Enter Simple. How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not The Book of Riddles about you, have you? Sim. Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake, upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas?1 Shal. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz: marry, this, coz; there is, as 'twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by sir Hugh here;-do you understand me? Slen. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, I shall do that that is reason. Shal. Nay, but understand me. Eva. Give ear to his motions, master Slender: I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it. Slen. Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here. Eva. But that is not the question; the question is concerning your marriage. Shal. Ay, there's the point, sir. Eva. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to mistress Anne Page. Slen. Why, if it be so, I will marry her, upon any reasonable demands. Eva. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold, that the lips is parcel of the mouth;-therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid? Shal. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her? Slen. I hope, sir,-I will do, as it shall become one that would do reason. Eva. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies, you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her. Shal. That you must: will you, upon good dowry, marry her? Slen. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason. Shal. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz; what I do, is to pleasure you, coz; Can you love the maid? Slen. I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married, and have more occasion to know one another: I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt: but if you say, marry her, I will marry her, that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely. Eva. It is a fery discretion answer; save, the faul' is in the 'ort dissolutely: the 'ort is, according to our meaning, resolutely;-his meaning is good. Shal. Ay, I think my cousin meant well. Slen. Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la. Re-enter Anne Page. Shal. Here comes fair mistress Anne:-Would I were young, for your sake, mistress Anne! Anne. The dinner is on the table; my father desires your worships' company. Shal. I will wait on him, fair mistress Anne. Eva. Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace. Exeunt Shal. and Sir H. Evans. (1) An intended blunder. Anne. Will't please your worship to come in, sir Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go, wait upon they will not sit, till you come. Slen. I'faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as though I did. Anne. I pray you, sir, walk in. Slen. I had rather walk here, I thank you: I bruised my shin the other day with playing at veneys for a dish of stewed prunes; and, by my sword and dagger with a master of fence, three troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. town? Why do your dogs bark so? be there bears i' the Anne. I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of. Slen. I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel at it, as any man in England:-you are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not? Anne. Ay, indeed, sir. Slen. That's meat and drink to me now: I have seen Sackerson loose, twenty times; and have taken him by the chain: but, I warrant you, the women have so cried and shriek'd at it, that it they are very ill-favoured rough things. pass'd:4-but women, indeed, cannot abide 'em ; Re-enter Page. Page. Come, gentle master Slender, come; we stay for you. Slen. I'll eat nothing; I thank you, sir. Page. By cock and pye, you shall not choose, sir: come, come. Slen. Nay, pray you, lead the way. Page. Come on, sir. Slen. Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first. Slen. Truly, I will not go first; truly, la: I will not do you that wrong. Anne. I pray you, sir. Slen. I'll rather be unmannerly than trouble. some: you do yourself wrong, indeed, la. [Exeunt. SCENE II.-The same. Enter Sir Hugh Evans and Simple. Eva. Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house, which is the way: and there dwells one mistress Quickly, which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his wringer. Sim. Well, sir. Eva. Nay, it is petter yet:-give her this letter; for it is a 'oman that altogether's acquaintance with mistress Anne Page; and the letter is, to desire and require her to solicit your master's desires to mistress Ann Page: I pray you, be gone; I will make an end of my dinner: there's pippins and cheese to come. [Exeunt. (3) The name of a bear exhibited at Paris-Garden, in Southwark. (4) Surpassed all expression. SCENE III. A room in the Garter Inn. Enter gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly. Fal. Mine host of the Garter, Host. What says my bully-rook? Speak scholarly, and wisely. Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers. Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week. Host. Thou'rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Host. I have spoke; let him follow: let me see thee froth, and lime: I am at a word; follow. Pist. Then did the sun on dunghill shine. Nym. I thank thee for that humour. Fal. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! Here's another letter to her: she bears the purse too: she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheater to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to mistress Page; and thou this to mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive. Fal. Hold, sirrah, [to Rob.] bear you these letters tightly; Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer, take all! Nym. I will run no base humour; here, take the humour letter; I will keep the 'haviour of reputation. [Exit Host. Fal. Bardolph, follow him; a tapster is a good trade: an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered serving-man, a fresh tapster: go; adieu. Bard. It is a life that I have desired; I will thrive. [Exit Bard. Pist. O base Gongarian' wight! wilt thou the spigot wield? Nym. He was gotten in drink: is not the humour conceited? His mind is not heroic, and there's the humour of it. Fal. I am glad, I am so acquit of this tinderbox; his thefts were too open: his filching was like an unskilful singer, he kept not time. Nym. The good humour is, to steal at a minute's rest. Pist. Convey, the wise it call: steal! foh; a fico2 for the phrase! Fal. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels. Fal. There is no remedy; I must coney-catch; Pist. Young ravens must have food. Fal. Which of you know Ford of this town? Pist. I ken the wight; he is of substance good. Fal. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about. Pist. Two yards, and more. Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.- Falstaff will learn the humour of this age, And high and low beguile the rich and poor: Nym. I have operations in my head, which be humours of revenge. Pist. Wilt thou revenge? By welkin, and her star! Pist. With wit, or steel? With both the humours, I; I will discuss the humour of this love to Page. His dove will prove, his gold will hold, Nym. My humour shall not cool: I will incense' Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mien is dangerous: that is my true humour. Fal. No quips now, Pistol indeed, I am in the waist two yards about: but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I semake love to Ford's wife; I spy entertainment in cond thee; troop on. her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer [Exeunt. Mrs. Quickly, Simple, and Rugby. of invitation: I can construe the action of her fa- SCENE IV.A room in Dr. Caius' house. Enter miliar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be English'd rightly, is, I am Sir John Falstaff's. Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated her well; out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep: will that humour pass? Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse; she hath legions of angels.3 Pist. As many devils entertain; and, To her, boy, say L Nym. The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels. Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her: and here another to Page's wife; who even now gave me good eyes too, examin'd my parts with most judicious eyliads: sometimes the beam of her view (1) For Hungarian. (2) Fig. (3) Gold coin. Quick. What: John Rugby!-I pray thee, go to the casement, and see if you can see my master, master Doctor Caius, coming: if he do, i'faith, and find any body in the house, here will be an old abusing of God's patience, and the king's English. Rug. I'll go watch. [Exit Rugby. Quick. Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire. An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale, nor no breed-bate:10 his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish1 that way; but nobody but has his fault;-but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is? Sim. Ay, for fault of a better. Quick. And master Slender's your master? (7) Sixpence I'll have in pocket. (10) Strife. Scene IV. Sim. Ay, forsooth. MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR. Quick Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring-knife? for my master, in the way of marriage. Caius. Sir Hugh send-a you?-Rugby, baillez Sim. No forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, [writes. with a little yellow beard; a Cain-coloured beard. Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? Quick. I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been Sim. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall' a man of his hands, as any is between this and his head: he thoroughly moved, you should have heard him so loud, and so melancholy;-but notwithstanding, hath fought with a warrener.* Quick. How say you ?-O, I should remember man, I'll do your master what good I can: and, him; does he not hold up his head, as it were? and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master, I may call him my master, look you, for strut in his gait ? I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself; Sin. Yes, indeed, does he Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell master parson Evans, I will do what I can for your master: Anne is a good girl, and wish- Re-enter Rugby. I Sim. 'Tis a great charge, to come under one body's hand. Quick. Are you advis'd o' that? you shall find it a great charge: and to be up early, and down late ;but notwithstanding (to tell you in your ear I would have no words of it;) my master himself is in love with mistress Anne Page: but notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind,-that's neither here nor there Rug. Out, alas! here comes my master. Quick. We shall all be shent: run in here, good young man; go into this closet. [Shuts Simple in the closet.] He will not stay long.-What, John Caius. You jack nape; give-a dis letter to sir Rugby! John, what, John, I say!-Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt, he be not well, Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge: I vill cut his troat that he comes not home :-and down, down, in de park; and I vill teach a scurvy jack-a-nape [Sings. priest to meddle or make:-you may be gone; it adown-a, &c. is not good you tarry here:-by gar, I will cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone [Exit Simple. to trow at his dog. Quick. Alas, he speaks but for his friend. Caius. It is no matter-a for dat:-do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? -by gar, I vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine host of de Jarterre to measure our weapon:-by gar, I vill myself have Anne Page. Enter Doctor Caius. Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys; Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier verd; a box, a green-a box; do íntend vat I speak? a green-a box. Quick. Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you. I am glad he went not in himself; if he had found the young [Aside. man, he would have been horn-mad. Caius. Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m'en vais à la cour,-la grand affaire. Quick. Is it this, sir? Caius. Ouy; mette le au mon pocket; depeche, quickly:-Vere is dat knave Rugby! Quick. What, John Rugby! John! Quick. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well: we must give folks leave to prate: What, the good-jer!4 Caius. Rugby, come to the court vit me;-by gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door:-Follow my heels, Rugby. [Exeunt Caius and Rugby. Quick. You shall have An fools-head of your Catus. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack own. No, I know Anne's mind for that: never a Rugby come, take-a your rapier, and come after woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven. my heel to de court. Rug. 'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch. Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long:-Od's me! Qu'ay j'oublié ? dere is some simples in my closet, vill not for the varld I shall leave behind. Quick. Ah me! he'll find the young man there, and be mad. dat Caius. O diable, diable! vat is in my closet?Villany! larron! [Pulling Simple out.] Rugby, my rapier. Quick. Good master, be content. Caius. Verefore shall I be content-a? Quick. The young man is an honest man. Caius. Vat shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet. Quick. I beseech you, be not so flegmatic; hear the truth of it: he came of an errand to me from parson Hugh. Caius. Vell Sim. Ay, forsooth, to desire her to-- Caius. Peace-a your tongue:-Speak-a your tale. Fent. [Within.] Who's within there, ho? Quick. Who's there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you. Enter Fenton. Fent. How now, good woman; how dost thou ? Quick. The better, that it pleases your good worship to ask. Fent. What news? how does pretty mistress Anne? Quick. In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it. Fent. Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shall I not lose my suit? Quick. Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but notwithstanding, master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book, she loves you:-Have not your worship a wart above your eye? Fent. Yes, marry, have I; what of that? (4) The goujere, what the pox! it is such another Nan:-but, I detest,' an honest show you to the contrary: 0, mistress Page, give maid as ever broke bread:-We had an hour's me some counsel! talk of that wart;-I shall never laugh but in that Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman? maid's company.-But, indeed, she is given too Mrs. Ford. O woman, if it were not for one much to allicholly2 and musing: but for you-trifling respect, I could come to such honour! Well, go to. Mrs. Page. Hang the trifle, woman; take the Fent. Well, I shall see her to-day: hold, there's honour: what is it?-dispense with trifles;-what money for thee; let me have thy voice in my be- is it? half: if thou seest her before me, commend me- Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for an Quick. Will I? i'faith, that we will: and I will eternal moment, or so, I could be knighted. tell your worship more of the wart, the next time Mrs. Page. What ?-thou liest -Sir Alice we have confidence; and of other wooers. Ford!These knights will hack; and so thou Fent. Well, farewell; I am in great haste now. shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry. [Exit. Mrs. Ford. We burn day-light :-here, read, read ;-perceive how I might be knighted.—I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking: and yet he would [Exit. not swear; praised women's modesty: and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words: but they do no more adhere and keep place together, than the hundredth psalm to the tune of Green Sleeves. What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think the best Mrs. Page. What! have I 'scaped love-letters fire of lust have melted him in his own grease. Did way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked in the holy-day time of my beauty, and am I now you ever hear the like? a subject for them? Let me see: Quick. Farewell to your worship.-Truly, an honest gentleman; but Anne loves him not; for I know Anne's mind as well as another does Qut upon't! what have I forgot? ACT II. SCENE I-Before Page's house. Enter Mistress Page, with a letter. [reads. Ask me no reason why I love you; for though of Page and Ford differs!-To thy great comfort Mrs. Page. Letter for letter; but that the name love use reason for his precisian, he admits him in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin not for his counsellor: You are not young, no brother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, more am I; go to then, there's sympathy: you I protest, mine never shall. I warrant, he hath a are merry, so am I; ha! ka! then there's more thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for sympathy: you love sack, and so do I would different names (sure more,) and these are of the you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, second edition: he will print them out of doubt: mistress Page (at the least, if the love of a soldier for he cares not what he puts into the press, when can suffice,) that I love thee. I will not say, pity he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, me, 'tis not a soldier-like phrase; but I say, love and lie under mount Pelion. Well, I will find you me. By me, Thine own true knight, By day or night, John Falstaff. twenty lascivious turtles, ere one chaste man. What a Herod of Jewry is this -O wicked, wicked world!-one that is well nigh worn to pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant! Mrs. Ford. Boarding, call you it? I'll be sure What an unweighed behaviour hath this Flemish to keep him above deck. drunkard picked (with the devil's name) out of my Mrs. Page. So will I; if he come under my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay hatches, I'll never to sea again. Let's be revenged me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my compa- on him: let's appoint him a meeting; give him a ny!-What should I say to him?-I was then show of comfort in his suit; and lead him on with frugal of my mirth :-heaven forgive me!-Why, a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawn'd his horses I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting to mine host of the Garter. down of men. How shall I be revenged on him? Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any vilfor revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made lany against him, that may not sully the chariness4 of puddings. of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. Enter Mistress Ford., Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house. Mrs. Page. And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very ill. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary. Mrs. Page, Faith, but you do, in my mind. (1) She means, I protest. (2) Melancholy. Mrs. Page. Why, look, where he comes; and my good man too: he's as far from jealousy, as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance. Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. Enter Ford, Pistol, Page, and Nym Pist. Hope is a curtail1 dog in some affairs: Ford. Why, sir, my wife is not young. poor, Both young and old, one with another, Ford Pist. With liver burning hot: prevent, or go thou, in his intent towards our wives, are a yoke of his discarded men; very rogues, now they be out of service. Ford. Were they his men? Page. Marry, were they. Ford. I like it never the better for that.-Does he lie at the Garter? Page. Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head. Ford. I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loth to turn them together: A man may be too Take heed, ere summer comes, or cuckoo-birds do confident: I would have nothing lie on my head: I Pist. The horn, I say: farewell. sing. Away, sir corporal Nym. Believe it, Page; he speaks sense. [Exit Pistol. Ford. I will be patient; I will find out this. Nym. And this is true. [To Page.] I like not the humour of lying. He hath wrong'd me in some humours; I should have borne the humoured letter to her: but I have a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife; there's cannot be thus satisfied. Page. Look, where my ranting host of the Garter comes: there is either liquor in his pate, or money in his purse, when he looks so merrily.How now, mine host? Enter Host and Shallow. Host. How now, bully-rook? thou'rt a gentlethe short and the long. My name is corporal Nym; man: cavalero-justice, I say. I speak, and I avouch. 'Tis true:-my name is Shal. I follow, mine host, I follow.-Good even Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife.-Adieu! I love and twenty, good master Page! Master Page, will not the humour of bread and cheese; and there's you go with us? we have sport in hand. [Exit Nym. Host. Tell him, cavalero-justice; tell him, bully the humour of it. Adieu. Page. The humour of it, quoth 'a! here's a fel-rook. low frights humour out of his wits. Ford. I will seek out Falstaff. Page. I never heard such a drawling, affecting doctor. Shal. Sir, there is a fray to be fought, between sir Hugh the Welsh priest, and Caius the French Ford. Good mine host o' the Garter, a word with you. Host. What say'st thou, bully-rook? [They go aside. Shal. Will you [to Page] go with us to behold it? my merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and, I think, he hath appointed them contrary places: for, believe me, I hear, the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our Mrs, Ford. How now, sweet Frank? why art sport shall be. thou melancholy? Host. Hast thou no suit against my knight, my Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy.-guest-cavalier? Get you home, go. Mrs. Ford. Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head now.-Will you go, mistress Page? Mrs. Page. Have with you.-You'll come to dinner, George?-Look, who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight. [Aside to Mrs. Ford. Enter Mistress Quickly. Mrs. Ford. Trust me, I thought on her: she'll fit it. Mrs. Page. You are come to see my daughter Anne? Quick. Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good mistress Anne? Mrs. Page. Go in with us, and see; we have an hour's talk with you. [Exe. Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Mrs. Quick. Page. How now, master Ford? Ford. You heard what this knave told me; did you not? Page. Yes; and you heard what the other told me? Ford. Do you think there is truth in them? Page. Hang 'em, slaves! I do not think the knight would offer it: but these that accuse him (1) A dog that misses his game. (2) A medley. Ford. None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him, and tell him, my name is Brook; only for a jest. Host. My hand, bully: thou shalt have egress and regress; said I well? and thy name shall be Brook: It is a merry knight.-Will you go on, hearts? Shal. Have with you, mine host. Page. I have heard, the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier. Shal. Tut, sir, I could have told you more: In these times you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and I know not what: 'tis the heart, master Page; 'tis here, 'tis here. I have seen the time, with my long sword, I would have made you four tall' fellows skip like rats. Host. Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag? Page. Have with you :-I had rather hear them scold than fight. [Exeunt Host, Shallow, and Page. Ford. Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so firmly on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily: She was in his company at Page's house; and, what they made there, I know not. Well, I will look further into't: and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff: If I find her honest, I lose not my labour; if she be otherwise, 'tis labour well bestowed. [Exit. |