can party, because Americans so much wonder, and deal so much in sentiment and emotion before any relic of Columbus. Our guide there fidgeted about as if he had swallowed a spring mattress. He was full of animation, -full of impatience. He said: "Come wis me, genteelmen!-come! I show you ze letter writing by Christopher Colombo!-write it himself!-write it wis his own hand!-come!" He took us to the municipal palace. After much impressive fumbling of keys and opening of locks, the stained and aged document was spread before us. The guide's eyes sparkled. He danced about us and tapped the parchment with his finger : "What I tell you, genteelmen! Is it not so? See! handwriting Christopher Columbo!-write it himself!" We looked indifferent,-unconcerned. The doctor examined the document very deliberately, during a painful pause. Then he said, without any show of interest,— "Ah,-Ferguson,-what-what did you say was the name of the party who wrote this?" 66 Christopher Colombo! ze great Christopher Co lombo!" Another deliberate examination. "Ah, did he write it himself, or, or how?" "He write it himself!-Christopher Colombo! he's own handwriting, write by himself!" Then the doctor laid the document down and said,“Why, I have seen boys in America only fourteen years old that could write better than that." 66 But zis is ze great Christo-" "I don't care who it is! It's the worst writing I ever saw. Now you mustn't think you can impose on us because we are strangers. We are not fools, by a good deal. If you have got any specimens of penmanship of Foreign locality, likely. Mummy,-mummy. How calm he is, how self-possessed! Is--ah!-is he dead?" "Oh, sacré bleu! been dead three thousan' year!" The doctor turned on him savagely : 66 Here, now, what do you mean by such conduct as this? Playing us for Chinamen, because we are strangers and trying to learn! Trying to impose your vile secondhand carcasses on us! Thunder and lightning! I've a notion to―to—if you've got a nice, fresh corpse fetch him out!—or we'll brain you!" However, he has paid us back partly, and without knowing it. He came to the hotel this morning to ask if we were up, and he endeavered, as well as he could, to describe us, so that the landlord would know which persons he meant. He finished with the casual remark that we were lunatics. The observation was so innocent and so honest that it amounted to a very good thing for a guide to say. Our Roman Ferguson is the most patient, unsuspecting, long-suffering subject we have had yet. We shall be sorry to part with him. We have enjoyed his society very much. We trust he has enjoyed ours, but we are harassed with doubts.-MARK TWAIN. FORTY YEARS AGO. 'VE wandered to the village, Tom, I've sat beneath I'VE the tree, Upon the school-house play-ground, that sheltered you and me; But none were left to greet me, Tom; and few were left to know, Who played with us upon the green, some forty years ago. Ah,—which is the bust and which is the pedestal?" "Santa Maria!-zis ze bust!-zis ze pedestal!" happy combination,―very happy Is-is this the first time this gen Ah, I see, I see, combination, indeed. tleman was ever on a bust ?" That joke was lost on the foreigner,-guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke. We have made it interesting for this Roman guide. Yesterday we spent three or four hours in the Vatican again, that wonderful world of curiosities. We came very near expressing interest sometimes, even admiration. It was hard to keep from it. We succeeded, though. Nobody else ever did in the Vatican museums. The guide was bewildered, nonplussed. He walked his legs off, nearly, hunting up extraordinary things, and exhausted all his ingenuity on us, but it was a failure; we never showed any interest in anything. He had reserved what he considered to be his greatest wonder till the last, -a royal Egyptian mummy, the best preserved in the world, perhaps. He took us there. He felt so sure this time that some of his old enthusiasm came back to him:"See, gentleemen!-Mummy! Mummy!" The eye-glass came up as calmly, as deliberately as ever. "Ah,-Ferguson,-what did I understand you to say the gentleman's name was?" "Name?-he got no name!-Mummy!-'Gyptian mummy!" "Yes, yes. Born here?" "No. 'Gyptian mummy.' "Ah, just so. Frenchman, I presume?" "No! Not Frenchman, not Roman! Born in Egypta!" "Born in Egypta. Never heard of Egypta before. Foreign locality, likely. Mummy,-mummy. How calm he is, how self-possessed! Is--ah!—is he dead ?” “Oh, sacré bleu! been dead three thousan' year!" The doctor turned on him savagely : 66 Here, now, what do you mean by such conduct as this? Playing us for Chinamen, because we are strangers and trying to learn! Trying to impose your vile secondhand carcasses on us! Thunder and lightning! I've a notion to-to-if you've got a nice, fresh corpse fetch him out!—or we'll brain you!" However, he has paid us back partly, and without knowing it. He came to the hotel this morning to ask if we were up, and he endeavered, as well as he could, to describe us, so that the landlord would know which persons he meant. He finished with the casual remark that we were lunatics. The observation was so innocent and so honest that it amounted to a very good thing for a guide to say. Our Roman Ferguson is the most patient, unsuspecting, long-suffering subject we have had yet. We shall be sorry to part with him. We have enjoyed his society very much. We trust he has enjoyed ours, but we are harassed with doubts.-MARK TWAIN. I'VE FORTY YEARS AGO. 'VE wandered to the village, Tom, I've sat beneath the tree, Upon the school-house play-ground, that sheltered you and me; But none were left to greet me, Tom; and few were left to know, Who played with us upon the green, some forty years ago. |