and sermon-making. The question again occurs to me, What is to be done? To ride by myself is impossible; to go with my mother and aunt in the carriage to the post town is still worse; so my deliberation generally ends in my putting on a great-coat and gaiters, and taking a turn or two on the gravel terrace behind the house. Sometimes I extend my walk as far as the garden, and pace along the sunny southern wall; or, as an extraordinary effort, saunter through the hot-houses and conservatories, and try to fancy myself transported again to the natural warmth and beauties of summer. Once, and only once, my younger brothers half-dragged, halfteazed me down to a pond at no great distance, where they had been at the trouble of making a slide, and fancied that it would be a great pleasure to me if I could but dare to exercise myself upon it. They tried every means of persuasion, showed me over and over again how easily, safely, and pleasantly they glided along, and at last enticed me to attempt the passage. You may imagine the consequence; one foot slipped away from the other, and down I fell. Fortunately the ice supported my weight, and, with some difficulty, I raised myself up, sorely bruised and dirtied, with the satisfaction of a general laugh against me. My retreat was rapidly effected, and I resolutely vowed to be wiser in future. I had almost forgotten to mention that some time since my father, though he professed that he could not exactly see the use of it, after many entreaties, consented to become a subscriber to the book-club at the county town. Great was the pleasure that I promised myself from this indulgence: but now my sentiments are altered, and I begin to think that my father was right in his first judgment. If you wish to know the reasons, I need merely mention, that on my last arrival here, I found, as a great novelty, procured for my particular amusement, the first series of the "Tales of My Landlord." If this had been intentional you might have called it well contrived, for really I had almost forgotten them, if it be possible to forget such interesting writings. As I hate of all things the stiff formality of a crowded drawing-room, I generally enter as late as possible, and creep to a corner, contenting myself with answering my nearest neighbour. This, too, is my case at dinner, where most of the conversation turns upon the transactions of the day; and, since I have no share in these, of course I cannot enjoy the description, although it is highly seasoned, and ornamented with every technical illustration. Very often a long argument about the conduct of the County Members, and from thence, by an easy digression, the late proceedings in Parliament, engross every body's attention except mine, for I care as little as may be for either party, and consider myself totally unfit to form a judgment on any such matters. The furious spirit and gestures of the combatants please me just in the same way as the contest of prize-fighters do an amateur; besides, the noise overpowers the knives and forks, which are sometimes heard, with an ominous clatter, above the sound of our ordinary conversation. Some dashing young fox-hunter frequently asks me, whether we had not a hard run lately at the rebellion? whether I was in at the death? how many were spilt? Upon my answering, as far as I understood him, that I thought it a foolish piece of business, and had nothing to do with it, it is easy to perceive that he sets me down as a Sawney. Another inquires, as a piece of general information, how many boys there are at Eton? This is a puzzler, for I never take the trouble to count the list; however, about 500 is nearly sure to be right. Then I am dreadfully alarmed by a female voice from the top of the table," Pray do you know your schoolfellow, Mr. Taylor's son ?" I immediately excuse myself, by observing there are so many Taylors that it is impossible to distinguish to which of them the lady alludes. After a minute's interval of consideration, I hear the ominous sound of her friend's Christian name, in a satisfied tone and expression, which is quickly changed for an utterance of surprise, when I confess that this only adds to my difficulty; and all the marks of looks, size, and disposition, are resorted to in vain. Sometimes I cannot use this evasion, and am obliged to own that I do know a little of the object of inquiry. This is not sufficient; I am expected to understand his temper, his abilities, his character,—in fact, to use the querist's expression, "all about to him." I find myself placed in a terrible dilemma, between the fear of offending and telling a lie; to get out of which I am, in self-defence, obliged to avow that I have but few intimate friends, and that I am not acquainted even by name with half my schoolfellows. This is certain to astonish every one, and I am considered, if not a blockhead, at least a very extraordinary and singular youth, and one who has very little intercourse with his equals. As I neither like wine nor politics, I contrive to steal away, after some time, unperceived from the dessert, and retire to my chamber to compose a few lines of my holiday task, which becomes a pleasure, solely because it is an occupation, or to doze over a rusty old novel; then, with singular success, I unite myself to the merry party, just as they are on the point of entering the drawing-room. I am usually severely dismayed when I understand that we are to accept the invitation of some of our neighbours; and, feeling obliged to go, I solace myself with the reflection that I may, perhaps, in the course of purgatory, meet with some congenial spirit in the shape of a stranger. But all these frights are trifling and imaginary compared to the terror with which I heard it once proposed and unanimously resolved (for my alarm completely stopped my dissentient voice) that we should give a grand ball, and, to my additional consternation, give it on my birth-day. In vain did I protest, as soon as my utterance returned, that dancing was my utter abhorrence, that I neither knew steps nor time; and conjured them most earnestly, if they really wished to gratify me, to put off this entertainment, at least till I had gone to Eton, which would only occasion the delay of a day or two. All my objections were overruled; they were ascribed to my usual shyness and modesty. I, forsooth, should cut as good a figure as any body; how could I refuse, unless under pain of being laughed at by the whole county? Besides, it was necessary for me to lead off the ball; and they even went so far as to ask me, out of all the fair ladies, whom I would honour by requesting her hand. Resistance was vain; so I feigned acquiescence, looked more happy than usual as the day approached, and pretended great anxiety lest the artist should not arrive in time to chalk the floors, or lest an ill-natured fall of snow should totally prevent the intended fête. Little did the good people foresee my resolution, or they would have taken all bars and bolts far out of my reach On the fatal evening, when I should have been employed in preparing myself for the gaiety, I secured the door of my bed-room, and remained there, stoutly resisting all external communications. Messenger after messenger announced that the company were arriving, that they had all come together, and that the ball was at a stand on my account. each of these I gave evasive answers; but when all my brothers besieged my fortress, I positively told them that I would not surrender, and that I did not intend to appear. This final determination I suspected would bring up more authoritative deputies, so I jumped into bed, and was soon lulled to sleep by the distant sound of the music and the merry feet of the dancers. I was almost ashamed to shew myself the next morning at the breakfast table. However, I wisely considered that I might as well encounter all the blame or laugh at once. My mother thought it was very odd that a young man of my age should dislike dancing, and instanced the splendid display which many of my equals made on the To preceding night. My father rather defended my conduct, and said that he did not see why Mat should dance if he did not like it. My aunt was fortunately so knocked up by her fatigues, that she drank her refreshing tea by herself up stairs. I congratulated myself on having escaped so easily; indeed, I believe few knew the real reason of my absence, for sudden illness was alleged as the cause. All suspicions, which are generally very busy in our county, gradually died away, for I luckily soon after returned to Eton, where I now remain, and which I shall be the more sorry to leave, since "The King of Clubs" has published its amusing lucubrations. I have the honour, Sir, to remain your constant admirer in every thing (the punch-bowl excepted) MATTHEW SWINBURNE. O TELL not me of broken vow- |