lavish so much time and money in the purchase and application of paints and lotions; at the same time that its exhilarating influence will brace the nerves and cheer the heart. After having expatiated on the benign effects of this medicine, the reader might suppose that health was as universal as air in this city;-alas! it is not;-many now languish in lingering torture, from which death alone can release them. Nevertheless, above three-fourths of the diseases of London are ideal, and numbers of patients contribute to the support of the physician, and pay him liberally for regular attendance, at the same time that they labour, not under bodily indisposition, but the imaginary ailments of a mind diseased. Many an athletic hypochondriac, whose sanity would be restored in a few days by exercise, now imagines himself at the point of dissolution, though he will probably outlive his physician. The revelry and excess of those unhappy beings has produced such a total relaxation of body and imbecility of mind, that they tremble at the momentary gloom occasioned by every passing cloud: the sight of a hearse fills them with horror; and the mournful knell thrills through every fibre with excruciating torture. Were we to investigate the origin of those diseases that really exist in the capital, they would be found to proceed from gluttony, indolence, and sensuality; consequently, not only the preventive but the cure may be found in an adherence to temperance, activity, and moderation. QUACK DOCTORS. Amongst the improvements in science of which this age can boast, the art of healing has been brought to the greatest perfection: Cures little less than miraculous are said to be daily performed by the administration of nostrums, such as De Velno's Vegetable Syrup; the Nervous Cordial, and the Balm of Gilead. It appears that health and longevity may now be purchased for a few shillings; and nothing but obstinate incredulity can prevent the belief that some sage will suddenly arise, to dispense immortality to the human species. Indeed, Dr. Beddoes has made a gigantic stride towards immortality. His oxygen gas, if taken in sufficient quantity, will counteract the decays of nature; and as there is little doubt that a man will live as long as he can breathe this pure ether, the Doctor bids fair to restore the longevity of the antideluvians. But even vital air itself is less powerful in its effects than galvanism. By the application of metallic substances, zinc, &c. to the muscular parts of cold-blooded animals, such as frogs, and warm-blooded animals, such as geese, asses, men, women, and children, the most wonderful distortions are produced. Nay, we are told, that in an experiment made on a malefactor who was executed at Newgate, he immediately opened his mouth ;-doubtless, another application would have made him speak, but the operators, Aldini, Wilkinson, and Co. were so much affrighted, that they threw down their instruments and took to their heels. The galvanic Battery is very different from that used by the military. The latter destroys the living, but the former, directed by an adept like Mr. Wilkinson, may be brought to raise the dead. Having thus paid a tribute of approbation to those disinterested and modest philosophers who labour incessantly for the public good, let us now turn our attention to a still more extraordinary class of men, the modest and just Doctors Brodum, Solomon, and Gardener.These extraordinary men, without either education or genius, have contrived to persuade the public to purchase their medicines; in consequence of which they are H enabled to live in a style of grandeur: Is it not wonderful, that while the industrious tradesman struggles hard to obtain a well-taxed subsistence, such beings as Solomon should be sanctioned by a patent in the practice of of imposture! Nay, such is the public credulity, that those persons who exclaim against the smallest rise in the price of necessaries, are among the first to give their money for mixtures of treacle, water, urine, and a varie ty of nauseous ingredients, under the well-sounding names of Balm of Gilead; Nervous Cordial, and Vege table Syrup. Alas! how many sonorous names have the poisoners of mankind bestowed upon Death! Will it be believed by posterity, that at the commencement of the nineteenth century Quack Doctors were enabled, by the credulity of Englishmen, to amass wealth; nay, that any pretender to the art of healing might for a few pounds purchase the academic degree of M. D. in a Scotch university, and afterwards obtain a patent to slay his thousands and tens of thousands according to law! It may, indeed, be asserted in vindication of patents, that since people will venture to swallow nostrums, the State ought to profit by their credulity and folly. BRODUM OF SOLOMON with physic, Like Deathy dispatch the wretch that is sick; For what another mounts a gallows! Dr. Brodum is a German Jew; he attended Dr. Bossy in quality of a footman, when that beneficent sage came over to enlighten the eyes of the English, and with him made the tour of England. Having obtained the knowledge of several medical terms, by being present at the lectures of his eloquent master, this enterprising little lacquey resolved to commence Doctor himself. We are not certain whether the love of gain, or a desire to alleviate the sufferings of his fellow-creatures, first induced Dr. Brodum to give up the science of shaving, dressing a wig, and brushing a coat, for the more elegant art of preparing the Nervous Cordial and Botanical Syrup-two medicines which, from the Doctor's knowledge of the Linnæan system of botany, we may consider as grand restoratives of nature. Perhaps his medical skill was communicated in a vision by some demon of the German Illuminati. But it is not improbable, that the secret of preparing the above-mentioned medicines is hereditary in his family, as the Doctor himself seems to insinuate, when he tells us in his " Guide to Old Age," that " there |