his well prepared friends, all looking for Spiffard's arrival. He was welcomed, as he always had been; for though he partook not of the wine, he did of the wit, and always brought his share. As had been agreed, the conversation was turned upon duelling. We have said the company were prepared, but there was one exception. Cooke had unexpectedly dropt in to dinner, and was ignorant of the plot. Spiffard found the good fellows in full convivial gaiety; each with his glass, and each with his cigar-Cooke being in the last also an exception. 66 Spiffard, what do you drink?" "Water.' "Why ask him?" "I did not know but he might have wished small beer." "Or switchel," said Cooke, "as my man Davenport calls his molasses and water. Mr. Spiffard is the only wise man among us, however. He will not put his mouth to steal away his brains.'” enemy in his "You, sir," said Hilson, bowing gravely, and looking very seriously respectful," fear no enemy." "And you, sir," said the veteran, laughing, have no brains.” "know you "I hold," said Cooper," that the man who rejects such madeira as this, has no brains worth stealing. Fill! and pass the decanter, Allen!" "The man who rejects every liquid, save water, will be found the wise man," persisted Cooke, as he deliberately filled a bumper of wine. "Is wisdom to be found at the bottom of the well, in company with truth?" demanded Allen. "Wisdom and truth are the same," said Spiffard. "Truth is found at the bottom of the bottle," said a little hard favoured man about forty, dressed in a kind of half military blue coat, the button-holes of which were trimmed with tarnished gold lace. This gentleman was an old bachelor and an oddity. He had, when a boy, served during the war of the revolution, whenever he could escape from his guardians; and, towards the close of the war, being his own master, with some property, he obtained a commission, and, as he said, would "never sully the honour of a soldier" by stooping to any useful occupation. He therefore lived to old age upon the credit of what he had done in youth, merely to gratify boyish curio sity, and in obedience to over-boiling spirits. This bank of credit, upon which he drew most liberally, was a store unknown to all but himself; for the name of Phillpot neither appeared in the dispatches of the commanding generals or in the pages of the historians of the revolution. He was remarkable in the streets for military carriage, and the old fashioned half-regimental coat above mentioned, (which, whenever renewed, was of the same cut), but his old cocked hat, with a black and white cockade, and his long Frederick-the-Great queue, was even more conspicuous than his diminutive martial person and coat. He was no less remarkable in the chamber than the field, and with a dry quaintness told stories of his campaigns, that were ever new, though the recital of the same events, for the incidents were such as the imagination of the moment presented. "Truth is found at the bottom of the bottle! When the army lay at Valley-Forge-" 66 Right, Colonel!" cried the master of the revel, “wine brightens the wit; and wit is your true terrier for unborrowing truth! You are a Diogenes seeking truth by the light of the bottle." "Not altogether by that light," said the Colonel; "I have sought truth by the light of history." 66 History is a tissue of falsehood," was the manager's exclamation. Spiffard added, "historians have propagated immorality, with few exceptions, from the earliest to the latest." 66 They are great liars," said the Colonel," of that I have no doubt; but they have fostered the noblest qualities of our nature. Homer (for I rank him with the historians) made an Alexander; and the history of the conquering Macedonian has formed all the great men that have since lived." 66 "Great men! According to you, Colonel," said Spiffard, none are great but the butchers of mankind! The preachers of peace, and teachers of divine love, the explorer of science and martyrs to truth,-are of no account; they are not great men! Till such opinions are corrected in the mass of mankind, the reign of peace and benevolence cannot come.” "It is the sword that prepares the path for the savans. What had we known of Egypt if the 'fire king' had not preceded the scientific explorer? So Alexander opened the path to the Grecian philosophy. Alexander is my hero!" "He was a jolly toper," said Allen. "That he was!" And the Colonel, in most discordant notes, sung, "Alexander hated thinking, "Subdued the world! but not himself! Had he been temperate he had not mourned over a slaughtered friend, and might have been a friend to the human race. "He was a conqueror! Show me his equal!" "I can name, even a military man, much his superior, (if you must have a soldier). One who preserved a nation, and established an empire, composed of freemen! Washington! The conqueror of himself!"" 66 I suppose I must succumb! But he would have done more if he had drank more! Cooper is right! I seek truth by the light of the bottle and peace by the force of the sword." "Say discord, instead of truth," said George Frederick. "We drink away our senses and then talk politics, dispute about words, say harsh and rude things, and finally abuse one another. I believe nine quarrels out of ten originate over the bottle." "It's only your quarrelsome fellows by nature that quarrel in their cups. You never quarrel, Mr. Cooke, or say an uncivil thing—not you-neither do I. If the disposition to quarrel, or any ill-will towards a companion is in the bosom, wine brings it out. Allen," continued the speaker, (who was Hilson,) "Allen, you know all these matters and things.—Allen is a philosopher, Mr. Cooke, and his opinion is oracular.—Allen, what has caused the greatest number of quarrels and duels within your experience?" "Politics," was the reply," party politics." "So I thought. Your politician is a fellow with the hearburn. Your water-drinking politician. Your lily-livered, cold-blooded, office-seeking, place-hunting, mischief-making, tale-bearing, under-mining, politician. Colonel! did you ever know a man with a ruby-coloured-nose and a carmine cheek that ever fought a duel?" It will be readily imagined that this question was intended by the way to bring on the reply and discussion that followed. 64 Yes, many a one, as scarlet and purple as yourself. Linstock and Alcort were neither of them chalk-faced. There was Johnson too, who was shot by Brown, had a face as full of claret as your own, though it showed through a browner covering of skin." "Colonel, you know the particulars of that affair," said Allen inquiringly, as he puffed a volume of smoke towards the man-of-war. "Yes. But they are not to be told. It was a bloody busi Our hero inquired if either fell, and looks of intelligence passed from one to the other among the young men, who were in the plot. Spiffard's eyes were fixed on the Colonel, who answered with a tremendous oath, "Both ought to have been killed ten times over, if either could have hit the broad side of a church at ten paces. To be sure, it was rather late in the evening; but there was snow on the ground, and that gave light and made a mark surer. I remember in the year seventy-nine." "Where was this?" "It was when we were hutted near Morristown-" "No, Colonel, not that story; but the duel of Brown and Johnson." "That was just over the fence to the north of Love-lane." "Love-lane?" "Called so," said Cooke, "because no love is ever lost there. Does Hoboken mean love, in Dutch ?" "I suppose," said Allen, "that Brown never fired a pistol before in his life, and let me tell you it is no easy matter to keep a muzzle in line." 66 No, nor would he then," said the gruff man of war, "if he had not been told that his standing with the party and in society depended upon his fighting." "So the yankees commit murder, for fear of losing their reputation as good members of society." 66 Yes," said Spiffard, "it is fear, that makes men brave death in many cases. The fear of losing the good opinion of those with whom one associates, makes many a man expose himself to his adversary's ball, or risk the shedding his brother's blood." "No man," said Allen, taking the cigar from his mouth and breaking off the ashes which had accumulated on the end like the snuff of a burning candle, "No man," and he deliberately placed the brightened cigar on the table, the fire end a little over the edge, "No man," and he spoke with emphasis, assuming a most oracular air, " can refuse to fight when challenged, if he has provoked the challenge." Spiffard looked at the oracle with lack-lustre eye, the upper lid hanging remarkably low-his chin elongated and his mouth a little opened. He was taken in the snare. He had no greater dread of death than is common to humanity, and he thought himself principled against duelling; yet he began to have a glimpse in imagination of a duel impending, and himself one of the parties. John Smith's letter-the great-coat -the sarcastic smile-were dancing in mournful measure, in his mind, when the speaker continued: "If a gentleman makes use of offensive language to another gentleman, and is called upon for an apology, he must make it, or accept the offended party's challenge if he thinks fit to call him out." Allen resumed his cigar. Spiffard look'd ruminating. He was chewing the cud, without that satisfaction which attends it in some of his fellow water-drinkers. The Colonel responded to the oracle's exposition of the law of the duello with “certainly," and an immense volume of tobacco smoke. "No doubt," said another. The conspirators watched the countenance of Spiffard, and saw the success of their hoax. "Johnson," said Allen, "insulted Brown brutally, and deserved to be shot." The Colonel, with his cigar in his mouth, and speaking after puffing off a cloud of smoke, observed, "I believe it is always the case that the offending party is shot." "The offending party," repeated Spiffard, "but, Colonel, do you mean the offence that called forth the demand for an apology, or the offence first given?" "Let me understand your question. State a case." "Why, as thus. If a man reproves another for improper behaviour to a female, for example, and the person reproved demands an apology?" "It cannot be given," said the Colonel. "It cannot be given," said Allen. 66 Certainly not," said Hilson. “If,” continued our hero, "on refusal of apology a challenge ensues?" "He must fight," said the Colonel. "Yes," said Hilson, "he must fight." 66 Certainly he must fight," said Allen. "As long as the challenger chooses to shoot at him," said Hilson. "I knew a case in point," said the Colonel, "but the parties fought with swords. Two of the French officers who were with us at Yorktown-" |