by a perpendicular passage through the earth, from the tunnel under the Thames ; provided we can guard against springs and the want of air!

66

WELL, Mr. Classic, have you got through Mr. Brougham's speech ?"

"Yes-and I think I never read a better." "I question, notwithstanding, if he has made such wonderful discoveries as some of his contemporaries, of whom I have been reading. One man has found the way to march backwards faster than others can proceed forwards;—another has invented wings for men to fly withal;—a third has discovered the way to raise himself without wings; and a fourth propels you through the

earth with greater rapidity than steam can force you over the smooth surface of the main."

"Discoveries of a still more useful tendency are likely to be made too, by all account, my fair Cousin. Have you met with no greater wonders?"

"A few EXTRAORDINARY FACTS from the American papers. In the first place, they are going to make a navigable canal of the Falls of Niagara; and have already despatched one vessel with live stock. There's also an account of a Deserter who was sentenced to be shot, but was reprieved in consequence of having three times driven back the ball with his right hand! and a whole string of miraculous events of one kind or other, to horrify and amuse the credulous at a distance. Land monsters devouring every English emigrant they can fall upon-sea serpents rearing their hideous forms to clear the decks of every vessel they approach—and mermaids rising from the bottom of the deep to take a peep at their more formidable brethren !"

"You don't believe there are such animals then, from the ludicrous tone in which you repeat these accounts? Your faith, I presume, reaches no further than your sight; which is not very clear at times, I think I have heard you say?” observed Mr. Classic, with a profound bow."Millions of animals are supposed to exist in the bosom and at the bottom of the ocean, which the eye of man has never beheld. I have seen so much,' says the learned Dr. Johnson, that I

can believe more.' cribed, is not a more

A mermaid, as it is desextraordinary animal than that which, from its resemblance to the human species, we call the Wild Man of the Wood. And indeed the whole race of Monkeys seem to be so near akin to Man, that the Negroes in the West Indies are firmly persuaded they could even talk if they chose to do so; but no, Massa, him know better,' say they; Monkey lazy doghim no love work, Massa. Soon as Monkey speak, Massa, Buckraman flog Monkey and make him work!'

"Mermaids are mentioned by Pliny, and Alexander of Alexandria. Marolla relates that Francis de Pavia was one day invited by the Queen of Zinga to fish for them in the Lake of Aquelindo, on the western coast of Africa: there he saw thirteen, and caught one. There was one also seen by several persons on the rocks of Derrygima, in Errisbeo. Mr. Evans, of Cleggan, who saw it, affirms, that for near an hour she remained in perfect tranquillity, in view of upwards of three hundred persons; until a musket was levelled at her, which, having flashed in the pan, she immediately dived, and was not afterwards seen."

"Had you been one among the three hundred spectators, my learned Cousin, my doubts, perhaps, might have been removed."

"I thank you for that mark of civility, at all events; but my testimony does not appear to be wanting, on a subject so well evidenced already.