was but yesterday I was told that Miss Gadabout had eloped with Sir Filligree Flirt. But there's no minding what one hears; though, to be sure, I had this from very good authority. Maria. Such reports are highly scandalous. Mrs. C. So they are child-shameful, shameful! But the world is so censorious, no character escapes. Well, now, who would have suspected your friend, Miss Prim, of an indiscretion? Yet such is the illnature of people that they say her uncle stopped her last week, just as she was stepping into the York mail with her dancing master. Maria I'll answer for 't, there are no grounds for that report. Mrs. C. Ah, no foundation in the world, I dare swear; no more, probably than for the story circulated last month of Mrs. Festino's affair with Colonel Cassino; though, to be sure, that matter was never rightly cleared up. has a pretty wit, and is a pretty poet, too; isn't he Lady Sneerwell? Sir Benjamin. O fie, uncle! Crao. Nay, egad, it's true; I back him at a rebus o a charade against the best rhymer in the kingdom. Has your ladyship heard the epigram he wrote last week on Lady Frizzle's feather catching fire? Do, Benjamin, repeat it, or the charade you made last night extempore at Mrs. Drowzie's conversazione. Come now; your first is the name of a fish, your second, a great naval commander, and Sir B. Uncle, now-prithee Crab. I' faith, ma'am, 'twould surprise you to hear how ready he is at these things. Lady S. I wonder, Sir Benjamin you never publish anything. Sir B. To say truth, ma'm, 'tis very vulgar to print ; and as my little productions are mostly satires and lampoons on particular people, I find they circulate more Joseph S. The license of invention some people by giving copies in confidence to the friends of the parties. However, I have some love elegies, which, when favored with this lady's smiles, I mean to give the public. take is monstrous indeed. Maria. 'Tis so-but, in my opinion, those who report such things are equally culpable. Mrs. C. To be sure they are; tale-bearers are as bad as the tale-makers-'tis an old observation, and a very true one: but what's to be done, as I said before? how will you prevent people from talking? To-day, Mrs. Clackitt assured me Mr. and Mrs. Honeymoon were at last become mere man and wife, like the rest of their acquaintance. * * No, no! tale-bearers, as I said before, are just as bad as the tale-makers. Joseph S. Ah! Mrs. Candour, if everybody had your forbearance and good-nature! Mrs. C. I confess, Mr. Surface, I cannot bear to hear people attacked behind their backs; and when ugly circumstances come out against our acquaintance, I own I always love to think the best. By the by, I hope 'tis not true that your brother is absolutely ruined? Joseph S. I am afraid his circumstances are very bad indeed, ma'am. Mrs. C. Ah! I heard so-but you must tell him to keep up his spirits; everybody almost is in the same way-Lord Spindle, Sir Thomas Splint, and Mr. Nickit —all up, I hear, within this week; so, if Charles is undone, he'll find half his acquaintance ruined too; and that, you know, is a consolation. Joseph S. Doubtless, ma'am—a very great one. [Enter SERVANT.] Serv. Mr. Crabtree and Sir Benjamin Backbite. [Exit Servant. Lady S. So, Maria, you see your lover pursues you; positively you shan't escape. [Enter CRABTREE and SIR BENJAMIN BACKBITE. Crabtree. Lady Sneerwell, I kiss your hand. Mrs. Candour, I don't believe you are acquainted with my nephew, Sir Benjamin Backbite? Egad! ma'am, he Crab. 'Fore heaven, ma'am, they'll immortalize you! You will be handed down to posterity, like Pe trarch's Laura, or Waller's Sacharissa. Sir B. Yes, madam, I think you will like them, where a neat rivulet of text shall murmur through a when you shall see them on a beautiful quarto page, meadow of margin. 'Fore gad, they will be the most elegant things of their kind! Crab. But, ladies, that's true-have you heard the news? Mrs. C. What, sir, do you mean the report of— Crab. Ask Sir Benjamin. Sir B. 'Tis very true, ma'am; everything is fixed, and the wedding liveries bespoke. Crab. Yes; and they do say there were very press ing reasons for it. Lady S. Why, I have heard something of this before. Mrs. C. It can't be; and I wonder any one should believe such a story of so prudent a lady as Miss Nicely. Sir B. O lud! ma'am, that's the very reason 'twas believed at once. She has always been so cautious and so reserved, that everybody was sure there was some reason for it at bottom. Mrs. C. Why, to be sure, a tale of scandal is as fatal to the credit of a prudent lady of her stamp as a fever is generally to those of the strongest constitutions. But there is a sort of puny sickly reputation that is always ailing, yet will outlive the robuster characters of a hundred prudes. Sir B. True, madam, there are valetudinarians in reputation as well as constitution; who being con scious of their weak part, avoid the least breath of air, and supply their want of stamina by care and circumspection. Mrs. C. Well, but this may be all a mistake. You know, Sir Benjamin, very trifling circumstances often give rise to the most injurious tales. Crab. That they do, I'll be sworn, ma'am. O lud! Mr. Surface, pray, is it true that your uncle, Sir Oliver, is coming home? Joseph S. Not that I know of, indeed, sir. Crab. He has been in the East Indies a long time. You can scarcely remember him, I believe? Sad comfort whenever he returns, to hear how your brother has gone on. Joseph S. Charles has been imprudent, sir, to be sure; but I hope no busy people have already prejudiced Sir Oliver against him. He may reform. Sir B. To be sure he may; for my part, I never believed him to be so utterly void of principle as people say; and though he has lost all his friends, I am told nobody is better spoken of by the Jews. Crab. That's true, egad, nephew. If the Old Jewry was a ward, I believe Charles would be an alderman : no man more popular there! I hear he pays as many annuities as the Irish tontine; and that, whenever he is sick, they have prayers for the recovery of his health in all the synagogues. Sir B. Yet no man lives in greater splendor. They tell me, when he entertains his friends, he will sit down to dinner with a dozen of his own securities; have a score of tradesmen waiting in the antechamber, and an officer behind every guest's chair. Joseph S. This may be entertainment to you, gentlemen; but you pay very little regard to the feelings of a brother. Maria. Their malice is intolerable. Lady Sneerwell, I must wish you a good-morning: I'm not very well. [Exit Maria. Mrs C. O dear! she changes color very much. Lady S. Do, Mrs. Candour, follow her: she may want your assistance. Mrs. C. That I will, with all my soul, ma'am. Poor, dear girl, who knows what her situation may be! [Exit Mrs. Candour. Lady S. 'Twas nothing but that she could not bear to hear Charles reflected on, notwithstanding their difference. Sir B. The young lady's penchant is obvious. Crab. But, Benjamin, you must not give up the pursuit for that: follow her, and put her into good humor. Repeat her some of your own verses. Come, I'll assist you. Sir B. Mr. Surface, I did not mean to hurt you; but, depend on't, your brother is utterly undone. Crab. O lud, ay! undone as ever man was. Can't raise a guinea! Crab. I have seen one that was at his house. Not a thing left but some empty bottles that were overlooked, and the family pictures, which I believe are framed in the wainscots. Sir B. And I'm very sorry, also, to hear some bad stories against him. Crab. Oh! he has done many mean things, that's But, however, as he is your brother- [Exeunt Crabtree and Sir Benjamin. AFTER DEATH, WHAT? CATO alone; in his hand Plato's book on the Immortality of the Soul. A drawn sword on the table by him. I must be so-Plato, thou reason'st well- Or whence this secret dread, and inward horror Eternity! thou pleasing, dreadful thought! [Laying his hand on his sword. Sir B. And everything sold, I'm told, that was But thou shalt flourish in immortal youth, The wreck of matter, and the crush of worlds. What means this heaviness that hangs upon me? This lethargy that creeps through all my senses? Nature oppressed, and harassed out with care Sinks down to rest. This once I'll favor her, That my awakened soul may take her flight, Renewed in all her strength, and fresh with life, An offering fit for heaven. Let guilt or fear Disturb man's rest, Cato knows neither of 'em, Indifferent in his choice to sleep or die. JOSEPH ADDISON. THE MURDER. FROM "MACBETH." [Scene in the Castle. Enter LADY MACBETH.] What hath quenched them hath given me fire. It was the owl that shrieked, the fatal bellman, That death and nature do contend about them, Macbeth (within). Who's there? What, ho! a noise? Infirm of purpose! Give me the daggers: the sleeping and the dead, Lady M. I heard the owl scream, and the crickets That fears a painted devil. If he do bleed, I'll gild the faces of the grooms withal; For it must seem their guilt. That they did wake each other: I stood and heard To wear a heart so white. (Knocking.) I hear a them : But they did say their prayers, and addressed them Lady M. There are two lodged together. As they had seen me with these hangman's hands. knocking At the south entry :-retire we to our chamber: A little water clears us of this deed: Get on your nightgown, lest occasion call us, Mac. 10 know my deed, 't were best not know from the city; to give an air of maiden beauty to a myself. (Knocking.) most venerable institution; to exercise a renovating Wake Duncan with thy knocking! I would thou taste at a most inconsiderable outlay; to call up, as it couldst. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE. A DAGGER OF THE MIND. FROM "MACBETH." [MACBETH before the murder of Duncan, meditating alone, sees the image of a dagger in the air, and thus soliloquizes:] 'S this a dagger which I see before me, The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee: I have thee not, and yet I see thee still. Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible To feeling as to sight? or art thou but Thou marshal'st me the way that I was going; Mine eyes are made the fools o' the other senses, Thus to mine eyes.-Now o'er the one half world Whose howl's his watch, thus with his stealthy pace, I go, and it is done; the bell invites me. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE. "BUBBLES OF THE DAY." were, the snowy beauty of Greece in the coal-smoke atmosphere of London; in a word, my lord-but as yet 'tis a profound secret-it is to paint St. Paul's! To give it a virgin outside-to make it so truly respectable. Lord Skin. A gigantic effort! Sir P. The fancy fair will be on a most compre hensive and philanthropic scale. Every alderman takes a stall, and to give you an idea of the enthusiasm of the city-but this also is a secret-the Lady Mayoress has been up three nights making pincushions. Lord Skin. But you don't want me to take a stall -to sell pincushions? Sir P. Certainly not, my lord. And yet your philanthropic speeches in the House, my lord, convince me that, to obtain a certain good, you would sell anything. Lord Skin. Well, well; command me in any way; benevolence is my foible. [COMPANIES FOR LEASING MOUNT VESUVIUS, FOR MAKING A TRIP ALL AROUND THE WORLD, FOR BUYing the SerpenTINE RIVER, ETC.] Captain Smoke. We are about to start a company to take on lease Mount Vesuvius for the manufacture of lucifer-matches. Sir P. A stupendous speculation! I should say that, when its countless advantages are duly numbered, it will be found a certain wheel of fortune to the enlightened capitalist. Smoke. Now, sir, if you would but take the chair at the first meeting-(Aside to Chatham: We shall make it all right about the shares)-if you would but speak for two or three hours on the social improvement conferred by the lucifer-match, with the monopoly of sulphur secured in the company-a monopoly which will suffer no man, woman, or child to strike a light without our permission. Chatham. Truly, sir, in such a cause, to such an auditory-I fear my eloquence. Smoke. Sir, if you would speak well anywhere, there's nothing like first grinding your eloquence on a mixed meeting. Depend on 't, if you can only manage a little humbug with a mob, it gives you great confidence for another place. Lord Skin. Smoke, never say humbug; its coarse. Sir P. And not respectable. Smoke. Pardon me, my lord, it was coarse. But the fact is, humbug has received such high patronage, that now it's quite classic. FANCY FAIR IN GUILDHALL FOR PAINTING ST. PAUL'S.] and more than that, so respectable. Chat. But why not embark his lordship in the lucifer Smoke. I can't: I have his lordship in three comLord Skindeep. Benevolence and respectability!panies already. Three. First, there's a companyOf course, I'm with you. Well, the precise object? half a million capital-for extracting civet from asafoSir P. It is to remove a stain-a very great stain tida. The second is a company for a trip all round the world. We propose to hire a three-decker of the | Made by the joiner squirrel, or old grub, Lords of the Admiralty and fit her up with every Time out of mind the fairies' coach-makers. accommodation for families. We've already adver- And in this state she gallops night by night. tised for wet-nurses and maids of all work. Through lover's brains, and then they dream of love; On courtiers' knees, that dream on courtesies straight; O'er lawyers' fingers, who straight dream on fees; Sir P. A magnificent project! And then the fittings-up will be so respectable. A delightful billiardtable in the ward-room; with, for the humbler classes, | O'er ladies' lips, who straight on kisses dream; skittles on the orlop-deck. Swings and archery for the ladies, trap-ball and cricket for the children, whilst the marine sportsman will find the stock of gulls unlimited. Weippert's quadrille band is engaged, and Which oft the angry Mab with blisters plagues, Smoke. For the convenience of lovers, the ship will And sometimes comes she with tithe-pig's tail, carry a parson. Chat. And the object? Smoke. Pleasure and education. At every new country we shall drop anchor for at least a week, that the children may go to school and learn the language. The trip must answer: 'twill occupy only three years, and we've forgotten nothing to make it delightfulnothing from hot rolls to cork jackets. Brown. And now, sir, the third venture? Smoke. That, sir, is a company to buy the Serpentine River for a Grand Junction Temperance Cemetery. Brown. What! so many watery graves? Smoke. Yes, sir, with floating tombstones. Here's the prospectus. Look here; surmounted by a hyainth-the very emblem of temperance-a hyacinth owering in the limpid flood. Now, if you don't feel equal to the lucifers-I know his lordship's goodnessWe'll give you up the cemetery. (Aside to Chatham: A family vault as a bonus to the chairman.) Sir P. What a beautiful subject for a speech! Water lilies and aquatic plants gemming the translucent crystal, shells of rainbow brightness, a constant supply of gold and silver fish, with the right of angling secured to shareholders. The extent of the river being necessarily limited, will render lying there so select, so very respectable. DREAMS. DOUGLAS JERrold. FROM "ROMEO AND JULIET." ERCUTIO.-O then, I see, queen Mab hath She is the fairies' midwife, and she comes, On the fore-finger of an alderman, Tickling a parson's nose as he lies asleep, Romeo. Peace, peace, Mercutio, peace; Mer. True, I talk of dreams : Which are the children of an idle brain, Begot of nothing but vain phantasy ; Which is as thin of substance as the air; And more inconstant than the wind, who wooes E'en now the frozen bosom of the North, And, being angered, puffs away from thence, Turning his face to the dew-dropping South. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE. F REDERICK.-GIANA! my Giana! we will have I'll be thy servant ever; yet not so. |