His very infancy afforded perpetual predictions of his future ciphering celebrity; for it is related of him that he always preferred the inspection of the Ledger to "The Cabinet of Birds and Beasts;" and that he could utter quite distinctly, "twelve times twelve are one hundred and forty-four," when the pronunciation of "Gingerbread" was productive of sundry stutterings and wry faces. His conversational powers are not great; but he has his use in making a good bargain for our Club dinners.

WILLIAM ROWLEY desires me to describe him as “Professor of Gastrology and Head Cook to the King of Clubs," an office for which he is certainly in every respect qualified. He understands to a nicety,

"Quo gestu lepores, et quo Gallina secetur;"

and has spent some time at Paris for the purpose of mastering the theory of sauces. This affection for the good things of this world, though occasionally amusing, is often ill-timed and troublesome; for we frequently hear him discussing the merits of rival patissiers, while Martin Sterling is on his right hand quoting from Paley, and Le Blanc on his left elucidating the theory of atoms.

JOSEPH LOZELL and MICHAEL OAKLEY afford so perfect a contrast to each other, that I shall take the liberty of introducing them hand-in-hand to the reader. The first is in the constant habit of assenting to the opinions of the last speaker: the latter is in the habit of assenting to no opinion at all. The first is a pliant courtier, disposed to keep in with all parties; the latter is a sturdy disputant, resolved to contend with the greatest pertinacity on every point which is advanced. Their characters are touched with the hand of a master in Patrick's last" capital good song,"

"There's a wonderful likeness in Michael and Joe;

The one is all Yes,' and the other all 'No.''

And now, reader, I have only one more character to introduce to your notice, viz. that of your humble servant, RICHARD HODGSON, Secretary, officially designated "Knave of Clubs." The description of one's own qualifications is to most persons a very difficult and a very invidious task; but

in my case the difficulty is easily obviated, as I profess to have no character of my own, but must speak, write, and act as my employers desire. Reporting by turns the sentiments of Montgomery, of Le Blanc, and of Sterling, I shall wear by turns the dress of the poet, the philosopher, and the divine; while occasionally I shall give you the pedigree of a hunter from the pen of Robert Musgrave, or a receipt of an inimitable soup from the scrap-book of William Rowley. In short, you will find that I understand all sciences, and take upon myself all dispositions,

"Grammaticus, Rhetor, Geometres, Pictor, Aliptes,

Augur, Schoenobates, Medicus, Magus-omnia novi."

To continue my quotation, I will subjoin,

"in cœlum, jusseris, ibo,"

which Dr. Johnson translates,—

"And bid him go to Hell, to Hell he goes ;"

but which, in my case, may be rendered,

"I'll go to the Devil* whenever you please."

I now hasten to resume the detail of the proceedings which ensued upon the Chairman's giving notice that there was business before the house. When the acclamations, with which the party received the patriotic toast, before recorded, had subsided, PEREGRINE COURTENAY rose, and opened the subject somewhat to the following effect :

"GENTLEMEN.-The enthusiasm which I have just seen manifested by every member of our excellent institution, has convinced me that no flowers of rhetoric, no subtile arguments of logic are here necessary in behalf of the good cause, -the real interests of Eton (Hear, hear, hear.)—The reputation of our foster-mother should be handed down from generation to generation in undiminished lustre. The muchadmired writings of Griffin and of Grildrig, and the rich stores of the Musæ Etonenses, were bequeathed to us, not

* Scilicet The Printer's.-R, H.

merely as ornamental heir-looms for our libraries, but as spirit-stirring incitements for our imitation; and how have we answered the claims so justly made upon us? Where are the publications which are to support the renown earned in the olden time by the pens of our illustrious predecessors ? Are we, Gentlemen, are we, I say, to look for them in the pages of The Salt-bearer?'"

(Here the President was interrupted by an universal murmur of indignation, in the midst of which MICHAEL OAKLEY rose, and, with much difficulty, succeeded in making himself heard.)

"Mr. President,-I dissent from, in limine, and disapprove of, in toto, any mention of The Saltbearer.' The Saltbearer' has done nothing,-(Hear, hear, hear,)-and is nothing to us; and I don't see what right we have to meddle with him."

("Very true."-from JOSEPH LOZell.)

MARTIN STERLING rose.-It was evident that strong scruples had pervaded the minds of the Meeting, as to the propriety of attacking their schoolfellow, and all appeared anxious to hear the opinion of a gentleman who bore so high a character for honour and integrity as Mr. Sterling. His Speech was delivered nearly in the following words :

"GENTLEMEN,-I will state to you briefly the reasons which induce me to hope that our worthy President may be allowed to continue his remarks on the Eton Salt-bearer.' In the first place, I think we shall act with perfect justice towards the Editor of that work, if we take his conduct as the rule for ours. Has Mr. Bookworm shown any regard for the characters of his fellow-citizens? The whole of his work is calculated to bring disgrace upon the school collectively, and upon each of us individually. (Hear, hear.)-His three numbers appear to me deliberate libels upon the abilities of our generation; but I am more particularly disgusted with the indecorous and unjust insinuation conveyed by the letter of Senex, in No. III., which attributes to the Etonians of the present day, not merely a thoughtless foible, or a casual error, but a malicious spirit of ill-nature, by which I am sure our schoolfellows are never influenced. (Cries of Right, right, never!)-But, independent of these considerations, I am of opinion that the President should state at once the motives

on which he grounds a design, which I understand he is about to submit to us; that this design may stand or fall by those motives."(Hear, hear, hear.)

Mr. OAKLEY attempted no reply, but preserved a sullen silence; upon which the President resumed :

"GENTLEMEN,It is of course a disagreeable task to speak with severity of a schoolfellow; and I shall therefore only allude to The Salt-bearer' as far as is necessary for the prosecution of my own design. The murmurs, which I have just heard, prove to me that your opinion of the work coincides with my own.-(Perfectly, from Lozell ;-No, from Oakley.) -You think with me, that the work is not calculated to reflect credit on Eton. You may, perhaps, answer, that the publication was set on foot without the concurrence, or even the knowledge, of the senior members of the School, and persisted in, notwithstanding the decided disapprobation of the community at large. (Hear, hear, hear.)-This, to be sure, is well known within the bounds of the College; and to some few at the Universities who keep up a direct communication with Eton. But it is not so with the majority of those, who, from old associations, or a respect for the school, interest themselves in its welfare; and were gratified with the annunciation of the work, though disappointed and disgusted with the execution. (Hear.)—By readers of this description it is believed, that the united efforts of Etonian talent are concentrated in The Saltbearer.' Let it be remembered also, that the jealousy of other public schools is anxiously on the watch for an instance of our degradation in literature, and equally ready to take any advantage, as a certain one proved itself upon occasion of the paltry victory which it gained over us in the cricket field. The Salt-bearer,' Gentlemen, has gone forth to battle in the name of you all !—(Murmurs.)-I perceive that you thinkyou feel as I do; and I will therefore no longer delay the question which I propose for your discussion:-'What remedy is to be devised for the evil complained of?""

Here the confusion was so great, in consequence of the number of gentlemen who delivered their opinions at the same time, that it is impossible for me to report the proceedings with any degree of accuracy. GOLIGHTLY wished to know in

what manner the title of 'Salt-bearer' was applicable to the work in question?-Sir FRANCIS defended the name as fit and appropriate, for Mr. B. B. had really acted the part of a Montem Salt-bearer; who gives you a bit of worthless paper in exchange for sterling money.-Sir Francis was proceeding, when his voice became inaudible, amidst loud shouts of applause, intermingled with faint cries of Order, order!—Ño politics!-Mr. LOZELL chimed in with each member's opinion, with a "decidedly," "obviously," "no doubt;" to which Mr. OAKLEY subjoined his "nonsense," "absurd," "ridiculous." The tumult having subsided, the PRESIDENT resumed :— "Gentlemen,—I will therefore detain from you no longer the proposition I have to submit to you. It is my earnest recommendation that we should endeavour to efface by our own efforts, humble as they may be, the effects produced by the Eton Salt-bearer; and that for this purpose a periodical publication be immediately started under the auspices of the King of Clubs."

The warmth and eagerness which had been evinced by several Honourable Gentlemen for an opportunity to express their sentiments, died into perfect silence; except that Mr. Musgrave continued to mutter, with a truly ludicrous noncha

lance," strange new coach;". "cursed rough road;"

--

"take care your cattle are in good condition before you leave the office." A mistrust of their own powers, accompanied by a due sense of the importance and difficulty of the attempt, prevented the other members from closing with the plan, and expressing the satisfaction they felt at the proposal of it. Each remained looking on his neighbour; and there were two or three murmurs of-" interference with study;"danger of ridicule ;"—" disapproved of by those in authority."

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Mr. COURTENAY, in a luminous and forcible manner, obviated these objections to his proposal. He represented, that the few hours which the prosecution of this design would occupy, need not interfere in the slightest degree with those studies, which ought, of course, to be our primary consideration; and that the advantages to be derived from the early cultivation of English composition would amply compensate