impertinent answers.

There, also, twice in a twelvemonth the fun of the Fair was collected as in a focus. The beasts of "the forest primeval;" the ugly dwarfs full to the scalp of malice, and the milky-faced giant who could not and dare not injure a fly; the African bruisers: the great-headed baby: the acorn-prompted pig: the celebrated conjurer from the Indies who swore "by the Powers" and appeared to thrive not amiss by the favour of those same powers; the wax-works better and truer than life; the Theatre Royal with a new five-act tragedy every quarter of an hour, and above all and among all-the strains that invite to revelry and cost only voluntary

coppers.

Here, every Monday in the year, might be seen the huge prison-van drawn up very close to the iron gate in the corner-hearse-like, horseless—a solemn warning to all who passed by; and vis-a-vis, like Puss in the Corner, was the gorgeous gold-coloured barouche of my lord-an affecting and very palpable illustration of the blessings to be picked up in the course of a virtuous life. In truth, that yard was well worth a visit from all who devote themselves to the study of character, any day of the year, with the exception, say, of about 300; and on those exceptional days, to tell the truth, the yard could furnish no subjects for profitable reflection beyond a few melancholy, ownerless, degraded dogs, and some scores of idle quarrelsome cocks and hens.

In this court-yard were enacted the scenes with which the tale opens, whilst the scenes supply not only the turning point, but also an epitome and miniature of the two lives which furnish the materials of this book.

CHAPTER III.

GENERAL HOLIDAY.

THE town was up betimes on this glorious autumn morning, and the life which manifested itself at an unusual hour in the shopkeeping streets, must have been anticipated by the hambler children of toil in back streets, and in the

villages for miles round. The programme of the day's festivity included a procession, a gala in the People's Park, and a tea-party that promised unprecedented glory. The procession was to start at ten o'clock; and, accordingly, from the hour of six, A. M., there was a constant stream of townsfolk into the yard, and of country cousins into the town. Every vehicle known to man had been put into requisition by the visitors from without, and all styles of costume ever attempted by the leaders of rural fashion must surely have been represented in the medley crowd which occupied the quadrangle. The first comers enjoyed their time-honoured advantage of escaping criticism either of their equipage or their dress; but, with a playful contempt for the small generosities of life, they flung the shafts of ridicule right and left, without either discrimination or fear of retort. Peals of laughter every now and then directed curious eyes to some new feature in the scene, but very rarely to any fact or person droll enough to account for the merriment.

One incident, however, was just comical enough to justify the wild guffawing of the crowd, and out of respect to the general sedateness of neighbours, it will be well to record the event as a justifying plea. Groggy Muggins, a thriving bone-crusher, was excessively fat, and Mrs. Muggins was much fatter. Economical in the matter of horseflesh, Mr. M. had decided to commit his own person to the carrying powers of his dumpy, wicked little pony instead of to a milk cart which was drawn by a bigger but leaner horse. It is not wholly improbable that the desire his spouse had expressed about "having a day out," influenced him in the selection of his conveyance. But if he thought such a saucy

trick would baffle any woman in the world, much more such a woman as his wife, he had lived thirty years in nuptial bondage to very little purpose. She cheerfully agreed to put up with the inconvenience of a pillion, trusting for consolation to her secret intentions of revenge on the road. They travelled ten dusty miles in sulks; but, happily, without falling out in any sense. Their goal, "The Bull Pup," was nearly in sight, and with resigned minds, the pony and his riders were devouring their several breakfasts by anticipation,

heedless of intervening perils. Slowly descending the incline opposite the court-house gates, "the three fat 'uns," as boys upon the railings impudently called them, came to sudden grief. The stones were a trifle greasy, the burdens a trifle heavy, and the secret purposes of the matron were so far fulfilled that Groggy was, as he said, "riding uncommonly forrards-astraddle the shoulder-bone;" so that when the weary brute slipped, it had no alternative but to sneeze, plunge headlong, and break its knees. The saddle-girth, and the various strappings involved in the pillion contrivance, snapped all at once. What particular angle Mrs. M. described in her descent, it boots not to inquire; but tradition saith, that, on her way to that recumbent position in which she long lay panting, observers had an unexpected opportunity of contrasting Dives and Lazarus in one and the same individual,-splendid purple, of the silkiest texture, and in redundant folds; but where consistency demanded fine linen, alas! the best that could be said had better not be said.

A crowd knows no mercy, and always prosecutes false pretensions with the utmost rigour; nor was there any exception now. So far as the jolly unbruised bone-crusher was concerned, this instinct of the crowd mattered very little. He had long ago buried his sensitive nature very deep beneath his cow-skin waistcoat, and for many years had been heaping on its tomb layers of impenetrable fat. He rather enjoyed the thing than not, so long as he was only shaken a bit. But with his better and larger half, the case was widely different. She had, with a girlish glee, pinned her pride upon her purple sleeve-a conspicuous mark, hit at once and often by the darts of popular scorn. She was not really much hurt; but shame seemed to make her weigh double, and glue her to the pavement. And when at length she was gathered up from the mud, kind inquirers found that, with the exception of her bonnet being crushed-her plum-coloured satin dyed drab in patches-her ill-matched stockings over her shoe-heels-her reticule smashed, with its contents of pastry and bacon, into an indistinguishable parti-coloured jelly-and her face scratched like a map in red ink,—she

was, in the apt phrase of her lord, as right as a trivet; none the worse, not a pin." But the iron of public contempt had entered her deeply-hidden soul. For her, at least, there was no remedy but instant and full retreat, and she could devise no more appropriate vengeance than that of taking her husband, there and then, back to that matrimonial bower, from whence, in her heart and out loud, "she wished to gracious" she had never set foot. To the first part of this plan no reasonable objection could be offered; but the supplementary arrangement was not quite feasible. Groggy was, after a fashion, an estimable man,-he esteemed himself so highly, that he was independent of the esteem of others; if not gallant, he knew what good breeding was, or ought to, he would sometimes say, for had he not, in years gone by, obtained a medal for it at the Club? If he had a weakness worthy of grave notice, it lay in the strength of his will. That weakness was upon him now. "He came a-purpose to see the show, and he would stay for all the women in creation, aye, if he died for it;" and he very nearly did, as time will show.

When the excitement of this misadventure had subsided, the crowd grew a little flat, and gave signs of growing impatience which became almost alarming when once that slow Fate-the long hand of the town clock-had passed into the last quarter of the tenth hour. There was a sufficient reason for this anxiety-and had they known that reason, they would have proceeded from impatience to murmuring, and thence probably to the verge of revolution. Happily for the character and peace of the town, the whole of that reason was not generally known until afterwards. To explain. The Gala had been observed for several years, long enough to have become rather stale, had not the Founder of the Festival and his able coadjutors contrived some novelty for each anniversary. There was a novelty announced for this year, and around that innovation public anxiety gathered.

CHAPTER IV.

THE BAND.

Ir was not altogether a novelty in Arlton that the musical propensity (we hesitate to use the word talent) should take the form of a Brass Band. For, was there not the "Nag's Head" Band; of recent formation, it is true, but already proficient in several popular airs and marches? On the two preceding holidays, these boozy instrumentalists had been entrusted with the leadership of the festivities-but on both occasions their performances towards the close of the day, had not been by any means satisfactory to the Members of the Society, whose hilarity they were hired to methodize as well as stimulate. The novelty of to-day was the first appearance of the Temperance Band, "our own Band," the organized and representative melody of the association known as "The Friends of Home."

Now a Band always ranks foremost in civil institutions, and on this ground it would appear only due that the musterroll of its members should be given to Fame. But it must be borne in mind that the prominence granted to a Band, is conceded to it in its corporate capacity, and not to the sum total of individual excellences-besides, from the first moment of its existence, the individual was merged in his instrument, and he was familiarly known in the town as Flute, Bugle, or Drum, according to his particular musical vocation. In these pages they will generally be named as they were known in the town, of which they were and are the life and soul. Each musician was a professed member of the association to which he was professionally attached. The majority were hearty in their adherence to the Society, apart from all considerations of occasional good pay, and the clear prospect of bouncing Christmas-boxes when the proper season should come round, and find them staunch to their principles and correct in their tunes as respectable Waits.

They had been practising for weeks, and they were well aware that public opinion had been turned very intently in their direction, now to disparage, and now to exaggerate their