true,

O'er all the plain fhall ne'er love one but you.

To understand many of the beautiful and natural turns of thought in thefe lines, you must be informed, that wild apples and nuts, when the woods yield fpontaneously in that country, as in ours, are the choiceft prefent lovers make to their miftreffes, who generally carry the wild apples about them as a perfume: they are therefore very natural images to be introduced in their poetry. The time of the year alfo when the lover, in this fong, tells us he was happy with his fair one's prefence, and the interval that paffed between that and his addreffing her to renew the intercourse, are poetically defcribed. The liberty he took, of fnatching soft kiffes as they fported, is fuppofed to be the occafion of her difpleasure. This tho' not plainly expreffed, is poetically infinuated in the fifth verle, where to remove her apprehenfions, he tells her, that the dignity of her beauty is a fufficient protection for her from all attempts of rudeness. He preffes her, therefore, once more to wander with him in the pleafing fhade that had been fo often the scene of his former happinefs; and to entice her to go with him into that fweet retirement, he tells her, that the nuts in clufters hang upon the boughs; and the apples, which were only in bloffom when laft they walk'd together, were now blufhing ripe, to tempt her as fhe paffed. Hence we may collect, that it was about autumn,

M. N. N.

The Drunken News-Writer.
A Comic Interlude.

SCENE, a Room; a Table with a lighted Candle, Bottle and Glafs, and feveral News-Papers.

Enter Paragraph (the News-Writer)

S

drunk.

O! fafe arrived at laft-thanks to

1

a good understanding and a strong brain!-Yes-the dogs thought to have mastered me, and ply'd me as tho' I had been an alderman at a city feast ;but damu me, I bit 'em-the veffel was found-not a leak from head to fternand I decamp'd with my loading, as fober- -as I ever defire to be-At home, myself-yes this is home-I begin to pity the poor devils I've left behind-I-will fay that for myself, I am a good Chriftian-damme? What a whimsical group muft they formtumbling and rolling about like a fet of nine-pins, after receiving a plumper from the bowl;-and egad the fimile is a-propos, fince 'tis the fame whether one is knocked down, or made incapable of ftanding!--Well, heav'n be prais'd for a firm refolution! and fo— to business.. -Let me fee-Yes!like a wife caterer, I'll collect the best materials from the other papers, that I may ferve the more elegant Olio in own.- —(Sits down looks at a paper, then at the candle) Damn the tallowchandler!- -Ever fince I advised the public to make their own candles the fellow has ferved me with fuch infernal ftuff as will scarce afford light enough to diftinguish the Morning Chronicle from the London Evening.-Well, tho'

my

tho' I have often heard mafter Smellfungus was a man of light character, Í never thought he would have endeavoured to keep a friend in the dark; but, egad, I find mankind are alike in their paffions:and why fhou'dn't I expect perfecution for writing a libel upon tallow-chandlers, as well as others for libelling more eminent rogues? However, as there is an abfolute neceffity pro bono meo-that I fhould learn from thefe precious pacquets who are partners in the political contre dance, I have a little illumination of my own (fetches fome candlesticks from behind one of the fide fcenes, and tak ing three or four candles from a drawer in the table, lights thent up, fpeaking at the fame time) and, egad, as there is no doubt but fome of the company, in figuring In and croffing OVER, will make many falfe fteps,it will be extremely a-propos to rejoice, fince we newswriters gain a regular fubfiftence by general confufion. At all events the fights I fhall throw upon public matters will be innocent; for I fhall keep all within doors, and neither heads nor windows will be broken on the occafion So! now 'twill do-Let me fee-(fits down, and prepares to read the papers) the Public Advertiser right! —I like to take things according to order- -the Public Advertiser is like what? Egad it is like a MADE DISH-full of good things; and of the most oppofite qualities.-Yes!

-The Public Ledger is water-gruel without falt or butter and has neither flavour or fubftance.- -The Gazetteer,―or the New Daily Advertiser —is like an unfilled hogfhead-full of found, and empty; and the Daily Advertiser- -pardon, O ye fons of trade, if I call the Daily a basket of chips for it is dry, and fit only for the fire—And fo having finished my digreffion, let me fee what thefe difpatches bring, (reads) "The following may be depended on as authentic" 'Pfhaw! that's a lie-for I wrote it myself—(reads). «The right hon. lord

Chatham-um-Yefterday was carried to St. Luke's hofpital, without hopes of recovery." "A prodigious number of black fpots have lately been difcovered on the fun”—A guinea to a fhilling but 'tis owing to hard drinking!-beft keep out of the fun-fhine then, for the diforder may be infectious. -But what fays the Gazetteer? "Monday laft died Timothy Richley, Efq;" and was afterwards prefented to his majefty at St. James's""He was laft night buried in St. Clement's church-yard,”"and was moft graciously received,”—“ A prodigious number of counterfeit half pence are now in circulation,”—“ Britannia is turned upfide down."- -Ah! like enough!

-but as to counter

feiting, why 'tis all the fashion-counterfeit wit-counterfeit honefty--counterfeit patriotifm-and the ladies put the counterfeit upon us in their headdrefs. But I'm afraid I am growing ferious, and I can't bear-no, I can't bear that;I'll try then whether a bumper of French brandy will heighten a British fpirit-(taking off his hat, drinks)"To Apollo and Plutus”for wit without money is almoft as bad as money without wit--(reads) "Tuefday laft was married Mr James-Webfter- "the caufe of this rafh action

is attributed to love.". "The following is a correct lift of the Literari"

"David Ritchie, hair-cutter" ----" A few days fince the wife of a tradefman, near Tower-hill, was fafely delivered of"-" three chefts of tea, four ankers of brandy, and a large quantity of French lace."-" Yefterday there was a levee at St. James's, when his majefty received the compliments of- a prodigious number of pickpockets"Well! I fhall aways be civil to pickpockets, because one of the fraternity very much diverted me:

Coming home t other night, a boy whipp'd his hand into my pocket, and drew out my hankerchief.- -I feized him inftantly, and threaten'd to fend him to the compter; when the dog

thus

"Pray, your

thus excufed himself.honour, forgive me-----indeed 'tis my firft offence-Here's your own handkerchief again; and take, besides, any one of these five you like beft.”—But to business, to business-(reads)" We are defired to inform our readers, that the paragraph refpecting the fale of the cannon is"—" a gun.”—“ From Paris we learn the weather is very fevere; and that a great froft"-----" has taken place between the French king and Madam Barre"- "A lady of rank and fortune has lately become enamour'd of" ' a highly finish'd picture of a Roman Gladiator."Ha! ha! ha!- I remember at the time the Corfican general was much talked of, a lady of my acquaintance

a great patriot--had a ftrong inclination to purchase his picture; but as feveral were published much about the fame time totally unlike each other tho' all faid to be striking likeneffes -she knew not where to fix: In this dilemma,she repaired to a female friend;

"There are, fays fhe, my dear, three pictures of that charming fellow Paoli. I must have the dear creature, but tell me you are-a judge which fhall I fend for?--Shall I have him fideways-three quarters, or"-" No, (interrupts the other) you fhall take him at full length !"-But odfo! I have not feen an Irish paper these three weeks and here's the Dublin Journal -Let's fee-(reads) "Kilkenny, Feb. 9. Notwithstanding the early feafon of the year, the weather is remarkably mild; and last week fome fine cucumbers were cut from the hot beds of Patrick O'Blunder, Efq; which were the first wall fruit that has been gathered this year."- -Ah! this is my old friend Tom Bibb's writing

-I

know it is as well as lord Mansfield does the style of Junius. But to proceed(reads) "Dublin, Feb. 10. A duel was fought between Dermot O'Botherwell and Phelim O'Barebones in the market place. The caufe of the difpute was, that Barebones demanded two groats for a parcel of fish, whilst VOL. II.

Dermot fwore he would have them for eight-pence. The first blow was

given by Barebones, which fractured the fkull of his antagonist, and he died on the fpot-However, there being fome foul play, it was ftrongly infifted on by fome gentlemen prefent that the battle fhould be fought over again next week.”. -Very pleafant indeed! Well, I must confefs, I never was fond of fighting. To be fure I have killed my man— -poor Tom Witling-but not a blow was ftruck;

'twas over a bottle-and all the blood fpilt was red port.-Yes! poor Tom! he lov'd red port, and he's come to port at laft; he has at length paffed the ftorms of this life—and I warrant the infide of his coffin looks as rofy as the bottom of a long cork.

Ay! I remember Tom's favourite fong was his bottle of Red Port, as he ufed to call it-Egad I'm in fpirits and will endeavour to fing it-in honour of the dear dog's memory. S O N G.

Ale, cyder, and perry,
May make the heart merry,
Cheeks red as a cherry,
And yield you abundence of fport;
But each judge muft opine,
There's no liqour fo fine,

Or will make the nofe fhine,
Like that charming specific red port.

IV.

Short's the life of a man

Fill up the whole span;

Let mirth be your plan,

be not perfectly cured; you have been intemperate and incontinent; renounce thefe vices, and, believe me, you will live at least an hundred and fifty years."

In 1728, one Villars told his friends in confidence, that his uncle, who had lived almost an hundred years, and who died only by accident, had left him a certain preparation, which had the virtue to prolong a man's life to an hundred and fifty years, if he lived with fobriety. When he happened to obferve the proceffion of a funeral, he fhrugged up his fhoulders in pity: if the deceased, faid he, had taken my medicine, he would not be where he is. His friends among whom he diftributed it generously, obferving the condition required, found its utility, and extolled it. He was thence encouraged to fell it at a crown the bottle; and the fale was prodigious. It was no more than the water of the Seine, mixed with a little nitre. Those who made ufe of it,and were attentive,at the fame time, to regimen, or who were happy in good conftitutions, foon recovered their ufual health. To others, he obferved, "It is your own fault if you

wealth grew with his reputation. The Abbe Pons extolled this quack, and gave him the preference to the Marifchal de Villars: "the latter," faid he, "kills men; the former prolongs their exiftence."

lar's medicine was chiefly composed of riAt length,it was difcovered that Vilver water. His practice was now at an end. Men had recourfe to other quacks.

Villars was certainly of no differvice to his patients, and can only be reproached with felling the water of the Siene at too high a price. He excited men to temperance, and in this respect was infinitely fuperior to the apothecary Arnoup, who filled Europe with his noftrums for the apoplexy, without recommending the practice of any one

virtue.

I knew at London, a physician, of the name of Brown, who had practised at Barbadoes. He had a fugar-work and negroes; and having been robbed of a confiderable fum, he called together his flaves. "My friends," faid he," the great ferpent appeared to me during the night, and told me, that the perfon who stole my money should, at this inftant, have a parrot's feather at the point of his nofe." The thief immediately put his hand to his nose. "It is you," cried the mafter, " that robbed me; the great ferpent has juft now told me fo." By this method the phyfician recovered his money. This piece of quackery is not to be condemned; but, in order to practice it, one must have to do with negroes.

Scipio, the firft Africanus, a man in other refpects fo different from Dr. Brown, perfuaded his foldiers that he was directed and inspired by the gods. This piece of fraud had been long and fuccefsfully practifed. Can we blame Scipio for having recourfe to it? There is not, perhaps, a perfon who does

greater

of robbers to civilize, and a fenate that conftituted the most intractable part of them. Had he proposed his laws to the affembled tribes, he would have met with a thoufand difficulties from the affaffins of his predeceffor.. He adopted a different method. He addreffed himself to the goddefs Egeria, who gave him a code, fanctified with divine authority. What was the confequence? He was fubmitted to without oppofition, and reigned happily. His intentions were admirable, and his quackery had in view the public good; but if one of his enemies had difclofed his artifice, and faid, "let us punith an impofter, who prostitutes the name of the gods to deceive mankind," he would have undergone the fate of Romulus.

It is probable, that Numa concerted his measures with great prudence, and deceived the Romans, with a view to their advantage, with an addrefs fuited to the time the place, and the genius of that people.

Mahomet was twenty times on the point of mifcarrying; but, at length, he fucceeded with the inhabitants of Medina, and was believed to be the intimate friend of the angel Gabriel. At prefent fhould any one announce himfelf at Conftantinople to be the favourite of the angel Raphael, who is fuperior in dignity to Gabriel, and infift that they muft believe in him alone, he would be impaled alive. Quacks should know how to time their impoftures

Was there not fomewhat of deceit in Socrates, with his familiar Demon, and the precife declaration of the oracle, which proclaimed him the wifeft of men? it is ridiculous in Rollin to infift, in his history, on the fincerity of this oracle. Why does he not inform his readers, that it was purely a piece

of quackery? Socrates was unfortunate as to the time of his appearance. An hundred years fooner he might have governed Athens.

The leaders of philofophical fects have all of them been tinctured with quackery. But the greatest of all quacks are those who have aspired to power. How formidable a quack was Cromwell! He appeared precifely at the time when he could have fucceeded. Under Elizabeth he would have been hanged; under Charles II. he would have been an object of ridicule. He came at a period when the English were difgufted with kings; and his fon, at a time when they were disgufted with protectors.

Extraordinary Relation of a remarkable difcovery of MURDER.

BOUT the year 1726, John

Andrew Gordier, a gentleman of French extraction, and confiderable fortune in the ifland of Jerfey, was upon the point of marrying the daughter of a wealthy merchant of Guernsey; but on a fudden he was loft to his friends and relations, and notwithstanding the moft diligent enquiry in both islands, with every poffible search, not the leaft intelligence could be obtained of his re

treat.

It happened, however, after a time, his body was accidentally found in Guernfey by fome boys in traverfing the beach, with two wounds on the back, and on the head, thrust into the cavity of a rock.

This difcovery, with thofe evident proofs of murder, alarmed the two fa milies; the former enquiries were in vain renewed; not the leaft light could be gathered to trace out the murder.

The mother of the young gentleman remained inconfolable, and the lady pined in fecret for the lofs of the only man in the world whom she could love. She was indeed courted by a young merchant; but, though she was in a

F 2

manner