They say that hasty words from wives Now is not that a great idea, That men should take to sinning, When I was young I used to earn My living without trouble, Had clothes and pocket money, too, And hours of leisure double. I never dreamed of such a fate, When I, a-lass! was courted Wife, mother, nurse, seamstress, cook, housekeeper, chambermaid, laundress, dairywoman, and scrub generally, doing the work of six, For the sake of being supported! MRS. F. D. GAGE. COLLUSION BETWEEN A ALEGAITER AND A WATER-SNAIK. HERE is a niland on a river lying, Which runs into Gautimaly, a warm country, Lying near the Tropicks, covered with sand; Hear and their a symptum of a Wilow, Hanging of its umberagious limbs & branches Over the clear streme meandering far below. This was the home of the now silent Alegaiter, When not in his other element confine'd: Here he wood set upon his eggs asleep Withey observant of flis and other passing Objects: a while it kept a going on so : Fereles of danger was the happy Alegaiter! But a las! in a nevil our he was fourced to Wake! that dreme of Blis was two sweet for him. I morning the sun arose with unusool splender Whitch allso did our Alegaiter, coming from the water, His scails a flinging of the rais of the son back, To the fountain-head which tha originly sprung from, But having not had nothing to eat for some time, he Was slepy and gap'd, in a short time, widely. Unfoalding soon a welth of perl-white teth, The rais of the son soon shet his sinister ey Because of their mutool splendor and warmth. The evil Our (which I sed) was now come; Evidently a good chans for a water-snaik Of the large specie, which soon appeared Into the horison, near the bank where reposed Calmly in slepe the Alegaiter before spoken of. About 60 feet was his Length (not the 'gaiter) And he was aperiently a well-proportioned snaik. When he was all ashore he glared upon The iland with approval, but was soon Before the Alegaiter well could ope His eye (in other words perceive his danger) Onto his chest and generally over his body; His fo then wondering what made his tail hurt. J. W. MORRIS. A RECEIPT FOR COURTSHIP WO or three dears, and two or three sweets; Two or three balls, and two or three treats Two or three serenades, given as a lure; Two or three oaths how much they endure, Two or three messages sent in one day; Two or three times led out from the play; Two or three soft speeches made by the way; Two or three tickets for two or three times; Two or three love-letters writ all in rhymes; Two or three months keeping strict to these rules Can never fail making a couple of fools. As full of champagne as an egg's full o meat, He waked in the bout, and to Charon he said, 'Astonished with the view and lost to wonder' (from He would be rowed back, for he was not yet dead. Wats) (For jest then he began to see the Alegaiter) Being a nateral enemy of his'n, he worked hisself into a fury, also a ni position. “Trim the boat, and sit quiet,” stern Charon replied: "You may have forgot; you were drunk when you died." MATTHEW PRIOR. 'ERE lies fast asleep-awake me who canThat medley of passions and follies, a Man, Who sometimes loved license, and sometimes restraint, Too much of the sinner, too little of the saint; From life's certain ills 'twas in vain to seek ease, row; When each action was o'er, and its errors were seen, Then I viewed with surprise the strange thing I had been; My body and mind were so oddly contrived, Pigs, pippins, poultry all the while, And Easter offerings too!" "You're skilled in languages, I guess,” Th' amazed diocesan cried; "I know no language, more nor less," The surly clown replied: "But Greek, I've heard the learned say, Surpasses all the rest; And since 'tis for the best we pay, A PARSON'S FATE. T blew a hard storm, and in utmost confusion, Transferred, as they thought, from themselves to the priest, To lighten the ship, and conclude their devotion, They tossed the poor parson souse into the ocean. THE BALD-PATED WELSHMAN AND THE a FLY. SQUIRE of Wales, whose blood ran higher Hasty and hot; whose peevish honor Revenged each slight was put upon her; Upon a mountain's top one day, Exposed to Sol's meridian ray, Off in a pet the beaver flies, And flaxen wig, time's best disguise, Vie with smooth beaux, and ladies' pages; In vain with open hands he tries To guard his ears, his nose his eyes; The nimble fly escaped by flight, Th' impending stroke with all its weight Thus much he gained by this adventurous deed; MORAL. Let senates hence learn to preserve their state, No wonder now I look so thin; The tyrant stripped me to the skin ; And then, with heart more hard than stone, He picked my marrow from the bone. To vex me more, he took a freak To slit my tongue, and make me speak : I speak to eyes, and not to ears. I see his vanity and pride: All languages I can command, Nay, man, my master, is my slave; I only hasten on my fate. My tongue is black, my mouth is furred, I die unpitied and forgot, ON GOLD. ALL-RULING tyrant of the earth, Stabbed to the heart, condemned to flame, The favorite messenger of Jove, The Lemnian god, consulting, strove To make me glorious to the sight ON THE FIVE SENSES. ALL of us in one you'll find, Brethren of a wondrous kind; Yet, among us all, no brother Knows one tittle of the other. We in frequent councils are, And our marks of things declare; Where, to us unknown, a clerk Sits, and takes them in the dark. He's the register of all In our ken, both great and small; By us forms his laws and rules; Turn and wind him where we please. One of us alone can sleep, Yet no watch the rest will keep; If wine's bought, or victuals dressed, Pierce us all with wounding steel, Though ten thousand cannons roar, ON TIME. EVER eating, never cloying, All devouring, all destroying; Never ending full repast, Till I eat the world at last. ON THE VOWELS. WE are little airy creatures, All of different voice and features: JONATHAN SWIFT. FRENCH COOKING. 'O make a plum-pudding a French count once An authentic receipt from an English lord's Mix suet, milk, eggs, sugar, meal, fruit and spice, Drop a spoonful of brandy to quicken the mess, These directions were tried, but, when tried, had no Weary knife-grinder! little think the proud ones, 'Twas all wash, and all squash, but 'twas not English Did some rich man tyrannically use you? Tell me knife-grinder, how came you to grind knives? pudding; And monsieur, in a pet, sent a second request For the cook that prescribed to assist when 'twas dressed, Who, of course, to comply with his honor's beseeching, Like an old cook of Colbrook, marched into the kitchen. Was it the squire? or parson of the parish? Or the attorney? Was it the squire for killing of his game? or (Have you not read the Rights of Man, by Tom Paine?) Drops of compassion tremble on my eyelids, Pitiful story. KNIFE-GRINDER. Story! God bless you! I have none to tell, sir; Constables came up for to take me into For a vagrant. I should be glad to drink your honor's health in With politics, sir. FRIEND OF HUMANITY. I give thee sixpence ! I will see thee dead first— Wretch ! whom no sense of wrong can rouse to ven geance Sordid, unfeeling, reprobate, degraded, Spiritless outcast! [Kicks the knife-grinder, overturns his wheel, and exit in a transport of republican enthusiasm and universal philanthropy.] W GEORGE CANNING. DER DRUMMER. HO puts oup at der pest hotel, Who vas it gomes indo mine schtore, Who dakes me py der handt, und say, Who shpreads his zamples in a trice, Who dells how sheap der goods vas bought, 46 Who says der tings vas eggstra vine"Vrom Sharmany, ubon der Rhine,"Und sheats me den dimes oudt off nine? Der drummer. Who varrants all der goods to suit Who gomes aroundt ven I been oudt, Who, ven he gomes again dis vay, Vill hear vot Pfeiffer has to say, Und mit a plack eye goes avay? Der drummer. CHARLES F. ADAMS. THE BUTTERFLY'S BALL. OME take up your hats, and away let us haste To the Butterfly's ball and the Grasshopper's feast. The trumpeter, Gad-fly, has summoned the crew, And the revels are now only waiting for you. So said little Robert, and, pacing along, From one branch to another, his cobwebs he slung, |